Choices (6 page)

Chapter 10

They say your senior year is the best year of your life. And it is true. During your senior year, you’re getting ready to embark on a new chapter in life. Some will go away to college; some will just work a good job they had through good connections. I mean after you graduate, you’re free. You become an adult and head into the real world of the unknown, with endless possibilities. You don’t have to listen to anyone or take orders, except at work. Your senior year is supposed to be the end of your childhood. Also, it’s a year where you look back and remember all the great times with friends and the memories. The memories of the school dances, prom, football games, parties, just being a kid one last time before getting thrown out on your ass to face the cruel, heartless world seems to be something else entirely now.

I’ve been waiting for this last year of high school since I started it freshman year. I planned on going to college, maybe getting a degree in teaching or as a vet. Maybe even moving to California or someplace warm on the beach
would have been on my to-do list. I had a future that was uncertain but I was going to be with Nick and we were going to get a place together, and go wherever his career took us. It would have been an amazing adventure. And I couldn’t wait to start this year and end it with a Bang!

Today, my life is just starting. And it’s taken a different path. As I sit on my bed grasping the sonogram picture in my hands, I stare at what is growing inside of me. If someone had told me a year ago that I was going to be spending my senior year of high school pregnant, I would have laughed in their face or maybe even punched them. But to see it with my own eyes is another story. This picture symbolizes my future. No more thinking about what I need or what I want, but now I must prepare and consider what this baby will need. At first it was unsettling to
think about caring for a child-a baby actually, when I’m still a kid myself. But now I feel elation mixed with serenity. I wish Nick was with me to see firsthand what we’ve created together. I feel a tear slide down my cheek and it splashes the picture. I wipe it away and observe the different lines and gaze at the little peanut. So okay, I won’t have memories of the cool parties, dances and games with my friends. Instead, I will have memories of nausea, swollen ankles, raging hormones, aching breasts which will protrude with milk eventually, fatigue and a belly the size of a basketball. And that’s okay. I’ve accepted my life is going to be different. I think I’m finally getting used to the idea.

It’s hard to tell right now but I dare to say this baby has my fingers and Nick’s little toes. As tiny as it is, it’s got a cute nose
or so I picture it having a button nose. I smile transfixed by the sight.
You and me against the world, little buddy.
I kiss the picture.

“What are you doing?” Tyler stalks into my room. I hastily put the picture down, away from my face.

“Oh hey buddy. I just uh smelled the picture. I hear it has a different scent than regular paper.” Wow, that was lame. But so far it seemed to work. He sits down beside me on my bed and looks at it.

“Is that a picture of your baby?”
I nod and smile.

“Yeah, would you like to
see?” He maneuvers himself and smiles happily. I hand him the sonogram and at first he looks at it upside down. I laugh to myself but wait for him to notice his wrongdoing. And soon he does.

“So, where is it?” I lean over and point to the gummy bear, peanut, jelly bean fetus of a baby.

“That’s the head, and here is an eye. Oh and see the little fingers?” We both laugh as I drape my arm over his shoulder. It feels good to laugh and forget everything else. I know I’m not completely alone. I have so much support and I couldn’t be happier.

“So what are you going to name it?” I let out a breath and stretch my legs out. “I have no idea.” I hadn’t even thought about names yet. And it’s too soon since it won’t be for a few months until I find out the sex.

“I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl yet. I have about ten weeks or so to find out. Do you want to help me pick out a name?” He gives me an infectious smile, eyebrows raised.

“Really?”

“Yeah, you can give me some ideas and I’ll consider them. After all, this will be your niece or nephew. I’d hate to name it something you don’t like.” He hugs me tight and I return the gesture.

“Thank you sis! You’re the best!” He squeals then runs out of the room. He’s so
innocent; it’s hard to disappoint him.

I haven’t thought about whether I wanted a boy or a girl. I guess it didn’t matter as long as it was a healthy, happy baby. One thing is for sure; once this baby is born I am locking it in their room and throwing away the key. This baby will never know pain, if I have anything to say about it. They will also never date, nor have sex until they are out of the house and married. I know I just contradicted myself. You wonder, if they’re locked in their room how will
they get out of the house and get married? Simple. They won’t. I will protect them with all of my might. I know pain and I couldn’t bear the thought of them getting hurt. I place the picture in my wallet and tuck it in my purse. I know Meg will be dying to see the sonogram.

My phone goes off. Speaking of Meg, I swiftly scoop up my phone but frown the moment I notice it’s not her. Nick. I reluctantly answer the text.

Me: What’s up?
I text back.

Nick: How are you feeling?
Ticked off at the moment.

Me: Fine.
I say instead
. Why are you texting me?
I’m curious why all of a sudden he cares about my well-being.

Nick:
I just want to make sure you’re okay. I still love you, you know.

Me:
Right. You just can’t stick around the moment you find out I’m pregnant with your baby. Nice. Well, I’m fine. We’re fine. So no need to worry.

Nick:
Please don’t do that Gracie. That’s not fair. It’s a shock and bad timing. I wish things were the way they were. I wanted us to have the best year together before college started. I wasn’t ready to think about having a baby right out of high school. I miss you.
I bite my lip and collect thoughts. I’m tired of his guilt trips he’s putting me on. We could both be enjoying our last year of high school together, sitting on my bed and talking about a baby that will change our lives-in a good way if he wasn’t such a bonehead.

Nick: Where did you go?
He texts. I bite my thumb nail in frustration. Should I even bother responding?

Nick
: Gracie?
Geez, he’s not taking a hint. I snatch my phone up and reply.

Me
: Gotta go. Nice chat.
I throw the phone down on the bed, but give it one last glance before heading downstairs.

“Hey daddy
.” My dad is in the kitchen reading the newspaper, sipping on coffee eating buttered toast.

“Hey darlin’.” My dad finally got over the initial shock his little girl being pregnant
, not that he really had much of a choice. I grab a cup out of the cabinet and take the milk out of the fridge. My doctor says I need to drink as much milk and vitamin C as possible. I’m not usually a milk drinker, but there are a lot of things I have to change. I’ve accepted it. I’ve heard about weird cravings during pregnancy and so far, I’ve had none. But then again, I’m not eating much anyway, so I guess I’ll have to wait and see when the time comes.

I
sit at the table next to him, grabbing a piece of bread and stick it in the toaster. I won’t butter it but maybe I can keep the toast down at least.

“Did you see the sonogram?” I ask him. He shakes his head.

“Okay, I’ll go get it.” I rush up the stairs, knowing one of these days I probably won’t be able to climb them. I grab the sono and hear my phone. I internally curse under my breath but pick it up, when I see a text from Meg.

“Going to the coffee shop for some R&R. Wanna come? ;)” I smile
, at the thought of seeing Carter and ignore the winking face.

“Sure that would be great. You driving? I have a sonogram picture to show you too.”

“OMG, I want to see! I’m on my way.”

I go back downstairs and show my dad. He takes the picture and points out the baby’s little hand and mouth. His eyes are showing love and admiration. He sees the nose and swears it’s mine. I just laugh and agree for his sake.

“This baby is beautiful Gracie. It’s my grandchild.” He says hoarsely, but clearly mesmerized. I thank God for my father’s enthusiasm.

“Oh Meg is coming to get me for a little bit. Is that okay? We’re just going to the coffee shop.” He angles his body toward mine, crossing his right leg over his left thigh.

“It’s fine. Trust me, after a few months; you won’t want to go anywhere. So while you still can, go out and have fun.” He hands me back my picture and I hug him tight, thankful for his love. “Thank you daddy.” I run upstairs and change before Meg gets here.

Chapter 11

I leave the house and hop in Meg’s black Dodge Neon. She’s wearing a dress with her hair in a bun. I changed into some black dress pants and a silk black and red blouse with heels. I don’t normally wear makeup, but I became bold and daring and put on some eye liner, blush and lip gloss.

“Oh, you look pretty. I think someone is trying to impress someone else.” Meg remarks.

“Ha! Maybe. Besides I want to feel pretty and if I happen to flaunt it in the process, so be it. In a few months I’ll be a fat cow anyway so I may as well enjoy the attention for a little bit.” Wow, so that was the first time I acknowledged out loud about how my body is going to change. I bite my lip hard. Meg notices when she glances at me.

“Okay, well forget that for now
and show me this awesome sonogram picture! I want to see, I want to see!” Meg shouts excitedly. I pull it out of my purse and hand it to her. She looks at it and her eyes light up. She oohs and ahhs a little and says the baby has my nose. Well, I think that’s a good thing but we won’t know until it’s time.

“What’s wrong Gracie?” Meg asks as she pulls out of my driveway and onto the road.

“Um, I just realized how much my body will change and I have no idea how to prepare. Mentally.” A slight headache comes on and I rub my temple.

“D
on’t you have that book, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting?” I shake my head no.

“I haven’t had a chance to get it yet.” She whips a hard right which jerks me around a little uneasily.

“What the Hell Meg? This is not how I pictured my death.”

“Sorry. We’re going another way. There’s a Barnes & Noble up the road a bit. I thought we’d go there
first, and then we can go to the coffee shop. You need that book dear.” I grab her hand in a silent thanks, all the while holding on to the “Oh shit” bar for dear life.

“You look really nice by the way. Expecting to meet someone?” I tease.

“Nah, I’m just a dress freak. You ought to know that.” I wish she and Mason would hook up, or at least admit their obvious feelings for each other. They would make the perfect couple. He has light brown hair with dark brown eyes, but they are so expressive. Especially when he is looking at Meg. He’s about six feet tall and muscular. He works out and plays racquetball every week, for fun. He is the best match for her. He has a heart of gold.

“Why the Hell are all of these people on the road?” Meg starts pounding on the steering wheel. Oh yeah, she’s got mad road rage. I grip the door handle more firmly as she guns it on the highway, silently saying a prayer we make it in one piece.

“Well, Meg the same reason we are on the road. They’re going places and hopefully there’s not another Meg driving them too.” She laughs at me, noticing my panic.

“Relax Gracie, I’ve got this. I’ve done this enough times honey.” She points out.

“Yes, but you didn’t have an extra human being to think about. So excuse me for being a little paranoid right now.” She grins at me.

“So you’ve really accepted this new reality haven’t you?” I nod
but loosen my hold on the door handle when she finally slows her pace, to appease me probably. I think I can breathe again.

“Yeah, I really have. I’m getting used to the idea of another life depending on me. It’s definitely a new strange feeling and it’s scary as Hell but when I saw the sonogram, it totally changed my attitude.” I look at her and notice a dreamy look in her eyes.

“I’m so happy to hear that Grace. As crazy as it is, I’m glad you’re finally coming around with this. I hear the middle of your pregnancy is the best. You need to enjoy it, not bitch and moan about it. What’s done is done, you can’t change it. You can only embrace it now.” I started to realize I was whining so much that I was annoying myself. I’m seventeen and I’m pregnant-yes it’s not ideal. But it happened, I can’t change it. Now I just need to accept and move on and start thinking about what this baby needs.

“I think once this baby stops protesting everything I eat, I will be happier. This “morning” sickness is killing me.” As I say this, I
look down at my belly as if I’m talking to it. Well, in a way I am.

She shoots a glance down at my belly as well then says, “You hear that baby? Give your mama a break so she can feed you and you can be big and strong and maybe even kick her booty.” I laugh and rub my belly.

“Aw, that is so cute Gracie! I can’t wait until the little thing gets bigger and I can play with your belly without it looking weird or sexual. Auntie Meg is ready.” I smile to myself. Auntie Meg, it has a nice ring to it. Do people get excited this early in the game? Isn’t it still the danger zone for miscarriages? My luck would be to get attached then have it taken away. I chide myself and push the absurd thought to the far back of my mind.

Meg puts a CD on and starts bobbing her head, humming to the beat. I don’t recognize the song so I just close my eyes and lean my head
back; willing my annoying headache to make its descent, but it only intensifies.
Relax Gracie.
I tell myself and let out a long breath right before I drift off.

I feel a tug on my arm and groggily lift my head up.

“Hey sleepy head, we’re here.” I look at Meg and wonder how long we’ve been sitting here in front of the book store. I rub my sleepy eyes and put my hair back in a ponytail.

“How long have I’ve been asleep?” It seems a habit of mine to pass out the minute the car starts going. I feel like an ass.

“About twenty minutes.” She states.

“What? Why didn’t you wake me up?” I grab my purse and reach for the door handle but quickly stop when the movement in my right leg starts to throb. I stomp my foot on the floor board trying to wake it up. Lately, I’ve been getting Charlie horses and God knows that suck
s something awful. I’m sure it’s one of those wonderful symptoms of pregnancy.

“Why did you let me sleep?” I ask again. Meg shrugs.

“You look exhausted. I thought you could use a cat nap. How are your nightmares Gracie? I swear I had the radio blasting and it didn’t even faze you.” I still have them but not as bad.

“Less.” Is all I say. I don’t mention the fact that when I do sleep,
it’s only a few hours. I hope that changes. I like sleep.

We get out of the car and head inside the store. Even though I am not sure where the book would be, I walk in as if I know exactly what I’m looking for and where to find it. I walk past the sales clerk, smiling to be polite and head straight toward the back.

“Do you know where the book is? Maybe we should ask someone where to find it.” Meg says from behind me.

I shake my head and keep walking until I’m out of ear shot of anyone.

“I will find it. On my own.” I state matter of fact. She gives me a sideways glance, clearly confused.

“Why don’t you want to ask?” She’s clueless.

“Look, I may be okay with this pregnancy but I doubt others would think it’s a great thing.” She chuckles to herself.

“Oh Gracie, who cares what others think. Really, don’t let them bring you down.”

“I do. I care what others think.” I interrupt. It’s not that I’m ashamed but being pregnant at this age is hardly something to celebrate in public. I know sooner or later people will talk, but for now I’d like to keep it quiet. Is that wrong?

“Okay, so what about when we find it? You’re not going to just walk out with it in your shirt or something, are you?” I stare at her in disbelief. Then a thought occurs to me. I hadn’t really thought about the next step. I was just thinking I needed the book. I didn’t think about what to do once I got it. I take a deep breath and look around at the signs that might point me in the right direction.

“Sorry Gracie, I didn’t mean to say that. It’s just I wasn’t sure what you expected. I mean once you find it, we’ll have to pay for it and they’ll see it anyway. So why hide it?” I pat her shoulder in assurance that I wasn’t offended.

“It’s okay Meg. I didn’t even think that far ahead. I guess you’re right. They’ll see it so I may as well just accept that I’m going to get weird looks and whatnot. Nothing I can do about it.” I give a small smile.

“Well, I can buy it for you if you want.” I almost say yes but the more I think about it, the more it sounds cowardly. I am not going to be a coward. I can handle a few stares or whispers from people I’d probably never see again. I turn to Meg and smile a real smile, which shows appreciation.

“Thanks Meg! You’re the best friend a girl could ask for. But I have to be the adult and fight my own battles.” I say with confidence. She nods her head and smiles back.

“That’s my girl. And I’ll be here if you need me. I’ll fight right beside you. Always.” I appreciate the friendship Meg shares with me. She always understood me, even when I sometimes didn’t understand myself. She never let me down.