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I am perfectly aware that when I play music, my emotions bleed through every note I play. I can't hide the rawness of my feelings. I live through the music, I don't know any other way. Why I don't want to share that with the people I love but don't mind sharing it with complete strangers is beyond me. Either way, this opportunity is something I feel like I need. I need to take the next step in moving on with my life. I lost myself when I lost Kyle but I'm still here, I'm still alive. It's about time I start acting like it.

––––––––

F
ollowing the directions in Alec's text message, I arrive at
Russo's
just before one. Not knowing my way around the city and still trying to get used to the crazy way people drive, I half expect to be really late for my lunch date with Alec but I arrive with ten minutes to spare.

I pull into the valet station and hand the older man working the station my keys. I thank him when he hands me my ticket and push my way through the glass revolving doors that lead into one of the fanciest restaurants I have ever been to in my life.

Everything is bright and airy. A majority of the establishment is made up of windows and the sun light shining through gives the marbled floor a sparkling effect. The restaurant is large but still has an intimate feel. Each table is lined in white linens and fresh flowers are peppered throughout the space.

I straighten my black, knee length, sleeveless dress, suddenly very thankful that Alec gave me a heads up that this place requires a fancier attire than most everyday restaurants. I kept my makeup light and left my hair down, my long waves flowing freely down my back. I borrowed the dress, along with a pair of four inch black heels from Emma, not actually owning anything that would be appropriate. While Emma is all about fashion and style, I am more for the rocker style garb. Most of my wardrobe consists of tattered torn jeans, basic tops with a bit of an edge and my trusty Converse. None of which would have worked for my lunch date today.

A beautiful blonde woman greets me with a wide smile as I approach the hostess stand. I tell her who I am meeting and after checking her table assignment, she indicates for me to follow her.

She leads me through the sea of round tables to the far back wall that is made up entirely of glass. I spot Alec immediately and give him a bright smile as I approach. It isn't until the hostess steps out of the way that I notice he's not alone.

Zayne follows Alec's line of sight and then his face instantly pales. Clearly he's just as surprised to see me as I am to see him.

“Hey baby girl. You look beautiful.” Alec says, standing to give me a brief hug before pulling out the chair between him and Zayne, gesturing for me to have a seat.

“You didn't tell me Grace was joining us.” Zayne says, clearly fighting to keep his voice casual.

“We've already discussed everything we need to. I didn't think it would be an issue if she eats with us.” Alec says, pinning his eyes on Zayne.

“No, it's fine.” Zayne says, plastering on a smile. “It's good to see you again Grace.” He says, glancing down at the menu in front of him rather than looking at me.

“You too.” I say, trying to sound as casual as possible. I can't stop my eyes from traveling the length of him. Like the other day, he's dressed in a black suit. His unruly hair is a little tamer but still looks like someone just spent the last hour running their hands through it. I try not to stare but to be honest, it's damn near impossible to look away.

After another beautiful blonde takes our drink and food orders, spending entirely too much time flirting with the two men in my company, Alec turns his attention back to me. “So, you mentioned you needed some money.” He says, unfolding his napkin and laying his silverware out on the table.

“I.. um.... Well, I wanted to buy a guitar.” I say, deciding to be honest and hoping not to sound too pathetic in front of Zayne.

“I think that's awesome baby girl. Have you been playing a lot recently?” He asks, nodding to a couple men in suits as they pass by our table.

“Not really but I want to and I really can't afford to dip into savings for it. At least not until I have some steady money coming in.” I say, fidgeting with the hem of my dress.

“Zayne has a friend that owns a shop not too far from here. Maybe he could go with you. I'm sure he could get you a good deal.” He says, turning his attention to his best friend.

“I... yeah sure.” He says, shrugging. Of course he's not going to voice to Alec that he wants to stay as far away from me as possible. “We could head over after lunch.” He tacks on.

“Okay. Thank you Zayne.” I say sincerely. While I don't want his help with anything, I don't see a way to refuse it without raising some questions from Alec.

Lunch goes by without a hitch. Alec seems completely oblivious to the tension souring between me and Zayne and I am thankful that if nothing else, we are both extremely good actors.

By the end of our meal, Alec turns me over to Zayne, saying he needs to stop by the office before heading home. As we exit the restaurant, Alec heads to the valet while Zayne leads me to the left and down the sidewalk.

“Um, is it okay to just leave my car here?” I ask, unsure if there's a rule about how long you can keep your car parked in valet.

“No, it will be fine. The shop is only about three blocks away, we shouldn't be gone too long.” He says, walking next to me with his eyes facing forward.

When I feel confident that we are completely out of earshot of anyone else, mainly Alec, I finally drop the pleasantries. “Listen, I know you don't want to do this so it's really not a big deal if you just want to leave and I can tell Alec that you helped me.” I say, trying to give him an out.

“No. I said I would help you and that's what I intend to do. Besides, I'm putting it on a credit account and you kind of need me to make that happen.” He says, never once looking in my direction.

We walk the remainder of the way in silence and I can't help but be extremely relieved when we finally reach the small music shop called
Tones and Tunes
. The store isn't much. A small space tucked away in between two much larger buildings. Zayne holds the door for me and I don't miss the way his hand falls to the small of my back as he guides me through the door. The contact causes my insides to bubble but I do my best to not look too much into it. It's probably something he's just used to doing.

A large guy with a shaved head and several piercings and tattoos approaches us almost immediately, greeting Zayne like he's known him his whole life. After a brief conversation between the two men, they both turn to face me as I explain to the man, who I now know as Beck, what exactly I'm looking for.

Zayne wanders the store while Beck shows me all the different acoustic guitars he has, explaining the pros and cons of each instrument before moving on to the next. Eventually we come across a black
Fender
guitar that has red detailing and I immediately fall in love. It's a CD-60 basic six string acoustic and while it's one of the cheaper guitars, it's absolutely perfect for me.

Zayne reappears as Beck is handing me the guitar and letting me feel it out. He looks at the price tag and then back at me as if I have completely lost my mind.

“What?” I question, suddenly fearing that five hundred dollars is too much.

“That's pretty cheap. You sure you don't want something, I don't know, a little better in quality.” He asks, clearly confused.

“It's not about the price. It's about the piece and I love this one.” I say, not willing to discuss the matter further. Here I was worried he thought it cost too much, not the other way around.

Making my way to a wooden bench that sits along the back wall, I prop the guitar on my leg and strum a couple of chords. I listen to the sound bounce off the walls of the small space as I tune the guitar and then strum a couple more strings.

The men make their way to the counter while I play around with the guitar, eventually strumming out the notes to Imagine Dragons “Demons”  A song I have been dying to strip down and play bare bones. Having not played it before and going strictly off memory, I fumble my way through the first few notes and then eventually find my rhythm.

I lose myself for a few minutes, loving the feeling of the guitar under my hands. Of the notes vibrating through my ears. “We're all set.” Zayne's voice cuts into my concentration and I immediately stop strumming to look up at him.

He's watching me curiously, his arms crossed in front of his chest. “I've never heard that song played that way before. I like it.” He says, nodding his head in approval.

“I was just messing around.” I say, standing. Beck reappears, laying a case out on the counter and gesturing for me to hand him the guitar.

Once he has everything I need packed away in the case, me and Zayne exit the shop with me holding my new guitar tightly against my chest. It's not the easiest way to carry a guitar but right now I am just so happy that I own my very own guitar, I want to hold it as closely to me as I can.

Zayne gives me a questioning look and then his mouth turns up in a slow smile. “You're adorable you know that?” He says, lightly laughing at the way I am clinging to the guitar. “Here, let me.” He says, prying the case from my fingers and securing it in his hand.

“Thank you.” I say, a little taken aback by how quickly his demeanor has changed. What started out as aggravation and annoyance at some point seems to have molded into something else entirely.

He doesn't speak again until we reach the restaurant and after handing the valet my ticket, Zayne waits until my car pulls around before sliding my new guitar into the backseat.

“Hey Zayne.” I call out, just as he starts to walk away. He turns back towards me, his face unreadable. “Thank you... for everything. I really appreciate it.” I say, forcing down the words I really want to say to him.

“No problem Grace. You can pay me back by dedicating your first hit to me.” He says on a wide smile.

“Well that's not gonna happen but maybe I can play you “Demons” sometime. Once I master it of course.” I say, my smile stretching across my face.

“I'd like that.” He says, smiling back at me just as widely before throwing me a wave and walking away. Wishing I could stretch the moment out longer, I sigh and then slide into the drivers seat of my car before heading towards my apartment.

I text Alec a thank you as soon as I get home and then find myself wishing I had Zayne's number so that I could thank him again too. Knowing that I am getting carried away with myself, I try to shake off the lingering thoughts of Zayne and lock myself in my room for the remainder of the afternoon.

Only problem is, I find myself unable to think of anything but him and every song I play somehow reminds me of him. Of his eyes, his lips, the way he says my name.

He has made it perfectly clear that nothing can happen between us and while that knowledge saddens me more than it should, it doesn't stop me from thinking about it or wishing that things could be different. Zayne is not the man for me, I know that without a doubt but that doesn't mean I don't want him all the same.

––––––––

S
unday afternoon arrives way too quickly and I stumble into
Vitos
just before one in the afternoon, my new
Fender
guitar in hand. When I push my way through the thick wood door, once again my eyes take a few moments to adjust to the dim lighting. I blink a few times as the interior of the bar comes into focus.

I expect there to be several people here, all auditioning for the same gig so I am more than a little surprised that the bar is practically empty. As a matter of fact, besides one girl behind the bar, there are only two people at the bar and a couple pressed tightly together at one of the bar tables in the corner.

I hesitantly approach the bar. A pretty girl with long black hair and a small hoop lip ring greets me with a large smile. While her appearance is rather intimidating, her smile is warm and genuine.

“You must be Grace.” She says, extending her hand to me. I reach out and give her hand a light shake before taking a seat in one of the stools. “I'm Becca. Jake told me you were coming. He should be here shortly. Late, per usual.” She says, rolling her eyes.

“Anyways, anything I can get you while you wait?” She asks, pushing the sleeves up on her torn, long sleeve black shirt, revealing two completely covered tattooed arms.

“I'm good.” I say, propping my guitar against the stool next to me. “Where is everyone?” I ask, gesturing around the empty bar.

“You're it.” She says, a curious smile turning up the corners of her bright red lips. “Jake didn't tell you did he?” She asks and then continues when I shake my head no. “You're the only audition we have scheduled.” She says on a light laugh. “I think it's pretty safe to say that as long as you're even remotely decent, the job will be yours.”

“Oh.” I say, surprised. “Well, no pressure or anything then right?” I think I would prefer to audition against other people, that way if I got the job, I would know that I got it because I was good enough not because I was the only option.

Jake appears through a door that sits behind the bar, immediately wrapping his arms around Becca's waist and snuggling his face into her neck. “There's my girl.” He purrs, squeezing her tightly.

I can't help but smile at the two people in front of me. Both tatted and rocked out and clearly very into each other. Jake catches sight of me and loosens his grip on Becca, straightening his body which I now see hovers at least eight or nine inches over hers.

“Good to see you again Grace.” He says, throwing a casual nod in my direction. “You ready?” He asks, his dimpled smile lighting up his entire face.

“Um, well you never specified what type of music so I have a few different songs I could do.” I say, standing from my stool.

“Rock, alternative, pop. Hell we don't care. Just as long as it sounds good. Our weekend bands tend to be on the rock side, obviously.” He says, gesturing around the bar.   He's pointing out the clear indications that this is very much a
rock
bar. “But those are full bands and the bar gets pretty crazy. You will just be playing an acoustic set a few nights a week. Give our weeknight patrons something to listen to while they drown their sorrows.” He says on a light laugh.