City Girl (8 page)

‘Are . . . you . . . pregnant?’

Each word was enunciated with a savage intensity that stunned Devlin. The words hung in the air between them like a guillotine ready to descend on her admission of guilt. Speechless, she could
only stare at her mother.

‘Jesus! Will you answer me!’

Devlin had never heard her mother use the Holy Name and it gave her a funny little shock. Coming from her mother’s lips it seemed like blasphemy. Swallowing hard, knowing there was no
point in denying it, she met her mother’s eyes. ‘Yes Mum, I’m pregnant . . . I’m sorry,’ she said inadequately.

Pain, anger, horror, were etched on Lydia’s fine features as she stared at her daughter.

‘Oh Sacred Heart of Jesus!’ she muttered almost to herself, in a voice of such anguish that Devlin felt a lump rise to her throat.

‘I didn’t mean to,’ she whispered, frightened at the expression on her mother’s face.

‘You didn’t mean to . . . ’ Lydia raged at her. ‘Do you know what you’ve done . . . don’t you know how people will talk? My God Almighty, is this the way you
repay Gerry and me for all we’ve done for you? Oh my God, the shame of it . . . the shame of it!’ She was sobbing harshly now, her mascara running down her cheeks in black smudgy
streaks. Her hands, heavy with jewellery, were grasping each other so tight that the veins in them bulged bluely.

Her father, who had heard the commotion and raised voice of his wife, came hastily up the stairs, puffing a little as he got to the top. ‘Lydia! What’s wrong?’

‘What’s wrong? Ha . . . ask
her
what’s wrong!’ his wife cried noisily, almost hysterically, her natural restraint gone because of the brandy and wine she had
consumed during the course of the evening.

Shaking with reaction, dry-mouthed, her heart thudding so loudly that she was sure it was audible, Devlin told her father and watched and hated herself as his face crumpled in pain and
disappointment.

‘Ah Devlin, Devlin,’ was all he could say, shaking his head in disbelief. Gerry had never been able to chastise her; that had always been left to his wife. The pain of her
father’s reaction was a memory of guilt she would always carry, the way he had seemed to age visibly before her, his shoulders sagging as he saw his daughter fall from the pedestal that he
had so proudly erected for her.

‘I knew something like this was bound to happen when she went to that flat,’ Lydia was sobbing and hiccuping into his shoulder. ‘She’s just like her mother!’

‘Shush! Shush, Lydia, you’re distraught. Go and lie down for a while,’ her husband urged.

Devlin felt icy tentacles of fear curl around her insides, gripping and squeezing. ‘Wait a minute, Mum! What do you mean?’ Her voice became high-pitched as various little memories of
past years flashed through her mind, like the time Lydia and Gerry had been arguing and Lydia had been shouting, ‘We should have told her at the beginning,’ and Devlin had run upstairs,
her seven-year-old heart beating so quickly and loudly that the noise of it deafened her when she had buried her sobbing little face in the pillow. Tell her what? Instinctively she knew it was
something to do with her, something nasty and threatening.

‘It’s all right, Devlin! Your mother doesn’t know what she’s saying. She’s had a shock. Go down and make us some strong coffee like a good girl.’ Gerry
Delaney felt as if his world was crumbling around his ears.

‘No Dad! Wait! Why did she say that?’

There was an unconscious pleading in her voice and then Lydia was saying wearily, ‘Oh for God’s sake Gerry tell her, I wanted to tell her long ago, it might have prevented
this.’

Through a mist of anguish Devlin heard Lydia’s bitter upset voice tell her she was adopted.

‘No! . . . NO!’ Screaming, Devlin raced down the stairs, grabbed her bag and ran out to the car. ‘Oh Jesus, Jesus, don’t do this to me . . . please God, let it be a
nightmare.’ It must be a punishment for committing adultery with Colin. Why else would this be happening to her?

As if in a dream she started up the car and saw Gerry, distraught, calling her back. Ramming her foot down on the accelerator she raised dust as she sped down the drive onto the road. She
half-hoped a car coming in the opposite direction would collide with her and send her crashing to oblivion so that she could forget the fear and aching misery that engulfed her.

Adopted! Adopted! Adopted! The sound of the word filled her mind like loud clashing cymbals as automatically her hands and feet operated gears and clutch and brakes and she emerged onto the dual
carriageway. Lydia wasn’t her mother . . . Gerry wasn’t her father. Who were her parents? Why had they abandoned her? Were they still alive?

‘I hate you, I hate you,’ she sobbed aloud, great gasping shuddering sobs that blurred her eyes and made her body shake. The car behind her beeped loudly at her erratic driving and
becoming conscious of the stream of lights and the busy flow of traffic she pulled herself together and concentrated grimly on just driving.

Four

How long she drove she did not know. She vaguely remembered the turn-off at Bray and then the traffic eased until it seemed she was the only car on the road for long lonely
miles. It was with numbed surprise that she realized she was driving into Arklow, a town about fifty miles from Dublin on the main Wexford road. Tired and disorientated she pulled in and rested her
head on the steering wheel. How had she got this far? What was she going to do for the night? Devlin checked her watch: it was almost twelve. She knew at the back of her mind why she had
instinctively come this way. She needed someone and Katie was the only one who could help her.

Her Aunt Katie had always been close to her and given her the warmth Lydia had never been able to provide. Now she needed Katie more than ever. Although she was pregnant she knew that Katie
would never reject her as Lydia had. She’d have to ring home . . . Gerry would be frantic. Even if she wasn’t his daughter he did love her, Devlin thought, torn between bitterness and
sadness. She drove until she got to a phone box, praying that it wouldn’t be vandalized. She was in luck and she asked the operator to reverse the charges.

‘Are you all right, Devlin? What in the name of God are you doing in Arklow? Please pet, come home and let’s talk about all this.’ Her father sounded so upset that Devlin felt
tears springing to her eyes and her throat constricted painfully.

‘Oh Dad, Dad I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.’ In spite of herself she burst into tears.

‘Devlin, please check into a hotel and I’ll come and collect you. I’ll get Cecilia to come and stay with Lydia.’

Somehow she managed to compose herself. ‘Honestly, Dad, I’d like to go to Katie for a day or two, I think I’ll carry on down to Wexford.’

Her father sighed. ‘Well if that’s what you want, pet.’ He knew how close she and Katie were and he didn’t try to stop her. ‘Will you phone as soon as you get
there?’

‘It’ll be late,’ she protested.

‘Devlin, we won’t rest easy otherwise. Oh and Devlin . . .’ He paused as if unsure how to continue. ‘Pet, try not to think too badly of your mother. She’s not
herself these days . . . I think she’s going through the change.’

The lump rose in Devlin’s throat again but she swallowed hard and said quietly, ‘Bye Dad, I’m sorry and I do love you.’ She could sense him smiling at the other end of
the line.

‘I love you too, don’t forget that. Drive carefully now.’

‘I will,’ she promised and replaced the receiver.

For the next hour she banished all other thoughts from her head and concentrated on her driving and it was with a physical sense of relief that she saw the lights of Wexford in the distance, the
twin steeples of the churches seeming to pierce the black star-studded sky. Driving slowly over the bridge, Devlin, despite her trauma, felt her spirits lift as they always did when she crossed the
bridge into the town. She loved Wexford: the warmth of the people and the beauty of the place always soothed her. Slowly she drove along the quay, looking at the myriad glittering lights reflected
in the water that softly lapped the quayside. Katie lived in Rosslare Harbour, about twelve miles further on, but the road was excellent and she made good time and turned up the winding lane that
led to the farmhouse less than fifteen minutes later.

Checking her watch, Devlin saw it was almost one thirty. She reflected that Katie would be long gone to bed. One of the dogs started barking and a minute later Devlin saw the bedroom curtain
being drawn back and her aunt stuck her head out the window.

‘Who in the name of . . . ? Merciful hour, is that you, Devlin?’

Minutes later the door was thrown open and Katie stood there, a dainty elf, her soft grey hair tumbling about her shoulders.

‘There’s something wrong, isn’t there?’ she exclaimed, enveloping her niece in a warm embrace. ‘Is it Lydia or Gerry? Is it the drinking?’

Devlin shook her head sadly. ‘It’s me, Katie. I had to come and see you. You’re the only one who can help me.’

‘Well come in, alanna, out of the night. Sure it can’t be that bad. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.’

Tears smarted in Devlin’s eyes. How typical of Katie to be so loving and reassuring. Katie gave her niece a soft shove into the house and Devlin could feel its peace and serenity envelope
her like a comforting eiderdown. Before long she was sitting before a crackling fire, hot chocolate and a plate of fresh homemade scones dripping with jam and cream on her lap. Between mouthfuls
she poured out the whole sorry tale.

The relief of unburdening herself was enormous and Katie let her talk, merely interjecting a softly-spoken comment here and there. When Devlin told her about Lydia’s revelation her face
turned hard and cold and she said grimly, ‘Typical of Lydia. She was always the most self-centred and selfish person I ever knew and believe me it hurts to say that about my own
sister.’

‘Katie?’ Devlin’s voice was raw with pain. ‘Do you know who my mother was?’ Her aunt wrapped a comforting arm around her and rocked the now sobbing girl softly,
soothingly.

‘Cry all you want, alanna, and get it out of your system. There’s no point in bottling it all up inside because it will only affect you later.’ She held her for a long time and
when Devlin had stopped weeping those long haunting racking sobs, Katie said quietly, ‘Your mother was our youngest sister, Tara. She died at your birth. Robbie and I wanted to adopt you but
Lydia wouldn’t have it.’ She looked down at her niece. ‘I wish I’d fought harder to get you but Lydia had just married Gerry and he had money and good prospects whereas
Robbie and I only had the few acres. Lydia said we would never be able to give you the opportunities they could.’ She sighed deeply. ‘It’s something I’ve always regretted,
especially as Rob and I did well for ourselves.’

‘But why did she adopt me? The way she spoke to me tonight made me feel as though she hated me.’

The question was anguished and bitter and for a moment Katie felt a deep resentment of her sister. But she continued reassuringly: ‘Ah Devlin, she doesn’t hate you. She wanted to
adopt you to try and make up for the way she had treated your mother. When Tara died they were estranged. You have to understand, Lydia’s normally a very restrained person and when she loses
control she’s angry with the person who causes it. The drinking isn’t helping either.’

Devlin shook her head. ‘No Katie, it was more than that. I know!’ she said emphatically.

Katie sighed. ‘All right, Devlin, I’ll tell you what’s wrong with Lydia. Maybe then you can understand her attitude to your having a baby and find it in your heart to be sorry
for her.’

‘I’ll never forgive her,’ Devlin vowed savagely.

‘Hush pet, don’t say that. If you let yourself you can come out of this experience more mature and self-reliant than you’ve been. Don’t be so negative . . . that’s
one thing I’ve learned from life.’ Katie smiled lovingly at her niece. ‘Negative thoughts and bitterness get you nowhere. I learned that when Robbie died.’

Devlin gave a sniff, wiped her eyes, blew her nose and said brusquely, ‘Well tell me why I should have sympathy for her.’ Katie threw another log on the fire and settled back
comfortably.

‘It was like this, you see. Lydia was beautiful when she was young and she knew it.’ She laughed. ‘I was the plain one and Tara, your mother, was fat and spotty until she was
seventeen and then . . . well she went away to her penpal in France for a whole summer and when she came back people didn’t recognize her, she was so slender and tanned. All her puppy fat had
just melted off her.’ Katie nodded at Devlin. ‘She was very much like you are now. Anyway, Lydia had been dating a young doctor and she was crazy about him. He was the only one of her
boyfriends who didn’t hop at her command and who wasn’t always at her beck and call,’ she smiled wryly. ‘You know Lydia! He was the only man she couldn’t dominate. To
make a long story short, Tara came back from France looking like a million dollars and Brian, that was his name, fell for her hook line and sinker. Tara was a lovely soft generous person, you
couldn’t but love her. They didn’t plan it that way. They tried to fight the attraction. But it was one of those things. Tara fell in love with him and he started dating her. Lydia
never forgave either of them and in a way, Devlin, I always feel she married Gerry very much on the rebound.

‘Then Tara became pregnant with you. Brian was in the middle of his internship in a Northern hospital – that was where he lived – and there was no way he could afford to marry
Tara immediately although he wanted to. Mother, God bless her, took the whole thing very calmly; she was always a brick in a crisis. She told Brian to save enough to get decent lodgings. She wanted
to be sure that Tara would have somewhere proper to live with her new baby. She never once reproached Tara and always told her to hold her head high.’

Katie smiled, ‘It’s a pity you never knew your grandmother, Devlin. She was a lady with a lot of class. Anyway, Brian and Tara had made plans to marry two months before you were due
but two days before the wedding Tara went into labour and died shortly after the birth. Everyone was devastated. You weren’t expected to survive,’ she gave her niece an affectionate
smile, ‘but you were a little fighter, Devlin, and you made it.’ She sighed. ‘After much discussion Lydia and Gerry decided, with Brian’s blessing, that they would adopt
you. Your father was in no position to take care of you, darling. He felt that Lydia and Gerry could provide a stable home. So that’s why Lydia reacted as she did. Don’t blame her too
much, Devlin. She’s had hardships too.’