Children of Gebelaawi (13 page)

longer than they could manage. By then they had finished the

supplies of cheese, eggs and molasses that Umayma had

brough t !'rom the house. Adham made up his mind to go and

work for his living. l-Ie decided to sell some of his fine clothes

to buy a barrow for peddling sweet potatoes, melon seeds,

cucum bers and whatever else was in season. When he began

collecti ng his clothes together, Umayma burst into tears, but

he took no notice. Half angry half mocking, he said:

- These clothes no longer suit me. Wouldn ' t it be a joke if

I went to sell sweet potatoes in a brocaded camel-hair coat!

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Children of Gebelaawi

In no time he was pushing his barrow across the desert to

Gemalia - the same Gemalia that still remembered his wedding procession. He felt oppressed and at first could not bri ng himself to cry his wares. His eyes were almost blinded with

tears, and he fled Lo more distant neighborhoods. From

morning ti ll night he kept on walking and shouti ng till his

hands were tired and his shoes worn out and his feet and all his

joints ached. How he disli ked the women's haggling, and

having to rest on the ground i n the shelter of a wall, and having

to stop in a corner to relieve himselfl And when he came back

to Umayma in the evening, it was not to peace and quiet but to

the work of building the hut.

Life seemed unreal, and the garden and managing the

Trust, and the room looking out over Jebel Muqattam began

to seem like a fairy tale. He said to himself: 'Nothing in this

world is real: nei ther the Great House, nor the unfi nished hut,

nor the garden, nor the barrow, nor yesterday, today and

tomorrow. Perhaps I have done well to live beside the Great

House, so that I shall not lose the past as I have lost the present

and the fu ture. Would i t be strange ifl lost my memory as I have

lost my father and my true self? '

Once he sat dozing at midday in Watawi t AIIey, when he was

wakened by a movement and saw some urchins about to make

off with his barrow. He stood up to threaten them, and one boy

noticed him and warned his friends with a whistle, pushing the

barrow over to distract him from giving chase. The cucumbers

spilt all over the ground wh ile the urchins bounded away like

locusts. Adham was furious and poured forth a torren t of the

foulest curses. Then he bent down to gather up the cucu mbers

which were smothered in dirt. His rage mounted without any

outlet till he burst out passionately:

- Why did your anger burn without pity? Why did you love

your pride more than your own flesh and blood? How can you

be happy with your life of ease and plenty, knowing that we are

46

Adham

trampled on like insects? There's no forgiveness or sweetness

or tolerance in your Great House, you tyrant.

He took hold of the shafts of the barrow and was about to

push it far away from this wretched alley, when he heard a

jeering voice:

- How much are those cucumbers, mister?

He saw ldrees standing with a mocking smile on his lips,

resplendent in a brigh tly colored jellaba and a white scarf. At

the sight ofhis smirk Ad ham's whole world went dark. He gave

his barrow a push, meaning to go, bu t Idrees blocked his path

saying:

- Doesn't a customer like me deserve better treatment?

Ad ham 's head jerked back nervously.

- Leave me alone.

- Can't you find anything better to say to your big brother?

- Idrees, arcn 't you satisfied with what you've already done

to me? I just don't wan t to know you or you to know me.

- How can you say that when we're neighbors?

- I didn ' t want to live ncar you, bu t I decided to stay near

the house wh ich .. .

Idrees interrupted h i m gleefully:

- Which you were thrown out of.

Adham said nothi ng, bu t his discomfort was plain from his

pale face, Idrees persisted:

- Your mind stays in the place it's been thrown out of,

doesn't it?

Adham kept silent, and his brother went on:

- You 're hoping to get back i nto the house, you schemer;

you may be weak, bu t you 're full of crafty schemes. But let me

tell you, I'm not letting you go back without me, not if the sky

falls.

Adham's nostrils dilated with anger as he asked:

- Aren 't you content wi th what you 've done to me?

- Aren't you con ten t with what you've done to mf?. I was

thrown out because of you , though I was the ligh t of the house.

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Children of Gebelaawi

- On the contrary, you were thrown ou t because of your

arrogance.

Idrees roared with laughter.

- And you were thrown our because of your weakness.

There's no room in the Great House for either strength or

weakness. You see your father's tyranny; he won' t allow anybody but himself to combine strength and weakness, but he's so strong that he destroys his loved ones, and so weak that he

marries a woman like your mother.

Adham frowned angrily and said in a trem bling voice:

- Let me go ! And if you wan t to start a fight, pick somebody

your own size.

- Your father is ready to start a fight with weak or strong.

Adham said nothing, and frowned still more. Idrees said

mockingly:

- You don't want to get into trouble by insulting him!

That's one of your clever tricks and proof that you still dream

of goi ng back.

He picked up a cucumber and looked at it with repulsion.

- How can you bri ng yourself to go around with these fi lthy

cucumbers? Can't you fi nd anything better to do?

- I'm conten t with it.

- Or rather, necessity has driven you to it. And all the while

your father enjoys the good life. Think about it a bit; wouldn't

it be best for you to join up with me?

- I wasn 't made for your sort of life.

Look at my jellaba. Its owner was strutting about i n it only

yesterday, which he had no right to do.

- So how did you get it?

- The way strong people do these things.

Had he stolen or killed? Adham said sadly:

- I can 't believe that you 're my brother, Idrees.

Idrees guffawed.

- You won't be surprised as long as you remember I'm

Gebelaawi's son.

48

Adham

Ad ham 's patience was exhausted and he shouted:

- Won't you get out of my way?

- If that's what you 're stupid enough to want!

ldrees filled his pocket with cucumbers, threw a scornful

glance at him, spat on the barrow and left.

Umayma stood up to meet Adham as he neared the hut.

Darkness covered the desert, but i nside the hut a candle

flickered like a dying breath. The stars shed their faint light on

the gigantic shape of the Great House. Umayma realized from

his silence that he was i n no state to be confronted. She

brought him a jug of water to wash in and a clean jellaba. He

washed his face and his feet and changed, then sat on the

ground with legs outstretched. She approached him cautiously, sat down and said soothi ngly:

- If only I cou ld bear some of your tiredness for you.

It was as if she had scratched a wound. He shouted:

- Shut up! You're the source of the mischief and misery.

She moved away ti ll she was almost hidden from him, but he

yelled after her:

- You 're good for nothing except to remind me how blind

and stupid I've been . Damn the day I first saw you !

He cou ld hear her sobs i n the darkness, but his temper grew

worse, and he sai d:

-To hell with your tears! They're just your badness spilling

out.

He heard her tearfu l voice:

- Words can't tell you how I suffer.

- Don't let me hear your voice again. Get out of my sight.

He screwed up his dirty clothes and threw them at her. They

hit her in the abdomen and she let out a cry of pain. At once

his anger cooled and he felt anxious about the consequences.

She sensed a change of heart from his silence, and said:

- I'll go away, as you want me to.

She stood up and walked out, but he called after her:

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Children of Gebelaawi

- Do you think this is a time for joking? (Then, getting to

h is feet: ) Come back! I'll leave you in peace.

He peered into the darkness till he saw her shadowy figure

returning. Then he propped his back against the wall of the

hut and looked up at the sky. He wished he could be reassured

about her bulging abdomen, but he was too proud to ask and

put it off for a while. He prepared the way by saying:

- Wash some cucumbers for supper.

1 1 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

'The place is not wi thout peace. No plants ; no water; no

birds nor branches for them to sing on; but at night the bare,

hostile desert clothes itself in mystery, breeding ground for

dreams. Above, the dome of the sky is sown with stars. The

woman is in the hut. Loneliness speaks, and sorrow smolders like

coals buried in the ashes. The high wall of the house repels the

yearning heart. How can I make this terrible father hear my cry?

Wisdom tells us to forget the past, but it is the only time we have

had. I hate my weakness and curse my vileness, and am content

with hardship for a companion; and I shall father children for

him. The smallest bird is happier than my dreams, for no power

can keep itout ofthe garden. My eyes long for the streams flowing

between the rose bushes. Where is the scent of henna and

jasmine? Where is peace of mind? And my flute? You cruel man !

Half a year has pa'>sed. Will the ice i n your heart never melt?'

From the distance came the sound of ldrees singing in a

hateful voice: 'Strange thi ngs, my God, strange things!' There

he was, lighting a fire in front of his hut. It threw out sparks that

fell to the grou nd like shooti ng stars. His wife came and went,

very pregnant, bri ngi ng food and drink. He shouted drun kenly at the Great House: ' It's time for cream of jute leaves and 50

Adham

roast chicken, you lot; smother it with poiso n ! ' Then he started

singing again.

Adharn said to himself sadly: 'Whenever I am by myself i n

the dark that devil goes and lights his fire and gets rowdy and

spoils my solitude.'

Umayma appeared at the door of the hut, and he realized

that she was not asleep as he had supposed. She was wearied by

pregnancy and depressed by hardship and poverty. She asked

with gentle concern :

- Aren't you coming to sleep?

He replied crossly:

- Leave me alone in the one hour when life is good.

- You'll be going ofT with your barrow first thing in the

morni ng; you need rest.

- When I'm alone I become a gentleman agai n, or so i t

seems to me, gazi ng a t the sky and remembering the old days.

She sigh ed heavi ly.

- I'd love to see your father coming out of the house or

going in. I'd throw myself at his feet and beg him to forgive us.

- I've told you over and over again to give up those ideas.

It's quite impossi ble for us to get back his favor that way.

She was silent for a whi le then murmured:

- I'm thi n king of the fate of the baby inside me.

- And that's my only concern too, although I've become a

filthy animal.

She said in a low, �ad voice:

- You 're the best man i n the whole world.

Adham laughed bitterly and said:

- I'm not a human being any more. Only an animal worries

all the time abou t the next meal.

- Don 't be so gloomy. Lots of men start off li ke you, then

life gets easier and they end up owning shops and houses.

- I thi nk pregnancy has turned your head.

She said with conviction:

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Children of Gebelaawi

- You 'll be an important man , and our child will grow up

in the lap of luxury.

Adham struck his hands together in disbelief and asked

sarcastically:

- Am I to do this by drink or hashish?

- By work, Adham.

- Working for a living is a curse. I used to spend my life in

the garden, with no work except looking at the sky and playing

my flu te, bu t now I'm just an animal, pushing my barrow every

day for the sake of a few scraps to eat in the evening and crap

in the morning. Working for a living is the worst curse of all.

True life is in the Great House, where there's no drudgery but

only pleasure and beau ty and music.

The voice of ldrees chi med in:

- Well said, Adham; work is a curse, and we weren't made

for that sort of humiliation. Didn 't I tell you we should join

forces?

Adham turned towards the voice and saw the figure of

ldrees standing near to him. He used to slip across like this

unnoticed in the darkness, and listen to the conversation as

long as he wished,joi ning in when he felt like it. Adham stood

up miserably and said:

- Get back to your shack.