Chulito (19 page)

Pito and Sebastian danced crotch to crotch on the dance floor and kissed continuously. The twins danced together and Lady Elektra gave an impromptu show. Kenny, Carlos and Chulito were drinking sodas and Kenny was giving Chulito the gossip on just about everyone in their sight. Hunts Point and the fellas on the corner seemed far away.

Carlos sat across from Chulito at one of the tall tables and because the music was so loud Kenny sat beside Carlos and talked right into his ear. Even though Carlos listened to Kenny he stared at Chulito. They held one another’s gaze and smiled. Chulito’s dick stirred. He looked at Carlos’ fingers wrapped around the glass of Diet Pepsi. With his index finger he touched one of Carlos’ neatly clipped fingers. All around him young couples were embracing, kissing, laughing, dancing. He wanted to go around the table and take him into his arms and finally feel him pressed close.

Chulito checked the crowd every so often to see if he spotted anyone he knew, but the coast was clear. Remembering Damian at the pier, he realized that the world of Hunts Point and the pier were not completely exclusive of each other. And even though the young people at Kurfew where all types, like flamboyant Kenny, conservative Carlos, fellow thugged out dudes and everything in between, they seemed to get along and be happy. This was their place, Carlos’ place and a place he could be with Carlos.

Big Pun’s “Still Not a Player” mixed in to the beats and Chulito bopped.

“This is your boy, Chulito, you wanna dance?” Kenny shouted.

“Nah,” Chulito said.

“C’mon, Carlos let’s go dance.” Kenny said, then darted to the dance floor and wedged himself in between the twins.

Chulito waved Carlos toward the dance floor. “Go dance, I’m cool.”

Carlos imitated Chulito and bopped his head. “This is Pun, right?”

“Yeah, but I can’t dance.” Chulito did a little awkward shimmy.

“Liar, come dance.” Carlos grabbed Chulito’s hand tried to pull him to dance.

Chulito yanked his hand out of Carlos’ grip. “Yo, chill, don’t get open, you buggin’?”

“Oh, just come stand and bop your head. You could do that.” Carlos dragged Chulito to the dance floor. Chulito squeezed Carlos’ hand, followed and stood in place bopping his head from side to side scanning the crowd. Kenny came over and danced around Chulito before going back to the twins. It seemed like the whole club knew the words to the song as they all sang along with Pun. What would Pun think about a club filled with gay young people groovin’ to his music? The song by J.Lo and Ja Rule thumped into the mix. The crowd once again sang along. The beat was slower, so Chulito moved his shoulders a little. He watched Carlos who was singing along with Jennifer Lopez, looking so happy. Then Ja Rule’s part of the song came along and Carlos sang along with the gravelly voice. He grabbed his crotch and pretended to be a thug and bopped over to Chulito who laughed. Kenny became thug number two and they bumped chests and pretended to fight. When Jennifer came back, they both imitated her and blew kisses at each other and the two Jennifers danced around Chulito.

When the music changed to a house music song that had a lot of piano playing in the beginning, Chulito backed off the dance floor and Carlos followed.

Carlos picked up the soda he’d been drinking earlier and said teasingly, “I thought you didn’t dance?”

“I was not dancing. You and those people were.” Chulito pointed to the crowd. “You got some moves, Carlos. And your J. Lo wasn’t too bad.”

“What about my Ja Rule?”

Chulito smiled. “No comment, but I could help you if you want.”

“Oh, you’re gonna give me thug lessons?”

“If you want.” Chulito struck a tough pose.

“Let’s go.”

They waved good-bye to their friends on the dance floor. Kenny blew kisses to them with both hands and danced back into the crowd.

Chulito and Carlos ate pizza on Christopher Street and then strolled through the neighborhood, passing brownstones, theatres, cabaret lounges, bars and restaurants with white table cloths and little candles on them. They talked about Carlos’ college and internship at the
New York Daily News
, Chulito’s adventures with Kamikaze, and about their mothers. Carlos bought some books from a street vendor and at two in the morning they were eating strawberry shortcake and drinking milk at a diner on the Westside Highway. There were moments of long silences where the two just walked side by side or simply looked at each other. When the sky started to lighten they found themselves back on the pier. This time it was deserted, except for an occasional jogger running by as the sky went from black to cobalt blue. They sat leaning into one another facing the Hudson River. Silently. Staring out into the dark water, stealing glances, sharing smiles.

Carlos tapped the brim of Chulito’s Yankee cap. “Eventually we’re going to have to head back to Hunts Point.”

“No doubt,” Chulito said sadly.

“But this is always here,” he said, looking around, “and knowing that helps me deal with the neighborhood.”

“You were going to stay out in Long Island but came back because of me, right?”

Carlos nodded. “And my mom is in Hunts Point, so I’ll always come back, but it’s tough living there. And at the same time, I can’t live here. It’s expensive for one. And for me to find roommates and live in a place like Spanish Harlem wouldn’t make sense. I might as well stay in Hunts Point. At least I know the thugs on the corner.”

“True. I didn’t know what to expect, but tonight was pretty dope. I met so many new cool people, including Kenny, that nut. And the disco was a riot. The Village wasn’t what I expected, but I can see why you come here so much.” Chulito moved closer to Carlos and their legs touched. “Everybody is so open. I can’t wait to hang with you again.”

Carlos smiled. Chulito stood up, extended his hand, and pulled Carlos up.

He didn’t want to release Carlos’ hand. Chulito wanted to walk hand in hand, fingers laced, but he released Carlos’ hand, dusted the seat of his pants and said, “Let’s bounce.”

They walked across town to the six train in the pre-dawn light. Chulito watched Carlos sleep on the ride back to the Bronx. Carlos’ head leaned against the subway map and his stringy hair fell on either side of his face. As the train screeched and jerked, Carlos awakened, smiled and fell back to sleep. Chulito didn’t look away. Since there weren’t many people in the subway and most of them were asleep, he took Carlos in watching his slim chest rise and fall, then following a vein running down his right forearm and imagined what it would feel like to trace it with his finger. Carlos’ hands loosened their grip on the plastic bag with the books he’d bought. Chulito wanted to press those hands to his face and kiss each finger tip. He burned to walk across the train, kneel before him and press his face to Carlos’ stomach and hold him close, feeling his warmth, breathing him in. He felt himself lengthening in his pants and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees as he pressed his erection with his elbow enjoying the rush.

As the subway clambered up to the Bronx, Chulito finally looked away. The night he’d just spent with Carlos confirmed that he knew exactly what he wanted. The question he now asked himself was whether he had the balls to go through with it. It was one thing to feel and acknowledge the desire he felt for Carlos. Acting on those desires would take things to another level. What would it mean if instead of just staring at Carlos’ mouth, he actually kissed it. If he actually held hands with Carlos, or hugged him close. Would he be gay? Or bi? Just by spending this night with Carlos, something had shifted and he wanted more. Of what? He wasn’t sure yet. They’d be home in Hunts Point soon. He thought about
The Wizard of Oz
and how throughout the whole movie Dorothy was trying to get home. That night, the Village was like Oz bursting with color and strange new sights. He always thought being in Oz was way better than black and white Kansas.

Chulito took the sleeping Carlos in one more time, then walked across the empty train car and pushed a strand of hair away from his face. The feel of it made his crotch stir. Carlos continued to sleep. Chulito adjusted himself and was grateful for his baggy pants. He took one last longing look before shaking him. “Yo, we home.”

As Chulito and Carlos climbed the steps out of the train station, Chulito noticed Brick sitting on the ledge at the top of the stairs. Chulito backed off into the safety of the subway station.

“What’s the matter?”

“That Brick nigga is up there. I don’t want him to see us together.”

“Chulito, we were just hanging.”

“I know, but you know how people are.”

Carlos rolled his eyes. “Well, we’re back in Hunts Point.” Then he exited the train station and passed Brick. They made eye contact and nodded.

Chulito waited ten minutes for the next train to arrive before coming out of the station. He hoped Brick would be gone, but he was still there. As Chulito climbed the stairs, Brick stared him down. “ Kaz had you workin’ all night, little bro?”

“Nah, I’s just chillin’.”

“C’mere a second.” Brick hopped off the ledge.

“Wassup, yo, I’m tired.”

“I just wanna ask you why you wasting your time with that Kamikaze dude. He’s bad news.” Brick lit a cigarette and blew out smoke.

“That’s my business.” Chulito took a few steps away.

“You’re right, but I heard about what when down with El Papa, and stuff like that is why I had to get out of that game.”

Chulito wanted to ask him how he did it, but said instead, “Look, Brick, I know what you trying to say, but I make my own decisions.”

“If you say so.”

“I know about you and what you went through, and that you have beef with Kamikaze.”

Brick interrupted him with a shake of his head. “I don’t have beef with Kamikaze. The way he runs his shit, I did the same in El Barrio. Me, Rey and another cat, Crazy Joe, were like brothers. Rey took care of shit below 106th, Joe was above 116th up until 125th and I took care of the middle from 106th to 116th Street. The bosses wanted to consolidate shit and get rid of one of us.” Brick took a long drag before continuing. “El Papa told me I had forty-eight hours to off Rey or Crazy Joe or else they would off me. But he said the same shit to Rey and to Joe. Ain’t that some shit? We all like brothers and then we all trying to kill the other one off. For a whole day I just laid low, trying to figure things out. Jennifer was pregnant with our baby, complaining that she can’t take it no more and that she wants me to get the fuck out of her life. Then I got word that Crazy Joe was dead.” Brick blew out smoke and shook his head. “Rey just went to his house and slit his throat. I wondered if Rey had picked Joe or if he just found him first. Man, Joe was probably laying low in his crib trying to sort things out, too.”

“So Rey picked Joe.”

“I don’t know for sure. Now they got Rey to off El Papa. That’s how things are done.”

“But you got out. How?”

“It cost me and I’m still paying.” Brick flicked his cigarette into the air. “It cost me my grandmother and my—” Brick stopped. “My grandma was real special to me.”

“They killed her?”

“Well, first she got robbed and beaten to scare me, which it did. They thought that after my grandma I’d give in and come back to work. I didn’t. Then a week later she gets out the hospital and she gets hit by a car. An accident. She was the only family I had. My dad died in jail and my mom died of AIDS when I was ten. Then they said Jennifer was next and she was pregnant with my son and, well, she lost the baby as a result of all that stress.”

With all the gossip and dipping into people’s business that went on in Hunts Point, Chulito was surprised that he hadn’t heard Brick’s story before. “I didn’t know about that,” he said. “I’m sorry man.”

“Oh, there’s more, but you just need to know what you up against. I see you dressed fine, and the guys taking you out and all, and you and Kamikaze livin’ it up, but there’s more to all that. And you got a nice mom, and they don’t play.”

Chulito thought of Carmen. How she got up at dawn to go to work and how she was so happy to get that job when he was little so that she could be home for Chulito when he got home from school. He thought of all she endured with his father. He wanted to make her life easier and he would protect her no matter what. Besides, Kamikaze wasn’t like those crazy cats from El Barrio. He wouldn’t kill anyone.

Brick looked up at the large Mega Millions lottery sign that loomed over the gas station and laughed. “But who am I to be giving advice, right? I really fucked things up, and now I’m just hanging around catching glimpses of my daughter as she goes out with her mother. They should be by soon, I hope. Jennifer works the early shift today and since I ain’t home she’s taking them to her moms. I can’t go near them, though. Jennifer has a fucking order of protection out against me. I don’t blame her. I owe her a lot. Jennifer took me in when nobody wanted a wired up nineteen-year-old street thug. Not even my grandma at that point. Now, I’m twenty-four and trying to figure shit out. But if I had to do it all over, I’d make different decisions.”

Chulito appreciated Brick being so open with him. He felt for him and understood some of the heaviness with which he walked the neighborhood. He wanted to say something, but all that came out was, “Thanks, Brick.”