Choices (2 page)

“
Really, Kristy,” I would tell her. “You should go and make some serious money by being someone’s personal life coach.” Her response was always the same. “Laurel, I am someone’s personal coach - yours and besides you are the only idiot who listens to me anyway.”

“Well, after all the ice cream I ate today, I am not feeling so skinny but, thanks for
saying it anyway. As always, Kristy, you know just how to make me feel good.”

“So, my dearest and bestest girlfriend are we r
eady for GNI… Girls Night In?” Kristy asked excitedly.

“Why, yes, my dearest and be
stest girlfriend, I believe we are.” I replied just as excitedly.

“Bonnie and Joni
are coming at seven.”

Bonnie and Joni. Bonnie is tall and slender with super, stick straight, beautiful, white blonde hair and exquisite blue eyes. She has the type of hair that would make you hate her if you didn’t know and love her so much. She would be the woman you would throw daggers at with your eyes at the supermarket, while you took in your own reflection from the frozen food aisle mirror of your hair that looked like the four- year- old screaming next to you had set it on fire. Bonnie always reminded me of that commercial…”Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.”

Joni is of a slightly smaller frame than the rest of us with dark wavy
hair and sympathetic blue eyes. She was so excited at her fortieth birthday party because I finally convinced her to buy a new outfit and wear some makeup. Joni enjoyed the effect, however, for Joni it was way too much effort. Kristy and I refer to them as the new girls. I met Joni while I was nursing at Children’s Hospital. She was there tutoring a group of young patients and Bonnie came along through preschool children. We are four inseparable friends.  When we are together, we are as giggly as a bunch of fifteen year olds.

Joni, who is so sarcastic and loving all at the same time
, is a true champion of expressing your own opinions without any filters. I just love that about Joni. You always know where you stand with her. Nothing is contrived or forced; however, it can be exhausting living in such a black and white world with Joni. You had better mean what you say and say what you mean with that girl. That’s okay, though, Joni is so truly herself.

Our Bonnie is the wise sage. Where
, when and how this woman is able to dole out advice is phenomenal - all while creating and cooking fabulous meals. Bonnie is the ultimate chef. Her job on GNI is usually to make the chocolate dessert! 

My friends are so talented and loving. They are wonderful and spectacular women
, and I am so proud to call them my friends. My life would be so boring - not to mention absolutely impossible - if I didn’t have these three extraordinary creatures in my life with whom to cry, laugh and love.

“O
h, goody! I wasn’t sure if Joni was coming or not.” Kristy whispered as she was laying her fifth baby down for the night.

“You’re whispering so I am assuming that Baby Jack is ready for night-nights?”

“Yes, thank God! He is so dang fussy with these teeth coming in. You would think that after five I would be accustomed to the crankiness. But, today, the little bugger was really getting on my nerves.”

“Listen, honey, if anyone can handle
five babies teething at once, it would be you. You have the patience of a saint!” I quickly reminded her.  I can’t imagine having five children. I was ready to pull my hair out with only three. Kristy always wanted a large family. She says that she is done but, I believe her about as far as I could throw her 6’4” 210 pound husband across the room. Mitch always wanted a large family too. He says he enjoys the practice of getting the job done right. Who doesn’t? I, however, am slightly more cautious about the repercussions of unprotected practicing.

“
Hey, I almost forgot to tell you that I ran into Jo Phillips at the mall, today.” Kristy wasn’t whispering anymore and now yelling at Mitch in between our conversation.

“Holy Shit, Joanna
Phillips! I thought she moved to Florida before she had the baby.”

“Oh, she did. Once she found out sh
e was pregnant and Robbie O’Connor didn’t want anything to do with her, she moved to Florida and had the baby and raised him there. The baby by the way is now a twenty two year old college graduate who is quite the hottie,” she informed me. “Joanna came back to Pennsylvania because it was time for some healing. She told me she wanted to have a party for her son and invite some of her old high school friends. Joanna showed me his picture. Good Lord the boy could be a model. He really is breathless! I think she said he has a degree in architecture. He must be really smart. Hmm… smart, young, sexy and good looking! Wow, can I trade my husband in for an upgrade. Just kidding!”

“Only
you, Kristy, could get all that information in lightening record speed! What did it take you all of a minute and a half? I bet you had the two babies with you in the double stroller, too?” I quipped.

“Of course. You know me. I got things to do and I need to be in the know! And
, I need to know fast. Alright, Mitch, I heard you! Okay, I gotta get moving someone is getting jealous of my time away from him. He is as bad as the kids! Are we on this Friday night at your house at 7 for GNI. Remind me again, what am I bringing? Oh, never mind I remember. I’m in charge of the wine this month, right?

“Right, you are, my dear.” I reminded her.

“Okay, Okay! Dang-it! I gotta go.” Kristy yelled at Mitch while she said goodbye to me. “I love you, have a good week and I will see you Friday night. Bye.”

“Bye, my dear friend.” I replied sadly. I always hated saying goodbye to Kristy. It was like finishing a really good book you didn’t want to end.  I always knew ther
e would be another conversation. Sometimes it was just really hard to let go. Kristy just had a wonderful way about her that made me feel that I was the only person in the world that mattered. No wonder, everyone loved her! I so rarely ever got that feeling even as a child and even less so as an adult mother. Where would I be without my girlfriend? I shudder when I think about that one and quickly change the course of my thought pattern.

You know I often wondered why men and women were married.
It seems women or wives for that matter, seemed so much more compatible for each other. They get it! The schedule that needs to be balanced and juggled, - the housework that needs to be done, the job that needs to be fulfilled, all the while answering questions like “Where is heaven?  Why is the sky blue?  Why are those two dogs doing that to each other in the park and howling?” They just get it!

I sometimes entertained the idea of marrying a woman like Kristy
. Not only is she beautiful at nearly six feet tall with her golden brown hair that she wears in an adorable cropped bob and with her statuesque model like figure 36-24-36 which she has managed to keep after five kids. She is the sweetest, kindest, most truthful woman I’ve ever known or will know for that matter. Her golden brown eyes alone could envelope you in warmth and remind you of a loving, soft hug from Mommy on a cold winter’s day. We would have a great life together. We would raise the kids, have wonderful conversations, be involved in each other’s lives, be strong and supportive for one another, and help each other around the house. We would make fabulous wives for one another. We would be in tune to each other’s moods and feelings, partly because we were both female, and partly because we were such close friends.  Gosh, some things would just go unsaid, falling under the category of female intuition. The only problem I could see was that the idea of kissing her or making love to her made me violently ill!  Damn it! I just like sex, with the opposite sex, too much to give it up for a life of comfort and convenience. Oh, the sacrifices we make as women!

“Well, did you get your invitation in the mail?” Kristy asked breathlessly while
she juggled baby Jack around my messy kitchen.

“Um, yeah I think it came today. I didn’t open it yet though.” I answered.

“I’m actually looking forward to going. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen some of our old high school friends. It would be a reunion of sorts.”

Of course Kristy would be excited about going. She is always so positive.
I on the other hand had a few trepidations.

“We could make an appointment to get our hair done and our fingernails and toes before we go
. You know make it a girls day out.”

“Thanks, but the kids have swim team practice and band practice and gymnastics. You go with Bonnie or Joni and have fun.”
I sighed sadly.

“Wait, I know that tone. When was he drunk this time? Oh, don’t answer it, I know already.
Honestly, Laurel, I don’t know how you do it? How on God’s green earth do you stay so loyal! I hate seeing you like this!”

“
I know, I know. You’re a good friend, Kristy. You’re always there for me. I never could hide from you could I? When I look at Paul, I see the man I fell in love with, the man who made me laugh and gave me beautiful children. Everything is so good when he’s healthy, like the way it was when we were in college. God, now I sound like a sappy, maudlin movie. He just loses his way, lets his inner demons take control, and shuts me out. Sometimes there are other forces at work in your life and you aren’t in control. Let’s save that discussion for another time. I don’t think I have the strength to tackle that after my conversation with him on the phone last night.” I sighed heavily.

“Where is he this week?”

“Chicago.”

“O
kay, enough talk about addictive husbands. Let’s enjoy this beautiful spring day in May.” Kristy was heading toward the deck in the backyard. “Let’s go see the new pool!” She suggested.

In my whirlwind of swim team, gymnastics and now horse camp the days were a blur. What was that old saying…the days were endless but the months and years flew by. Oh, how true that was. I can’t believe it was the end of June, the kids were out of school and it was a few days until Jo’s son’s party. I haven’t been to Jo’s house since my high school graduation. Her parents still lived in the same old farm house without too many renovations to the original integrity of the beautiful structure that comprised the farm house. Jo’s home was beautiful from what I remembered. I had mixed feelings about going and I was happy that Paul was going to be home and able to attend but then that usually brought about its own set of anxieties as well. My thoughts were getting the better of me, as usual.
Will my old friends see how wrinkled I am? Well, now wait a minute they will be old too, right? Okay, that’s good. God, I hope my kids behave. I’ll have to pull out the big guns...bribery. Will they knew how fat I became? Man, was I glad that I lost fifty pounds. I certainly did not want to see a bunch of old high school friends looking like a part of Jo’s farmhouse. Will the old cliques still be in touch?
My mind was spinning.
C’mon Laurel, you are not that insecure little seventeen year old. You are a grown woman, with a wonderful family, a loving husband and a great career.
Yeah, right, who am I kidding? High school feelings never leave no matter how old you get!

“Brielle, let’s get the lead out!” Paul shouted as we all piled into the van on the last Saturday in June.

“Mommy, does Daddy have to yell at me?”

“Well, he wouldn’t yell at you if you were on time for once, you big slow poke.” Vanessa chuckled.

“It takes me awhile to find the right outfit.”
Brielle whined.

The ride to Jo’s house was too short and a little unsettling for me. My stomach churned as the kids played their DS games and Paul listened to his sports weekly wrap up. My thoughts wandered to years gone by and events and meetings and dates that happened a lifetime ago.
Why was I still worried if I was good enough? Would I fit in? Did I really fit in at all? Nonsense, Laurel, you are being ridiculous.
Honestly, who cares what they think. You have a good life; remember that, even if there are a few bumps in the road.

As we pulled up Jo’s winding driveway to her parent’s farmhouse, I remember the last time I was there to vis
it her. The baby was about four weeks old and Jo looked so tired and upset. Jo flew up from Florida after she had the baby and Robbie had left her and Brandon. Her parents were so supportive and loving. Kristy and I helped Jo take care of the baby that day, so she and her parents could get some rest. We feed and changed him and constantly held him. He was beautiful and smelled so yummy and delicious. I ached everywhere while I held him, he was so delightful.

“Does it make you want to have one of your own”, Kristy whispered so as not to wake the sleeping baby.

“Yeah, it does but, Christ not right now. Look at Jo. She looks so tired and miserable not to mention scared shitless.” I said in a hushed voice. “I have too many things to do, like go to college for instance. And carve out a life for myself. The thought of having to be responsible for someone other than me right now makes me nauseous and want to search for a puke bucket. Don’t tell me you’re thinking of having one now with Mitch, are you?”