Close Your Eyes (48 page)

‘Well, don’t be.
It was
all my
fault,
Matt
.’ She opened her eyes
. She hoped that she had
managed to hide her panic
, b
ecause she could feel it growing, taking over her whole body
,
and freezing her brain into a state of total immobility.

What
have I
done? Forced
myself
on
my
ex
-
boyfriend’s brother?
That
alone sounded horrible,
even
without the extra story about
Matt
being one of her
oldest
friends.

He was still very close
, but
he
had
managed to detangle himself from her embrace without her noticing. But then again, she was rather preoccupied with her state of blissful e
cstasy. He could have
done whatever he wanted
,
and she
would have
remained oblivious.

His face anxious, h
e was leaning over her
.
His eyes were still glazed over
,
and his face
had
darkened
in
the
aftermath of the pleasure he had so definitely reached. She could feel
the proof of that pleasure
drying on her fingers.

‘I need to sit up,’ she croaked
. T
he worry in his eyes
was getting
her undone. He looked as if he had
committed
a crime. And in a way, he
had.
But Meg had been
not only his accomplice
,
but also
the absolute instigator.

‘Sure
.
’
One
strong hand pulled her up without her having to
so
much as move. He slid to sit next to her
. He ran a slightly shaky hand
through his disheveled hair.

‘Look,
Meg
. I know you must think I
’
m a total idiot now
.
’
With
his usual
tact
, he didn’t waste any time on preliminary small talk.
‘I just lost my head. It’s not an excuse, of course. And no, it’s not you, it’s me.’

‘Come o
n,
Matt
.’ She couldn’t just sit here and listen to him picking himself apart. He deserved better
,
and she knew it. ‘I came onto you, not the other way around. You’re just… such a nice guy
. Y
ou didn’t want to disappoint me,
that’s
all. I get it, really.’

‘
Is
that what you really think happened?’
He
seemed angry for some mysterious reason. He shook his head in disbelief.
‘
That
you just offered me sex
,
and I agreed
so I wouldn’t hurt your feelings
?
Sweetheart, you’re overestimating my Samaritan attitude here.’

With blazing eyes, h
e turned to
fully face
her. ‘
There
is no way on earth,
Megs
, that I would
have done
it if I didn’t
really
want it. And the fact is
that I’ve
wanted
you
very badly for a very long time. I just didn’t think it would ever happen.’

‘I don’t want to talk about it,
Matt
.
’
Her
panic returned, multiplied many times
over
. She
couldn’t listen to
what he wanted and why, not now and not here.
She felt completely sober
. All
the
slightly drunken,
protective fuzziness
had evaporated and left
her with the consequences of her madness. He couldn’t know how terrified
or confused
she really was.

For
G
od’s sake
,
till a few hours ago
,
I
had
considered
myself
his brother’s almost fiancée.
Matt
might have been totally honest about his
desire
to sleep with her, but
his compliance
didn’t change the fact
that her behavior had been
reckless
at the very least
.

‘Please,
Matt
,’ she begged. ‘I just can’t sit here and discuss it with you right now.’

Amazingly
,
he listened. In one swift move
,
he was back on his feet
and
looking down at her with a soft expression.

‘I think we shouldn’t avoid it,
Megs
. But if you want to
, I won’t force you to talk about us.
’ His mouth opened to say something
,
but
his cell
phone rang
. The
ringtone
was
disturbingly familiar. He looked torn as he hesitated
. T
he sound
filled
the silence with the persistent cheerful tune
that was
very much at odds with their tense discussion. In the end
,
he gave in, flipping open
his small, flat phone
and putting
it
to his ear.

‘Yes?’
His voice was very clipped.

Meg
was amazed with the speed at which he could change his tone
. T
he warmth from seconds before
turned
to brisk indifference.

I
shouldn’t be surprised,
she thought acidly, her mood sinking.
He
is
a
Harper
, after all.
He could draw
a
very firm line between what
m
att
ered and what
did
not
without
ever
wavering from
giving and taking his time and affection however he saw fit.

‘What?’ His tone alerted her that she
had been
too
quick with
her assessment. He didn’t sound cold or civil anymore.
H
e looked positively shaken
. H
is face
grew
even paler. ‘When? How is he now,
D
ad?’

He gripped
the armrest of the
armchair
, as if looking for support.
Megan could tell s
omething was very wrong,
and
her mind
wandered
to Ry
an
.
Fear trickled down her spine. Concerned that Ryan had gotten himself into some new trouble,
she waited breathlessly for
Matt
to keep talking. She would be able to figure something out of his answers
. She was miserably impatient
as
Matt continued
to listen
.

Is
Ry
hurt? How seriously?
Her anger against him evaporated in face of this insane possibility,
and
worry replac
ed
it completely. He might have dumped her just a few hours ago, but she would not stand by
,
doing nothing
,
if he
were
in trouble. He was her best friend
,
after all.

She gasped
in
shocked
as
the realization of what she
had
just thought hit her
with
full force. Ry
an
had been right about their relationship, after all. He was her best friend, just as she was his best friend
,
as well. This would never change, no
m
att
er what new loves entered their lives. Still, the word
friend
popped up in her mind with such effortless ease that she had to consider the other part of his speech. Thinking of
him
as her friend was easier and less painful than she
had
expected
. H
er mind and heart accept
ed
the term almost too easily.