Chasing Destiny (18 page)

“No, please. Wait!”

I just shook my head as I stepped into the hallway, tears falling down my cheeks. I no longer cared what I looked like. Call me a little bitch, but I had just lost the most important person in my life. I could hear her sobbing, but I kept walking, through the living room and out the door. I couldn’t deal with this shit. Me, a fucking stepdaddy? That would be a fucking joke.

I climbed in my truck and began driving aimlessly. My stereo was cranked as high as it would go and my speed was becoming a little too fast, but I didn’t care.

Fuck this.

Fuck Kristin.

Fuck life.

Just
fuck.

Kristin

He left.

I lost him.

And I had nobody to blame but myself. I was the girl who couldn’t keep her legs shut and gotten knocked up.

God, his face. I had never seen anguish on someone’s face like I had Carson’s. I hurt him and I hated myself for it. His eyes had glistened with unshed tears and his lips had trembled as he tried to get a hold of his emotions.

Then he let his anger win and disgust marred his face as he stared at me. It was a look I wouldn’t forget anytime soon.

I flopped onto the bed and cried. And when I say cried, I meant sobbed as loud as humanly possible. My lungs began to ache and snot was building in my nose. I didn’t care, though.

He left.

What the hell was I going to do? Adam didn’t want anything to do with the baby and neither did Carson.

I had no idea how long I lay there crying, but my eyes felt sore and snot was now all over my cheek.
Nice
, I thought.

My phone began beeping and I followed the noise to the floor. I spied it on the other side of the nightstand and my heart began pumping hard as my hopes rose, thinking it might be Carson.

After snatching it, I glanced at the screen and immediately deflated.

Holly: How did it go?

Tears began seeping out of my eyes again as I texted her, giving her a Cliff Notes version of what happened.

She texted back immediately.

Holly: I’ll be there in 10.

I wanted to laugh, but I couldn’t. I felt like my life was falling apart. And it was. I was now going to be a single mom without a college degree. All my hopes were gone.

I knew my parents would help me, but I’d have to tell them first. And although they were usually easy going, I still didn’t want to make that call.

“Hey,” Holly said, stepping into the room. I guessed Carson had left the front door open.

“Hi.”

“Why don’t you pack a bag and come over to my place?”

What if Carson comes back?

I knew he wouldn’t, so I nodded. “Give me a minute.”

She left the room and I tossed my clothes into a bag along with my makeup. I wasn’t sure if I’d need anything else, but I also didn’t care. Nothing mattered anymore.

A couple minutes later, I walked into the living room with my bag slung over my shoulder, my nasty hair in a bun. I was positive if Carson walked in, my appearance would make him walk right back out. But I knew I wouldn’t see him and didn’t care what anyone else thought.

“Ready?” Holly asked, tossing a magazine on the table. She stood up and smiled. “Need me to carry anything?”

I took a deep breath, and that’s when I realized I did need one more thing. “Brownies,” I answered. I retrieved the pan from the kitchen. “I’ll need these.”

She laughed lightly. “Okay.”

She led the way to her little Honda parked in the lot. “Darkness is over at my place, but I’ll ask him to leave.”

“Why?” I asked before opening the door and sliding into the seat.

After she sat down, she replied, “I just thought you wouldn’t want him there. You know…”

“It’s fine. As long as y’all don’t maul each other, I’ll be okay.”

She nodded and placed the car in gear. I glanced around the parking lot, looking for his truck, even though I knew it wouldn’t be there. My eyes glided to his motorcycle parked close to the sidewalk and my mind drifted back to the night he took me riding on back roads—just the two of us and the wind. A loud sob escaped my throat and I immediately clamped my hand over my mouth.

He left me. He really left.

“Oh, Kristin.”

I shook my head, letting her know I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to close my eyes and pretend this was a nightmare and I’d wake up wrapped in Carson’s arms.

“We’re here.”

I cracked my eyes open and looked out the window. The sun was shining, but the day seemed so dreary to me. It might as well have been raining—or sleeting.

I grabbed my things and opened the door before walking to her apartment. “I really can tell him to leave, if you want,” Holly whispered as we stepped through the threshold.

“It’s really okay.” I smiled and made my way to the couch, tossing everything but the pan of brownies on the floor. Once I was in a comfortable position, I dug into the brownies. I took a big bite and let the chocolaty goodness fill my taste buds. I continued to shove more into my mouth until I needed another.

I glanced up to see Holly and Darkness, which by the way, was still the dumbest name ever, looking at me in horror. “What?” I asked before clamping down on the brownie and biting off a piece.

“Um…” Holly said.

“I can’t drink!” I yelled. “These are all I’ve got!”

She gave me a placating smile. I wanted to punch her. “Okay, sweetie. Would you like some milk?”

Good Lord, she was treating me like a child. “Yes, please.” If she wanted to treat me that way, I’d take advantage.

“I’ll be right back.” She left the room and walked into the small kitchen.

I continued shoving brownies into my mouth as I stared at her boyfriend. “What’s your real name?” I asked.

“Hmmm?”

I rolled my eyes. “Your real name, what is it?”

He walked toward me and sat down on the other end of the couch. “I’ll tell you, but only because you look like you need a laugh.”

“Now I really need to know.”

Darkness sighed before whispering, “Newt.”

My mouth dropped open, then I quickly shut it and swallowed. “Your name is Newt?”

He nodded and turned to stare at me. He was smiling, so I felt like it was okay to burst out in a laugh. Oh my gosh, his name was Newt!

“It was a little…rough growing up with that name.”

Holly walked into the room carrying my milk. I took it from her hands and gulped some down. “Why would your parents give you that name?”

“It was my grandpa’s name.” He shrugged.

I took another drink. “But why Darkness? What’s your middle name?”

“I don’t have one.”

“You told her your real name?” Holly asked, eyebrows raised.

“He did,” I answered for him. “And I have to be honest, I can’t call you Darkness anymore. It’s kinda stupid.”

“Well, you can’t call me Newt.”

My mind went to Carson and how much fun he would have with this bit of information. He’d come up with a great name to call him. Thinking of Carson made tears spring to my eyes, but I pushed them back. “Gingrich.”

“Huh?” Holly asked as Darkness laughed. He obviously knew why I had said that.

“That is what I’m going to call you. Gingrich.”

“You do know that’s not original, right?”

“I do, but I can’t think of anything else.” I eyed him for a second as I took another bite of brownie. I wasn’t stopping until I ate the entire pan, crumbs and all. “Why Darkness, though?”

“You don’t have to answer all these questions, baby. Kristin’s hurting and just being rude.”

“It’s fine,” he said to Holly. Then he turned to me again. “Well, when you’ve been picked on for your name all your life, you’ll do anything to make people stop. I went the whole scary route. You know, making people think I was some sort of Satan worshipper. I wasn’t, but they didn’t know that and they stopped making fun of me because I scared them.” He chuckled and shook his head. “One day, this punk kid called me out and mentioned something about trying to be dark. I don’t really know how it came about, but we decided to call me that. It sounded good to two seventh graders. Anyway, the nickname stuck and so did our friendship.”

“I’m sorry you were picked on. Kids are mean.”

“They are, but you also just laughed.”

“I’m sorry,” I replied, genuinely. I hated being mean.

“It’s okay. I’d laugh, too.” He eyed the pan. “Now, can I have a brownie for sharing my name?”

I looked at the three left. “I guess, but just one.”

He chuckled and grabbed one. “Thanks. Now I’m going to go to the bedroom and study while you girls talk.”

He left the room and Holly sat down next to me. “I think I might like him.”

Her face lit up in a smile. “I think I might love him.”

We sat there for a moment, not saying anything. “I’m going to take a nap if that’s okay with you.”

“Sure. I’ll go study, too. If you need anything, just let me know.” She stood and began walking toward the bedroom door.

“I will.” I watched her open and close the door, then let my head fall back.

Once I finally fell asleep, I dreamed of a wheat field and a man with beautiful blue eyes and tattoos. The only difference was that in the dream, he stayed when I told him I was pregnant.

Carson

I had been gone from the apartment—and Kristin—for almost a week. I had even taken the chicken-shit way out and grabbed some extra clothes and my textbooks while I knew she was in class.

I still loved her, though.

And that fucking hurt.

If everyone thought I had spiraled out of control after Sam, they were about to get shocked. I was actually aching—everywhere.

“Are you going to move back in? Because we already got a new roommate after you left,” Benny, my old roommate, told me.

I had been holed up at my old apartment. I didn’t want to be around any of my real friends. They’d expect me to talk and every single one of them was happy. Happy in love.

Just fuck all of them.

“Are you wanting me to leave?”

He shrugged. “I don’t care if you stay. I was just checking to see if I would be getting any rent from you.” He was joking, but I wasn’t really in the mood for it.

“I don’t think so.” I got up and went to the fridge, grabbing a beer. I had pretty much just been drinking since I had walked away from Kristin.

“Do I need to go get more beer?” Tyson asked while walking out of his bedroom, scratching his stomach.

“Yes,” I replied. I pulled my wallet out of my jeans and grabbed some cash. “Here. This should be enough.”

He grabbed the cash out of my hand, and then slipped on some flip flops. “I’ll be back.”

By the time he returned, I’d downed two more beers. I knew I should stop, but instead, I walked over to the liquor stash and moved some bottles around until I found the one I wanted.

Whiskey.

“Y’all wanna have a party?” I asked, pouring the liquor into a glass.

“Sure.”

I downed the glass, then began pouring more. “Send out some texts.”

After the second glass, I started drinking beer again. People always say not to mix beer and liquor, or you’re not supposed to drink one before the other, but it had never bothered me. I could do a shot followed by a cup of beer all night.

The apartment began filling up with people—a lot of fucking people. And I was seriously shit faced. I was sitting on the couch with two girls surrounding me, one massaging my chest and the other rubbing my junk.

One was a blonde and the other was a brunette. My eyes stayed focused on the brunette. “Kristin,” I mumbled before I tipped my beer back and swallowed. I didn’t think the girl was her or anything, but she had similar hair and I fucking missed Kristin.

“You can call me that if you want,” she replied.

I shook my head and pushed them away from me. I needed air. Shakily, I got to my feet and stumbled over to the patio doors. The door pushed open and I fell outside. My knees hit the grass first, followed by my face.

I rolled over and stared at the sky. How had this become my life? I wanted to go back to a week ago when my life was filled with happiness and I had a beautiful girlfriend.

Could I take her back and raise a child that wasn’t mine just to be with her? I really didn’t think I could do it. I was just taking this baby as a sign that Kristin and I weren’t meant to be together. I was meant to fuck random women.

“Hey there,” I heard. “What are you doing out here all alone?”

Speaking of random women, I glanced up to see a woman, maybe early thirties, sauntering toward me. “Just needed some air.”

“I understand that.” She sat down next to me and I pulled myself into a sitting position.

“What are you doing out here? You partying?” I asked, half joking, half serious. She was really attractive. Shoulder length dirty blonde hair, nice lips, and curvy body.

She laughed. “No. I live next door. I came out here to yell and scream at someone, but I found you instead.”

I glanced over her body. “I’m glad you did.”

“Oh yeah?” She seemed to be looking me over as well. “You wanna come talk back at my apartment? My couch is a lot more comfortable than the grass.”

I stared at her for a moment, contemplating my options. On one hand, something seemed wrong about this situation, I just couldn’t put my drunken finger on it. But on the other hand, I didn’t have a girlfriend anymore, or did I? I was pretty sure my storming out and not coming back had ruined my relationship with Kristin. I was a single guy being propositioned by a hot older woman. And I needed to clear my mind.

I got to my feet. “Lead the way.”

***

Something was licking my forehead. Something with a very wet tongue.

What the hell?

I cracked one eye open and was met with the ugliest face I had ever seen. I’m not sure what two types of dogs went at it and created this one, but it should’ve never happened. Two bug-eyes, huge ears, matted hair, and the biggest tongue that kept licking my forehead.

Where the hell am I?

Wherever I was, the place needed to be on hoarders. It was disgusting. Pizza boxes, coke cans, and old food layered the coffee table in front of me. The carpet looked like it hadn’t seen a vacuum in years. And boxes surrounded the walls.