Cocky Cowboy: A Second Chance Romance (Cocker Brothers of Atlanta Book 3) (15 page)

I
was feeling tired so
Jaxson went down to milk the cows without me this morning.

There’s been a lot of change.

I’ve taken quiet, private moments on his property to mourn my lost pregnancy, because even though losing it means I never have to talk to Ryan again, I wanted that child.

But I’ve learned through the retreats I’ve gone to and the journaling we’ve done that loss must be grieved.

It can be the loss of a job, a marriage, a baby, or a dream. There are so many things we have to let go of, things that weren’t meant for us or things that just go away for no reason.

But they had a place in our hearts and that hole they leave behind has to be honored.

I wrote a letter to my lost baby, to the child, teenager and adult it would have become. I wrote how much I loved it and would have cherished teaching it the ways of our weird world. I carried the letter with me for the past three weeks here.

Then yesterday I asked Jaxson if there was a safe place I could burn it.

To burn is to cleanse and set free.

Ashes to ashes.

Dust to dust.

So that new growth can happen.

He brought me a stainless steel bucket and left me to be alone with what I had to do.

As I held my letter, I looked up at the sky. “Sweet baby, thank you for bringing Jaxson and I together. If I hadn’t come here for his help, we might not be here now. I hope I didn’t do anything to make you go away from me. I know you were just a peanut, but I love you.”

I burned the letter then, lit a match to its corners and held on until I couldn’t anymore, watching it float into the tunnel of steel where the flames turned the letter into grey ash. Then I whispered a last, “Goodbye,” and walked away.

When I came back later, Jaxson had already taken care of it for me. The bucket was clean and hanging from its hook. There was something freeing looking at it like that.

I finally let go.

As I lie here and listen to the distant sounds of my future husband making breakfast downstairs, I snuggle into the covers and gaze at my computer on his nightstand. I hit send last week. My book is now out of my hands. If people like it isn’t up to me.

Footsteps pad up and I rise up on my elbow to welcome him. As he appears in his old jeans and no shirt, holding a tray of oatmeal, crispy bacon and poached eggs, I smile, “Hello.”

“Hello baby,” he smiles, his green eyes happy. “Feel more rested now?” Setting down the tray, he sits on the bed and hands me a coffee.

I hold it in both hands, loving the warmth of the ceramic cup. “Yes, thank you for letting me sleep in.”

“You want to go into town today?”

“Why?”

He chuckles. “I’ve converted the city girl!”

Smiling, I take a sip. “You sure have. Why do you want to go in?”

“Thought you might need a ring for that finger.” He reaches over and touches it.

“I was hoping for a desk,” I frown.

His eyebrows go up. “Really? Well, we can do that instead. I know a great place. I just thought…”

“I’m just kidding,” I laugh, rising up to kiss him and say, “I got you, Jaxson!”

“No, you didn’t,” he smirks, pushing hair back from my face.

“Yes, I did.”

“No, you really didn’t.”

Sitting on my heels, I demand, “What do you mean?”

“I got
you
. I already bought you a damn desk. I was just playing along so you could think you’re smarter than me.” He sticks his tongue out. “So there.”

“Shut up!” I cry out my mouth wide open in disbelief. He shoves a piece of toast in in. Like the whole piece. Mouth stuffed I smack his chest as he starts laughing.

“That’ll teach you to talk back to me.”

I chew fast so I can send a retort.

“Uh uh,” he mutters. “No talking back to your sugar daddy.”

Man is it hard to swallow this much toast! As soon as I get it down, I bark at him, “I have money!”

He tackles me. “Then give it to me!” Pinning my arms with his hands he sits on my hips. “Shhhh…I like you quiet and struggling.”

“Stop it, Jaxson!”

He kisses me quiet. The kisses grow and soon those jeans are gone and he’s spreading my legs with his knees, plunging that gorgeous cock inside me, “Beg me to stop.”

“I don’t want you to stop,” I moan.

He nuzzles my neck and murmurs in my ear, “You always tell me,
stop it, Jaxson!
Don’t you want me to stop fucking you like this?”

“Uh uh. Don’t stop.” He’s so good, working those hips and filling me completely with each stroke.

“Too bad. I’m stopping.” He pulls out abruptly.

“No!”

Laughing, he flips me over like I weigh less than tissue paper. He grabs my ass and slams his cocks in my pussy from behind, making me absolutely purr.

“Fuck, your pussy feels so good, baby,” Jaxson growls, pinching my ass cheek and throwing shivers into me from the pleasure of it. He moves in a rhythm that drives me out of my mind with tingles, burning and aching for it to last. His cock is at its hardest and I’m so wet that it’s sliding in and out of me in the most delicious way.

“Ohhhh,” I moan, gripping the pillows.

“Grab the headboard,” he groans. “Hold on for your life.”

I claw up it to grip the wood as tightly as I can.

Jaxson sets his foot on the bed, balancing his weight on both it and his other knee.

His hips start to move, and he’s fucking me so slowly that I have to wonder why he told me to grip this thing.

Not that I’m complaining.

Each slow and sure penetration of his pulsing shaft is amazing.

He’s arched my ass up with his hands, kneading the soft flesh and groaning that deep masculine sound of intense pleasure.

I love how this feels.

The sweet burn starts to build in my core, drawn out with his skill.

But then as I start moaning with an impending orgasm he picks up the speed while maintaining this rhythm that is driving me insane.

I go to cry out and yelp and he moves faster, his girth widening and stretching me as he nears the edge, too.

Suddenly I’m cumming and he is fucking me harder until I start to scream from how good it feels.

Jaxson’s cock explodes inside me, filling me until he has unleashed everything. I can’t stop cumming, the walls of my pussy tremble and clench around him.

When he’s satisfied I am shaking all over, making sounds I’ve never heard myself make, he kisses my back and thickly says, in my ear, “Gotcha, Rachel.”

All I can do is whimper.

I
called
to gather a family BBQ at my parent’s house, but I didn’t say why. Mom thought she knew, so I had to gently let her down.

“No, Mom, Rachel lost the baby.”

“Oh no! Oh honey, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t bring it up to her, okay?”

She whispered, “Of course I won’t,” with that kind of voice I’ve only heard women use, filled with the compassion that comes from knowing what women go through. “Well, I’m looking real forward to seeing her after these years. I’ll plan it. Do you want to call your brothers?”

“No, can you do it?”

“Alright. Did you ever tell them about the baby?”

I grimace and keep my voice normal, as I say, “No Only you and Dad knew.”

Only Dad knows a lot more than that.

Now Rachel has changed her clothes about twelve times and I’ve sat back and kept my mouth shut until she finally looked over and said, “You haven’t said you like this one.”

“I said I liked the last six.”

Her pretty lips form a thin line. “Jaxson.”

“What,” I chuckle. “I’m not Ryan.”

She makes a face and walks back into the bathroom. Following her, I try to turn back that moment. “Hey. Sorry.”

“That wasn’t nice,” she whispers, slipping out of a dress that was stunning but frankly way too much for a Cocker Family BBQ.

Leaning against the doorframe I cross my arms. “Rach, if you want a man who knows fashion you’ll have to ask a gay man. Like Ryan.”

She stifles a smile and side-eyeballs me. “Okay, fine.”

“No. No ‘fine.’ You love me the way I am. I love you the way you are. Now put on something less glamorous and let’s go.”

As I turn around she calls after me, “See! I knew you didn’t like it!”

Laughing under my breath I shake my head and stroll downstairs in my dark green sweater, brown boots and blue jeans. Grabbing a bottle of wine from my cabinet I hear a beep on my phone.

There’s a text message from Cora.

Jarvis tells me you have big plans. Don’t cut me out of this commission.

Smirking I text back.

Never crossed my mind. It’s all yours.

I hit send, calling up to Rachel, “Cora knows about the deal!”

“What’d she say?”

I turn around and have to catch my breath. Rachel is in jeans and a light blue blouse with low heels, a light jacket over her arm. Off my expression, she smiles.

We walk to each other and I kiss her lips, then her nose, then her forehead, whispering against it, “You look beautiful.”

Laying her hands on my biceps, she smiles up at me. “When you said glamorous, I knew I working too hard. See? I just needed a clue. That’s why I was asking you.”

Nodding, I hold her eyes. “Got it. Lesson learned.”

“So, what’d Cora say?”

“She wanted to make sure I didn’t leave her out of her commission.”

Rachel chuckles. “Shrewd. Maybe I should call her. Might feel like home.”

She means New York, but I don’t like it so I firmly tell her, “This is home.”

Nodding she tilts her chin for a kiss. I give her one and as she walks away, I give her ass a swift spank, “Damn you are looking fine as hell in those jeans.”

She laughs and goes for her purse as I snatch up my keys from the counter, grab the wine and go to open the door for her.

S
ince everyone lives in town
, I’m always the last to arrive at our BBQs. The front door is unlocked. Rachel and I enter my childhood home, holding hands. She points to the stairs we snuck up together as children, and her blue eyes go wide at the memory.

I kiss her fingertips and lead her through the kitchen filled with signs of a feast having been prepared toward the voices wafting in from the backyard.

“Ready?”

Rachel smiles. “It’s so strange seeing this place again after all these years. Like I have new eyes.”

I open the sliding glass door and everyone turns at the sound. They’re all sitting at the long table set inside four poles of hanging twinkle lights, another table off to the side with homemade dishes waiting to be enjoyed, each covered in mesh tents to discourage bugs from getting there first.

The yard is long with paths leading through it to the oak tree border, and the dolphin fountain is set back and to the right.

Mom invited everyone in the family who could come, including Aunt Anna, Uncle Dave and their four kids, cousins all in similar ages as my brothers. They live in Savannah and I didn’t expect to see them, but I’m very happy they’re here.

Everyone walks to meet us with smiles on their faces as they glance from Rachel to our entwined fingers.

“Rachel Sawyer!” Mom gushes as she goes to hug her. “How you’ve grown! And you look so much like your mother did when I knew her! It’s a little freaky!”

Dad and I hold a look.

He hasn’t told Mom, and now is not the time for that.

“Hi Mrs. Cocker,” Rachel smiles, awkward as she glances quickly to my dad. “Mr. Cocker.”

“Rachel,” he says with a small nod. “Good to see you again.”

Fuck if this doesn’t tear me up with anger.

But I conceal it and focus on the twins. “Do you guys remember Rachel? Her family lived two doors down from us until I was ten.”

Justin shakes her hand and says, “Of course I do.”

“Liar,” Jason laughs, shaking her hand next and holding it a second as he warns her, “He’s a politician Rachel. Don’t believe a word he says.”

“Believe
me when I say my twin is an asshole for telling you that,” Justin smirks.

“Language!” Grams shouts from her seat. She’s too old to rise up for this introduction but she’s watching us like a very interested, protective eagle.

Rachel chuckles and turns to Jake. “I remember you,” she whispers. “Your eyes always had that smile in them, even when you were crawling.”

He laughs and shakes her hand. “I wish I could say I remember. This is Drew, my wife.”

The pretty brunette my brother swept off her resistant feet comes in for a hug and drawls with her southern Georgia, small town accent, “It’s still strange being called his wife. So nice to meet you!”

“When did you get married?” Rachel asks.

“Just a few months ago now.”

“Don!” I call out, waving him over. “Rachel this is my Uncle Don, and his wife, Aunt Marie. Did you ever meet them?”

“I don’t think so.”

Mom offers, “No, they never came by for dinner when you and your parents were here.”

Dad and I exchange a look that nobody catches. Why would they? They’re all in the dark. Rachel and I are the only ones who know what he did.

Don fills her in, “I married Marie, who’s Jaxson’s aunt. So I’m an in-law,” he winks. “Marie and Michael are May’s children.” He motions to Grams who waves like,
yes, that’s me.

“Jett and Jeremy aren’t here,” Mom says. “Did Jaxson fill you in about his other brothers?”

“He did. Jett’s traveling the states and Jeremy is in the Marines.”

“That’s right. But meet my sister!” Mom grabs Aunt Anna’s arm and pulls her forward. “See the resemblance?” They both have very similar coloring, brown hair and eyes. “Jake there and Jeremy, my two youngest boys, inherited that.”

Rachel and Aunt Anna shake hands and she introduces her husband, Uncle David before saying, “My children did, too.” She points to my four well-dressed, very attractive brown-haired cousins, calling their names off in the order they’re standing in. “I’m not going to overwhelm you with ages and professions, dear, but that’s Jameson, Josh, Jordan, and my pride and joy, Jocelyn.”

Her eyes widening, Rachel smiles, “All ‘J’ names!”

On a laugh, Aunt Anna explains, “Yes, my sister and I are a little competitive. And I say
pride and joy
because while she had two more children than I did, Nancy always wanted a girl and I got one.”

“Stop rubbing it in,” Mom grumbles, but it’s all in fun. “Well, let’s eat!”

I hold up my hand. “Hold on. First let me introduce her to Grams.”

Handing the wine bottle to Mom, I lead Rachel over as the family remains standing with wine or cocktails in their hands, falling into easy conversations.

Grandma May Cocker eyes Rachel as we walk up. “I was here one of those nights your parents came for dinner. Your grandfather Jerald was here too, Jaxson, with me. Do you remember?”

I shake my head, “Sorry, Grams. I don’t.”

She waves her fragile hand. “No matter. But I remember this one! Rachel my dear, you were always a cute girl but my! You have grown into a beauty!”

Rachel is glowing as she smiles at Grams, and she leans down to give her a hug that takes my grandma by surprise. “I remember you, Mrs. Cocker.” Straightening up, she points to the fountain. “You made Jaxson and Jerald — Jett — stop splashing me.”

With a twinkle, Grams says, “You do remember! They terrorized you!” Her eyes drift to me. “Now I know why.”