Chasing Imperfection (Chasing Series 2) (34 page)

     “Tell me you love me!”

     Her hands were gripping the sheets and moaned. The force of my cock driving inside her was hard and punishing. Her dripping cunt loved each thrust. “I love you!” she whispered in panting breaths.

     “Louder!” I bellowed in her delicate ear.

     “God! Seriously! I fucking love you, Blake.
I love you
.
I LOVE YOU
!
” she shrieked.

     My heart swelled
each time she tells me she loved
me. I can’t get enough of it. “Bout bloody time you do!”

     Twisting her hair I pulled harder and hammered her tight wet pussy a few more times and we came apart together.
I pumped my twitching cock a few times as I unloaded my semen in
side her. The man in me rejoiced
every single time I c
a
me inside
her womb
. The only woman I had without a condom on and she’s worth it.

     I collapsed on her back and rolled us onto our sides. She pulled
off
of me and turned around with only inches away from my face. She lowered
her lips and kissed me ever so gently. “I love you,” she murmured as she looked into my eyes. Without voicing my answer, I kissed her back.

     I cannot expose myself when I didn’t deem her worthy. She has a long way to go because things between us aren’t that simple anymore.

     The tr
ust is gone. My faith in her has completely vanished.

     Given all those essential and relevant facts, a wise man would’ve walked away and thanked his bloody stars for giving him some sense. But not I. The need to have her in my bed and in my life again—even for a short span of time—was enough enticement for me to become foolish and illogical.

     The main objective is to leave unscathed
after a month with her.

     She sighed and tucked herself next to me. I waited and made sure she was fast asleep before I unlatched my arm around her waist. 

    
I rolled over to my side of the bed and as far away from her as the bed allowed.

23

Sienna

    
My small body was thrown in the dark murky ocean. Once I resurfaced, my lungs were heaving, gulping for air. My shaky hands were trying help me stay afloat but something tugged my foot and forcefully yanked me down in the depths of the dark ocean.

     The ocean was so dark, I couldn’t see a thing.
I tried to fight but my small body can only do so much. The grip
on
my foot was so strong it was hard to fight against it. So, I just let it pull me down. Down to the dark depths of the ocean until there was no fight in me left.

    
Papa…..can you hear me? I’m about to join you and mama soon….

     My body jerked me awake. I looked around confused and the realization hit me I was in Blake’s room.
W
hen I looked beside me, he was on his side and quite far from me. I couldn’t even reach out and touch him.
How odd.
This
is a first, he always slept
holding me. 

     I shivered and when I checked the time, it was past four in the morning. I got out of bed and looked for something to wear. Since my camisole was ripped, I had to borrow his shirt and silently left his room and went to mine.

     Once I found my Mickey Mouse shirt and a comfortable sleep shorts, I padded my way to the kitchen with my phone in hand.
There was a soft light in the kitchen and I went over to grab a glass and poured myself some orange juice.

     I sat on the barstool and contemplated calling Kyle. My dreams are back and the only person who used to comfort me possibly hates my guts. It doesn’t
matter;
I needed to hear his voice.

     After a few rings, he picked up. “Hello?” a woman’s sleepy voice answered. I tensed. I certainly didn’t expect that. “Hello?” she asked again.

     “Hi—could I possibly speak with Kyle?”

     There was some rustling and a few murmurs then Kyle came on the phone. “Hello?”
H
e sounded annoyed.

     “Kyle? It’s Sienna.”

     “What’s wrong? Did something bad happen?” he sounded panicky.

     “No—everything’s okay. I didn’t mean to wake you and your friend. I’m sorry. I’ll call some other time.” I ended the call before he had a chance to respond.

     What is wrong with me?
Why do I feel hurt?
Kyle deserves to be happy. But I’m selfish and I felt simply devastated.
I suppose that part between Kyle and me is kaput. I should be happy, but the feeling of loss was much greater.
N
ow, the man I
chose
couldn’t be bothered sleeping close to me.
This was probably a case of feeling abandoned.

     I felt a movement behind me and I jerked around. “Sorry to startle you, but are you alright?” Clive asked
, wearing
only jeans and his chiseled chest.
Damn, that’s hot
. My tear ducts stopped threatening tears
at the sight of him
.

     “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I asked suspiciously.

     “I heard some commotion
,
that’s why I
came
downstairs to check. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop
,
but the house is rath
er quiet
so it was easy to hear you.”

    
Hell, the entire conversation?
“Oh
.
”

     “Yeah—I gather your ex Kyle was with another woman then?” Clive strolled to the other side, pulled a chair and sat across
from
me.

     “Yup
.
” I stared at the granite counter-top replaying the voice of the woman.

     My phone started ringing and Kyle’s name flashed
on
the screen. I tensed again. “Go on—take the call.” Clive pressed.

     “Hello?”

     “
Baby, are you okay?
”

     “Kyle, you’re going to get yourself in trouble—go back to her.”

     “Nah. It’s not like that—I already got her a cab and she
just
left.”

     “Oh. I see.” I signaled Clive that I’ll step outside a moment and speak to Kyle privately.

     I turned towards the terrace doors and quietly went outside. I walked over to the balustrade and studied the dark glittering sea before me. I shuddered remembering my dream.

     “My dreams are back.”

     “
Your
nightmares? The ones you’d scream most night
s
?
L
ike
the ones
you’re being chased
by a coffin
or
being
murdered?”
Sigh
, the man knows everything about it.

     “Not
those
ones—but my dreams from
early
childhood. The closet dream and the one
when
I drowned in the ocean are both back.”

     “
Fuck
, Si—I’m sorry. Are you all alone? Where’s Blake or Chad?” he sounded stressed out.
M
y eyes started to tear again. He’ll always care for me and I love him for it.

     “They’re asleep—it’s almost five in the morning here.”

     “Is there anything that I can do? Do you want to stay on the phone with me? I wouldn’t mind—I love hearing your voice anyway.”

     “
I would like that very much
—you can hang-up the second you hear me snoring.
Thank you
—this is the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for me.”

     “I’m always here for you
, Si
. You know that.”
His
assurance gave me comfort—just a wee bit. How I wished it was Blake, but that’s wishful thinking.

     “I’m going back in the house, give me a sec.” 

     I went inside the villa and went upstairs. I didn’t see Clive anywhere. I guess he went back to his room. I stealthily walked towards my bedroom and slipped my body in the sheets.

     “So, who was that woman—” I stopped mid-sentence when I heard someone outside my door. “
Shit
—I have to go
. I’ll
call you later
.
I promise
and thank you for being here.” I whispered and cut the call short.
Blake was hovering above me, ready to pounce.

     “
Who
was that on the phone?” Blake’s accusing voice pierced through me.

     I sighed and counted from one to ten. I closed my eyes and prayed for him to march outside the door and go back to where he came from. I can’t deal with him right now. He’s too much at the moment when my mind is still going through the after effects of my scary dream.

     My phone was yanked away from my clasp and he tried to unlock it. Without luck, he asked again
in angered tone
. “You were speaking to Kyle weren’t you?”

     I sighed again.
Damn
, my prayers are going unanswered. “Yes, I was.”

     “
Why would you do that?
Why would you sneak out of my bedroom and call him at this ungodly hour?”
  He sounded livid
.

     “Because—because my nightmares are back and he’s the person who used to calm me down.” My voice sounded like a small child. Like the small child who drowned in my dreams. It’s scary how
during
each dream I always call out papa. What does that mean?

     “
What nightm
ares?
You never have nightmares!
”

     “I used to get them almost on a daily basis
after
my dad died and
when
I moved in
with my Aunt
. It started to subside a year before I left for London. But I’ve been having it again. It started when I got that call from LA last Saturday. It’s been happening since then.”

     He cursed and raked a hand through his hair. He slid next to me and cradled my head on his chest. “I’m such a bastard. I’m sorry—I had no clue. These nightmares….what are they usually about?”

     “I’ll tell you someday…but not tonight.”

     “As you wish, do you want me to sleep here with you?” he whispered against my ear and spooned my body against his.

     I nodded and sighed contently.

     He kissed my neck and nuzzled it. “I’m here for you too, poppet. You have to learn to start leaning on me too.”

     My body tensed. “How could I possibly do that? It’s obvious you hate me and when I woke up totally freaked out, you were so far away from me. You’ve never done that. You always held me close when we slept together. Tonight was just a huge wake-up call. Maybe the damage is irreparable….maybe I just have to accept that it’s over between us.”

    
Luce even is managing to paddle forward. Why can’t I?

     I tried to move away but his hand was a steel band holding me against his body. “You promised me, Sienna. You said you’d try.” He sounded sad all of a sudden.

     “I know—but it won’t work. We both know it. You hate me and yet you
can’t
get enough
of
having sex with me. I don’t think I want this kind of relationship with you. I wanted what you and I had before—before things got so messed up and complicated.”

     “You are right. I do hate you, Sienna. But at the same time I do love you. It’s rather maddening. It doesn’t matter if I hate you or love you, but all I know is I want to have you in my life and in my bed.”

     “Great. What the fuck does that mean?”

     “It means that I still do love you but I don’t trust you. It means that I can’t get enough of you. I’m going crazy when you’re not with me.”

      I turned around and looked at him. “But what do I do? If you don’t trust me then—there’s no future for us.” The realization hit me hard.

     “No—we could still have a future. I just need to trust you again.”

     “This happened when I slept with Kyle, right?”