Clara's War (23 page)

Almost as an afterthought, he gave us some good news. The Russians were only 25 kilometres from Zbaraz, which was in
Galicia. Our Galicia. Patrontasch took out his map, where he marked each Russian advance, and each of us was granted a look to lift our spirits. It was on the map so it had to be real.

Zbaraz was less than 150 kilometres from Zolkiew. I loved Zbaraz. My favourite Sienkiewicz book,
With Fire and Sword
, was set there and its castle was one of the most famous in Galicia. Sienkiewicz had written the book to inspire the Polish people after our failed January uprising against the Tsar in 1863. To this day, it was a rallying cry for all Poles to fight for their liberty. I had been inspired by the book and it had made me so proud to be a Polish girl. But I wasn't thrilled now because of any literary nostalgia. Zbaraz was on the road to Tarnopol, which was only 125 kilometres from Lvov. Mr Patrontasch pointed to a semicircle he had drawn round Lvov on the map and said that when the Russians were 35 kilometres away we would be able to hear the music of their artillery.

I wanted to examine the map more closely, but the SS were just arriving home and Beck slipped back upstairs. We celebrated in silence, each of us now with more hope than we'd had in months. As long as I was one breath short of starving to death when we were liberated, I knew I wouldn't care. I knew each of us was thinking the same thing at the same moment. Tarnopol!

 

The SS didn't slaughter anyone in their sleep and stayed with us for six days. On the seventh, they left, just after the Russians had taken Tarnopol. The part arrived for their car and after goodbyes to the Becks, they were gone.

The SS might have gone, but the trainmen seemed to be growing roots in their beds. There hadn't been any work for them for days and days. They hardly ever went out now and kept to themselves. The only time Mr Patrontasch could empty the buckets was when they were asleep. Julia would wait up, as
late as humanly possible, until long after she was sure the trainmen were asleep. Or if, as they did last night, they stayed up almost all night drinking, she'd get up early when she knew the trainmen would still be asleep.

We all had been up early, waiting for her. No one could sleep because of stomach cramps. I heard her slippered feet on the floor above us, although she had learned to walk with barely a sound. There was her quiet tap on the hatch…Patrontasch opened it with the care of a surgeon. Poor Julia had to lie down on the floor to talk to us because it was painful to kneel and almost impossible for her to crawl in because of her arthritis. Her voice was a frightened whisper: ‘They're all asleep.' I watched Julia as she struggled to her feet and Patrontasch slipped upstairs in his socks, which had been darned and redarned by Lola and looked like a patchwork quilt. Melman had one of the buckets in his hand, ready to hand it up. Patrontasch took it.

Melman was watching Patrontasch wait for the signal. Julia had walked to her bedroom door and opened it. She looked out and then nodded back at Patrontasch. He walked quickly out of the bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom. We heard a flush and then a moment later he walked quickly into the bedroom and gave me the empty bucket and took the other full bucket from Melman. Julia, watching at the door, gestured for him with the crook of an arthritic finger. He slipped into the hall and, after the flush, walked back into the bedroom. In his haste and relief he forgot to close the bedroom door after him.

The flushing apparently reminded one of the still drunk trainmen that he had to use the bathroom as well. He walked past the bedroom on his way to the bathroom. He stared right at Patrontasch, who was standing with a bucket in his hand
right next to the hatch, which was protected from view by the bed. The trainman looked at Patrontasch with curiosity then continued down to the bathroom. Why he just continued past without inquiring about the stranger, I didn't know.

Patrontasch jumped quickly down into the bunker and closed the hatch. He turned to us all. ‘One of the trainmen, he saw me.' The children were asleep, but the rest of us were united by a bolt of electricity that ran through us all. This is how our world would end. After all the close calls and dumb luck and the deaths and the sorrow and the suffering and the hunger: our lives would now be forfeit by our own refuse.

Upstairs it was happening already. It seemed dozens of feet were scurrying back and forth above us, scouring every inch of the house. All around the bunker families were embracing, yet careful not to disturb the sleeping children. Artek grabbed Lola. Even Steckel grabbed his wife's hand. My poor father held my mama as we heard above us, like it was all happening in our own minds, the trainman screaming and pointing to the spot where Patrontasch had been standing. ‘I swear I saw him! Right in the bedroom!'

My father was mouthing words in the darkness lit by a single candle over and over until I could hear the words in their silence. ‘Just say it was a visitor. Just say it was a visitor. A visitor. A visitor…'

Julia said, ‘A thief–it must have been a thief.' A thief! Why did she say a thief? I knew that the trainman would run to the police station and they would be tearing the house apart in a matter of minutes. I could hear Julia's feet running over to the closet.

She pulled open the closet door. I had heard that closet creak open and shut I don't know how many times a day, but today it was louder than any bomb. We heard Julia pushing aside her
clothes and then the tumble of boxes on the floor right above our head.

Julia was near hysterics. ‘I had some silver candlesticks. From my dowry. I kept them hidden in the closet for safe keeping.' The other trainman was now in the room and we heard him tumble to the floor and heard the sarcasm in his voice: ‘Of course thieves. But there's no one under the bed.' I could tell from his footsteps that Julia hadn't put the rug back to cover the hatch. I could hear him right above me. His body had to be covering the hatch as he looked right under the bed!

The first trainman must still have been pointing to the spot right above the hatch where he saw Patrontasch. ‘I swear I saw him! Standing right there. He was short. Dark hair. Dark eyes. Wearing just an undershirt.'

I looked at Patrontasch. We all did. The trainman was describing him exactly. I heard the men move to the closet and then out of the room, searching everywhere. I heard doors being opened and closed. And cabinets being opened and closed. Julia and Ala followed them around as they asked if anything else had been stolen. We also followed their progress with our eyes on the ceiling above us. Zygush woke up and started to say something, but the look in my eyes quietened him right down. He saw we were all frightened to death. He was stoic as usual. Zosia woke up now, but was quiet.

Julia had changed tactics. ‘Maybe it was a partisan.'

The trainman replied, ‘Whoever was here he's not here now.'

Julia was doing her very best. ‘The window was open. He probably saw you and jumped out the window.'

All I could think was:
Fifteen months in this hole. To die now with the Russians in Tarnopol!

Ala, dear clever Ala, laughed: ‘Mama, I'm sure if we're really nice to Papa, he might buy us another pair of silver candlesticks.
He knows how much you loved them. Mama's a little crazy about those candlesticks. She doesn't ever use them.'

The two trainmen laughed at her joke but one of them still went out to fetch the police. We waited and waited. In silence. I wanted to say goodbye to Mama and Papa. I knew this might be the last time I might say anything to them or tell them how much I loved them. I wanted to tell the children we would all be with Uchka soon. I couldn't say goodbyes to anyone. When the trainman came back it was with several other policemen, all of whom knew the Becks. Ever since the trainmen heard Lucynski voice his suspicions about Jews being in the house to Beck several weeks ago, I felt they suspected something, despite that not one thing was changed in their behaviour or conversation. I wasn't able to control the fear that tore through my mind, sending every thought to the desperate conclusions that only permanent terror can bring. As they looked through the house, I thanked God they were talking about thieves and not Jews, and then the conversation turned to something innocuous. I heard one of the trainmen laughing. ‘Even if I had a gun, I wouldn't have shot the thief, even if he was a Jew.' And though I wasn't able to join them, for a moment I was grateful at the apparent decency of this one man whose face I had never seen. All the policemen laughed. Ala asked them to stay for tea, but after a few minutes they left.

And we were left, alive, one more time. Again, Beck was right. His friendship with the German police was paying dividends in the days and weeks and months added to our lives. The trainmen went out and we were able to cook our potatoes and empty the buckets. I even had a chance to help the children with their lessons. When Beck came home later, the trainmen were still out and he knocked on the hatch. Instead of panicking and worrying about his own survival, he said, ‘You shouldn't worry
about those two. They're all right.' And instead of reproaching Patrontasch for forgetting to close the bedroom door, he promised: ‘You know I'll never leave you. I'll die with you. Your fate is my fate. And let me tell you what Ala did.' His eyes grew bright when he talked about her. ‘She called Hans from work–you know, the policeman who is besotted with her–and told him about the robbery and how the trainmen suspected Jews were in the house. Can you believe it? How smart she is. And you know what Hans said? This is the best!' We waited for the punchline. ‘“Jews in your house?” he told Ala. “Those trainmen are out of their minds. Jews at the Becks! I live with you practically. Acch! Some people see Jews everywhere.”'

This was Hans, who bragged about how many Jews he had killed. I didn't know how Ala and Beck did it. In almost 15 months, they didn't lose their heads with the Germans. Not once.

Then he said to us, ‘You know you shouldn't worry. Beck is lucky. Beck is always lucky.' He whistled a few bars of ‘All's Well That Ends Well' to prove it.

 

Perhaps Beck was right. Perhaps ‘All's Well That Ends Well'. Because the next thing he came down to tell us was that the Russians were 80 kilometres away from Lvov. Two hours in a car, that's all! We were jubilant, hugging, embracing each other; the end was near. His piercing blue eyes had always betrayed his feelings even before he had said a word. Either they had the warmth of a summer sky or they were cold like ice, looking inwards. Today I could see that the commitment he had made to us was ripping him apart. He admitted that Ala had been transferred to Krakow and Julia wanted to go with her.

Papa and Mr Patrontasch did everything they could to convince him that it was going to be okay. They even told him
that all of us would give our lives for him and his family in a heartbeat. It was true. I knew I would. Beck didn't say anything for a long time. That he didn't laugh in our faces was just one more example of his decency. He just looked around the bunker at his sorry excuse for an army. ‘You think you could fight the Russians? To hell with the Russians. Even the Ukrainian bastards would rip you apart.' Of course he was right. It was a crazy idea. I didn't have a gun. I had a spoon, a fork and an enamel plate. I couldn't have weighed more than 40 kilograms. The last time I had been upstairs cleaning, I had caught sight of myself in the mirror. Although I didn't look as bad as some of the others, I knew I shared equals odds as a rabbit against a bloodthirsty Ukrainian.

Papa said, ‘You could hide down here with us.'

Beck simply shook his head and went upstairs to talk it over with Julia. He came down a few minutes later and told us that it was final. Julia was still frightened and would leave with Ala on Monday. I was counting the hours to Monday. With Julia and Ala gone, even if Beck remained behind, how long could he stay with us? Surely he would have to follow them sooner rather than later. Maybe he would even leave with them on Monday, or a couple of days later. He'd leave us with food for a few days and join his family. Every time he came back from town, he'd tell us about one family or another who had already fled. It felt like he was preparing us for the possibility that he would also leave. Again and again he would assure us that he'd never abandon us, but his promises weren't enough. I was afraid he would have no choice. I understood, but I dreaded his leaving more than anything else. Everything about his presence was reassuring, from his voice to his familiar footfall and whistle above us. One day he would simply walk out of the door and disappear. There would be nothing we could do.

We all waited in terror for Monday. I was awakened by the sound of Ala weeping. She must have been saying goodbye to her father. I hoped she would come down to say goodbye. I wanted to thank her for everything she had done for us. We wouldn't be alive were it not for her. There was a knock on the trapdoor. It groaned and squeaked as Patrontasch opened it. It was well made, but with the warm air above and the dank humid air in the bunker, the wood had swelled almost overnight. There would be no more sneaking buckets when the trainmen were at home. I expected Ala, but it was Beck. I could hear Ala was still weeping.

‘The trains aren't coming. They can't leave. The trainmen aren't here, but we don't have much time.'

I didn't know what he meant. It was only when I saw Julia handing down bread and potatoes that I understood that Julia and Ala were going to hide down here with us if they needed to. Beck brought down 18 loaves of bread, 60 kilograms of potatoes and a bag of salt. Salt! It was more precious than gold. I hadn't seen so much food in over three years. Beck didn't tell us where he had got it all. I couldn't imagine, first, all the money it cost, and then where to buy so much even if he had the money. He went back upstairs and a few minutes later handed Julia's sewing machine to Papa and Mr Melman. They put it in the back bunker on the other side of the ‘park'. It was Julia's most valuable possession. For a moment I thought the food would be just for Julia and Ala, but Beck quickly told us it was for everyone.