Closing Costs (10 page)

"Well done. She's amazing."

"Yeah, she has been from the start. But, you wouldn't know that." She winced, hating herself for sounding so bitchy. He shrugged.

He rose to his full six-foot-five height, bringing her heart into her throat. "You are gonna have a hell of a time keeping me away now." He walked by her, not touching or speaking. She sighed. It wasn't like she deserved any different, but...

She followed him into the kitchen. Her body had started to betray her. Skin prickling; she bit her lip, watching him refill his glass. He turned, pinning her with that amazing deep blue gaze.

"I want to take her with me to Orlando. Next week. I'm meeting Mo and the kids there. Brandis has a short leave to the states, so we planned..."

"Are you nuts?" She only half meant it. But she sensed the control she had over the situation slipping from her.

Why not trade one Uncle for another
, a tiny voice whispered.

No. This is my daughter. Our life. I will not let him swoop in and take over
.

Realizing she could finally put into words to her reluctance to let Jack get too closely involved with Kate she glared at him. "You can't do that. She has a schedule. A routine."

"She's four years old for Christ's sake. I'll be sure and put it on her secretary's calendar." He kept his face neutral but she sensed anger on the horizon. She dug her heels in, not really sure why, but needing to assert herself.

"No."

"Why not? Jealous? I'll take you with us." She stepped away from him.

"She hardly knows you. I mean what kind of mother would let her daughter go off to Florida with some guy?" He frowned and her scalp prickled in that familiar way, anticipating a fight.

 "I am not just some guy." He gripped her arm as she tried to walk past him, "and you fucking well know it."

"I'll think about it." She yanked out of his grip and walked to her bedroom. Doing her best to ignore him, she stripped out the suit she felt like she'd had on for days and tugged on sweatpants and a ratty tee shirt. She sighed and tugged her hair up into a ponytail.

Stop it Sara. You are such a hypocrite. You pushed him away on purpose. Give the guy a break. Stop acting surprised that he's smitten with the girl.
She looked at herself in the mirror. The older Katie got, the more of Jack's compelling personality she saw in her. It was something she'd been forced to acknowledge lately.
Act like a mother, God damn it. She's your child. You get to say "no" if you want.

To her surprise, he had his coat back on and keys in hand by the time she made her way back downstairs. She tried not to let the disappointment show. "So, thanks. For everything." Face neutral, she brushed past him on her way to the kitchen. Her whole body pulsed in his presence.

"No problem." He stayed put. She leaned on her counter. "You think I'm kidding."

She raised an eyebrow. "About what?"

"About dislodging me from your life now that I've met…your daughter for real." He stared at her. Then, before she could blink, he had her in his arms. His lips hovered over hers. She tried to calm her pounding heart, realizing her deep well of desire for the man holding her right now.

"Jack." She made a half-hearted attempt to pull away. "Don't,"

...let me go...

He put a finger over her lips. "I won't." He brought his face close. "And I won't be denied my own daughter. Are we clear?" Sara gasped when he stepped away. "I will let you continue to delude her into thinking I'm yet another uncle. But I'm doing that for her sake, not yours." She tried to speak, but no words formed. Until something horrible flooded her brain, fear that left her cold, and shaking. He chuckled, but his eyes stayed dark with anger. "Don't worry, dear. I won't press the issue. I don't need a paternity test to know that's my child asleep in the other room. But you will have to adjust your damnable independence a little," he pulled her close, ran a finger down her face, "and let me into her life. You and I will just have to learn how to get along, at least in front of her."

"Go to hell." She spat out. "You have no say in this. None." Her whole body ached to have him close, but her mind would not let her yield. Too many years of denial and anger between them, perhaps, but there it was.

"Actually I do. I won't make your prove anything. We will just have a quiet understanding between us. Got it?" He kissed her then, forcefully, with an urgency that made her moan as he pressed her against the kitchen counter. He tore his lips from hers and stepped back. "I'll pick her up tomorrow. We'll talk more," and he was gone, the door making an annoying soft click behind him.

She shook with fury, remorse, and a weird sense of relief. She'd been holding herself together for nearly four years, operating under a strange sort of immaculate conception myth in her own head. She watched his car pull out of her driveway. Maybe, now, they could make something different work.

****

"Shit. Fuck. Goddammit all to hell and back…Argh!" He pounded the steering wheel all the way home. An incoming call dinged through the radio; he glanced down. Evan. He hit the answer button on the wheel.

"What?"

"In civilized countries we say "hello" when answering the phone."

His friend's voice was light, but Jack sensed something was wrong.

"Fuck off. I'm in a shitty mood."

"Good. Me too. It's why I'm calling."

His house felt cold, empty and pissed him off to no end. His psyche could not take much more – the abstinence from both vanilla sex and BDSM play made him positively jump out of his skin. The few women he'd taken on perfunctory dates just to get off later danced through his head, making him wince at his own neediness. His cock slammed against the back of his zipper, his balls ached and his head pounded. He jerked the shower on full force and stepped into the burning hot streams, coming at him from above and the sides.

By the time he got out, his hard on still raged. Fury made the room dim. He flopped down on the bed, ran his hand up and down his shaft and proceeded to relieve a bit of stress to the point where he could at least walk. Wandering downstairs, heart heavy but head full of Katie's voice, he noted the time and wished he could talk to his sister. Then again, she'd just brow beat him for being such a pussy. He sighed, grabbed his keys and headed out to meet his friend.

"You know Gordon, you are being a real pussy about this." Evan held up a beer bottle.

"You know Adams I don't care what you think, right?" Jack poured another splash of bourbon in his glass, ignoring the topless woman on his lap. The music surged and pulsed around him. "Hang on sweetheart," She had leaned in to lick his ear. He handed her a twenty. "Go bother somebody else, babe. Sorry. I'm not in the mood." Evan sighed and did the same with his companion. "What's your problem? I told you my sad sack story. It's your turn."

"Julie wants a baby. I don't. I thought she didn't. We fought. Now I'm here with you like a loser instead of home with my wife where I fucking belong." He sighed and drained his beer, signaling for another.

"Huh." Jack sipped and watched the stage show. It had zero effect on him. He felt numb, packed in cotton, with a need so urgent to go back to Sara's right now he had to grip his thighs to keep from leaving.

"Yeah." Evan turned to the show then too and the men stayed silent until agreeing without speaking to leave.

****

Sara frowned at the unfamiliar number on her screen. She ran her fingers through her shower wet hair and answered it.

"Sara, hey. It's Julie."

"Oh, hi there." She'd met Evan and Julie a couple of times years ago. It was all part of the complex web of friendship Jack wove which included Suzanne. The woman stayed silent. "Um. Can I help you with something?"

"I was wondering if Evan was with you, I mean with Jack."

"Jack's not here. So I don't know. I can call him..."

"No. That's okay." Sara sat, poured a glass of wine. Julie's few words spoke volumes.

"Would you like to come over? I mean, I know we don't know each other that well but.."
…but now that I plan to do everything in my power to get Jack back I might as well make friends with his friends,
she finished in her head.

"Oh, no, that's all right."

"No, really, I mean it. I have some decent wine and a few snacks. Let's chat. We can compare notes on how shitty the men are and that kind of thing."

Julie laughed. "Fine. What's your address?"

Within an hour they were drunk enough to start declaring themselves best friends forever. But Sara did feel good about Julie. She'd never really had a close female friend. She mistrusted other women, had been burned by several supposed girl friends in college, and had limited her engagement with females in general outside of work. By the time Julie was weaving back into her kitchen to open another bottle, Sara had to focus to not see double. But it was fun, God dammit. She smiled at her new friend.

"I want a baby so bad." Julie dropped onto the couch. "You're lucky."
Sara tried not to snort too derisively.

"No. Not lucky--just fertile with bad timing."

"Evan was such a total shit about it tonight. Claimed I misled him. I've just changed my mind. He won't listen."

Sara patted her friend's knee. "They are total shits. That much is true."

"Jack's cool though. Honestly. I like him."

"Yeah, he is." They sipped their wine. Sara sighed, ready to admit how she felt. "But he's wrong for me, or something. We can't seem to get it together."

"You have the perfect excuse. Why don't you just go with that? Let him be her dad like he wants to be. You both try too damn hard to find excuses not to be together. You realize that right?"

"Because, I just can't. He's too volatile. I won't put her through it." Sara pointedly ignored the fact that she had come up with just that–another excuse.

"Oh honey," Julie set her glass down on the table and leaned back, hand over her eyes. "He loves you more than anything. You'd be better off if you acknowledged it. Shit." She grabbed for her buzzing phone, leaving Sara to contemplate her words. "What? No. I'm not home I'm out. Why? Screw you Adams I'll be out as long as I please." She ended the call. "That went well." Then she burst into tears.

Sara's phone rang. She rolled her eyes. "What are we in middle school?" She asked before Jack could say anything.

"So she is there?" His voice sounded muffled.

"Yeah. She is. I'm putting her to bed on the couch."

"Okay. Thanks." He was quiet but remained on the line. She swallowed hard.

"You can take Katie to Florida next week."

"Thank you. I…I appreciate it."

"Like you said Jack, we'd better figure out how to deal with each other as adults if we are gonna do this…co-parenting thing or whatever. But, you stay Uncle Jack. Got it?" She closed her eyes to keep the room from spinning. It made it worse.

"Whatever you want."

"What I want is irrelevant. I'm not sure I'm ready to admit that yet. But this is how it has to be, for now."

"I know what I want." His voice dipped low, buzzing in her ears.

Sara didn't say anything, afraid she'd blurt out something drunken and stupid.

"I want you." Then he hung up.

Chapter Thirteen

"Mommy."

The morning had started late. Sara slapped a sandwich together, added a banana and Katie's favorite chocolate chip cookies and threw it all into her daughter's lunchbox. The girl sat perched on the kitchen counter, her usual spot, observing Sara with what felt like a critical eye. "Mommy, I don't like that kind of cookie. You know that. Here, give it to me." Sara handed the girl the lunchbox, watching as she reassembled it and added the juice box Sara had forgotten in her haste.

"What?" She tried not to snap. "We're late."

"I like Uncle Jack." Sara clenched her eyes shut.

"Yes, honey. So do lots of people." She winced at her cattiness. "I mean, he's very likeable."

"He's taking me to Disney World." Sara looked over her shoulder at the girl. Her eyes were wary, as if testing out the concept. Sara felt a corresponding irritation at the challenge. But kept her voice level.

"I heard. Lucky you. Do you want to go with him?"

"I think so. I mean, if it's okay with you. That's what he said."

"It's okay with me."

"Have you gone on vacation with him before?"

Sara shivered. "Why?"

"He said you had, that you had a good time. Did you meet Mickey Mouse and have a Princess dinner? He said we would."

Sara ran a hand down her daughter's face. The girl sat, finishing her cereal and watching her mother scurry around. "No sweetie I didn't. But you'll have a good time, I'm sure. Where is your backpack? I told you to leave it by the back door. Shit." She yelped as her toe connected with a chair.

"It's okay Mommy, I'm ready." And she was. Sara sighed and looked at the girl.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm not a very good mommy sometimes."

The girl pulled her down to eye level and put her hands on Sara's shoulders. Her green eyes were serious. "You are the best mommy I know. Now let's go. We're late."

The afternoon had been slow so Sara met Katie at the daycare door, hoping to surprise her. She had spent all day pondering the girl's response to her whining about not begin a good mom and had concocted a bit of a "girls' day" for them in her head, full of laughter, swings at the park and a picnic. The disappointment on the girl's face made her frown. "Where's Uncle Jack?" She demanded, crossing her arms.

"I'm here honey. Uncle Jack just helped me out yesterday."

"I want him." She dug in her heels, her lower lips staring to quiver.

"C'mon. Let's go to the park. The one near the DQ." She held out her hand.

"No." A tear dripped off the girl's small nose. "Why do I have so many uncles anyway?" Sara tried not to overreact.