Chronicles of Darkness: Shadows and Dust (20 page)

         Indescribable fury rose
in Lilith, but she kept her face expressionless, not wanting the man to know.
Without comment, she stepped over the trap and went on her way, followed by
Andrej.

         After awhile, they
arrived at a secluded lake. It was clearer than the murky, dark depths of the
waters that surrounded the castle.

         Andrej stared at the
calm, moon-reflecting surface, until he had gathered enough courage to talk to
Lilith, who also stared silently at the water. Embarrassed, he cleared his
throat. "I've been meaning to ask you something for a long time now."
He waited, not daring to make eye contact.

         Lilith was relaxed. She
even smiled slightly. "Ask away... I won't bite."

         Andrej grimaced, but
wasn't deterred. "I would like to know... uh... what is the most horrible
death a vampire can have?"

         Anxiously, he waited for
Lilith's reaction.

         At first, the
vampire didn't say anything, her gaze remaining on the lake.

         Thinking that
she wouldn't respond at all, Andrej was about to apologize for his frank
question.

         T
he vampire wrinkled her
forehead in suspicion. "What a strange question. It doesn't have anything
to do with a sudden, unpredictable decease of my person, does it?"

         When Andrej didn't laugh,
she realized that he was very serious about this matter. Lilith regarded his
face, which was cast in shadows. The expression of his eyes made her see the
reason for his question. "Sadden. It is about her, isn't it? And you are
asking me, because you cannot ask her."

         The tall man swallowed.
"Please, my motives are of no meaning," he urged impatiently.

         The vampire sighed
wistfully. "The most horrible death for a vampire is... suicide."

         Andrej's face reflected
wonder and disillusionment.

         "Frankly spoken, you
seem to be... disappointed." Lilith turned away and stirred the water with
her fingertips. It rippled softly. She laughed. "I see my answer didn't
meet your high expectations. I am sure you thought about a very brutal and
bloody spectacle."

         His thoughts still
tumbling, Andrej tried to explain his reaction. "It's just... I mean...
sure, in religion suicide means you don't go to heaven and end up in hell. But
for vampires..."

         Lilith groaned. "You
do not understand. You can't compare this to human belief. Vampires are born
immortal. We must not get rid of this fate ourselves, no matter how we decide
to exist. It is not for us to choose how our end will be sealed, or if there
will be an end at all."

         Andrej listened with
bated breath. "I don't see a difference to the suicide of a human being there...
except immortality, of course." Questioning, he looked at her.

         Lilith turned to him and
her piercing gaze penetrated his very soul. She whispered in a dangerous voice,
"It's the pain. The unbearable, horrible pain, which is suffered and which
everyone fears." Her voice almost broke, while she explained. "It's
an insidious death. The conscience dwindles and madness conquers the mind. The
body burns from the inside out, until there is nothing left of a once flawless
body. Only a small heap of burnt ash."

         Andrej was shocked.
"You never experienced anything like it, so how can you know that?"

         Absent-minded, Lilith's
gaze drifted over the lake. "You don't need to hope that it will be
different. Some of us are connected with each other on a level that is forsaken
to humans. You would not understand. Once, I did experience this torture. It
was an agonizing, slow death." She shuddered at the memory. "No
vampire should end their own existence. In this one moment, all powers get
lost, for everyone." As if reliving the moment, Lilith continued.
"All the pain, the blood-curling screams... Those, you can never forget...
they are forever etched into the memories."

         Andrej kept silent,
trying to process what he had just heard. He thought he saw a tear running down
Lilith's cheek, but that could have been a deception.

         Her voice brought the
shaken man back from his thoughts. "Do you understand now that Sadden
would never... ever attempt suicide? At least, no vampire with a clear mind
would do that," Lilith finished.

         Angrily
, Andrej asked,
"What are you trying to suggest?"

         "She has not shown
herself for weeks." Her sizing gaze fell on Andrej, who stood in the
shadows of the trees. "That is not normal."

         "For many years she
was used to contentment, until..." He glared at Lilith. "It is your
fault that she broke her own basic rule."

         "Do you honestly
wish to start that argument again?" Lilith's eyes flashed. "I did not
force her to drink. You should finally see and accept that Sadden is a
vampire."

         Defiantly, Andrej shook
his head. "I'm not willing to do that."

         She snorted scornfully.
"No drop of blood shall pass over her lips? Pah! How does she want to
survive, without becoming insane from thirst?"

         "I don't know,"
Andrej sighed. Since Lilith was living with them, he began to understand that
he didn't know much about vampires, although Sadden had raised him. He was
tired of this conversation. "Well, we should go back to the castle. The
night is fading."

         The vampire followed him
in silence.

         On their way back, the young
man and Lilith had another argument.

         "I only said, if you
want to be respected, you should respect others, whether they are humans or
vampires," Andrej declared, angered.

         Lilith balanced across a
fallen beech tree and said matter-of-factly, "Don't
worry.
I tolerate your presence with no
problem."

         "Tolerate with no
problem?"

         "Don't think much of
it," she snidely remarked. "That doesn't mean I like knowing that
there is a free human under the roof of a vampire... or that I will even
consider liking somebody like you."

         "Right back at
you," Andrej retorted, a bit miffed.

         The vampire wanted to
answer, but then she stopped to listen intently into the darkness of the
forest. "The howling of the wolves is closer than before."

         Unperturbed, Andrej
continued
walking.
The grip around his
long-barreled pistol became firmer. "That's not unusual during the season.
With the beginning of autumn,
the packs come
down from the mountains to the valley to hunt."

         "They are
suffering."

         "What did you just
say? Sounds to me as if you are feeling sorry for these animals... oh, of
course, how could I forget about the kinship between the two of you,"
Andrej finished his sentence mockingly.

         Her eyes flashed at him
dangerously. The vampire was frightened. "They are calling out in
warning."

         Surprised,
Andrej stopped and
blurted, "You
really
understand them?" He tried to regain his
composure, because that revelation had hit him quite unexpected. "You can
understand the wolves?" he repeated.

         Instead of answering,
Lilith asked a question of her own. "What are they so afraid of?"

         "The hunters, I
guess. Remember the traps we found?"

         Lilith was stunned.
"The wolves are being hunted?"

         "Who do you think
was being hunted?"

         "But why?"

         "In winter the
animals draw closer to the village, evoking fear in the people." Andrej
explained calmly.

         Lilith was beside
herself. "Humans are scared of everyone and everything!" she spat.
"That is no excuse for setting up those terrible traps!"

         "I don't say I agree
with it. I'm only stating the facts. At the beginning of each autumn, the
hunters, together with some volunteers from Ardeal, roam through the valleys.
The hungry wolves are a danger for the inhabitants and their animals."

         "What do they do
with the animals after luring them into the traps?"

         "They skin them to
sell the pelts. The heads are turned into stuffed trophies." Andrej said,
quietly.

         Lilith was speechless.
She just stared at him, before raging, "BEASTS! I knew it! You humans are
disgusting creatures!" The old fire returned to her and the thoughts
whirled in her mind.

         Andrej watched this
development with growing concern. "I don't like this tone in your voice.
There is something on your mind, I can see that in your eyes. What are you
intending to do?"

         "I will pay them
back in their own coin" Lilith murmured.

         "But... you want...
you don't want to try to kill the hunters, right?" Andrej stammered,
nervously.

         "Try? If I wanted to
kill them I would succeed and not just try. No, I don't want to get my fingers
dirty with that disgusting bunch. We vampires don't kill because we are in a
mood, even if you like to think so. I will teach them what it feels like to
step into such a barbaric trap. And they won't forget that lesson!"

         "What? I don't
understand what you mean." An evil thought took hold of him.

         "You don't have to
understand. I will let these men feel real pain."

         "I can't let you do
that!" Andrej cried and reached for her arm to hold her back.          Dexterously,
she evaded it. "I'm warning you, do not attempt that again. Don't become
involved, for your own safety. Get lost, I can't ensure you'll make it out
alive."

         He knew it was better to
heed her warning, but before he could make a decision, she had disappeared
between the trees.

         Worried, Andrej looked
after her. "For a brief moment there was a spark of humanity inside her.
Now, I'm worried to think about her intensions." He suppressed the urge to
follow her. "It won't do anything good to run to the hunter's camp. She
will find it faster than I could search for it. It will be best to return to
the castle and tell Sadden." Then he remembered that he couldn't ask his
friend for help. "Oh no, that's not possible. As long as Sadden
is..." Andrej didn't finish his sentence and went back to the castle.
Alone.

*****

         Exhausted, Sadden sat on
the floor, silently regarding the statues of her family. Her mind that was
fuzzy from the long time of abstinence began to clear somewhat, but her body
was still weak. "Have I overdone it this time?" Sadden looked at her
hands and turned them from one side to the other. "My skin is starting to
disintegrate. I have to quench my hunger sooner than expected." Repelled
by the thought, she remembered Madeleine. She wasn't willing to take another
life only to preserve her own. For too many years, she had controlled the
hunger and was determined to not relapse into a blood rage. Sadden had to find
another way. Sacrificing a human was definitely out of question.

         Gripping Lisander's
statue for support, she pulled herself up and cast one last longing gaze at the
figures of her lost family. "I will carry your love in my heart, where it
is united with my love for you." She slowly made her way to the secret
door, opening it with slight pushing against the wall. Swaying along the narrow
corridor, the vampire left the castle. From time to time she stumbled, until
she reached the castle's inner court. Exhausted, she fought her way to the
parapet and supported herself on the cold stone. Her desperate eyes found the
sky. "There is nobody here to help me and the night is almost over. I am
too weak to walk the way on my own."

         An idea struck her mind
and her face brightened a bit. "He is my last hope. My trusty comrade, now
I need your speed."

         Sadden gathered all her
strength to carry her weakened body down the stairs. She passed Andrej's tiny
smithy, where the young man would sometimes do some forging, and went toward
the open, wooden gate of the stables. Dim light of lanterns was visible from
outside.

         The vampire slipped
through and was welcomed with happy neighing. To her right and left were the
horse boxes, most of them empty. Next to the entry was a door to the saddle
chamber and a ladder to reach the hayloft. Sadden staggered to the last and
biggest stall in the back of the stable. Her face brightened even more as she
looked through the bars.

         Snorting and scraping his
large hooves, the magnificent, white horse stood there, waiting impatiently for
his mistress, his coat and mane gleaming like freshly fallen snow.

         "Stardancer,"
Sadden breathed happily and entered his stall, careful of his unrestrained
vividness. "Hello, my dear."