Collide (23 page)

“Look, I know you man and I get it but please, please just keep it professional from now on with anyone we are doing business with or may potentially do business with in the future.”

“It won't be an issue.” Zayne reassures him.

“Are you expecting company?” Alec asks and based on Zayne's response, I know he's referring to the two plates on the kitchen island.

“Yeah. Should be here soon.” Zayne says casually.

“Well I don't want to intrude.” Alec says, his voice falling fainter which leads me to believe he's moving towards the door. I can hear him say something else but can't make out his words or Zayne's response.

I hear the door open and then click shut but I can't bring myself to move. Alec's words are playing over and over again in my head and each time they do, I feel like another piece of my heart is breaking off and disappearing inside of me.

I mindlessly walk behind the desk, running my fingertips across the dark stained wood before taking a seat in the tall back, black chair sitting behind it. I lean forward and put my head in my hands, trying to rationalize what just happened. Okay so Zayne slept with Ashley, that much is clear. But did he sleep with her before or after him and I started?

I know the answer to that without having to ask it again. Clearly this was recent and while I may be a bit on the innocent side, that doesn't make me stupid. I know that she joined them in China and seeing how this all apparently blew up after that, I can only come to one conclusion.

I hear the door open but I don't look up. I don't want to see him right now. I don't want to hear the excuses or the lies that I am so sure are going to come. I knew this was the deal right? So why did I choose to put myself through this all over again? Why did I choose to come back here with him Friday night when I knew we would eventually end up here in the end? I let myself believe that he felt more, that this was more but I see now that I was simply trying to find things that weren't there.

“Grace.” His voice is hesitant and I can hear his footsteps tread softly across the hardwood floor. “Look at me.” He pleads.

I slowly look up but the moment my eyes meet his I regret it. There is so much remorse behind his beautiful blue eyes. So much remorse and it tells me everything I need to know. I straighten my back and meet his gaze, determined not to break down and be the pitiful girl that I know lives inside of me.

“You heard?” He asks, already knowing the answer.

“I did.” I confirm, my voice even and emotionless.

“Grace, it's not what you think.” He says, quickly approaching the edge of the desk. I throw my hands up, gesturing for him not to come any closer. He stops and plops into one of the chairs sitting on the other side of the desk, a loud sigh escaping his lips.

“Not what I think?” I question, cocking my head to the side to look at him. “How is you sleeping with Ashley not what I think? Unless you're telling me you didn't sleep with her. Did you Zayne? Did you sleep with her?” Once again my voice holds strong even though my insides are a quivering mess.

“I did.” He admits, breaking away from my eyes for a fraction of a second before settling back on me. “But you have to give me a chance to explain.” He adds on quickly trying to gauge my reaction but I give him nothing.

“I told you that while I was in China I tried everything I could to forget about you. Not because I wanted to but because I knew it was best for you. My power to stay away from you has dwindled to nothing and I needed a distraction, something, anything to make me feel like the man I was before I met you.” He leans forward placing his elbows on his knees.

“Ashley was there and more than willing but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I ended up at the hotel bar and stumbled back to my room hours later only to find she never left. By that point everything I was feeling was coming to the surface and when I saw her, half naked laying across my bed, I just stopped thinking and started acting.”

“I've heard enough.” I say, rising to my feet and quickly making my way out of the room. I veer down the hall and slam the bedroom door shut, quickly throwing on my clothes before hightailing it towards the front door. Zayne catches me just as I reach the foyer, grabbing my arm and spinning me back around to face him.

“Please. Just listen.” He pleads, grabbing my hands in his. “I slept with her Grace, I did. And not a second goes by that I don't regret it but even though I was with her physically, it was you that I was with that night, not her. It's been you since the moment I saw you on that dock. It's been you since the moment you begged me to kiss you after you had too much to drink. You're all I can think about Grace.”

While his words are everything I want to hear, they don't soothe the pain that is slowly slicing through my body. I have dreamed about the day that he would say something like this to me but not like this. Not on the back end of me finding out that he just slept with another woman.

“Don't Zayne.” I say, pulling my hands away from his. While I have managed to stay strong, a small quiver makes its way into my voice and I take a deep breath trying to steady myself.

I make another move towards the door but once again he halts my steps. “Please Grace. Don't walk away. I'm sorry. I know I messed up. My intention was to let you go. I know you deserve better than this, than me. And I had made up my mind that when you played that song for me, I would never hurt you again.”

“I never meant to show up at
Vitos
or for you to end up staying here all weekend but it was like the moment I stepped off the plane, all I could think about was getting to you. Seeing you, holding you. And once you were in my arms, there was no way I could let you go. I never meant for you to know or to find out because I never intended for this continue.” He says, gesturing between the two of us.

I can feel the tears stinging the back of my eyes but I fight them down. I can hide my emotions at all cost. I've perfected it after all. “We are not together Zayne. I have no claim on you and it is entirely your business who you choose to sleep with. But I won't continue to sneak around with you and lie to my family. Not when you are hell bent on proving the world right about you.”

My words take him back for a moment and I can see the hurt flicker in his eyes but it disappears just as quickly. “I never meant to hurt you Grace.” He says, reaching up to trace his finger down my cheek. I pull back away from his touch.

For as painful as the truth is, his touch hurts even more. Knowing that I will never feel it again. That I will never know the intensity of the blue eyes staring back at me ever again or have the security of his strong arms hold me when my facade falls away and I become just a normal broken girl that no one but him gets to see.

“This was a mistake Zayne. You aren't a man that can settle for only one woman and I'm not a woman who can share. There's really nothing left to say.”

“But don't you see what I am telling you? I don't want you to share. I want to be yours and only yours and for you to be mine. Please just tell me you want that too.” He pleads, his eyes searching mine.

I want to believe him. I want to rush into his arms and tell him how much I love him and that I will never leave him but I can't do it. I don't know if it's the sting of realizing that Zayne could sleep with someone else, knowing full well I could have never done that to him or if this is simply my out.

I have known for quite sometime that my fear would eventually win out over my heart. I love him too much already. If I don't lose him the way I lost Kyle, the fact still remains that I
will
lose him, one way or another. No matter what he thinks he wants now, deep down I know that I will never be enough for him.

“I can't.” My words come out barely above a whisper. “I'm sorry Zayne, I just can't.” I say, stepping past him without meeting his eyes. He doesn't attempt to stop me this time.

I open the door and turn back to see Zayne is still facing away from me, his shoulders hunched over and his head dropped down. The sight alone breaks my heart into a million tiny pieces but I know it's for the best.

“Goodbye Grace.” I hear him say as the door clicks closed between us. I can't help but feel like I just shut the door on the only chance I will ever get at true happiness. But what is a short time of happiness when in the end it will only result in a lifetime of pain?

“Goodbye Zayne.” I whisper, glancing back at the door before walking away.

Available Now!

I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of these amazing artists.

Their work inspires me on a daily basis.

The Counting Crows- Colorblind

Mumford and Sons- Reminder

Imagine Dragons- Demons

The Civil Wars- To Whom it May Concern

Angel Taylor- Not Even Human

Dynamite Hack- Boyz in the Hood

Johnny Cash- Thirteen

Stone Sour- Imperfect

Bush- Straight No Chaser

Christina Perri- Butterfly

Rascal Flatts Feat. Natasha Bedingfield- Easy

Katy Perry Feat. Juicy J- Dark Horse

The Civil Wars- Poison and Wine

Fiona Apple- Limp

Seether- Careless Whisper