Chloe (6 page)

Chapter Fifteen

Christina Perri – A Thousand Years

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9ayN39xmsI

Chloe~

I stare at the photo of Laurie laughing at me. I’m an idiot, I deserved to be laughed at. I lied about going out. The last thing I want to do is go out. I’ve been drowning myself in ice cream and chocolates, listening to all the sad music I could download since I got back to my one bedroom flat.

It’s hard to get back to my old fun self when it feels like I left half of me in America. When I close my eyes I see his blue ones. When I hug my pillow I fantasize it’s his chest I’m crying into.

Ugh … I’m a blubbering mess and it’s not even that time of the month.

I drag the box of chocolates closer and listlessly start to nibble on one. I open my Gmail account again and throw the rest of the chocolate at the screen when I see Zac’s message.
Be good.
I read the words over and over. If only he knew that he turned me into a bloody nun. Now that piece of information should make him happy.

I open a hangout screen for Emma.

‘I’m so bloody miserable, Sunshine. I can’t even enjoy chocolate anymore. I miss all of you so much.’

Lie. Lie. Lie. But I won’t admit to Emma that I’m a mess because of Zac. I’m too scared she’ll tell him.

I go to make myself a cuppa and when I come back there’s a message from Emma waiting for me.

‘Why not just admit you miss Zac. Talk to him. Make things right.’
I stick my tongue out at the screen. Emma knows me better than anyone, of course I can’t hide anything from her.

‘I have been talking to Zac. We’re fine. We’re friends like it should’ve been from the start.’

I grab another chocolate and take a bite out of it.

‘Friends my arse. You’re in love with him. You can’t be in love with your friend.’

I need to get off this topic. I chuck the chocolate to the side.

‘You can love your friends. I love you and Aiden.’

There that should tell her.

‘Are you telling me you love Zac? There is a huge difference between being in love and loving someone.’

“Bloody hell, Sunshine! Give it a break!”

‘The one is all flutter butterflies and the other is forever. If you love him then you have to admit you’re his forever girl.’
Her next message pops up before I can reply.

‘I love him like a friend. Drop it now.’

Seconds later… ‘
You don’t have sex with your friends.’

‘Let’s move on to a better topic. How is my little miss doing?’
I drink all of my tea in one gulp wishing it was something stronger.

‘Aww … she does this curl thing with her toes when I put on her favorite program.’
Yeah, just like that the topic of Zac is forgotten. I should’ve mention Laurie sooner.

~*~

After I said bye to Emma I cleaned up all the half eaten chocolates. I decide to take a shower. Grabbing the shorts and t-shirt I sleep in my eyes fall on Big Ben.

“If only you were attached to Zac’s body, I’d shag the life out of you.” I sigh and go take the shower, trying to wash the frustration from my body.

I spend another night tossing and turning. I dress in my nurse’s uniform, but before I leave for work I can’t help but check my mails.

‘Have a nice day at work.’

Zac sent the message ten minutes earlier. I can kick my arse for not looking sooner. I could’ve caught him online.

“Yeah, and then you’d be late for work.”

‘Sweet dreams.’
As I press send I realize it’s midnight by Zac. Is he not sleeping well, like me?

~*~

It’s been a long day and I’m burning to get back to my computer.

I kick off my shoes and head straight for my room. I switch on the computer and bite my thumbnail while I wait for my Gmail account to load.

There’s nothing. “What! Nooo … you’re supposed to message me again!” Disappointment settles heavy in my chest.

Jealous that I can’t see what Zac is doing, I start to think the worst of things. Maybe he’s gone out? What if he finds a woman that ends up being his forever girl?

I slump down on my bed, tears pricking my eyes. Grabbing my phone I go to my playlist and soon
Richard Marx
is singing ‘
Right here waiting’
.

I grab my pillow and start to sob my heart out as Richard’s sad words fill the room.

Seconds later I’m blubbering along to the song, sounding like a dying cat. “I hear the laughter, I taste the tears, but I can’t get near you now,” I end the verse on a hic-up.

Oh shit, I feel miserable.

~*~

Chapter Sixteen

Bon Iver – I can’t make you love me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MJio3s2wFI

Zac~

I’ve been constantly messaging with Chloe for the last two weeks. No, time did not fly, it fuckin’ leopard crawled by so slow, I’m about to lose my damn mind.

I’ve become addicted to our Google chats. I race home to get to my computer so we can talk.

Right now I’m sitting like the douchebag I am, waiting for Chloe to respond. It sucks, I know I’m a sucker for punishment, but I can’t go a day without talking to her.

Chloe’s response pop’s up. ‘
Hi, my love. Had a busy day. How was yours? Did you catch any bad guys?’

My heart rate picks up. She started calling me her love exactly four days ago, right after I called her babe. It was innocent, I promise. She said she’s having chocolate ice cream for dinner and I joked back, saying, ‘
Don’t be such a tease, babe.
’ See, totally innocent.

‘My day was okay. Nope, no bad guys today. Tomorrow I might get lucky.’

My body grows hot when she responds. ‘
If I was there you could’ve been lucky tonight lol.’

She’s been more her old self the last week, joking with me again. Sometimes I don’t know what to respond, like now.

‘Don’t make me video call you. You can always give me a striptease then.’

WTF! Did I just suggest sexting with her. No, douchebag, you suggested actual video sex! I drop my face to my hands. I’m too afraid to look up at her response, eventually I peek through my fingers.

‘Wouldn’t you like it if I shook my arse for you lol. I have to go now, so we’ll have to take a rain check on that.’

Aww, just fuckin’ great. I scared her off.

‘Be good.’
I’m itching to type something else, but end up sending her my usual response.

Just fuckin’ awesome, Zac. Just because you have a permanent hard-on when you talk to her it doesn’t mean you should perve all over her!

Tomorrow I need to do some serious damage control and get us back into a comfortable space. I don’t want to push her too hard.

~*~

My Sunday starts bad. Emma just showed me a photo Chloe sent her. Some dude has his arm around her waist. Fine, it’s a group photo, but the prick still has his arm around her.

By the time I get to Laurie’s grave, I’m ten different levels of upset.

“I know. I’m the one who let her go. I can’t get upset if she decides to see someone.” I stare at the grave for a long moment, before I huff an annoyed breath. “Friends, I hate that word. I don’t want to be her friend. I want to be more. You’ll understand won’t you, Sweetheart? I’ll always love you but it’s time for me to move on. I know I can make her happy. We both deserve to be happy.”

After the visit to the cemetery, I’m determined to find out who the prick in the photo is. I message Chloe the second I get home. I know I sound like a jealous douche, but I can’t stop myself.

‘Saw a photo of you. Who’s the guy that can’t stand on his own?’

Five fuckin’ hours! That’s how long she makes me wait to answer.

‘He’s a friend. You sound jealous. Friends don’t get jealous.’

There’s that damn word again. She obviously wants to keep me in the friend-zone. I resist the urge to bang my head against the desk.

‘Friends still care about each other. I’m just worried.’
I bold the word ‘friends’. I don’t care if I’m upsetting her by being sarcastic.

‘I know friends care about each other. I love ya tons, too. TTYL.’

What the hell does TTYL mean? I look it up quickly. “Talk to you later? Great! Just fuckin’ great! I’ve managed to scare Chloe away again.” I hit the desk, angry with myself.

I’m going to lose her friendship if I don’t back down. The next message I type, even though it’s the total opposite of what I feel.
‘You’re right, I’m a prick. You’re allowed to have fun. That’s why I love you so much, after all, because you’re such a care free person. TTYL.’

~*~

Chapter Seventeen

Birdy – All you never say

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iB5MLmmgyE

Chloe~

I feel an even bigger sense of loss since I last chatted with Zac. I put myself out there saying I love him. I really thought we were on the same page and me pushing him like I did would get him to –

“What? You think he’d do the same as Aiden and cross and ocean for you? Come on! Pft…” I’ve been lying on my bed scolding myself for telling him how I feel and then running away like a headless chicken.

His response gutted me. In not so many words he told me to have fun, in other words to find someone new and shag away.

Ugh … my life sucks balls. Huge donkey ones.

~*~

The next day I’m the first to message Zac. I need to make things right. I can’t lose his friendship, I at least need that if I can’t have him.

‘Sorry for being such a wanker yesterday. You’ve become a dear friend to me and I treasure our chats. I don’t want to lose them. ;)’

“There I even added a damn smiley face. Fuck, Chloe you’re talking way too much to yourself,” I scold while I wait for his reply. “As long as you don’t answer yourself, you’re not mental.” I blow a few strands out of my face. “Oh fuck it, I just answered myself. I’m a total nutty arse.”

‘I’m the one who should apologize. You’re a dear friend to me too.’

“Ugh, that’s it?” I rub my eyes to ease the sting I already feel coming on. “What did you expect a bloody love declaration? At least he’s your friend, be bloody happy with that.”

I need to put some space between us. This chatting everyday is what’s driving me mental. I need to go out again. I need to have fun.

I do just that. I log off and get dressed in my usual short skirt and matching jacket. Tonight I’m getting rat-arsed. I’m not coming home before I drink Zac out of my system.

~*~

Chapter Eighteen

Pentatonix  - Say Something

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dYlvdLdK9w

Zac~

I haven’t heard from Chloe in two days. She still hasn’t responded to my message. I think it’s time I realize we’re only meant to be friends. At least she opened my eyes and made me see that I’m ready to move on. I’m still a hot-blooded man with needs and it’s okay to start a new future. I should thank her. Of course I won’t! I’m just saying I should.

~*~

It’s been a month since we had our ‘friends’ conversation. I now hear from Chloe once a week, ironically it’s also on Sundays. I now spend my Sundays talking to both the women who left me. Come on, you have got to see the irony in that.

I don’t stalk her anymore, well not every day, now it’s just every third or fourth day, depending on the case I have.

I still miss her, but I know this is for the better. Some people cross your path and you’re just meant to be friends. She’ll always be special to me. 

~*~

Chapter Nineteen

Lucia - Silence

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAm_uoV1z5k

Chloe~

It’s Sunday and I’m waiting like an idiot for Zac to sign on. He’s already thirty minutes late.

After waiting another hour I sign off. I go to my kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine. Bugger that, I’m done. If he doesn’t even have the decency to let me know he won’t make it, why should I bother.

I finish the bottle on my own before I drag my knackered arse to bed.

That night I sleep like a baby, knowing things are really over between us. Zac is really just another friend.

~*~

(to be continued in Zac…)

Coming late 2014

ZAC

I found love twice … I lost it twice.

Screw that, who says I have to be the one to lose again?

I told Chloe I would fight for her and I’m going to. She’s my forever-girl and this time I’m going to make her see it.

~*~

Chapter One

Gabriella Aplin – Human

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=id_k_uNUud8

Zac~

“Idiot,” Aiden pipes up out of the blue. We’ve been on this stake-out for nine hours now. My ass is feeling numb and I missed my chat session with Chloe, and now I’m being called names?

“Why am I an idiot?”  I decide to tolerate him.

“You know why. You let the opportunity of a lifetime pass you by. You know,” he turns in his seat to face me, “actually you’re not an idiot, you’re a dumbass. You and Chloe could’ve had what I have with Emma.”

“You’re right I am.”
Wha-at?
I’m not going to deny letting Chloe slip through my fingers was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. I should’ve done more to keep her here instead of just waving goodbye and watching her go back to the U.K. I’ve feel empty since she left. It’s a different emptiness to what I experienced after Laurie passed away. With Laurie I felt empty and broken, because I knew I’d never see her again – she was just gone, taken from me. With Chloe I feel empty and frustrated beyond belief, knowing I could’ve done so much more to keep her. Aiden is right, I’m a dumbass for letting the chance of a lifetime slip through my fingers.

Aiden slaps my arm and points out my window. “There’s our guy. Let’s bring him in.” Thank God! We’ve been working this specific case for five months. We finally got a hot lead that flushed out this specific drug dealer.

I open my door. A loud crack explodes in my ears and then glass shatters all over me. Shock ripples through my body, sending me into high alert. 

“Fuck! Zac!” Aiden yells, and grabs me from behind, his arm coming around my chest. He pulls me back from the door, while starting the car. Only when he speeds away and I hear the bullets slamming into the car, do I realize we’re being shot at. “Fuck no! Not again. You just hold on. I’ll get you to the hospital in minutes.”

Aiden’s words don’t make sense. A harsh cough overwhelms me. I feel something wet and warmth spread down my side. Aiden presses his hand hard down under my arm. I try to sit up but my body won’t respond, I only feel an icy, sharp pain spreading through my chest.

“Zac! Zac, say somethin’,” Aiden yells, near hysterics.

I open my mouth to answer him, to tell him to calm down, but instead blood trickles from my mouth. I start to see spots and then the thought hits me hard – Fuck, I’ve been shot!

I want to tell Aiden to tell Chloe I love her, not as a friend but really love her with all my heart, but I can’t get any words out. More spots dance in front of my eyes and the edges of my vision darkens. A coldness seeps through my skin and spreads over my body. The pain throbs with a heartbeat of its own. My chest starts to feel heavy with every breath I suck in. More blood bubbles up my throat and I struggle to suck in the next stabbing breath.

“Don’t you dare leave me, too! You fight, just hold on for me, Zac!” Aiden presses harder down on my side. My head feels too heavy to lift. It feels as if my whole body is going into lockdown.

I cough and droplets of blood spray over Aiden’s pants. If only I had told Chloe I loved her – it’s the last thought drifting through my mind before the darkness swallows me whole

~*~

Chapter Two

Birdy – Wings

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zC90ZWfGM1I

Chloe~

Oh, sweet baby minions, I feel knackered. That bottle of wine is pounding against my skull. There’s even a shrill ringing sound in my ears.

A few seconds later I realize it’s my phone doing the ringing, not the wine. Oh bloody hell man, it’s still dark out! I glance at the time before I focus on the screen. Why would Emma be phoning me at two a.m.? A surge of worry hits me. I hope it’s nothing serious. I pull myself into a sitting position.

“Hi,” I croak into the phone.

“Chloe,” Emma cries and she instantly has all my attention.

“What’s wrong, Sunshine? Are you alright? Is Laurie alright?” I start to ramble through the questions. The fuzziness in my mind clears right up.

Emma starts to sob uncontrollably. “Zac’s been shot.” The words ripple through me and my breathing stops. She didn’t just say that! I get off the bed and start to pace the length of my room.

“Chloe, you there? Did you hear me? Zac’s been shot! It’s bad. They’re busy operating now.”

“What the bloody fuck?” The words rip from me. Anxiety pumps through my body as Emma’s words start to sink in. I’m going to vomit. Oh God, let Zac be alright!

“I’m in the waiting room. They’ve just stitched up Aiden’s arm. He got a flesh wound, but Zac wasn’t that lucky.” Emma takes a shuddering breath and her hysterics die down a little, while mine is building up inside of me like a violent volcano ready to erupt. “We’re waiting to hear how Zac is. I thought you’d want to know.”

“I’m coming. I’ll take the first flight out. Send me the hospitals details,” I say with my voice hoarse from the emotions I’m trying to control. I can’t afford to lose my shit now. I need to get to Zac. I should’ve known something was wrong when he didn’t make our usual Google chat. He’s not the type to leave a person hanging.

We say our goodbyes and I rush to my cupboard so I can pack. I phone and book the first flight to South Carolina. My flight leaves in four hours, I need to get everything together. I can lose it when I see that Zac is alright.

The thoughts that I’ll never feel his arms around me, never get to make passionate love to him again, never get a chance with him – they strangle the very air from my lungs.

It’s funny how you think you have all the time in the world. You think the guy will turn into your Prince Charming and come sweep you off your feet. Not in this day and age – you want something you’ve got to take it. I should have learned that lesson with everything that happened with my parents.

I want Zac. I need him. I need the chance to try and make him mine.

With my emotions torn between hope and fear, I grab my bag and run for the door. In just a few hours I’ll see Zac with my own eyes. I need to know he’s alright.

I don’t know how, but I promise if he pulls through that I’ll try to be just what he needs.

~*~