Chiaroscuro (13 page)

"I couldn't get away." He looked at Ben again and snapped, "Are you going to stop touching him?"

Ben's hand stopped where he was still stroking Jamie's back. "I think that's up to Jamie, don't you?"

Micah scowled and Jamie said, patting Ben's knee, "I'm okay, Benjie. Thank you for the back rub. Micah, baby, calm down."

"I am calm," Micah said in a nearly hysterical voice. "I'm really very calm, particularly since I came over hoping to spend a day with my boyfriend and found him in bed with another guy! Did you fuck?"

"No," Ben said with a sigh.

"I don't believe you," Micah said, eyes narrowed.

"Well, your first clue is that we're not naked."

"Stop, please," Jamie said. "Nothing happened, Micah. We talked, we fell asleep. That's it."

"He's been eye-fucking you every time he's around!"

"Micah, stop it!" Jamie got to his feet. "Smell me! Do I smell like sex? Do I look like I've been having sex all night?"

Micah inclined his head, pressed his nose to Jamie's neck a moment, and said in a small voice, "You smell like him."

"We did sleep together," Ben reminded him.

"Next to each other," Jamie said. "We slept next to each other." He held Micah's chin in his hand. "We're friends. That's it. Nothing happened."

Micah nodded and laid his head on Jamie's shoulder. Ben felt a twinge at how Jamie's arms went around him, how perfectly they fit together. Everything about them, from Micah's head in the crook of Jamie's neck to the easy way their hips met, said they were lovers.

Doesn't matter, Ben thought. It's better that we're just friends. "I'll be on my way," he said and started hunting for his shoes.

"Thank you for staying with me," Jamie said. He was absently petting the back of Micah's head. Micah's eyes were closed, but opened a moment when Jamie spoke and met Ben's.

"See you later," Ben said to both of them and saw himself out.

In love, he thought. In love. He knew Jamie believed it--it might even be that Micah believed it, too. But damn if that Micah wasn't a manipulative little fuck: Ben knew he didn't know much, but he knew people, and the look Micah had given him had been decidedly triumphant.

He'd won.

This time.

Ben let himself into his apartment and locked the door, and stripped off his shirt as he walked back to his bedroom. He had no doubt they were making up right now, apologizing, explaining--Jamie telling him that it meant nothing, just talking, and Micah telling him what he'd been up to all night...

Or maybe they weren't talking. Micah was just a kid, after all, and at that age Ben had been eager for sex at every opportunity, any opportunity. No doubt Micah was the same.

Ben's hand drifted down his chest, and he hesitated a moment. Just a moment. Then lay on his bed and unbuttoned his fly, slipped off his jeans and the boxer shorts beneath.

No doubt Micah was the same, and he had Jamie--unhandsome, stealth-sexy, glowing and babbly and beautiful. It was a wonder that Micah could stay away--if Jamie were his--oh, if Jamie were his...

He touched his stomach, circled his navel with his fingertips.

They were kissing by now, he was sure of it, still standing where he'd left them and kissing and taking off each other's clothes. Jamie's would smell of sleep and warmth--Micah's probably still smelled like laundry detergent. And the boy would taste clean, of soap and morning, but Jamie--

You smell like him.

Ben moaned out loud. Jamie would taste dark. Like whiskey, like his raspy voice, like sea-salt and moonrise and winter rain. Ben threw one arm over his eyes and he spat into his other palm and reached it between his thighs, teasing himself--imagining Jamie's tongue, traveling down Micah's chest, between his legs, expert hands touching and probing--until he couldn't wait a second longer and wrapped his hand around his cock.

And Jamie would bend the boy over the bed--no, they would make love face to face, this was makeup sex--they would lie on the bed together, the boy's legs sprawled open, hips arched to offer his body to his lover--and Jamie would take him hard, every kiss staking a claim, he would watch Micah's face as he fucked him, he would whisper I love you I love you because he believed it, he believed it, and he would fuck Micah slow and hard and the boy would kiss him and touch his face and whisper You belong to me and Jamie would believe that, too.

But Ben didn't.

His body arched and he reached back to grip his headboard. Jamie would know exactly how to touch him. Exactly when, exactly where. Jamie would know him like his own hands--and they didn't need anything as silly as love to make it good--

His neck corded and he moaned, "Jamie!" and his come was hot on his belly.

He exhaled. Lay there quietly for a few minutes, still stroking his cock until the last tremors of orgasm were passed, and then opened his eyes and got a tissue from the box beside the bed.

Fantasizing was all well and good, for now. But if that kid pulled this kind of trick again--well. Jamie wasn't alone. That's all.

Ben cleaned himself up and got into the shower, whistling.

***

Dune paused in the doorway to his father's bedroom and tilted his head to the side a bit. "I'd ask what you're doing but I'm afraid you'd tell me."

"Hey, Dunie," Jamie said, lifting up his head a moment to smile at him. "I will tell you. I won't even kill you afterwards."

"You are a gentleman and a scholar," Dune said, lying down beside him. "So what are you doing?"

"Leo asked me to paint them a ceiling, so I'm contemplating. Adam's a writer, Leo's in radio... that opens a lot of possibilities." He closed one eye and continued gazing at the ceiling.

"Will a blank ceiling give you ideas?"

"Doesn't a blank piece of paper do that for you?" He grinned at Dune.

"Touché, clever Jack." He was silent a moment, looking at the ceiling. "I'm going to be published. By the way."

Jamie looked at him a moment, and then pounced on him. "That's great! That's wonderful! They took your column?"

Dune laughed and wrapped his arms around Jamie. "They took it, it's going to run on Friday, and they want me to be a regular lifestyle columnist. Can you believe it?"

"I can believe it. They're geniuses, obviously, now that they've hired you to write for them." He lay down again, arms still around Dune and his head on his shoulder. "A lifestyle columnist, eh? Does that mean you're going to be spilling our secrets for all of San Francisco to read?"

"Well... not all your secrets. And don't forget the website."

"Oh, yes, the website... the entire English-speaking, internet-connected world can read about how I crushed on a teenage boy for almost a year."

"I'll make it interesting rather than pathetic." Jamie socked him in the shoulder and lay down his head again. Dune laughed and hugged him tighter. "You're adorable. I adore you. I am puzzled and amazed by how much I adore you. I won't write about your teenage crush because that's how much I adore you."

"Thank you," Jamie said and kissed his neck.

"Though I may write about the baker that's obsessed with you."

Jamie snorted. "He's not obsessed with me. We just like each other a lot."

"He so wants into your pants," Dune said and snaked his hand into Jamie's trousers. Jamie yelped and squirmed away from him, laughing.

"Stop it! You know how ticklish I am!"

Dune laughed heartily and tickled Jamie's stomach. "I know. I can't blame him for wanting into these pants--not only are they nice pants, what's inside them is pretty damn yummy."

"Dune!" He wriggled out of Dune's arms and got to his feet. "I'm supposed to be brainstorming right now."

"I find sex helps the creative process," Dune said, complete innocence in a black turtleneck.

Leo poked his head into the bedroom. "Everything all right in here?"

"Your pervert of a son is feeling me up," Jamie said with all the dignity he could muster.

Leo nodded. "Good show," he said mildly and ambled away.

"No help from any quarter." Jamie flopped back onto the bed. Dune curled up next to him, laying his head on Jamie's chest.

"Missed you at the party."

"I was there. I came late."

"Ah... Ben did say he was going to fetch you."

"I was fetched, yes."

"Did you have a good night, then?"

"You know? I did. We ate and watched the fireworks and talked...and he stayed the night with me."

Dune raised himself up to look at Jamie. "He stayed the night with you?"

"Yeah. Because I was unhappy."

"I never figured you as the kind for pity sex."

"Oi. No sex occurred. It was sleep and talk."

"Really."

"Really really."

"So... Micah's still in the picture, then."

Jamie sighed. "Yes, as I love him, you may recall."

"Oh, no, I recall quite well."

"Contrary to your dire predictions, we're doing just fine."

"So you had a threesome?" Dune asked, arching an eyebrow.

"No," Jamie said slowly, "Micah didn't come over until yesterday morning."

"Okay. Let me get this straight. You and Micah are doing fine despite the fact that he didn't come to a party which he'd told you he'd come to, and you were so unhappy Ben had to stay with you to make sure you were okay."

Jamie blinked at him. "When you put it that way it sounds terrible."

"That's because it is terrible. You two don't have a relationship--you have a--Christ, there's no word for what you have."

"It is a relationship. It's not the simplest relationship but it works for us. You know what we did all day yesterday? We made love. All day. It was amazing. Dating a nineteen-year-old is the best decision I've made in a while."

"You can't put sex over all your problems and pretend they've gone away."

"I'm not pretending they went away," Jamie said. "There's nothing I can do right now to change it. When he gets accepted to San Francisco State he'll move in with me and--and--and we'll be fine."

Dune looked at him, serious. "Do you really think that's going to happen?"

"Yes. I do. Dunie, he loves me."

Dune's expression didn't change as he said, "Okay. But does he love you enough?"

Jamie closed his eyes. "Don't start with that."

"It's a legitimate question. Jamie, if there's always something more important to him than you, how can he really love you?"

"There isn't anything more important to him than me," Jamie said.

"Except his family and what they think about him, and his reputation at work and at his church, and I doubt he'll come out to his classmates when he starts school, either."

"But he'll be living with me!"

"And do you really think he's going to tell them you're more than a roommate? For God's sake, Jamie."

"Why do you hate him?"

"Jamie--I don't hate him. I honestly don't. I think he's kind of sweet and cute in a nerdish kind of way--but he's just not right for you."

Jamie sighed. "Then who is, Dune? If not the man I want, who is?"

Dune put his arm around Jamie's shoulders and kissed the top of his head. "Somebody who makes you happy instead of unhappy," he said, stroking Jamie's cheek. "Somebody who treasures you instead of someone who finds you an embarrassment. Somebody who'll show you off instead of hiding you."

"But he does make me happy."

"When he's around."

"Dunie, if I lose him--"

"What, you'll never fall in love again?" He scoffed. "Don't be stupid. You're gorgeous, creative and brilliant. There's a guy for you, who's exactly what you want and what you need--and sometimes, sweet Jamie, what you need is the more important thing."

Jamie didn't say anything for a few minutes--he didn't know what to say. He believed in Micah, he truly did--but what Dune said rang true. Micah made him happy, when he was there, and when he wasn't there Jamie felt lost, abandoned. Alone once more.

Micah is what I need, he thought. He is.

"I--I need to get to work on the ceiling," he said and moved from under Dune's arm.

"Jamie--"

"No, I know what you mean. I do." He picked up his sketchbook. "But I love him."

Dune sighed. "I'm just trying to look after you."

"I know."

"You know I love you."

He nodded. "I know."

"So--so. I'm still not going to write about this in my column unless you really want me to."

"I'd prefer you didn't." Jamie looked back at Leo as Leo came into the bedroom again and put his arm around Jamie's shoulder.

"What is he not to do? I'd love to see if forbidding him to do something actually works."

"I'm not that bad," Dune said, affection in his voice.

"No, you're not bad at all." Leo added, "I'm off to work and Adam is in the office, so when you go just lock up, please. But if you want to stay for dinner that's fine too, of course. You too, Jamie."

"Thanks," Jamie said, "but I'm about to head up to my flat and work on some sketches."

"Okay," said Leo. He hugged Jamie and let him go. "See you boys later, then."

"Oh, Papa, do you have to go?" Dune said dramatically, bouncing on the bed.

"I do, my son, I do." He smiled at them both and headed out.

Dune was still laughing as Jamie put on his shoes. "I know we're stupid but God, he's fun."

"You're lucky you like him so much," Jamie said.

"Aw. I'm perfectly willing to share him, you know."

"You don't need to share your dad with me, but thank you anyway."

"You may have no choice in the matter. I think he's adopted you."

Jamie smiled. "He's just supporting the arts. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Sure. Hey, Jamie--" His expression was serious again. "Call me any time you need company, okay? I mean it. It's fine anytime."

Jamie paused in the doorway and gave a little nod. "Okay. Thanks." He left the flat, closing the door behind him, and went up the stairs to his own.

***

Jamie lay awake, watching the rain against the windows. They called Manchester rainy--no wonder San Francisco always felt like home.

"Jamie?"

He never went on until Jamie answered him. "Yes, Micah?"