Chosen Heart (9 page)

“I have time.”  He shifts in
his seat to face me, waiting for an explanation.  Looking down on me, he
makes me feel like I’m in trouble and have to fess up to a crime I may or may
not have committed.

Resigned to my fate, I sigh,
knowing he won’t give up until he hears what he thinks he wants to hear. 
He’s very determined.  The only problem is that any discussion about Cole
seems to spoil his mood. 
Shit!  Here it goes… 
“He
didn’t like it when I told him I stayed to help you.  He told me I should
be careful.”

Looking through squinted eyes, he
suddenly breaks into laughter, gently rocking the car.  Not the reaction I
was expecting, but I’ll take it.  He is sexy when the laughter ripples off
his body.  “What’s so funny?”

“So, he feels threatened by
me?  Come on Elyssa, I know you’re smarter than this.  He’s not just
your friend if he’s concerned with who you’re spending time with.  Are you
leading him on?  Keeping him around for…you know…”  Adding a
suggestive wink at the end.

I’m taken back by his
insinuation.  How dare he?!  He doesn’t know anything about me, nor
does he know Cole.  “No, I am not leading him on!  He’s just very
protective.  I’m sure he found a picture of you somewhere and saw how
young and attractive you are and came to conclusions for himself,” I raise my
voice slightly, voice cracking at the end.

A wicked grin develops on his
lips, another reaction I wasn’t expecting.  Unable to control my nerves I
continue my explanation.  Not that he deserves it.  “He was my first
real relationship and things happened, people move on.  I moved on. 
It wasn’t his fault we broke up, it was mine, and it’s not fair to completely
disregard the friendship we had while we dated.”  Taking a deep breath, I
try to calm myself, catching myself rambling. 
Ugh!  Why am I
talking so much?

“So, you think I’m
attractive?”  I blush at the slip of my tongue.  Out of all of that,
he had to pick the one thing I didn’t mean to say out loud.

“Just like you think I’m
beautiful?” I retort.

Ignoring my comment entirely,
Alex goes down a completely different road than what I was expecting. “Do you
still have feelings for him?”  His eyes burn into mine, waiting for my
answer.

“I care for him, but not in the
way you’re asking,” I admit.

“Are you still sexually
involved?”

My eyes widen, not only in
embarrassment but in astonishment at his audacity.  “What kind of question
is that?”

“I’m just trying to
understand.  You say you aren’t involved, yet he texts you every waking
minute of the day.  You say you’re just friends, but you can’t
really
just be friends with someone you’ve had sex with,” he rants, but ends with a
smile that would shatter your soul.

“Are you not friends with any of
your exes?”

“God, no!”  But as he says
it, I wonder idly how many girlfriends he’s had.

“Well, I think it’s sad that
you’re okay with breaking hearts and not making an effort to at least mend
what’s broken with the friendship.”

“If it didn’t work out, then
there’s nothing to mend.  It’s as simple as that,” he suppresses a
laugh.  I don’t think this conversation warrants a laugh, but maybe he
sees my blood boiling. 
Calm down, Ely!

“He’s my friend and for my own
reasons, I’m making an effort to keep him in my life.  Why do we keep
having this conversation?  Does my friendship with him bother you that
much?”

“It doesn’t,” he shrugs. 
“I’m just making small talk.”

“I guess it’s good for both of us
that my relationship status doesn’t have any bearing on how well you sleep at
night, Mr. James.”  With a pout I cross my arms and face the window.

Letting me have a moment, I
suddenly feel a finger guiding my chin, as my stare is turned towards his
crystal blue eyes.  “Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I just don’t understand
you.  You’re very confusing.”  His touch is disarming and if it
wasn’t for the fact that I am already sitting, my knees would probably buckle.

“It’s better this way. 
Trust me.” Shaking his head, Alex sighs.  I can’t put my finger on what is
keeping him from giving into me.  Not that I was on a man hunt or
anything, but I know the moment I met him I was instantly attracted to
him.  Even before the elevator, at the gas station, all I wanted was to
feel his touch.

A sudden thought sparks, “Are you
in a relationship?”  That would be a reasonable explanation as to why he
hasn’t taken every opportunity I’ve given him.  It troubles me to think
about how many women have been up to Red Rock with him before.

Sitting back in his seat, a sexy
grin spreads across his lips.  “Who wants to know?”

Blushing head to toe, I scrounge
every ounce of courage I have.  “Well…me.  You know about my
relationship status.  It’s only fair that I know yours.”

“I’m not with anyone,
Elyssa.”  I turn my head to face the window, covering my mouth to hide my
colossal smile.  “I don’t have much time for relationships between my job
and my grandmother.  Speaking of her, I would appreciate if you wouldn’t
tell anyone at the office about her situation.”

I gasp.  “Of course
not!  I would never.”  What he shared with me was very
personal.  I would never reveal anything that would hurt him, or anyone
for that matter.  I know my place.

“I’m curious.  If you are
such good friends, why did you guys break up?”

Why, or should I say, how did I
know that he wouldn’t drop the subject of Cole so easily?  I would love to
spend all night talking with him, but there are some things I’m not ready for him
to know.  Cole doesn’t even know the full, real reason I broke up with
him.  Alex would judge me and then this fantasy would end.  I would
like this to soak this in for a little while longer; it’s too exhilarating to
give it up now.  “That’s a story for another time.”

“Sure, but one day you will tell
me.”

Starting the car, we head back
into town, and I wonder idly if I should take that as a threat or a
promise.  Either way, I’ll take it, because it means he wants to spend
more time with me.

Monday, September 24, 2012

I choke as my heart literally
catapults into my throat.  Drinking in the sight of him, as he stands
there looking all sorts of edible with his cleanly shaven face and bright blue
eyes, my mind has gone into a thousand different directions.  What do I
say? 
“Hello Mr. James, I hope you had a great weekend,” or the more
direct approach, “Hello Alex, I’ve thought about you every minute since you
left me Friday night.”
  Yeah right, I wish I was that bold.

More than just thoughts about how
to approach him are saturating my brain.  Does he see me as more than just
another subordinate?  Will he ask me out again?  If he did ask me
out, how would our relationship be?  Can we even go down this path knowing
we are both held to ethical standards, which is currently treading a very fine
line right now?  All of these questions and no answers; the only thing I
know to be true is that he is absurdly perfect and standing less than twenty
feet away from me.

His solid figure blocking my path
sends feelings of ecstasy throughout my body.  Similar to that of a child
on Christmas morning and the unknown that awaits you, he’s a perfectly wrapped
gift.  Wearing a charcoal suit and matching tie, he’s a shiny new toy that
I want to play with.  Over and over.  But of course, my desire to
unwrap and touch is on a whole other level; definitely not one of prepubescent
times.

“Good Morning, Ms. Hart.” 
Ugh…that smile; suggestive, without even uttering many words.  I simper as
I watch him shove his hands into his pockets, returning his gaze to the numbers
above the elevator, humming to himself.  I know he’s acutely aware of how
attractive he is.  You can tell in his posture, the way he leaves his
jacket partially unbuttoned revealing just enough of his slim waist and tight
ass, his smug smirk.  He has to know what he does to
me
.

Trying to hold onto what’s left
of my dignity, I take in a deep breath, and advance the final steps towards the
elevator.  I suppose I should return his morning greeting, but my words
strain to form coherent sentences.  Instead, I fidget with my purse and
murmur hello. 
That has to be better than stuttering like an idiot and
twirling my hair, right? 
Hopefully he doesn’t notice my internal
unraveling. 
Dang it, Ely; you are a strong woman, now act like it!

With the amount of time that has
passed since his long, perfectly manicured finger pressed the call button, I’m
on the verge of considering the elevator out of service.  I try to remain
indifferent and stand patiently waiting for the elevator, but he really makes
it difficult.  It’s not long after Alex starts rocking on his feet, to and
fro, that my lips perk up into a small smile, thinking about our night
together.

How is he able to keep his casual
façade and act like nothing’s happened; act as if we’re nothing more than
co-workers riding up the elevator together on any normal Monday morning? 
I’m not his average co-worker.  He made that evident at the bar when he
attacked Sam in my honor, and again when he brought me home to meet his
grandmother, calling me beautiful.  And definitely when he brought me to
my car when we had our almost kiss for the third time of the night. 
Seeming ignorant to the energy I feel when we’re together, although immensely
palpable, Alex continues to wait patiently.  I wish I had his constraint.

Fortunately, just as the elevator
door opens, Janice comes bounding towards us and I’m momentarily relieved that
she’s joined the party.  How awkward would it be to ride alone with
him?  That’s too many opportunities to sexually harass him; eighteen to be
exact.

Always the gentleman, Alex holds
his hand out signaling for us to enter as he secures the door open with the
palm of his hand.

“Good Morning, Elyssa…Mr. James,”
she stammers.  Appearing nervous, she bites her lower lip, looking at me
through the corner of her eye.  I’ve already forgiven her for ditching me
on Friday, for obvious reasons, but she doesn’t know that.  By the look on
her face, she’s about to become a blubbering mess, and I hope with my inviting
smile she can see that I’m over it already.

Taking the open opportunity,
Janice turns to face me and precedes full steam, rambling as she tries to
explain herself.  “Elyssa, I’m so sorry.  Autumn drank too much and
there was no way I was going to let her drive.  I took her out to my car
and I swear I was only outside for three minutes, when I went back in, you were
gone.  I was so worried about you.  The last time I saw you, you were
talking to the guy at the bar.  I’m so sorry.  I didn’t have your
number, and…”

Signaling for Janice to calm
down, I interrupt her with a wave of my hand.  “Hey…Stop.  It’s
okay.  Everyone got home alright and in the end I still had a pretty
incredible night.”  My eyes dart over to Alex, catching his fleeting
smile; the slight dimple forming in the corner of his mouth giving him away.

“Wait!  Did you go home with
that guy?”  She giggles and then shuts her mouth, remembering we’re not
alone.  Raising my eyebrows, I smirk at her reaction. 
If she only
knew. 
Luckily, aside from Janice’s apology, the ride up to the
eighteenth floor is quick and quiet.

Walking in the same direction,
Janice and Alex break off heading towards their office.  But, just as I’m
about to head towards my desk, I see Alex peer over his shoulder, watching me
walk away, giving me goose bumps.  Hopefully I can keep it together and
avoid tripping over my feet. 
Breathe, Ely…Breathe.

The moment I get to my desk I
hear the ping of my cell phone; another text from Cole.

*If I said I was
sorry, would you believe me? I shouldn’t have.*

Oh Cole, what am I going to do
with you?
 
His sweet apology deflates my attitude, like it always does.  I knew after
we had our argument it wouldn’t be long before I forgave him, only because
that’s how we’ve always operated.  My sister mistook our quarrels as fits
of passion, but I know what they were.  And so does he.  I feel
slightly guilty that I haven’t thought about him all weekend, but in my defense
my thoughts were preoccupied.

~~~~~

I’ve been left to explore the
world of SHI at my own pace.  I love that Maggie doesn’t look over my
shoulder every five seconds, but is always willing to answer any
questions.  In order to get my feet wet, she’s given me several projects
and meetings to attend.  With each meeting and new contact I’m learning
not only about the company, but the different styles of our management team,
and the temperaments of everyone in the office.

Everyone seems to love Maggie and
is constantly praising her for her approachable open door policy and relaxed
attitude.  But, at the slight mention of Arianna, or even Alex, the
conversations turn into a complete rant session.  The consensus is that
they both lack the soft skills to mentor even the most capable employee and
most people seem to avoid them at all costs.