Chloe (5 page)

Chapter Twelve

The Civil Wars – The One That Got Away

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dunq3wzZw9I

Zac~

What the hell just happened?

I stare at the open front door for a while before my mind stops racing. How did this night turn into such a clusterfuck? The one minute Chloe is all hot and naked and the next we’re fighting. I was trying to be a nice guy, trying to show her I care about more than just sex with her, and then she accuses me of only wanting her for her body? Why did she explode on me like that? I shake my head, feeling hurt and dumbfounded.

If it was her intention to make me feel guilty and hurt then she succeeded. Am I really betraying Laurie? The thought settles heavy in my gut. I won’t compare Laurie and Chloe, they are way too different. But Chloe may be right, will being with her taint my memories of Laurie?

I brush a hand through my hair and grab a bunch of strands. I shake my head, still stunned.

Was this fight really about me being married to Laurie and Chloe not wanting to taint any of that, or is it all about Chloe not feeling good enough? I’m confused and don’t have a clue where to go from here. I’m a pretty determined person, but there must be a point a person realizes something is not worth it. I might’ve been wrong about Chloe. Maybe I misjudged things because I don’t want to be alone anymore.

~*~

A week of mulling over things and I still don’t feel any better. I’ve told myself to stay away from Chloe until everything makes sense to me, and I know for sure she is worth the fight. There is no way I’m going to try and patch things up only for her to throw the gesture back in my face. I’m not in the mood for another fight.

“You’ve been staring at that report for the last hour,” Aiden snaps me out of my deep thoughts. “You okay?”

“I will be. I just have a lot to think about. This thing with Chloe is so damn frustrating.” I shove my chair back. I need to see Laurie. “I’m taking an early lunch. See you later.”

I drive out to the cemetery and walk the well known path to where Laurie is. I wish she could tell me what to do, how to handle this situation best.

“God, I miss you,” I murmur as I stare at the gravestone. “We never had any fights. That was one of the amazing things about you. We fit so perfectly. It was all smooth sailing with you.” I crouch down on one knee and caress the flowers I brought on Sunday. They still look fresh.

I sigh miserably and get up. I start to stalk the length of Laurie’s grave, up and down, the feeling of frustration bearing down on me.

“Tell me what to do! Tell me you want me to move on! Tell me you’ll still love me if I do! Tell me you’ll forgive me for caring about someone else!” I crack, falling back to my knees on the soft grass. “I need for you to tell me it will be okay. Please, Sweetheart, tell me what to do.”

Tears burn my eyes for the millionth time since Laurie was taken from me.

“Is it really possible for me to love again? I thought you were my forever girl. Is it Chloe? Is she the one? Can I love both of you without comparing the one to the other?”

All the questions weigh down on me until it feels like I’m being torn in two different directions.

“I can’t leave you behind, Sweetheart.” I shake my head, trying to shake some sense into my overemotional mind. “But I can’t stop thinking about Chloe. Am I such a bad person for wanting you both?”

~*~

I’m walking back to my truck when my phone rings. Aiden’s name flashes at me. “Hey, I’m on my way back.”

“No, go to the hospital!” Aiden yells all excited. For a second my heart freezes over. “Emma’s in labor. It’s time! Our little girl is coming!”

“I’m on my way, meet you there in a few minutes.” I run for my truck. I break some traffic laws on my way to the hospital, and when I get there I run to the waiting room.

I find Aiden where he’s walking a hole in the floor.

“How’s she doing? Shouldn’t you be in with her?” I ask, feeling a tinge of worry.

“Yeah, I’m heading in now. I was waiting for you. I’ve phoned mom and dad, but if you can phone Wyatt and Cole to let them know. I’ll let you know when something happens.” Aiden is consumed with excitement. He runs down the passage leaving me to phone.

I’ve just finished the call to Wyatt when Chloe walks in. She slumps down in a chair, looking frazzled.

“Hi,” is all she says, then she takes out her phone and stares at it.

“Hey.” What else can I say back? I didn’t expect to see her so soon.

I make the call to Cole, all the while steeling glances at Chloe. She just continues to stare at her phone.

When I’m done with the calls, I take the seat opposite her. A small smile graces her mouth.

“We’re you with Emma?” I ask to break the silence.

“Yeah, she’s doing great. I got a few photos of her before we left the house. She was so nervous, it took me all the way here to calm her down.”

“You brought her in?” I don’t know why I’m asking her such a stupid question but I regret it when she scowls darkly at me.

“Of course I brought her in. That’s why I’m here, to spend time with her and support her when the baby comes! Do you think I’ll be shagging around during the day?”

Whoa! I hold up my hands in surrender. “I was just askin’. Don’t go biting my head off.”

She huffs a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I just hate being out here instead of with her. She’s all I have.”

All the frustration I’ve been feeling simmers down, leaving me with a feeling of guilt. I keep forgetting Chloe only has Emma.

Chloe’s leg is doing a mile a minute, then she jumps up. “This waiting is going to be the end of me!”

I get up and reach for her, before my mind catches up with what I’m doing. I hug her tightly to me. The moment her body makes contact with mine and her arms go around my waist, I sigh my relief. She tucks her head under my chin, snuggling into me.

It feels so right to hold her, to comfort her. How can something that feels so right be wrong?

“Emma’s going to be just fine. She’s strong. Before you know it she’ll pop Laurie out and we’ll be a little life richer.”

Chloe wiggles out of my hold. “That’s so nice of them.” She ducks her face, trying to wipe her tears without me seeing. “To name her after Laurie. You must be so happy.” A breath shudders through Chloe, making my heart melt.

“It’s awesome of them to name her Laurie. Everyone is happy that Laurie’s memory will live on. Laurie would’ve been happy, too.” I take hold of Chloe’s chin and lift her face to mine. “Laurie will always be loved and live on in our hearts, but life goes on and I know she would want me to be happy.”

Chloe pulls away, shaking her head. “Not here. Let’s not get into it here. We can talk later.” She takes a seat, leaving me to pace the length of the waiting room, feeling all frustrated again.

~*~

Chapter Thirteen

The Civil Wars – Goodbye Girl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgGoVG2MTWs

Chloe~

Four hours and nineteen minutes of worrying my arse off before Aiden lets us know the little missy decided to make her appearance. I just wish I could’ve been there with Emma.

I’ll have to get used to calling her Laurie and not thinking about what I could’ve had with Zac. Will that name forever remind me of what I threw away?

I try to steal a glance at Zac but he catches me, and locks those heavenly blues with mine.

“Yay, we’re an uncle and aunt,” I say with as much enthusiasm I can get in my voice. I need to try and make it right with Zac. If only we could be friends.

“You ready to be Laurie’s godmother?” he asks. Him just saying Laurie’s name brings a pang of loss to the surface. I need to remind myself he’s talking about the little miss that will be my goddaughter.

“I hope so,” I say honestly, “this is all new to me. I’m going to do my best to be there for Emma and the little miss.”

Zac’s stare gets even more intense. “Is that what you’re going to call her, little miss? You can’t even call her Laurie?”

I hate being called out. My eyes dart away from Zac’s and I get up. “I’m going to go look for a cuppa.” I rush from the waiting room to the cafeteria. Maybe having some coffee and a break from Zac will make me think more clearly. I know I have to talk to him but right now I don’t have the guts.

~*~

Zac has been at the house every night since Laurie’s birth. Four nights of watching him with her. The longing in me has only grown, especially after seeing how wonderful he is with her.

He hasn’t tried to get me alone, or to force the subject hanging like a dead weight in the air. I’m going home in three days. It feels numb in me thinking that I might leave without fixing things between us.

~*~

Three days left in the U.S. and I’m wracking my mind trying to come up with an idea to make things better with Zac. It feels like I have a bomb strapped to my arse, ticking off the precious seconds.

Two days to go! I’m drowning in an ocean of warring emotions. I’m busy packing my stuff. When I open the drawer next to the bed and see Big Ben and The Eiffel Tower, I slump down in the defeat. Will I ever enjoy sex again after being with Zac? Every time I look at my vibrators I start fantasizing over that night he made love to me.

~*~

I’m out of time. Guilt is nipping at my arse. I should’ve swallowed my pride and gone to him. What kind of person says such ugly things? I should at least have apologized.

My eyes scan the room one last time, making sure I didn’t forget anything. I walk to Laurie’s room, where I know I’ll find Emma. She’s sitting in the rocking chair, soothing Laurie after a feeding. She’s going to be a wonderful mother. I can see the love shining from her for the little miss.

“I’m all packed and ready to hit the road.” A lump pushes its way up my throat. “Aww hell, Sunshine, I’m going to miss you and the little miss so much.” I start to cry, unable to curb all the emotions I’m feeling. I take Laurie’s little newborn hand in mine and kiss it. “You look after your mum for me. When I come again I want you running around and keeping your mum fit.”

“I’m sure she will,” Emma’s eyes floods with tears, too.

It’s hard saying goodbye, harder than I thought it would be.

“You sure I shouldn’t come?” A look of guilt flashes in Emma’s eyes.

“I’m sure. I don’t want Laurie at the airport between all those people. It will be nutters to take her there. I’m fine with Aiden taking me, that way I can give him a heart-to-heart about taking care of my girls.”

I hug Emma close and then place a kiss on both her forehead and Laurie’s. “You know you’re going to be the best mum, right?”

“Thank you so much for coming to be with me,” she starts to sob, no longer able to keep the tears in. “I love you around the world and back.”

“Love you most.” I quickly walk out of the room as the first sob shudders through my chest. Too busy wiping the tears from my eyes, I walk into a mountain of muscle. Arms go tightly around me and the second I realize it’s Zac holding me, I crumble.

“I’m so bloody sorry, Zac!” I let the apology out on a cry. “I shouldn’t have said all those things to you. You’re really amazing and will make some lucky lady so happy.”

I feel his breath stir my hair. “I still want that woman to be you,” his voice is raw with emotion. “I still think you can be her.”

His words only make me cry harder. I cling to his back, trying to memorize what it feels like to be in his arms.

Aiden clears his throat, getting our attention. “It’s time to go or you’ll be late booking’ in.”

“Just a sec,” I frame Zac’s face in my trembling hands and then look up into his eyes that are shimmering with unshed tears. “Thank you for being so kind and caring to me. You will never know how much that night means to me.” I place a hard kiss to his mouth. This time his lips are warm and soft beneath mine, not unyielding like they were the first time I kissed him.

“We would’ve been great together,” he murmurs, brushing a few strands of my hair from my face.

“I would’ve driven you nutters,” I say, laughter bubbling up my throat only to be squashed by a sob. “Please remember only our good times together. You really mean the world to me.” I let him go and walk right out of the house without looking back. It hurts too much.

~*~

Chapter Fourteen

Birdy – Skinny Love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNzCDt2eidg

Zac~

Chloe’s last words to me just keep spinning in my head, on a never-ending loop for the last two days. She cares about me too. In the end she said it, she admitted in her own way that she cares about me. If only she had done so sooner!

I can’t focus on any of my work I might as well check my emails. I delete the first three that are just spam, then I freeze with the mouse over a request from Chloe to accept her Google + invite. I’ll admit that I’ve been stalking her Facebook page since she left.

I accept her invitation and like a starved man I read through her profile. Fuck she looks hot on her photo, those deep brown eyes smiling up at me from the screen. I drink in her petite features for a good ten minutes.

I open a Google hangout screen, my fingers hover over the keyboard, not sure how to start the conversation.

‘Hope you’ve settled in and you’re not having too much fun.’
I read the words over three more times before I press enter. I drop my face to my hands. Damn, now I know how Aiden felt when Emma went back home.

~*~

Chloe only responds to my message later that night. Yeah, I know stalking the Google + hangout is ridiculous, but I can’t help it.

‘Hey, Mr. Crab! How’s my fellow godparent doing?’

My eyes zoom in on the word ‘my’. She referred to me as hers, not the context I would’ve like, but still hers.

I stare at the screen for a while before I type my response.

‘Doing well. Aiden is still on leave so I’m alone at work. Laurie has grown so much since you left.’
My fingers stop. Why the hell am I talking about anything but us? I press enter before I get the notion to delete it.

It shows Chloe is busy typing and my heart sets of in a flat spin.

She’s online! Right this minute she is looking at the same screen as me! Excitement stirs in my stomach.

When her message pops up, I devour it. ‘
Glad you’re well. Emma’s been sending me pics of the little miss. She’s so bloody adorable. Wish I was there to see her grow up for myself.’

Dammit! I wish Chloe was here so I could hold her. I want to ask her why she doesn’t call Laurie by her name. I want to have that talk we never had!

I don’t type any of what I’m really feeling, but instead keep it light. I don’t want to scare her off.

‘Emma got her the cutest bear outfit. Did she send you a photo of Laurie dressed in it? She is so damn cute in it.’

I love my niece, but I’m running out of things to say about her and I don’t want to stop messaging with Chloe.

‘She did. I have it up as my background on my computer.’

Two seconds later … ‘
I have to go, meeting with some friends for a night of fun. It was nice chatting with you. We should do it again.’

Again I stare at the screen, already feeling the sting of loss.

Be good.
It’s all I manage to type. It shows that Chloe has gone offline already and that the message will be sent to her inbox.

I head straight to my bar. I need a strong drink after that hangout session.

~*~