Choices (22 page)

             
“I understand and you have every right to be angry. I think this whole situation is just really difficult for us all and add to the mix a baby. God, how the hell can life get so damn confusing?” I blink back tears, wishing I could transport time and change things. My feet start to ache inside my shoes. I lean my head back against the headrest and close my eyes.

             
“I want you to come with me.” I say, my eyes still closed.

             
“It’s okay, really. You and Nick go and you can call me when you find out.” I look at him and see him smiling. A part of me wishes Nick never asked to go but maybe it’s better this way. And it makes sense for him to go, even though it took all this time for him to want to be part of this baby’s life. It makes me feel grateful that Carter’s not making me choose and after everything, he still wants to be in my life. A smile spreads on my lips.

             
“Thank you for being so understanding. I really do appreciate it and I’m sorry this is so complicated.” I kiss the back of his hand.

             
“I’ll do anything for you Gracie. Even if I don’t like it, I’ll deal with it. I just don’t want this to be so hard on you.” I bring our joined hands up to my chest and let out a sigh, staring out the window.

             
“I need to talk to Nick. I have to tell him I’m not going to USC with him.” That’s not a conversation I look forward to having.

             
“Do you want me to go with you?”

             
“No, really Carter it’s okay. I will be okay. This is something I need to do on my own. But I’ll tell you all about how it goes.” I smile as we pull up to my house and I get out of the car.

Chapter 33

“Can you believe you’re halfway through this pregnancy already? That’s freakin’ amazing!” It feels longer to me. It feels like I’ve been pregnant for years, although I can probably thank the side effects for that.

“Nick asked me to move to California with him.” Meg’s mouth drops open in shock then quickly changes to anger.

“You said no right?”

“I told him I had to think about it.”

“Think about what? Gracie, you’re not considering getting back together with him are you?” I’m sitting on the edge of her bed, leaning over with my hands on my knees. Her closeness makes me feel uncomfortable and I almost slip off the bed but scoot back a little.

“No, of course not. But when he came over on Thanksgiving, he dropped this big bomb on my head about being Carter’s cousin. I was in shock already so when he told me he wanted me and the baby to move with him, I guess I told him I would think about it because I had no idea what else to say.”

“Oh Gracie. I get that, I guess. That was a surprise and a bit disturbing in my opinion. They are such opposites. But what about Carter? You guys are so great for each other. Don’t hurt him.” She closes my pregnancy book she was reading and sits up, crossing her legs.

“Relax Meg. I’m not going anywhere. I mean, what if being with Carter is a mistake?”

“And being with Nick wouldn’t be?” I know it would, or a part of me thinks it would. I am so confused. I know I love Carter. He’s been great to me. Ugh, guys always complicate everything.

“Well, I’m going to tell Nick today that it’s too late. It was a dream once, to go with him to California. But things have changed.
”

“Oh thank God. Thank you Gracie. You’re making the right choice. I couldn’t bear to lose you to that jerk.” I hold my hand up to silence her.

“Just wait. He’s coming with me to my appointment.” She makes a disgruntled noise.

“Are you kidding me? Ugh, well I guess I can deal with that. He just better watch it. I am not up to dealing with his shit. Or I’ll bitch-slap him into next week.”

I couldn’t hold back the smile that surfaced on my lips. “I love you Meg. You and your foul mouth.” She rolls her eyes at me and begins to read more from the book.

“Did you know at the end of this month the baby will be seven to nine inches long? It’s no longer a peanut.” Meg frowns at me then continues reading about the fifth month.

“Well I feel better knowing that the ears have only fully developed. I haven’t been reading to the baby yet.”

“You’ve got time, but you should start now.”

“So, how’s it going with Mason?” As soon as I mention his name, her face turns red.

“Well, I wasn’t going to tell you yet because of all the crap you’ve been going through. But Mason and I…um kinda…did it.” I give her a puzzled look. “We did it.” I am still not
following her, not because I’m slow but because all of a sudden my baby starts doing karate chops in my belly and I no longer hear her.

“Oh sorry, let me have your hand.” She tilts her head, questioningly. I grab her hand and place it where the baby is going to town on my bladder. What the fuck is wrong with this fetus? I have never felt it this intense.

“Oh my God, your baby likes sex.” I push her hand away in disgust.

“Shh, don’t you talk like that in front of
...” Dammit, I want to know already what this baby is. Boy or girl, I don’t care. I just want to be able to say their name instead of “baby”. Meg laughs at me and I glare at her. “Okay, so you did that. And was it everything you thought it would be?”

“Absolutely. It was pretty amazing. I mean, I always considered what it would be like with him and quit looking at me like that bitch.” I can’t help but laugh at her. I always knew she had a thing for Mason, it was quite obvious. At least to me it was. But to hear her talk about her Mason fantasies is just too much. She lightly punches my arm and I feign hurt.

“Sorry, I can’t help it. But really, that’s great Meg. You deserve to be happy. And I can’t think of a better guy for you than Mason.” I hug her.

“How is it going with Carter?”
I can’t help the huge smile that spreads across my face. Or the swarm of butterflies taking flight in my belly.

“We’re good, really good. He took me to meet his family. I had a great time. They were all so welcoming. A big difference from Nick’s family who never gave two shits about me. His niece Maddie though, she was my favorite of the bunch. She warmed my heart.”

“That’s awesome. I’m glad they accepted you and you all got along. Nick’s mom is a bitch. She was never nice to you.” I remember the conversation with Sylvia in the kitchen.

“Yeah, she’s Carter’s aunt but they are so different. Sylvia told me she hates everyone, especially anyone trying to steal her son. No girl would ever be good enough for him. It’s too bad he doesn’t have balls big enough to stand up to her though. He’s definitely a mama’s boy.” And he always has been. I should have known that wouldn’t change. I get up off the bed and start pacing the room, nervous
, trying to get my bearings. I just need to talk to Nick and get it over with. I stop and look at her Jason Statham poster filled walls. “You should probably take those down. Mason is going to get jealous one of these days.” She scoffs, as if I just said the most absurd thing.

“
He will have to deal with it. Jason deserves a spot on my wall.” I shake my head at her but leave it alone. It’s not worth arguing. She’s a huge fan and collects all of his movies. Personally, I don’t think he’s
that
hot but whatever. I won’t tell her that. He is a good actor though.

“Hey, I gotta go. I’ll call you later.”

“Oh, okay. Be good.”

When I pull up to Nick’s house, I mentally prepare myself before getting out. I’m more apprehensive about running into his mom than anything else. I have a suspicion that she’s not even aware I’m pregnant-with her grandchild. I stare at the front door ready to exit my car when a tap on the window makes me jump and my hand goes right to my heart.

I roll the window down and see Nick looking back at me.

“Hey. What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk.” I glare at him for a minute. “You should refrain from scaring a pregnant girl. You could really give them a heart attack.” He rolls his eyes as I roll my window up and get out of the car. He leads me into his kitchen through the hallway, which is smaller than mine. The house is smaller too. The cabinets look old and rusty and the paint needs a fresh coat. But even so, I came here many times and always felt comfortable. Well, not in his family’s presence. I can only recall a few times I was here when Nick was gone but it was for short times.

“Do you want something to drink?” Nick asks politely.

“No thanks.” He grabs a cup and fills it with red Gatorade, then sits down at the small wooden table across from me. He clears his throat before speaking.

“I’m really glad you came here.”

“I’m sorry for storming out the way I did. I hope Granny wasn’t too harsh.” I’m not sure what possesses me to be nice to him. But I smile a little, tapping my foot quietly. He lets out a short laugh, looking shameful.

“She was okay. She had a right to be angry.” He looks at me, serious. “I’m sorry for all the crap I put you through. I was a coward. You were so brave and put together.”

              “What about punching your cousin in the face?” A dark look crosses his face when I mention Carter.

             
“Oh, no he deserved that.” Even though I am curious why he thinks that, I drop it.

             
“Just so you know, I was not brave or put together. I may be brave now, but in the beginning I was a basket case. You left me at the worst time. I was terrified. I was sick for the first few months and wasn’t gaining any weight. I was also weepy, which still comes out even now but not as much. Not to mention, I was in the hospital because I became anemic. But you wouldn’t know any of that, would you?”

             
“I’m sorry Gracie. I never meant to hurt you.” He tries to take my hand that is resting on the table, but I pull it away from his grasp.

“It’s a little late for that now. But I didn’t come here to fight. I just wanted to tell you
it’s okay for you to come to my next appointment, if you want.” He looks surprised and then smiles which irritates me but I bite my tongue to keep from making a comment.

             
“Really? Thank you.” He looks hesitant, like he wants to say something but is afraid of my reaction. “So does this mean we’re starting over?”

             
I flinch at his words. “What?”

             
“Are you giving me another chance?” I should have known he’d think that. I slowly shake my head and he looks disappointed. Is he serious?

             
“I’m sorry Nick. I meant to say you can come to my appointment but I’m not going to USC with you. I can’t.” A flash of hurt crosses his face and guilt settles in my chest. But what about all the hurt he caused me? Can I just forget it like it never happened? No, no I can’t. He just has to deal with it-the way I had to deal with him leaving me.

             
“Can I ask why?”

             
“Because my family and friends are here.” I sit up straight, the back of the chair causing my back to ache.

             
“You mean because Carter is here.” He snaps. I recoil but snap back.

             
“Don’t bring him into this Nick. I just can’t leave.” Maybe I was the one who brought him into this in the first place, but that’s beside the point.

             
“You never had a problem before. We had plans to leave, remember?” I stand up, no longer able to sit still. I’m fuming with rage.

             
“You left me, remember? We made plans to start a life together-after graduation; before I found out I was pregnant. Plans changed.” He kicks his chair back hastily, making a loud scratching sound.

             
“Is it because of Carter? Is that why?” He’s inches from my face, but I don’t back down.

             
“I…I love him Nick.”

             
“You don’t know him Gracie.” His gaze is intense. He keeps his hands to his sides and I step back.

             
“I don’t know the guy he used to be. I know the guy he is now though.” I can feel his hot breath on my face, since he decided to crowd my space again. Jerk.

             
“You don’t know him like I do.”

             
“No, I know him better than you do Nick. You know him as someone who was lost and made a mistake. I know him as someone who is trying to fix himself and be a better person. You walked away. You gave me away. He is who you were supposed to be. When you left, I had to move on and deal with my future on my own. I didn’t plan on being with anyone, but it happened. He didn’t turn away when he found out I was pregnant. I kept it from him for as long as I could because I was afraid. But do you know how he found out?” I don’t give him a chance to answer before I keep talking. “He found out after he got me to the hospital and the doctor told him. But he didn’t leave me. He should have, he doesn’t deserve to be sucked into this crazy shit. But he’s been there for me the whole time. I’m sorry I had to fall in love with your cousin, I really am. And don’t take this the wrong way, but he’s better with my brother than you ever were. I loved you Nick, and in a way I always will. But it’s time to move on.” Tears fall from my eyes-damn stubborn, ridiculous tears. I turn away to shield my wet face and rub my eyes on my shirt sleeve. They say losing your first love is hard and it is. Nick always meant a lot to me and it hurt when he left me. He may be here now, but it’s too late.

             
“I’m sorry Gracie.” He says. I look back at him.

             
“Stop allowing the past to manipulate your future. I don’t know exactly what happened but I know it should be dealt with so you can move on. You’re supposed to be family. And your aunt cares about you.” He narrows his eyes angrily.

             
“You talked to her about this? Did she tell you that she had an affair with my dad? She’s the reason this family broke apart. And let’s not forget, Carter almost had us killed. He took advantage of me when he knew I was in no condition to drive.” I don’t register the words right away but when it sinks in, I feel like the wind was knocked out of me and I can’t find my voice. What he was saying sounded absurd to my ears. I wouldn’t believe it. I couldn’t. Sylvia is not that type of person. Something wasn’t adding up.

             
“It’s not true. She would never do that Nick.”

             
“Oh so you’re calling me a liar?” I flinch at his harsh tone. No, I’m not calling him a liar, but I’m calling his mother one. She probably knows the truth but refuses to tell her son.

             
“Sylvia wouldn’t do that to your mom.” I whisper.

             
“Nicky?” I pause at the sound of his mom’s voice drifting from the top of the stairs. I can’t see her yet but dread it when I do, knowing she’s coming.