Chulito (22 page)

Chulito felt like he had heard enough. “Well, I don’t know why you gotta be all open with him, but like you said, you your own person.”

“Don’t be jealous.”

Chulito scoffed. “I ain’t got nothin’ to be jealous of.”

Carlos chuckled. “You are so jealous. Well, I’m not into him like that and besides I asked him directly if he was gay. I figure he could tell me, right?”

“What?!”

“I’d heard the homo thug rumors and I wanted to find out if there was any truth, but he said that he wasn’t but that he had, in his words, mad love for Julio and he wasn’t gonna let anybody misconstrue, that’s my word, their friendship.”

Chulito didn’t like Carlos bringing Brick into his house. He decided that he had to step up his game with Carlos because maybe Carlos was exploring his options. Chulito lay in his bed looking up at the ceiling where he knew Carlos was also laying on his bed. They said good-night about six times yet after each time they stayed on the phone.

“I wish I could kiss you goodnight,” Carlos said.

Chulito relaxed. “That would be dope.”

“Wanna come up?”

“You crazy? What if your mom sees me? What are we gonna say?”

“That you came up for a goodnight kiss and that you will be gone right quick?”

“You funny.”

“Can I at least see you? Look out your window.”

“You crazy, Carlos. But O.K., ‘cause I wanna see you, too.”

Chulito looked out and checked the block. It was pretty deserted except for a homeless guy walking over by the auto glass shops. Then, he looked up and saw Carlos looking down.

Still talking on his cell phone, Carlos said, “There you are. You are so beautiful.”

“Shhhh, I’m a pretty nigga, right?” Chulito whispered into his phone. “I love looking at you, too.”

“I gotta kiss you, or I am not going to sleep tonight.”

Chulito checked around the block again and blew him a kiss.

“Mmmm, but you’re a fucking tease.”

“Hey, I’d kiss you if I could, but you know that can’t happen.”

“Meet me in the hall.”

“No way, anybody can walk out.”

“How about the roof? We could be real quiet, and nobody would be up there.”

Chulito was excited at the thought of holding Carlos again. “True.”

“C’mon, Chulito, a quick kiss. I feel like I’m going crazy.”

“Nigga, you can only see my face. But you got the rest of me pretty worked up.”

“Meet you on the roof?”

“Bet.”

Chulito closed his cell phone and headed up the stairs quietly. Carlos waited at the roof entrance and led him out into the cool night air. Chulito pulled Carlos to him and they kissed stumbling back against the raised wall to the roof entrance. Their kissing expanded to grinding their hips into one another, which sent tremors through Chulito’s body. He licked Carlos’ neck slowly, tasting every inch of his smooth flesh. Carlos reached down and squeezed Chulito’s dick through his pants, which made Chulito let out a soft, “Oh, baby.” Carlos unsnapped the front of Chulito’s baseball shirt. The two stared into each other’s eyes and their vision adjusted to the darkness. They leaned in for an easy kiss, a lick of the other’s lips and a kiss to the tip of a nose. With the snaps all undone, Carlos ran his hand over Chulito’s chest, and torso. He kissed Chulito’s Adam’s apple and licked small circles around it with the tip of his tongue. He then traced a line of kisses down Chulito’s chest and ended right below his navel. Carlos pressed his face to Chulito’s erection.

Then, Chulito saw the glow of a cigarette on the far side of the roof.

He pushed Carlos off, buttoned up frantically and ran into the building.

Carlos was startled and looked around and saw the faint glow of the cigarette, too. When the person took a puff, the tip glowed to reveal that it was Brick. He had been sitting in a dark corner. Carlos felt like shit. Every step with Chulito was so difficult because he feared being discovered and with the way he freaked out Carlos knew things would be set back. He wished he hadn’t pushed for them to meet on the roof, but the kiss they shared at Poe Cottage earlier left him wanting more. Carlos went into the building without saying a word.

Carlos called Chulito on his cell, but he had turned off his phone.

Hours later, Chulito and Carlos sat in their respective rooms, looking out into the street until the sunrise service churchgoers paraded down the block with their king-size Bibles.

Chulito awoke with a start. He had on the same clothes. He remembered the glowing cigarette. How did he not keep himself in check? It had only been a week since they talked on the steps and less that two days since that trip to the Village and here Chulito was acting like a gay guy, doing romantic things like arranging dates and blowing kisses. Had he forgotten who he was or where he lived? What if his mother found out? The fellas? Kamikaze? This was all moving way too fast. He knew that he loved Carlos, but maybe not enough to risk his whole life and his rep over it.

He sent Carlos a text: I need to think about everything I need some time.

Carlos spent Sunday with Kenny in Brooklyn and went to see Julio first thing Monday morning before going to his internship at the
New York Daily News
. With all the grandstanding and complaining he did about the homophobia in the neighborhood, he realized that the only time he reached out to Julio was when there was a major crisis. He told himself that even though Julio was gay, he was from another generation and wouldn’t really understand him. But he wondered if he, too, was reacting to Julio being flamboyant. He always greeted Puti, the drag queen, but he never really stopped to talk to her or get to know her either.

Although it was early, he saw Chulito on the corner with two of the fellas. Carlos almost decided to skip going to Julio’s because he would have to pass the corner but pushed on. He made eye contact with Chulito but said nothing.

Before Carlos could tell Julio the reason for his visit, Brick, who was usually clean and groomed, walked in right after Carlos, looking grungy, unshaven and bruised.

“Oh my god, what happened?” Julio said.

“You didn’t hear? I had a fight on Saturday night with Damian.” Brick filled Julio in on the details. “And this little nigga here saved my ass. Thanks, Carlos.” Brick went into the back.

“Hey, hands off, Eve Harrington. Brick is all mine.” Julio poured coffee. “After their fight, Jennifer left a garbage bag out front filled with Brick’s clothes and a box with all of his stuff, like colognes, razors and CDs. So he keeps his things in the back in a small storage cabinet.” Julio offered coffee to Carlos who refused. Julio called out back. “Brick, I don’t know how you can think straight. Jennifer. Crystal. And now Damian and those crazy assholes out there. You need to shift your position, papito. It’s like if I sit in this chair, all I can see is what’s out that window. But if I get up,” Julio rose and went to the window, “and change my position, now I can see what’s up or down the block, and I can decide if I want to go up, down or stay inside.”

“I hear you.” Brick walked into the office area with his face covered with shaving cream and shaved in the small sink next to the coffee maker. With each stroke, Julio and Carlos watched his face reappear. And even though his eye was discolored and the split in his lip was evident, Brick was still beautiful. Carlos felt a little guilty because he was there to talk to Julio about Chulito, but he shared Julio’s attraction to Brick. He loved how Brick was Hunts Point in the same way that Chulito was Hunts Point. They were tough and kind, rugged and smooth, and to him they were undeniably sexy and unquestionably beautiful.

Julio continued. “Glad to hear it, papa. I pay a woman on Eighty-eighth and Broadway good money once a week to help me see shit like that. And I give it to you for free. So, you need to get away. Go to a place that is not connected to all the crap here.”

“I got an uncle in P.R.”

Julio clapped. “Perfect.” He searched for flights on his computer. “When do you want to go, tonight?”

Brick wiped his face. “I need to call my uncle.”

“Let’s call him now.”

Brick called his great uncle who agreed to have him come for as long as he wanted. Julio went online and printed an open ticket departing in a week, because Brick wanted his face to heal before leaving.

A cleaned up Brick stood at the front door. “I’m gonna get some breakfast. You two want anything?”

Carlos shook his head and Julio held up the coffee. “My figure doesn’t permit me to have breakfast.”

Brick stopped next to Carlos. “Look, whatever is going down between you and Chulito ain’t none of my business.”

Carlos had been thinking about Chulito all night again. He hoped that the kiss on the roof had not ended something before it had a chance to take off. He wanted to give Chulito space, but at the same time he felt like he needed to do something to reconnect with him. “Thanks, Brick. I think Chulito is freaked out. I saw him on the corner with the fellas. He doesn’t know it was you on the roof. Maybe you could tell him that you won’t tell.”

Brick shrugged. “I owe you, but that kind of thing is between you two.” He turned and shut the door.

“Be careful,” Julio called out, then sat next to Carlos on the couch. “My god, he’s the man of my wet dreams.”

Carlos laughed.

“O.K., enough about Brick. What’s going on, lindo? First, it’s a miracle you’re here,” Julio said. “So, this must be big. You? Chulito? The roof?”

Carlos covered his face with his hands. He was surprised to feel tears welling up in his eyes. He worked so hard to keep himself together and felt like he was going to loose it. “I don’t think I can even tell you.”

“Let me guess, you’re pregnant.”

Carlos laughed through his tears. “No, in love with a thug.”

“Get in line. It forms to the left.” Julio laughed and wiped Carlos’ tears.

Carlos told him about Chulito and Poe Cottage, the rooftop and Brick, and Chulito’s text message. Julio locked the door and posted the closed sign. He put down his coffee and took out some rum with ice and lime. “You want some?”

“No, I gotta go to work soon and I’m only seventeen.”

“You’re only seventeen? How could you be in college? You are much too serious for your age.”

“I got skipped twice, and I’m going to be eighteen in September.”

“Don’t tell your mother I offered you rum.”

“I’ve had rum before, please.” Carlos looked out the window. “I just saw Chulito on the corner with the fellas. When things get heavy, he runs to them.”

“Are you in love, kiddo?”

Carlos nodded. “I think so.”

“So give him his space, but let him know how you feel first then give him space.”

“He doesn’t answer his phone.”

“Leave a message or do that texting thing you kids do or write him a letter.”

“A letter?”

“You kids with internet and e-mail are missing out on one of the most classic forms of romance. Give him a handwritten letter and let him know how you feel.” Julio took hold of Carlos’ shoulders. “Tell him you won’t wait forever, though. How about a song? Do you two have a favorite song?”

“We haven’t had time. Besides he just listens to hip-hop.”

“I don’t know hip-hop. Do you know a song?”

“Madonna or Nina Simone have some good songs.”

“Does he listen to Spanish music?”

“
I
don’t listen to Spanish music.”

Julio rummaged through a stack of CDs and pulled out a Barry Manilow CD. “Do you know him?”

“Yeah, ‘I write the songs that make the whole world sing.’”

“Good. I was thinking maybe Barbra Streisand, but that might freak him out. When my first boyfriend broke up with me in college, Barry and Barbra got me through it.”

They popped the CD into the small player and listened to songs. He settled on “Can’t Smile Without You.”

That evening Carlos wrote a letter to Chulito, burned a copy of the CD and told him to play #11. He ended the letter saying, “I’m hurting. I miss you, but if you are not ready to keep going, tell me. I have to shift my position to see something else. Let me know before the weekend. Love, Carlos.”

He left the small package with Chulito’s mother, saying it was a late birthday present. She placed it on Chulito’s bed.

Carlos went home and listened to his own copy of the CD. He put it on repeat and fell asleep with the headphones on.

Chulito arrived at about one A.M. The instant he turned on the light he saw the bright blue package sitting on his bed. He sat next to it and kicked off his Tims. He knew it was from Carlos and was restraining his urge to tear it open and see what he’d left him. He took off all his clothes and sat cross-legged and naked on his bed. He read the letter and listened to the song, he laughed and thought the song was perfect. He called Carlos.

Carlos sprang to pick up his cell phone when he heard it ring.

“I got your package,” Chulito said. “That song was sappy, but right on. Thanks. Nobody has ever done anything like that for me.”