Chosen Child (19 page)

‘So you’re happy about the adoption?’

His eyes met hers then swivelled away. ‘Yes. But don’t push
it, Ella. We’ve said enough tonight.’

She got up, unconvinced. It was horrible, leaving things
unsaid, just to keep the peace. But too much said could delay the adoption and
that was the last thing any of them needed. The best way to show Soraya she was
loved and wanted was to carry on and get things finalised.

Demonstratively, Ella lifted her eBook without looking at
Rick.

‘I’m going to bed. Have a good think, Rick. That kind of
thing can’t happen again.’

She lay in bed, reading the same paragraph over and over and
listening as he moved around downstairs and then came up – and went into the
spare room. The door clicked shut behind him. Shocked, Ella dropped the eReader
on her chest. When was the last time – but there wasn’t a last time. None of
the arguments they’d had before had resulted in them sleeping apart. And come
to think of it, they hadn’t had sex since Soraya’s arrival. Horror mixed with
desperation chilled its way through Ella. Supposing her marriage broke down
completely and they took Soraya away?

The little girl was standing in the kitchen when Ella went
down the next morning. Ella bent to kiss her but Soraya ducked, an aggrieved
look on her face.

‘You weren’t here.’

‘Sorry, sweetie. I was tired. Do you want cornflakes?’

‘I want to go to the beach.’

Ella handed over the variety pack she’d bought the day
before. ‘Look, you can choose your cereal. We’ll go to the beach this
afternoon, okay?’

Soraya chose Coco-Pops, her expression still sombre.

‘You look a bit sad. Want a hug?’ said Ella when they were
finished, but Soraya ran upstairs.

Give her time, thought Ella. She must have noticed the
atmosphere in the house, and if she’d heard Rick on Wednesday… Oh dear, she
should talk about it to Soraya too. ‘Least said soonest mended’ was the
coward’s way out. When the girl came back down Ella beckoned her into the
living room.

‘Let’s have a chat on the sofa. Sweetie, I know things have
been difficult for a few days. Daddy’s had problems at work and it’s made him
grumpy, but they’re almost fixed so everything’ll be better very soon. I’m
sorry if you felt we didn’t want you. We do. You’re our Soraya and that will
never change.’

Soraya nodded. She took a deep breath and Ella held hers –
would the child say what she felt about Rick’s behaviour?

‘I found something at Amanda’s yesterday.’

Ella breathed out slowly, disappointment gnawing at her
middle. But if a grown man couldn’t talk about his feelings, it was unrealistic
to expect a six-year-old to talk about hers. Take this at her pace, Ella.

She tried to look interested and encouraging. ‘What was
that?’

Soraya ran upstairs and returned clutching something to her
chest, then dropped a medallion on a gold chain into Ella’s hand. Ella’s
fingers closed round the chain as she struggled to say the right thing. Didn’t
Soraya know stealing was wrong?

‘Sweetheart, you can’t just take things – ’

‘It’s Daddy’s. I saw the mark where he drove on it.’

Ella opened her fist and examined the medallion. Dear
heavens, it
was
Rick’s. There was the blackened
little dent on one side of the medallion… Hot confusion swept through Ella.
Rick had never been to Amanda’s before yesterday – had he? Impossible to know
what to think, but Soraya was waiting for an answer.

‘You’re right. There must have been a misunderstanding
sometime – I’ll sort it out.’ Soraya frowned, and Ella hugged her. ‘Sweetheart,
I know you weren’t stealing this, and I’m glad, because stealing’s wrong.
People go to prison for it. But thank you for telling me. We’ll have a chat
about it another time.’

Another time when she’d had the chance to work out what to
say… And why was she having to do all the parenting?

The sound of Rick upstairs galvanised Ella into action. No
way did she want a confrontation between Rick and Soraya about the St Christopher
before she had a chance to find out what was going on. ‘Let’s go and look at
your shell garden. We can collect more this afternoon.’

Next door, Owen was setting up a sprinkler on his lawn. ‘Hi,
ladies, how’re you doing?’ He came and leaned on his usual spot on the fence.

‘Daddy’s cross,’ said Soraya, kneeling by her shell garden.

Ella joined Owen. ‘He’s had problems at work and he’s
finding it hard to – adjust,’ she said, waving vaguely at Soraya.

Owen pulled a face. ‘Takes time. He’ll get there. Listen,
about that dinner we mentioned once – why don’t the three of you come to us
tonight? I’m still on leave so I’ve plenty of time to cook, and I do a mean
lasagne – if that would be to her ladyship’s taste?’

‘I like lasagne,’ called Soraya, and Ella and Owen laughed.

Ella accepted the invitation and went to join Soraya, but
oh, dear, if her poor daughter had heard and understood that remark, the odds
were she’d understood Rick’s stupid statement last week too. Lots of love and
attention for Soraya today, thought Ella, no matter how grumpy the child was.

Soraya wasn’t the only one who was grumpy. When Rick
appeared he barely gave her a second glance, and Ella’s frustration levels rose
even further.

‘We’re invited next door for dinner tonight,’ she said,
wondering if this really was a good idea.

‘Fine. Some intelligent conversation at last,’ said Rick.
‘I’m going to do the accounts, please don’t disturb me.’

He marched into the dining room and closed the door, and
Ella looked round for her mobile. Soraya was playing basketball so this was a
good opportunity to ask Amanda about the St Christopher. The other woman
sounded breezy, and for a few moments they chatted about the weather and Jaden,
then Ella grasped her courage.

‘Soraya brought home a gold St Christopher last night, it’s
Rick’s and - ’

‘Oh Lord, yes, I meant to call you about that. Jaden must
have lifted it when he was at your place – I found it in the pocket of his
overall. Sorry, Ella.’

Ella breathed out slowly. The simplest explanation. Why on
earth hadn’t she thought of that?

‘No problem. Kids are like magpies, aren’t they?’ She ended
the call feeling happier. Now to reassure Soraya. The little girl was sitting
in front of the buddleia, eyes shining as multi-coloured butterflies flitted
round purple blooms, and Ella crossed the grass, glancing into the shed as she
passed. The mess of concrete on one half of the floor didn’t look any better
now it was dry.

She squatted beside Soraya. ‘I’ve sorted things with Amanda
about the St Christopher. Jaden took it from here last week.’

Soraya shook her head. ‘She said it was her husband’s.’

Ella frowned. ‘She must have meant
my
husband’s?’

‘She meant the lost husband. She said he always wore it.’
Soraya turned back to her shells.

Ella wandered back across the garden, her thoughts so
confused she couldn’t remember who’d said what first. Rick did almost always
wear the medallion, but she’d noticed the catch was broken so that would be why
he’d left it lying around for Jaden to lift. But…

There was something wrong about the medallion story, but for
the life of her she couldn’t see what.

Sunday 29th June

Rick logged out of his e-banking account and pushed the
laptop away. So now the bills for June were paid, bloody brilliant. And his
wife was out in the garden with the child that was going to be their own, and
probably neither of them were speaking to him. Fear for the future brought
tears to his eyes – he hadn’t wanted this, not for a moment. He regretted… no,
he didn’t regret ever setting eyes on Amanda. He regretted the mess they were
in.

In fact, the more he thought about it, the more he felt that
he and Amanda would be each other’s future. His marriage had taken a nose-dive
as soon as they’d made the decision to adopt, and there was no way back that he
could see. Seeing Ella as supermum had killed the passion. Amanda was
different; she managed to be a mother and a lover at the same time. He’d
treated her abominably, but that had been down to the stress. She would forgive
him, last night’s kiss had shown that. And they had a lot going for them – good
sex, a similar sense of humour… and a baby.

And the Gareth secret.

Gareth’s marble face flashed in front of his eyes and Rick
groaned aloud. Amanda’s ex was going to bind them together for all eternity,
and they needed to organise that eternity, starting with a fool-proof plan for
the next few months. It would be a slow kind of plan, because the whole shed
thing would only work if Ella co-operated enough to move out of here. For his
wife, no plan would be good unless Soraya was in it, which meant the adoption
had to be finalised before they separated.

Okay, he had the rest of the day to be a nice daddy, get
Ella back on side enough to give him some space – and have dinner with the
neighbours, which would be the good bit. Time to grovel.

His positive mood lasted as far as the kitchen.

Ella was extracting the new star-shaped ice cubes from their
tray, Soraya bobbing up and down beside her. The child glanced at Rick and he
swallowed; her face was nothing but antagonistic – but what could he expect?

‘I found your gold chain at Amanda’s and then she told a
lie,’ she said, taking her glass of fizzy orange plus star-shaped ice to the
table.

Rick felt his eyes glaze over. The St Christopher… hell, where
was it? Sweat broke out on his brow. What was he supposed to say here? Ella was
watching him, and he forced a smile.

‘I’m sure she wouldn’t do that, honey. You must have
misunderstood.’ He slid a cup under the coffee machine.

‘I didn’t. And she said it was her husband’s but he’s gone.
And I don’t want you either.’ Her tone was entirely matter of fact. Rick glared
at her before remembering he was trying to be nice.

‘I’m sorry I said that, Soraya. I didn’t mean - ’ He could
only watch as she ran from the room. The kitchen door slammed behind her.

Ella was staring at him and there was no friendliness in her
eyes. ‘I’m not sure what you’re trying to do, Rick, but you’re not going about
it the right way.’

He felt his ribs rise and fall as he prepared his little
speech in his head. Now for it. ‘Ella, love, I want things to be better again
but I’m going to need some time. It’s all been too much – work, the adoption,
all the changes in our lives - ’

‘None of that is Soraya’s fault. She’s the innocent victim
here and your behaviour is – abysmal.’

He closed his eyes to hide his impatience. Every single
damned thing came back to Soraya. But try again, Rick. You can do this.

‘I’m truly sorry. I was thinking… please, can we give each
other some space for a week or two? Live life as it comes and not bother each
other. I do still need to get the work thing finalised – but I’ll soon have
that behind me.’ He saw the question on her face and hurried on. ‘How about
planning a big celebration when the adoption’s finalised? And we could have a
little holiday, the three of us. Visit your parents.’

She stood with her head on one side, and he held his breath.
‘Okay. Mum suggested it too, when I called at the weekend. There’s a kids’
exhibition in York this summer. I’ll get Soraya back in and we’ll tell her all
that. And the most important thing is, Rick, that you don’t make any more
stupid remarks about not wanting her. She’s not a boy, but she’s going to be
our child.’

Rick stood straighter. Sorted. But Ella knew if their marriage
went down the pan the adoption might never be finalised. She would agree to
anything he suggested – he should grab this chance while he had it.

Soraya came back inside, and again Rick explained about the
family holiday and celebrating the adoption. A tiny smile appeared on the
little girl’s face, and the tight band Rick hadn’t realised was there round his
head relaxed. He
would
manage this.

Ella was rinsing glasses. ‘By the way, I’ll call the builder
about the shed floor, shall I? You don’t need to feel you have to fix it
yourself.’

The biscuit tin Rick was holding clattered to the kitchen
floor. ‘No – leave that to me, Ella. Some physical work is just what I need to
– to distract me.’

It took all the acting power he had, but he managed to bluff
his way through the rest of the afternoon, and an early dinner next door. Owen
and his mother were good company, and conversation flowed, even Soraya chatting
away like a good child. And Ella’s expression when she looked at the girl was –
besotted, thought Rick. The woman he’d married had turned into a mummy-machine,
but that would help him out of the mess. And, as this dinner was proving an
effective distraction, he should organise more things like this for them. If
Ella was distracted she wouldn’t start wondering about things he didn’t want
her to wonder about.

Back home, Ella chased Soraya towards bed. Rick stopped her
as she was following the little girl upstairs.

‘I’ll pop into the office, check what’s come in over the
weekend, get ready for next week. Well-prepared is half – whatever.’

‘Half done,’ said Ella.

He saw her uncertainty and willingness to believe him, and
continued gently. ‘Don’t wait up, love. Oh, and I’ll stay in the spare room for
a bit. I’ve been waking a lot at night, and it’s easier if I can put the light
on and read. You need your sleep – you have to be rested for Soraya.’

There was no expression at all on her face now.

Amanda was watching television when he arrived. She turned
the sound down but didn’t switch the set off, which made Rick think he had a
bit of buttering up to do here too.