Collateral Damage (8 page)

Her eyes widened at his blunt answer, her expression shifting from angry to hurt, then to incredulous. “Jesus, Liam, and even after what I said you still couldn’t give me the time of day?”

“I answered.”

“One line.
I can’t do this anymore
. That’s all you had to say to me? Really? After everything I told you?”

Liam dragged in a sharp breath. She seriously wanted to have this out here? Now, when she was bleeding and in need of medical attention? And did she honestly think an apology would make it all better and change his mind at this point?

Anger and hurt rushed to the surface, so thick they nearly choked him. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to talk about this but he couldn’t deny that a part of him had been dying for this confrontation for months now, so he didn’t hold back.

He shoved to his feet and stood towering over her, hands on hips. “What did you expect me to say? That I forgave you? That I still wanted to get back together after everything that happened?” He gave a derisive laugh, fighting to keep the true depth of his pain hidden from her. “Not likely.”

She went utterly still, staring at him as silence once again resounded between them. Tears glistened in her eyes and guilt slammed into him, upping the pressure of the vise currently crushing the tattered ruins of his heart. “How many times do I have to say I’m sorry before you believe it? That I acknowledge I made a terrible mistake and have done everything I know how to fix it? How can you just freeze me out after that and walk away from everything we had?”

Hurt and resentment swelled inside him, mixing with the anger in a toxic, chaotic mess. “You walked away first,” he shot back. “That was
your
choice.”
Then I made mine.

It was a low blow, even if it was true. But he refused to feel guilty about it, even under the circumstances. He hadn’t wanted to have this conversation, but she’d insisted, and he wouldn’t lie to her about the way things stood.

Honor’s chin came up, her tears evaporating as her eyes sparked with fresh anger. “I did,” she admitted quietly, her control merely emphasizing the loss of his own. “I did walk away and it was the absolute worst mistake of my life. I’m
sorry
, Liam. See? I’m a big enough person to admit it to your face. Are you?”

He made a scoffing noise and glanced away, panic clawing at his insides as he felt his traitorous heart soften. He could
not
let her back in, no matter how sincere her apology seemed. He’d never survive the next time she decided to cut and run. “The truth is, you probably did us both a favor.” It’s what he’d kept telling himself all this time, but even to his own ears his voice sounded raw.

“What?” At her stricken tone he couldn’t look at her because despite everything that had happened and the way she’d ground his heart into dust beneath her heel, some part of him still desperately loved her and wanted to be with her. “How can you say that?”

Jesus. Liam resisted the urge to press the heels of his hands against his eyes. He didn’t want to hurt her further but she was giving him no choice because he refused to lie to her and give her false hope. “Because our issues would never have gone away and there was no getting around that. You know that as well as I do.” He’d just never wanted to admit it back when they’d been together.

“You’re wrong, because they already have.”

At the quiet sincerity in her tone his gaze snapped back to hers, the knot in his stomach twisting even harder at the grief and pain on her face. “What do you mean?” he couldn’t resist asking. Goddammit, why did he suddenly want to believe her so badly? Why couldn’t his stupid heart realize it was over and there was no going back?

“I mean I made my decision clear to my family and now I’m living with the consequences.”

His heart thudded in his chest, the bubble of hope a painful pressure beneath his ribs. “What decision? What consequences?”

For a long moment she just stared at him, until he was sure she wouldn’t answer. “I told them I’d made a mistake when I ended things. I told them what I wanted, that I chose you over them,” she said finally. “And ironically, now I’ve lost all of you.”

As her meaning penetrated the swirling fog of emotions roiling inside him, Liam could only stare at her in shock. He’d been desperate for those same words two years ago, and they’d never come. They were the last thing he’d expected her to say now. The seething anger drained away, only to be replaced with wariness. And guilt. Had he lost the chance to have everything he wanted because of his stubborn refusal to listen?

Her lips twisted in a bitter smile. “You don’t believe me.”

He wanted to. Stupidly, desperately wanted to believe that she’d been willing to change that much, that she wanted him enough to make that kind of sacrifice, but…

She gave a humorless laugh and turned her head away. “Whatever. Think whatever the hell you want then, it doesn’t matter. Believe me, Liam, I’ve done my penance—a thousand times over. I’ve said my piece and laid myself bare to you, and there’s nothing more I can do.”

The hell of it was, it
did
matter, even if he wished it didn’t. Every damn time he’d convinced himself he was finally over her, just when the jagged scars on his heart had begun to heal over, she found a way to split them wide open again. And this…

Don’t listen. Don’t believe her.

Liam swallowed. As unexpected as her words were, he couldn’t afford to take that risk again. How could he ever trust her again? Her actions were simply too little, too late.

One look at her face and it was obvious she’d closed herself off from him again. Rather than feel relieved, Liam was overcome with the sudden, almost uncontrollable urge to grab her face between his hands, force her to look at him and tell him
everything
. Every single thing she’d told her family about him since that night, everything she’d gone through. But how the hell could he ever trust her again? He’d let her in deeper than he’d ever let in anyone else and she’d stabbed him in the heart.

Honor knew all about his past and his fucked-up family life—a laughable term for his upbringing with an abusive alcoholic single father. He’d grown up wary, defensive, never letting anyone get close enough to hurt him. Since becoming an adult he thought he’d buried that scarred, terrified piece of him too deep for anyone to see, but Honor
had
. She’d seen it and loved him despite his baggage, and he’d made the fatal mistake of handing his fragile heart over to her.

Dammit, she’d
known
she was his whole fucking world, had promised to be his forever when she’d accepted his ring, and then ripped his world apart when she’d abandoned him.

He hadn’t seen it coming. Would never have imagined she’d ever be capable of something like that, he’d trusted her that much. He’d have to be goddamn insane to ever give her the chance to do that kind of damage again.

Even as he steeled himself against her, that old, familiar longing rose up inside him. The wounded, lonely little boy he’d once been was still very much alive. That part of him wanted to beg her to love him again, to let him back into her life, so he’d finally know what it felt like to be loved and accepted. So he’d have a family and a real home at last.

Honor had been all of those things to him, and more. Losing her had damn near killed him.

She’s not lying this time
, his heart whispered.
She means it.

No
, his gut and head told him.
Never again.

Christ, he was so damn sick of this rollercoaster.

Shoving all the turmoil and emotional bullshit aside, he focused on the blood that was still seeping through the bandages. “You’re not putting enough pressure on that.”

She snapped her head around to stare at him and narrowed her eyes. “Just get out and leave me the hell alone,
Major
.”

Her eyes were still boring holes through him when the door opened a second later and a pretty brunette dressed in scrubs walked in. She must have picked up on the tension between them because her greeting smile faded and her eyes widened as she glanced from Honor to him and back. “Hey, heard you were here,” she said slowly, turning her full attention to Honor. “What’d you do to yourself, hon?”

If she’d really wanted him gone she could have asked her friend to order him out. Liam was relieved she didn’t. On some level she still wanted him here.

“Shrapnel,” Honor answered, her lowered eyes and the catch in her voice telling Liam she was on the edge of tears.

Honor rarely cried. Knowing he’d hurt her badly enough to push her to that point shredded him. Yeah, some fucked-up, twisted and dark part of him had wanted to lash out at her for what she’d done to him but he’d come in here with the intention of helping her, not hurting her. Now he was torn between the impulse to slam his fist into the wall and gathering her into his arms to never let go.

Before he could even process that, Erin eased the gauze away from Honor’s shoulder. “Okay, we’ll need to get an X-ray to see what we’re dealing with, then we can fix you up. You hurt anywhere else?”

Honor rubbed a hand over the back of her neck and rolled her head slightly, clearly exhausted. “Hit my head pretty hard on the ground. I was wearing a helmet but I’ve got a bitch of a headache.”

Wait, what? His gaze shot to her face.

Erin examined the back of her head. “You’ve got a lump. Did you lose consciousness?”

“Maybe for a second, I’m not sure. Everything happened so fast…”

Liam’s jaw clenched. So she could likely add a concussion to the list of injuries on top of everything else. Great. Damn it, he’d known she wasn’t telling him everything. “You better check her over, make sure she’s not hurt anywhere else,” he said to Erin.

Erin glanced at him and raised a haughty eyebrow. “Thanks for the tip, but I learned about assessment in the first week of nursing school. And I’ve also roomed with her for a long time so I know exactly how good she is at putting on a brave face.” She shot a warning look at Honor before focusing back on him and her eyes hardened. “You’re Liam?”

He nodded but Honor cut in with, “He was just leaving.” The scathing look she gave him made it clear she wanted nothing more to do with him. Probably ever. Which was what he’d wanted, right?

So why did it feel like he’d just inhaled a gallon of broken glass?

Liam sucked in a deep breath. “I’ll go finish up with the briefing. You can give your statement when you’re ready.”

She nodded without glancing at him, and since there was nothing more to say and he wanted her to get looked after without any more drama, he left the room. For now he’d give her some space but he already planned to check in on her later and make sure she was okay. He needed to know that much.

As he walked across the base her earlier words kept bouncing around in his head, torturing him with the possibility that she’d been telling the truth. That she’d actually told her family she’d been wrong before.

That she’d chosen him over them.

It wasn’t fair that she’d been put in that position in the first place but it hadn’t been his doing. And, much as his instinct warned him to ignore everything she’d said, he couldn’t.

Because impossible as it seemed, if it was true, it meant that against all odds, there might still be a chance for them.

Honor winced as she shifted the pillow behind her back and changed position on her bunk slightly. The stitches in the back of her shoulder pulled whenever she moved her arm and even when she didn’t the wounds throbbed. After sitting on her bruised ass for the past two hours she was stiff as hell and she knew it was only going to get worse before it got better.

The book she’d started was one she’d been looking forward to reading but no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t concentrate on the story. Her thoughts kept slipping back to Liam, everything he’d done today, everything he’d said. He might not be willing or able to forgive her for what she’d done but he still cared enough to stay with her and wanted to make sure she was okay.

Obsessing about what it means is only going to make you miserable.

She got busy reading. She was only half a chapter into the story when her cell beeped with a text message. Her heart leapt, hope surging inside her that it might be Liam. But when she eased to her side to retrieve it from the upturned crate that served as her bedside table, disappointment filled her, along with dread. Her sister.

For a moment she contemplated ignoring or deleting the message, but since it had been nearly a month since she’d last heard from Charity, she decided to read it.

Just heard about attack on the news. R U OK?

A bittersweet pain pierced her. In spite of everything, Charity still loved her and cared enough to reach out. She knew this was her sister’s version of the proverbial olive branch. No matter how toxic she could be or how conflicted Honor was about their complicated relationship, she didn’t have the heart to ignore the peace offering.

I’m OK
, she replied, leaving out all the details.
Made for some excitement around here.

A few seconds later a response came back.
I’ll bet.

When Honor didn’t reply, Charity sent another text.
Was worried about U. Stay safe and keep in touch. Miss U.

Staring at the small screen in her hand, Honor’s throat tightened. If the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, then she knew she couldn’t reply in kind and let herself slide back into the part of peacemaker. Her entire life she’d always smoothed things over, avoiding conflict when she could and diffusing it those rare times when she couldn’t. She’d been raised that way, had been expected to fulfill that role, or suffer the consequences.

It had taken losing Liam to make her wake up and eventually break free of that cycle, using the backbone she’d been born with. After losing so much in an effort to embrace who she truly was and what she wanted, she couldn’t go back now. Wouldn’t, no matter how much this hurt.