Christina (Daughters #1) (29 page)

“That’s pretty mutual. But… I hate how short I am.”

“But you’re not too short for me. See? Perfect fit,” I grin and step closer so the top of my head is just at his chin. I look up at him, keeping my hands at my side.

His erection is touching me; I’m that close to him. He shifts his weight, barely moving towards me. It feels hard and very warm. “You said you liked touching my breasts, right?”

“Uh, yeah?” He doesn’t know what to make of my question.

“Trust me then?”

“O—kay,” he says, drawing out his syllables. No, he doesn’t trust me really. But he will try to. I turn around and lean back into him, his erection now pressed right up against my butt. Just a little of my back touches his chest. “Touch them.” I demand.

His hands are hanging at his sides and he lifts them under me, palming a breast with each hand. His fingers start playing with my nipples until they distend. I close my eyes, letting my head fall back. He lets it land on his shoulder, and tenses at first, but when I keep my own hands at my sides, he seems to relax.

“Like this,” I whisper as his fingers play and twist with my tits. A rush of wetness feels warm between my legs.

“Like this?” His voice is right at my ear and his tone changes. There is no question or doubt in it anymore. He drops one of his hands between my legs and touches me. I arch my back into his chest and nearly pant when his fingers dance along my opening. Wetness coats his fingertips and I moan, shifting my weight to spread my legs. His index finger and thumb just barely hold my clit and he puts the right amount of pressure on it. I feel him growing harder and I push myself backward, trapping him closer. He groans at the pressure and shifts his hand delving his fingers deep inside me. Hot and fast, a riot of feelings now start swirling inside me. My eyes are closed, and I swear, there are colors spiraling behind my eyelids. His one hand pinches and twists my sensitized nipple as the other explores inside of me and the pressure and pleasure he creates almost melt me to the floor.

“Now, I need you now, Max,” I mumble. I’m incoherent. I don’t care. I’ll beg him.

He lets go of me and I almost cry out. He kneels behind me. I’m startled until I realize he’s digging into his jeans and wallet. He finds a condom, and smiles, holding it up. “No mistakes.”

“No more mistakes,” I whisper, smiling as he expertly puts it on. He almost shocks me when he scoots towards me and kneels beside me.

His hands come to my thighs and he says gently, “Part your legs.”

Okay, more than I expected. He’s just right
there.
I’m not shy, but this takes up close and personal to a whole new level. I hesitate. He grins up at me. “Trust me.”

His smile is hot, challenging, and so obvious, I can tell he is having a lot of fun trying to shock me. Now mimicking me, I grin back and say, “Always,” widening my legs.

“This is a good angle for you,” he mumbles, placing his mouth on my inner thigh and then climbing higher. When he touches me there, I nearly collapse. I don’t know how to hold myself up when the hot, slick wet sensations he evokes from just the slightest pressure of his lips and tongue overwhelm me. I’m swollen with need and lust. His actions create a long, deep moan of pleasure from my chest. He slowly kisses his way until he gradually rises back up behind me. Putting his hands on my tits again, I lean back against him. He drops his hands to my waist and lifts me just enough that the end of his hard cock is right at my entrance. I fall back into his embrace, as limp as a rag doll. He gently pushes up inside me. Deep. He goes oh-so-deep and oh-so-slowly. I close my eyes and nearly convulse over how good it feels. He fills me up and I burn and ache. I want to suddenly ride him long and hard to finally ease this almost unbearable longing inside me. “Oh Max. Oh God.” The sound I make is somewhere between a moan and a scream. His breath heats the side of my face as his lips kiss my neck.

“Lean over the bed, Christina,” he says softly. I do, and he comes behind me pushing into me, but now harder. I push back towards him, trying to get even more of him inside me. My body is open and wet and alive. I’m in ecstasy. It is exactly what sex should be! If this is how good it feels, despite any touching for the rest of our lives, then count me in! I’m there. I’m sold. This is fan-fucking-tastic.

He comes out, slowly, then comes back into me so hard, our bodies shake. He leans over me. “Too much?”

I love it that he asks me. He cares. I love knowing he can finally talk to me. “No. More.” I’m nearly incoherent with lust. I can’t articulate. But he gets the picture. He comes into me over and over and over again. The bed frame hits the wall every time he thrusts deep inside me, and my body silently cries in joy over it. Harder. Oh my God. I didn’t know it could get this hard and feel so fulfilling so fast. I feel like the entire universe has shifted and tilted the earth. All the things I used to think were true, I don’t anymore. I swear, I’m not even aware that I come, being so lost in my dark red haze of desire. I enter a nearly numbing bliss; I’m boneless and almost unaware when he comes into me with a last deep, hard thrust that leaves him leaning completely over me. I wonder if he’s fainted. Yeah, it’s that good. It think fainting is a reasonable possibility.

He groans and shifts to the side of me, pushing my hair away. I lie there, still face down on the bed. “Are you okay?” I hear the hesitation as he realizes I haven’t moved.

I turn my head to the side and mumble, “I can’t move. I died. I think you killed me with mind-blowing sex.”

He starts to laugh, and the worried look leaves his face. A happy, almost glowing smile brightens his expression. I’ve never seen Max look so happy. Something about it twists my heart. I swear, it’s better than the orgasm that nearly made me pass out. I turn towards him and almost put my hands on him, but stop myself. He moves us up so we’re in the middle of the bed. Staring at each other. Smiling. We smile like a couple of kids who were just let loose in a candy store with unlimited funds to spend. That’s because we have all night. We have tomorrow too. I think, I really do, that we have the rest of our lives to do this.

He reaches out and tucks my hair behind my ear. It’s sweaty along my hairline, but I don’t care. I feel sexy, alive, wanted, even cherished. It doesn’t matter if the man who makes me feel that way can’t easily show it. “I love you, Christina.” His tone now is soft and serious, in contrast to all the heat, moans, and outright screams that came from our motel room not even five minutes ago. It’s a tone that indicates he’s mine forever.

“We should make a list.”

His expression turns puzzled at my strange response. “A list?”

“Yeah, of all our favorite positions. Then we can rate them. See what needs changing, or tweaking…”

“You want to rate and score how we have sex?”

“Don’t you? How can anything top what we just did? But we should try. I mean, no one reaches their sexual peak at age eighteen right? So imagine the thousands of times we’ll have to keep doing it.”

“Thousands?” His eyebrows rise in shock.

“Forever means a lot of sex, Max.”

He finally gets it. His face shows disbelief as well as relief and love. I see so much love shining toward me as he leans over to kiss me. “Forever does mean a lot of sex.”

We grin. Later that night, we discover two more positions that are now tied with that one.

~Christina~

WHEN WE PULL INTO my driveway, both my parents are waiting on the front porch. They both look anxious with worry. I get out of the car, and glance at Max across the roof for courage. He gives me a small smile and nods, reassuring me I can do this. I take in a deep breath before I face my parents.

My mom steps towards me first. I don’t know what to expect. Will she slap me? Walk away? Yell at me? No! None of the above! I’m shocked when she simply grabs me and starts hugging me. She clasps me hard to her chest and my own limp arms wrap around her waist as I clutch her and start to cry. I feel Mom’s chest jerking with her own sobs. She finally leans back to look at me, still clutching my shoulders. “What were you thinking, Tiny?” Her voice is soft and gentle. Her mom voice.

“I just had to see her.”

Mom’s shoulders droop as if weighed down by my words. “I know. Curious Christina, I know. You had to see. Did you find what you were looking for?”

I draw in a breath, and nod finally, sucking in some snot. “Natalie, the woman I visited, she’s… she’s my sister.”

Mom kind of bows and then straightens up. Her weary eyes look glassy. I’ve caused her so much pain. “She confirmed that?”

“No. She wanted nothing to do with me. She pretty much listened to us for about five minutes before she kicked us out. Politely, of course, but she kicked us out, never the less.”

“Then how do you know she is the right woman?” Mom’s voice falters.

“She had your eyes. Your hair. My eyes. My hair,” I answer softly. I try to lessen the impact of my words, but I know it will hurt her no matter what.

“Except her skin was darker.”

“Yes.”

Mom sucks in a long breath and shuts her eyes for a brief moment. Then she opens her eyes to me. “Did it help you?”

“I got an answer. So yes; but it hurt me too, and I wish it had ended differently. I needed to know what happened to her.”

Mom nods and stands up straighter, pulling her shoulders back, as if preparing to salute. “Then I’m glad you found what you needed.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t coincide with what you needed.”

She smiles and loops an arm around my shoulders and squeezes. “I’m just sorry you weren’t more satisfied. And didn’t tell me what you felt so obligated to do.”

“I was afraid you’d try to stop me.”

“I might have. So I guess that was necessary. Again, I really am sorry you didn’t get what you wanted from the whole experience.”

“I can’t say that totally either,” I reply softly. Mom stops and looks down at me, and then at Max. Comprehension dawns in her eyes. She smiles and touches my chin before placing her lips to my forehead. “Then I’m happy you went.”

I lift my eyes from where my mom is leaning her head on mine. Max is watching us, his hands in his pockets. I know he wants to come near me, to be there for me. I glance towards the house, and see my dad standing there, completely mute. He stares at me, then at Max. His mouth flat-lines before he turns and walks away.

My stomach clenches. Rarely does my dad completely dismiss me with a look, much less, a word. Usually, he has way too many words. I make a weird, little sound of distress. My mom hugs me again. “He was just really worried about you, honey. He’ll calm down. He just can’t stand when you go off so independently and do things like that.”

Max approaches me. He stands right next to me, but doesn’t touch me. His face is drawn with concern. He can’t stand touching when he’s like this. Too much stress, anxiety, and anger. He needs more space. Even if he truly loves me, I know better than to touch him right now. Maybe later. I can deal with it though.

Dad heads towards his shop. “I think I’m going to try to talk to him. Okay?”

Mom smiles. “Come on in, Max. Nothing like imagining how my nephew will be as my daughter’s boyfriend! Yeah, why start trying to be normal? That’s not our way, is it?” Her voice is kind of dry and sarcastic, but she’s right. I watch them enter the house before I walk out to find my dad.

“Dad?” I come up behind him. He’s standing at a workbench. I doubt he’s actually doing anything. I think he’s mad and pretending to clean up by banging drawers around. But he’s so naturally organized, there’s really nothing to clean.

His shoulders jerk to attention at the sound of my voice.

“Dad? You have to acknowledge me.” He shifts his arm over his chest and finally turns. “You’ve been mad at me since I found out all that stuff about Mom and you. It’s your history, not mine. You can’t be mad at me for trying to process it.”

“I can be mad at you for taking off across two states on the very day before we are supposed to be taking you to college! And now? Now, your little joyride has made you late to start your classes. That is, if you’re still starting them! Maybe you and Max intend to shack up and—”

“Dad,” I say softly. Calmly. Ending his rant. His posture sags. “I’m not shacking up with anyone.”

“I know.” His voice loses all the anger, replaced by… what? Shame? “I just… I saw how you looked at him. Max? Really? Your cousin? Max?”

“He’s not my cousin! Not by blood, and you know that. Mom really didn’t tell you?”

“Your mother knows?” His voice rises.

“Really, I bet everyone knows, if you think about it. But yes, I told Mom a few weeks ago after some confusing situations with Max.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“We are. We’re extremely serious.” I keep my voice level in an effort to calm his surly, sarcastic, near snort at me.

He holds my stare for a long, pronounced minute. I stare back, waiting for whatever more he intends to criticize about my actions, my trip, my education, my curiosity, and now, my love interest. His face finally loses the mean scowl. “You grew up, didn’t you?”

My mouth drops open.
Does he mean that?
I stare at him, flabbergasted. He seems so hurt by the idea of it. “Dad… yes. I did.”

He sighs and shakes his head, but suddenly steps forward and grabs me to his chest. “I don’t want you to grow up yet. It feels more like about three years, not eighteen. I can’t stand to let you go. First, you take this trip, and then you’re off to college, and now Max…”

“You’re not mad at me for trying to find my sister?”

“I’m… no. Not mad. Not even surprised, once I realized what you were up to. I just have to give it to you. I would never have figured out how to begin to find her. That was pretty ingenious and smart and cunning and… brilliant. My daughter! She’s nothing less than brilliant, is she?”

“I didn’t want to hurt Mom. It wasn’t about that. I needed some answers.”

“What was she like? I’ve often wondered…”

“Does Mom? Does Mom ever wonder about her?”

Dad lets me go and steps back to lean against his workbench. He rubs his neck. “No. I don’t think she does. But it’s not as cold as that sounds. I don’t think she can stand to wonder, or remember, or acknowledge what she gave up. But you have to understand, she was not well then. When she had—”

“Natalie.”

Dad nods. “Natalie, she was suffering from PTSD. She was all broken inside. Those letters you found and didn’t read? They detail it all pretty graphically. My perspective on what happened isn’t the same as yours. Okay? Your mom and I share a different view. My mission is to ease the effect it still has on your mom, now and always. Perhaps yours was to meet your other sister. That pregnancy was terrible for us, although it meant nothing to you. Do you see the difference?”

“Yes, I see.  Natalie seemed really cool. Even sophisticated. I mean she’s older, and she seemed extremely confident. She is—”

“Do you think she is okay then?”

I briefly consider her overall demeanor in my mind and nod. “I do. I think whatever and whoever raised her, she is okay. Normal. Or as normal as anyone really can be.”

“I hope so. I always hoped that.”

Silence falls between us. Gnats and dust float around the barn, caught in the sunset. “So, I guess there’s something between you and Max?”

“Do you want to know, Dad?”

He kind of shivers like I’m grossing him out. “No, but is there something to know?”

“He’s my boyfriend.”

“How?”

“We’re in love with each other.”

He closes his eyes. “Like grown-up kind of love?”

“Well, it’s not the crush kind.”

“But what about his, ah, you know, his touching thing. I mean… how…?”

I see him flustering for the right words as his inability to comprehend sex and me in one thought practically overwhelms him. It makes me smile and almost take pity on him. “Adult to adult?”

He takes in a breath. “I… okay, I guess. Adult to adult.”

“Remember how you accepted Mom? For how she was and has to be? That’s how I accept Max. You don’t want to know the particulars, just as I don’t need to hear about yours.” 

“Oh.”

“He deserves to be loved even if it’s hard and unnatural for him. Like Mom, right?”

“I just wish that things were easier for you. Are you sure you feel ready to handle it?”

“Anyone would have been easier for you than Mom. Do you want me to insult you by asking if you ever regret not finding someone ‘easier’ instead of Mom?”

He pretends to take a hat off his head and tips it at me. “Point well made. And point taken. I just want you to have everything you desire in life.”

“No one gets everything they desire in life.”

He sighs. “Is this the grown-up you?”

I wait, my eyebrows raised for what he’ll say.

“She’s pretty intelligent. She’s pretty great, in fact. I love you. All the shit I give you is just because I love you so damn much.”

I step nearer him and he easily scoops me up against him in a giant bear hug. The way Max has never done and might not ever do. Yet, that doesn’t upset me anymore. I can love Max any way he needs to be loved. Love is different for all people.

“Can I go scare the living piss out of your boyfriend now?” he mumbles into my hair.

I laugh and push against him. “No, you can come in and be nice to your nephew.”

“My daughter’s boyfriend? I get to scare and threaten and…”

I punch him in the side before he stops and grins. He puts his arm out to me and I take it before we head back into the house together.

Max is sitting at the counter; Mom is cooking. He glances up, his gaze darting from me to Dad to the living room. Melissa and Emily jump up when they realize I’m there. They have no idea where I went. They were told I just took a quick vacation before school started. The drama of whom I went to see isn’t something they need to know. It would complicate their lives. Yet, I’m glad I know. I understand fully now what kind of people my parents are; and it’s made our relationship deeper and more real. I know they trust me with the truth now too. It’s painful, but it’s something they can’t undo for me. They have to let me accept it in my own way, and on my own terms.

I wish something more happened with Natalie. I envisioned… a kind of instant connection with her. But there wasn’t any. There is, however, my wonderful family and they are all here. Max comes closer to me and glances at my dad.

“So you’re the one, huh?” Dad says, glowering at Max.

Max nods. “Seems so.”

“I don’t like knowing about
the one
. I can’t just dislike you either, because you’re my freaking nephew! It’s a little confusing.”

“No, it’s quite confusing. But just so we’re clear: Christina and I were never cousins.”

Dad nods. “I see that now.” His tone is glum and sounds kind of annoyed. I laugh and let go of my dad with a kiss on his cheek.

“I’m going to take your hand now,” I whisper to Max. As I wait for his response, I lead him into the living room.

One last night here. Tomorrow, we’ll move me into my dorm. It won’t be the perfect start by any means. I’ll be two days late for classes, but all in all, it’s not a total disaster. Real life, as it turns out, isn’t perfect or planned, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

Sitting down with Max, his hand in mine, we exchange a look, a smile, and an entire conversation. A heavy weight lifts from my chest. Family is kinda great, even if sometimes, it’s a pain in the ass. Family is the antidote to all the scariness and pain and unknowns that lurk in the world.

And when you get to pick your own family? That makes it pretty fucking incredible. Just ask Max.