Circle of Friends, Part 2 (6 page)

“I don't know,” she admitted. “I watched my mom handle things. I try to think about what she would have done.”

Too bad her mother hadn't been around when he'd been screwing things up with Jimmy. Maybe then his brother wouldn't be dead. Of course, if Jimmy were still alive then he, Dev, wouldn't be married to Noelle. Despite everything, he couldn't actually say he didn't want to be with her. Which meant he was in more trouble than he'd thought.

* * *

N
OELLE
CAME
OUT
of the bathroom that night and found Dev sitting up in bed. Since she'd declared her love for him and he'd walked out, they'd slept in the same room, but he'd made sure they never went to bed at the same time. He always came in after she was asleep and was gone before she got up.

She paused in the doorway. “You're not working late tonight?”

“No.”

Did that mean what she thought it meant? Anticipation fluttered inside of her. She loved him and desired him in equal measures. Having things unsettled between them had been painful. She wanted to be in his arms so much, but at the same time, she was afraid. So much of their relationship confused her. Was it right to give herself to him, knowing he didn't return her feelings?

Then he smiled at her. The curve of his lips was both apology and invitation. Her gaze dropped to his bare chest and she wondered if he'd pulled on boxers or if he wore nothing at all.

Maybe walking away was the smart thing to do, but Noelle chose to follow her heart. She walked the few steps to the bed, then climbed between the cool sheets.

Dev reached for her and pulled her against his body.

Naked, she thought as need poured through her. Naked and already hard. How was she supposed to resist that?

“Do you want to do this?” he asked as he gazed into her eyes. “I'll stop if you ask me to.”

“Now why would I do a really stupid thing like that?”

He lowered his head and kissed her. She parted and his tongue swept inside, exploring her, arousing her, making her squirm with need.

Her leg brushed against his arousal. She reached down and traced the hard line of his thigh, then slipped between his legs until she could take him in her hand.

Velvet on steel. She'd read that in a book once and had giggled, alone in her room. But now she got the description completely. The skin was so soft, but underneath that thin layer was a hardness that made her ache to be claimed. She wanted to part her legs and demand that he take her right then. Only if she did that, she would miss out on all the good stuff between now and then. It was not an easy decision to make.

He shifted away, leaving her longing to touch him again. Before she could complain, he tugged her nightgown over her head, then pulled down her panties. He bent over her breasts and took one of her nipples in his mouth.

The combination of moist heat and gentle sucking made her arch her back and bite down on a scream. Pleasure exploded with each tug of his mouth. His tongue teased her sensitive flesh until she was willing to offer anything if he just promised not to stop.

He used his hand to caress her other breast, mimicking the acts of his tongue with his fingers. She let herself fall into the sensation. Between her legs heat and moisture competed for dominance. She wanted him there. She wanted him to keep touching her breasts. She wanted everything he could give her and then she wanted to give it all back to him.

He shifted between her legs, then kissed his way down her rib cage and over the small mound that was the only sign of her pregnancy. She knew what he was going to do—he'd done it once before. That intimate kiss that had pushed her so close to losing control.

She'd held back a little, unsure she could give herself up to him while so vulnerable and exposed, and he'd stopped. While he'd brought her to her release with his fingers, and later by being inside of her, she'd wondered what it would have felt like if he'd kept on going.

She parted her legs for him, then closed her eyes in anticipation of his touch.

Her first warning was the soft whisper of air. Then he licked her from bottom to top in one smooth, gentle movement. A shiver of delight rippled through her. She clutched the sheets and arched her head back as he circled that one special spot, moving closer but not touching.

Delicious, she thought as her muscles tensed and the soles of her feet began to burn. Delicious and exciting and so incredible that she wasn't sure how she was going to find the strength to hold back this time.

So maybe she wouldn't. Maybe she would just give in to the whisper touch of his tongue moving back and forth over her swollen center.

Tension filled her. She drew in deeper and deeper breaths. It was as if every cell of her body had all its attention focused on that one spot and what he was doing there.

He moved faster—circling, teasing, sliding across. Everything felt out of her control. She was getting closer. She could feel her muscles clenching as she pushed toward her release. It was so close.

He slipped a finger inside of her. The unexpected action shocked her and she opened her eyes. For a second, she saw the top of his dark head as he pleasured her, then she closed her eyes again, almost embarrassed by what she'd seen.

But the picture of that intimate act stayed with her. The more she thought about it, the more aroused she got. Then he began to move the finger inside of her, sliding it in and out, almost as if he was rubbing her center from underneath while his tongue loved it from above.

She came in a wave of contractions that made her whole body tremble. She could no more have stopped herself than she could have escaped gravity. From head to toe, she experienced wild, intense pleasure that took her breath away.

She wanted to scream her release, but forced herself to hold in her cry. Then, while she was still caught in her release, Dev sat up and plunged into her.

He was thick and hard and filled her until she had no choice but to come again. She needed him, all of him. Without thinking, she grabbed his hips and pulled him to her.

He braced himself and pumped into her over and over again. She parted her thighs more, then wrapped her legs around his hips, doing everything she could think of to pull him all in.

Again and again he filled her, sending more waves crashing through her. It wasn't possible for her body to feel this much, she thought. Maybe she would never stop. Maybe they could go on forever.

But then he gave one last great thrust and her body shattered into such intense release that she knew she had reached the ultimate moment. His body tensed and she felt him let go inside of her.

She opened her eyes and found him watching her. They gazed at each other, naked and exposed, seeing the truth in each of their souls.

They were both breathing hard. Dev started to move, but she held him in place.

“Not yet,” she whispered. “I want to stay like this for another second.”

He smiled. “Pretty incredible.”

“The best.”

A muscle cramped in her hip and she had to move. In the logistics of postlovemaking, she started to giggle.

“It was hard not to scream,” she whispered. “I had to hold it in so I wouldn't scare my sister.”

“I appreciate that,” he said as he settled on the mattress next to her and tucked her hair behind her ears. “Having Tiffany walk in would have deflated the moment.”

“It also would have led to a lot of questions. I'm glad I was able to control myself.”

He kissed her forehead. “I'm glad you weren't.” He studied her. “You're amazing. You can handle your family, my father, this house, school and you're incredibly wicked in bed.”

“Wicked?” She liked the sound of that. “Only with you, Dev.”

The words slipped out and she would have given anything to call them back.

“Noelle, don't,” he said.

“I'm not trying to go there. I don't want to spoil this.”

“Me, either.”

But the words
had
been spoken and there was no calling them back. The mood shifted until she found herself saying, “I still love you. Nothing has changed.”

He shifted back onto his side of the bed. “I've told you not to.”

“Yeah, that's going to work.” She raised herself on one elbow and faced him. “What are you so afraid of?”

“I don't want you getting hurt.”

Which sounded very altruistic, but she wasn't sure she believed him. “What more could you possibly want from a wife? What need don't I fulfill?”

It was a dangerous question and an honest answer could emotionally devastate her. Still, she was willing to risk it and hear the truth.

“It's not you,” he said slowly. “There's nothing wrong with you. It's me. I can't love you.”

She stared at him for a long time and wondered if being told she wasn't pretty enough or smart enough or sensitive enough would have been easier to deal with. This truth cut deep.

“It's not that you can't,” she told him. “It's that you won't.”

CHAPTER TWELVE

N
OELLE
KNOCKED
ON
her parents' front door. She'd never done that before—she'd always just burst in. But this was different. Now she didn't live here anymore.

Her mother answered, then laughed. “Noelle, you might be all grown-up and married, but you're still my baby girl. You don't have to knock.”

Noelle opened her mouth to answer, then shocked herself and probably her mother by bursting into tears.

Five minutes later they were both on the worn sofa in the small living room. There was a box of tissues in her lap and her mother's arms around her.

“Shh,” her mom whispered as they rocked back and forth. “I'm here, honey. I'll always be here. Whatever it is, we can fix it together.”

“I m-messed up,” Noelle said, her voice breaking with sobs. “I messed up so badly.”

“The first few months of any marriage are difficult. You and Dev will get through it. I know it seems impossible now, but in time, things will get better. The most important thing is you love each other.”

“We d-don't,” Noelle said as she tried to control her tears. “I mean, I love him, but he doesn't...”

Her mother straightened and cupped her face. “Of course he loves you. Why else would he marry you?”

Noelle swallowed, then cleared her throat. “Because he thought it was the right thing to do.”

She told her everything. She talked about dating Jimmy and how fast everything had moved. That he'd gone into the army and then been shipped overseas. She glossed over that single night they'd shared, then confessed her pregnancy and how Dev had found out only seconds after she'd seen the truth, herself.

“He took charge,” she said as she wiped her face with another tissue. “I'm not saying I don't have responsibility in what happened. Of course I do. It's just I was terrified and he was there, telling me exactly what we should do. He made it sound easy and sensible.” She clutched her hands around the damp wad of tissue. “How disappointed are you?”

Her mother smiled. “I'm not disappointed, Noelle. You gave in to a boy in a moment of passion and emotion. It happens. It's happened for thousands of years. Smart girls make impulsive decisions that change their lives forever.”

“I thought I loved him,” she admitted. “Or maybe I was just trying to convince myself I did to make my actions seem less stupid. But I didn't. I love Dev, only he doesn't want me to. He says we have a deal and that's the most important thing. Our agreement.”

“Tell me about the agreement,” her mother said.

Noelle explained the details of what Dev had offered. It was hard to admit she'd taken money for having a child she would have had anyway, but...

She stopped. Instead of being angry and shocked, her mother was smiling.

“What are you so happy about?”

Her mother hugged her. “You're having a baby. My very first grandchild. I was kind of hoping I could be at least forty-five before that happened, but under the circumstances, I'm willing to go with it.”

Noelle blinked. “You're happy about the baby?”

“Of course. Noelle, you have no idea how wonderful it is to have children. Your life will change forever, but in the best way possible. How far along are you? When are you due? Have you seen a doctor?”

“Three months, early March and yes, Dev and I have been to a doctor. We've also signed up for parenting classes and we have every book on pregnancy ever published.”

They hugged again. “Yay, you,” her mother said. “I can't wait to tell your father.”

“I'm not sure he'll be as understanding as you've been.”

“You might be surprised.” Her mother patted her arm. “Okay, where were you? You married Dev because of the baby. You know you could have come to us and told us what was going on.”

“I know. I wanted to...” She stared at her lap. “I started to, actually.” She explained about the day she'd come home and found her mother crying over the bills and having to leave the church and that she couldn't bring a baby into the house.

“We would have found a way,” her mom said.

“I know. But I thought marrying Dev was an easier option. Only now I've fallen in love with him and he doesn't want me to.”

“Tell me about that,” her mother said.

“I was so scared at first, but he made everything wonderful.” She talked about how they got to know each other and how the more they knew, the more there was to like.

“I couldn't believe it was so easy,” she admitted. “We mesh. He even likes peanut butter cookies better than chocolate chip, just like me. He wants to be there for the baby. He's kind and responsible and...”

“Incredible in bed.”

Noelle felt herself blush. “Mo-om.”

“He must be or it would be a lot easier to leave.”

“That part of our relationship is fine,” she said primly.

Her mother laughed. “My daughter, the prude.”

“I'm not a prude. Sex with Dev is amazing, but you're my mother.”

“Okay, fine. We'll talk about that later, when you've had time to adjust to the fact that I do it, too.”

Noelle closed her eyes and groaned. “I know. I just don't want to share details.”

Her mother laughed. “I won't do that. I promise.” Her smile faded. “What do you want?”

“I want him to love me back. He says he can't. I think he won't. He's had so much happen in his life. His mother dying, his dad leaving.” She talked a little about Jackson Hunter and his unexpected return. “Dev isn't really dealing with him, although I'm hoping they'll reconcile. After Dev's grandfather died, he was responsible for raising Jimmy and that didn't go well.”

She detailed how Dev blamed himself for his brother's death.

“From what you've said, it seems to me that everyone Dev has loved has either gone away or rejected him or both,” her mother told her.

Noelle hadn't thought of his past like that, but it was true. Everyone always left or died. Was that the problem? Did he think he couldn't trust anyone who cared to stick around?

“What about his romantic relationships?” her mother asked. “Did you know much about them?”

“He dated a lot of beautiful women. Never for very long, though. Katherine told me once that he'd been engaged a few years ago. Supposedly he was crazy about her, but she wasn't willing to marry him and deal with Jimmy.”

“Which means no one has been willing to stick around for Dev,” her mother said slowly. “Maybe that's your answer.”

“What if he won't give in? What if he won't love me back?”

“Happiness isn't a guarantee, Noelle. You have to decide what you most want and then be willing to work for it. You and Dev have only been married a few weeks. Before that, you'd barely met the man. Give it time. Have faith in him and yourself and the life you're building together.”

Good advice, Noelle thought, hoping she was able to take it. “I'm sorry I lied about everything.”

“I'm sorry you felt you had to. I'd say next time trust me enough to tell me the truth, but I don't think there's going to be a next time.”

Noelle smiled. “I promise I'll never get into a situation like this again. Are you going to tell Dad?”

Her mother nodded. “But not the girls. They don't need to know the details of your unusual arrangement.”

“Thanks. Do you think we have a chance?”

“Yes. Don't give up on him. I like Dev and you know I think you're wonderful. Be patient and trust your heart.”

“I don't have a choice,” Noelle said with a sigh. “I love him and I need to be with him.”

“Then you have your answer.”

* * *

D
EV
GOT
HOME
from work at his usual time. He braced himself for the auditory onslaught, but the house was quiet. Oddly enough, that made him uneasy. Where was everyone?

He walked into the kitchen, but it was empty and dark. While he wasn't worried that Noelle had run off, he would feel better if she were home. Had something happened?

He glanced at the answering machine, but the light wasn't blinking. No messages. If something had happened, she would have called. So she was at study group or the grocery store or with a friend. Maybe she and Tiffany had gone shopping.

He crossed to the refrigerator and pulled it open. The shelves were filled with leftovers, his favorite soda, snacks, ingredients for meals. Before Noelle, he could have stored his winter coat in the space and had plenty of room to spare.

She'd made changes, and not just in the kitchen. She wanted to make more changes, and that's what he couldn't let happen.

She insisted on wearing her feelings like a badge of honor. She wanted too much from him. Didn't she understand that love made a person weak?

He took a soda and popped open the can, then walked toward the bedroom to get changed. As he passed the family room, he heard an odd sound and saw Tiffany curled up on the sofa, obviously crying.

His first instinct was to run. So were his second and third. But she'd already seen him and as much as he didn't want to deal with her tears, he couldn't be so heartless as to walk away now.

Great, he thought. This was just great. Where was Noelle? Shouldn't she be handling this?

He moved into the family room and stopped on the far side of the coffee table. “So, ah, how was your day?”

Tiffany hiccupped a sob and waved her hand.

“I can see you're upset. Do you, ah, want to talk about it?”

To his horror, she nodded.

Dev swore under his breath and sank into one of the overstuffed chairs opposite the sofa. He set down his briefcase and his drink and forced himself to lean forward to show interest when he would really rather be going through some kind of surgery without being put under.

“You were at camp today, right?” he asked. “Did something happen there?”

Tiffany blew her nose. “There's a boy and I really like him. He's been talking to me and he even asked for my number, but today I saw him kissing Amber.”

The last word came out as more of a high-pitched wail. Tiffany covered her face with her hands and began to sob anew.

Dev looked around for someone to rescue him, but even the pool house looked dark and unoccupied. Just his luck that the one time he needed him, his father was gone. No, wait. His father had always been gone.

Different crisis, he thought, staring at Tiffany and knowing he was the last person to be helping her. Still, he couldn't make himself say “Why don't you wait until your sister gets home.”

“What's his name?” Dev asked, stalling for time.

“Justin. He's really cute and nice and funny. I hate him and I hate Amber.”

The need to bolt was so strong, Dev felt his muscles tense in anticipation. Why him? Why now?

He had no idea what to say. What could possibly comfort Tiffany? Except maybe the truth.

“How old is Justin?”

“Sixteen. He didn't really want to work in the camp this summer, he wanted to get a job. His parents said he had to for one more year, so they're paying for the insurance and stuff on his car.” She drew in a shaky breath. “He talked about us driving to the beach but now I bet he's going to do that with Amber.”

There were more sobs and tears.

“Look, Tiffany,” he said slowly. “All teenage guys are idiots. You wake up one morning and suddenly there are girls in the world. Sure, they were always there but until that moment, you didn't care. Overnight they became beautiful and mysterious and they smell good.”

She looked at him. “I don't understand.”

“This is a tough time for you, right? You're changing, you're waiting to grow up, you have to make decisions about what to do with your life and you don't have a clue.”

She nodded. “Why do I have to decide now? What if I pick wrong? Noelle always knew, but she's perfect.”

He ignored the sullen tone and the dig at Noelle. “Justin is feeling all that, too. Plus, he's the guy. He's expected to make the first move, which means he has to risk being rejected.”

“But I'd never reject him!”

“He doesn't know that. No guy knows what's going to happen. The more special the girl, the more nervous the guy gets. A lot of times, we start with what's easy and work our way up to the hard stuff. So maybe we ask out a girl who isn't the one we're dreaming of, because it won't hurt so bad if she says no.”

“You think Justin's working his way up to me?” Tiffany asked, obviously confused.

“Maybe. Or maybe he's just a guy who likes leading girls on.”

“No! Justin is amazing. He'd never do that.”

Dev groaned. “Tiffany, do you really know this guy? Have you spent time with him? Or are you taking one look at him and realizing you know deep in your soul exactly what he's like?”

“I just know,” she breathed.

He wondered if pounding his head against a wall would make any of this easier.

“You don't know,” he said as gently as he could. “You're imagining what you want him to be, but you don't know anything about him. His favorite music, his hobbies, how he treats his friends.”

“But we're meant to be together. I can feel it. I love him.”

“You love what you want him to be. The guy in your mind has nothing to do with Justin in real life. They may have some things in common and they may not.”

Tears filled her eyes. “You're being mean on purpose.”

“I'm not, Tiffany. I'm telling you the truth. If Justin flirted with you and asked for your number and now he's kissing someone else, then he's a jerk. He likes getting girls interested in him. He doesn't care about the girl, he wants the attention. You're too special for that. You deserve a guy who's interested in you, not the chase. Wouldn't you like to be with someone who thinks you're as great as you imagine Justin to be?”