Chasing Imperfection (Chasing Series 2) (21 page)

    
I strode over to them
without much ado.
Sienna’s face lost all its blood when she saw me. The tosser didn’t even see it coming. I threw a heavy upper-cut punc
h
that landed
perfectly
underneath his jaw
.

     Sienna screamed but I didn’t hear her. I was blinded by
rage
. I was blinded
by
jealousy
. I was blinded by
pain
. I was
blinded
by
Sienna
.

     Kyle found
his balance
and attempted to punch me but I caught him and threw a fist and
connected beautifully
with
the side of his face
. He thrashed and lunged for me. His fist landed squarely on my jaw—but I didn’t feel pain. I was about to take him down on the floor and kill the bloody bastard when Luce threw herself in the middle of the
blasted
fight.

     “
You
—you need to go home, this
very
instant.” She pointed at Kyle who grunted and Sienn
a came to his rescue—fucking twit that he is.

     
He flinched when she tried to touch his bleeding face. He muttered
“
I’ll call you later
”
before leaving the flat.
He looked like nutty and livid.

     “
You
need
to leave the flat too—” Luce glared furiously at me.

     I s
tared at Sienna for another second and strode back to the kitchen and gathered my belongings.
I do not want to stay here either.

     It took her two
hellish
minutes to follow me. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
H
er voice shook as she asked.
I ignored her questions.

    
I don’t trust myself this instant.
I might ju
st choke the life out of her.

    
My woman
is wearing a man’s dress shirt.
She
wore
his dress shirt.
She wore his bloody fucking
dress shirt!!!

   
It took every ounce
in me not to turn around and wrench that blasted shirt into smithereens. But what’s decapitating my wretched heart and mind—is the very question I’m stupefied to ask is
“D
id you fuck him?
”

     “Blake—please—
talk to me
.
”
S
he gently tugged on my arm.

     “
Do. Not.
Fucking
. Touch. Me.
” I said through gritted teeth. My hands were crammed with my laptop, papers, chargers and my phone. I left her there crying as I marched back to her room and packed it in my overni
ght bag. I was zipping it close
d
when I felt her wrap her arms
around
my waist. Her wet tears soaked my back. I close
d my eyes and prayed for reason as s
he sobbed noisily.

     “Stop
,
please
—look at me, Blake
,
” she pleaded.

    
But I couldn’t.
F
or the life of me—
I couldn’t
.

     I need to leave but it was hard to move. The simple task of breathing was bloody difficult. I’m shattered into pieces but I had to know or I would be forever in a hellish wonderment. “
Did you fuck him?
” Her body tensed and completely halted her breathing.

      Counting from one to ten, my patience was thinning. “DID YOU or DID YOU NOT FUCK HIM?
!!!
”
S
he tightened her hold. “ANSWER ME, DAMN YOU!” I snarled ferociously.

     “
Yes….
”
s
he whisper
ed
.

     A pained guttural sound came from my throat. I
pushed
her arms off me, took my bag and slammed her
door
shut and left the apartment.

    
My heart was erratic as I tried to breathe.

    
She did it….
She finally did it. I’m irreparable.

     I had no clue how I got back to my apartment in Mayfair, but I did. I went to the bar and grabbed the nearest bottle of cognac. I took a
long
gulp and headed straight to my
bedroom. Her silk robe sat on the foot of the bed. I hurled myself on top of it and cursed her. I called her names but the pain didn’t subside
,
it
merely intensified.

    
I cried
, I cried from the wounding pain that’s eating me
and my
whole
existence
.

     I don’t think I can recover from this. I
cannot believe
she would let another man touch her.

    
She fucked him.

    
She
really
did
.

     Did she enjoy it? Did she scream his name as she came? Does she enjoy hurting me?
I am tormenting myself even more with torturous questions—b
ecause I
am hurt and sadly, permanently
broken. 

     I finished the
cognac
to its very last drop. I was
numb bu
t the sunken ache
,
rotting heinously inside of me
didn’t leave me
.

    
I pulled her silken robe to my nostrils and inhaled her scent. It was faint but it was remarkably
, undeniably
hers.

     I woke up from the gentle strokes caressing my forehead. But my drunken state made it difficult to open my eyes so I grunted in earnest.

     “Shhhhh…..rest my love,”
she whispered softly,
“I’m so sorry.”

    
Her gentle caresses
calmed and comforted me. She
said
“
my love
”
but I doubt that meant
love
.

     “Stay—don’t leave me
.
”
A
nd go to him
.

     I am hurt but I know I would rather die than not have her with me. Maybe in time we will forgive each other and our misguided decisions.

   
In time….I can only
hope
.

     “If that’s what you want.”
It is.

     I heard her shuffle and flick the lamp switch off. She hugged me from behind. She was crying softly and I was gutted hearing her soft sobs.

    
If
I just made the right
decision and told her about the
blasted engagement in the very beginning….severed my ties with the Clayworths….then none of this would be happening. I wouldn’t have bedded different women and she wouldn’t have given herself to Kyle. She and I would’ve been very happy…..

     The strange
st
thing about love is
that
it doesn’t stop even if disaster strikes. It engulfs you and intertwines with every single atom of your very existence.

     I did this
to us
…. I did this
to her
…. I couldn’t
sto
p the pain that
was
consuming
us both
.

     But she’s here with me. Her being here is enough. She m
ight not voice how she felt
about me but I knew she cared.

     “I love you….
most ardently
….senselessly….desperately.”

     “How
—how
can
you love me
after what I did to you?”
Sienna sobbed
in between
words.

     I turned and faced her. My heart constricted at the very sight of her.

     “
I just do
. That’s why it’s love—
it’s unconditional
. Whether you commit a mistake or a hundred, I would
still
love you. They say the most romantic kind of love is the unfinished kind. The kind that will forever burn and mark your soul—
you’ve bewitched me, body and soul.
I love you
—
and whether you do or don’t feel the same, my
love
is unequivocal.”

     “I’m sorry Blake. I don’t want to see you hurt ever again.”

    
I hugged her and she
cried more on my shoulder and spoke softly to her,
“I’m sorry too—we both made mistakes and hurt each other badly in the process.”

     My thoughts were still in turmoil. My heart still beats with grief. But
we reached a higher ground, a
ground with common
level of
understanding
.

     The ball is in her field, I just don’t know which goalkeeper she’d take her shot at.

    
One can only hope….

    
I don’t have any clue how long we both stayed awake. But I went to sleep right after she stopped sobbing and her breathing evened.

14

Sienna

     I woke up alone in Blake’s bed.
It was Tuesday and I have to rush back to school and visit Chad right after because I failed to do that
in
my miserable state yesterday.

     Seeing Blake’s crestfallen face lacerated me. I cried all afternoon and Luce finally managed to convince me to follow him. It was almost seven at night when I called Luke and asked if Blake was in the office but he told me Blake didn’t go in at all. I grabbed the key
he gave me
with its handmade pink and white diamond lily and directly went to his apartment in Mayfair.

     I found him
in his bedroom faced down
with my soft pink silk robe on the bed.
The way he clutched my robe broke me into sobs.
He was passed out and the empty cognac bottle sat mere inches away from his large hand.

    
Last night was difficult but I am relieved that Blake and I found
some common ground
.

     But I
didn’t
know where to go from there and
but before I fell asleep,
I decided I wouldn’t go anywhere
at all
. Not to Kyle or Blake. I’ve caused both
men
enough pain to last a lifetime. We all caused each other enough damage
. I
t was time to make amends and let go.

    
I love them both…

     I love Kyle because
he kept me safe ever since the d
ay we met. I love him for being there for me constantly and
supporting
me tirelessly. But most of all, he loved me—scars and all.