Chasing Aubrey (12 page)

But that was a moot point. I didn’t love Aubrey. Hell, I didn’t even
know
Aubrey. My attachment to her was some kind of sick exercise in self-sabotage. I made myself available to the only woman that wasn’t available to me. Maybe it was just safer that way.

I’d never been afraid of a challenge before, though. I wasn’t the kind of man to choose the well-worn path only because it was safer and easier. I didn’t shy away from shady people and situations. Regardless, it didn’t matter. Aubrey made it very clear to me that nothing could ever happen between us. I had to respect that. Even if I didn’t fully understand why she’d invited me out today if that was going to be the case.

There were definitely mixed signals coming from the sexy brunette, but I made my peace with it. I decided I was just going to enjoy what I could and make it clear to her that if things were going to progress further, we were going to have to be completely honest with one another.

My hands gripped the steering wheel as I peeled through the city streets.

Yeah, honest. And if she didn’t want to agree to that, then I was better off without her.

Totally.

So why couldn’t I shake this gloomy feeling?

The warring excitement and nervousness inside me made for an interesting drive down to the track. On the one hand, I wanted to snatch Aubrey up, carry her back to my place caveman style and ravish her. On the other hand, I knew that I shouldn’t settle for a purely carnal encounter when I knew there was so much more to our connection.

I tried to remind myself of what Skye said: if I wasn’t worthy of being in Aubrey’s
real
life, then she wasn’t worthy being in mine. I just needed to believe it. I never dared to dream that I would have a chance at something like what I thought Aubrey and I had. I still didn’t dare to dream. She wasn’t giving me a chance yet. I only hoped that she would be open to it.

I understood that she was only trying to protect herself, but maybe she would realize that I wanted the same thing. I hoped that she would. I hated to think that today may be the last time I ever saw her. I never thought I’d be the one on this side of the relationship talk. I never thought I would be the one that
wanted
something a little more serious. Typically I was the one trying to get out of these talks. I learned the art of short flings years ago after one particularly clingy girl convinced me that relationships were poison.

Now, here I was, convinced that it was the best course of action I could think of.

Love.
I heard Skye’s voice in my head and I silently told her to shut the hell up. There was no way that I could love Aubrey after such a short time. I
liked
her, sure. But that wasn’t the same thing at all.

I was going to keep telling myself that until I believed it.

Pulling into the drag strip, I saw her shiny little mustang sitting on the track. She was leaned up against it, one long leg crossed over the other. Over-sized sunglasses covered her eyes and her long dark hair was pulled up into a ponytail. She waved her arm at me as I cruised down the hill toward her. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. There was something so striking about her. Even at her most casual she was a knock-out. I’d been with some of the most beautiful women in the world, but they all paled in comparison to Aubrey. Something about her transcended physical beauty and held much more influence on me. I just couldn’t quite figure out what that something was.

I was greeted by a broad smile as I climbed out of the Jag.

“What are you doing?” She asked sternly.

“Um… weren’t you expecting me?”

“Remind me what for?” I couldn’t tell with the sunglasses on, but I had a feeling she was fucking with me. Without being able to see the tell-tale twinkle in her eyes, I couldn’t be sure.

“For racing lessons?”

“Precisely. And how, Mr. Marx, do you expect to learn anything about driving on the outside of your vehicle?”

Her eyebrows rose above her glasses, expecting an explanation that I didn’t have.

“Erm… I…” I stammered, completely caught off-guard by this new bossy side of Aubrey I hadn’t seen before. I’d seen her giddy, glum, pissed, euphoric, even playful, but never this stern headmistress that made me feel like a naughty child.

“Just as I expected. Please enter the vehicle, if you will.”

I didn’t know why, but the bossiness was kind of a turn on. As I ducked into the Jag, I saw the corner of her red lips twitch into a smirk.

So she was definitely fucking with me. Well, I could go along with that. No problem.

She slid into the seat next to me with a practiced ease. I realized that this was the first time I’d ever seen her in the passenger seat. It didn’t suit her at all. She was a woman that needed to be in control, not victim to the whims of another person. The subtle herbal scent of her filled the interior of my car and made my brain foggy for a moment.

She cleared her throat to recapture my attention and I realized I never even started the car after getting back in. Shaking the lust-driven fog from my mind, I started the Jag and tried to calm myself.

There was something about Aubrey that made me hyper-aware of everything around me. My senses were heightened and I felt almost super human. Nothing could stop me when I had her at my side. She turned her gaze away from me and instructed me to give the strip my best shot.

“Your shifting is sloppy and your acceleration is all over the place,” she reprimanded at the end of the track.

She gave me a few pointers and we tried it again.

And again.

And again.

I never knew that driving could be such an exhausting sport. By the end of the day, I was exhausted, mentally and physically.

“I think that’s enough for today,” she announced, directing me to park near the stands.

We got out of the car and she led me by the hand to the bleachers that overlooked the track. They also doubled as the perfect place to grab a view of the ocean and the setting sun.

We sat in silence for a while, watching the sun’s descent as it painted the sky in glorious colors. Though we said nothing, the moment felt special — intimate. She leaned her head on my shoulder and I took the opportunity to wrap my arm around her. Her body molded to mine perfectly and I couldn’t get over how we seemed to fit together.

“Thank you for the lesson, Aubrey, I had a lot of fun,” I finally broke the silence.

She looked up at me and I felt my heart skip a beat.

“I had a great time, too,” she replied, her face tilted up towards me in the most perfect offering.

“We should do this again sometime,” I whispered, my lips closing in on hers.

“It’s a date.”

Our lips met and it felt like the first time all over again. Her hands snaked around my neck and pulled me closer.

Something at the back of my mind protested, but I shoved it aside in favor of sampling Aubrey’s delectable mouth. My hands trailed down her spine, finding the hem of her shirt. I splayed my fingers across the small of her back, the skin-to-skin contact sent my libido into overdrive.

Still, something in my subconscious was unhappy. What was there to be unhappy with? I had this beautiful woman in my arms, the most majestic scenery I could imagine and her small plaintive moans driving me onwards. She was amazing, incredible, undeniably perfect… and yet, something felt wrong.

Love.
I heard Skye’s voice in my head and I had to pull away.

Aubrey looked confused; her hands stayed locked around my neck, but I dropped my arms from around her.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

I sighed, feeling like the dumbest man alive for what I was about to say.

“Aubrey, if this is going to continue, I have to know… everything.” I regretted saying it the instant it left my mouth. I didn’t regret it because I shouldn’t feel that way; I regretted it because now it was real. This whole situation that had started off as harmless flirtation and a one-night fling had suddenly become very real.

I held my breath in anticipation of her answer. I hoped that she would give me an explanation. I prayed that this wouldn’t end here.

Chapter 20

I stared at him in shock. My heart still fluttered in my chest from the intense kisses we just shared. My skin was still alive, craving his touch, and he wanted me to reveal all of my secrets?

I wanted to. Oh god, how I wanted to tell him everything. I was so afraid of losing him though. And I knew in that moment that there was no way for me to win this. I was going to lose him either way. If I didn’t tell him, he would walk away. If I did tell him, he would still walk away. What point was there in pursuing something with a woman that was already spoken for? At least if I didn’t tell him, there wasn’t the risk of my revelation ripping my family apart. Despite my distaste for their personal philosophies, I still cared for my parents and didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize their reputations.

I sighed, water gathering in my eyes as I braced myself for what I was going to say.

“Tanner…” I trailed off, still not able to make myself say the words. I wanted to be honest with him, but I was in too deep now. There was no good way out of this and no option to let things keep going the way they were.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t.” I hated myself for saying it. I felt like I was going to throw up and my heart ached in a way I’d never experienced.

I wished I could take the words away. I wanted to make him understand. It just wasn’t possible.

“I see,” he replied curtly. He stood and from my seat on the bleachers he looked twenty feet tall.

“I’m sorry things couldn’t work out between us. I wish you all the best, Aubrey.”

He walked away without letting me reply. He climbed into his stupid car and I watched him drive away through cascades of tears. I couldn’t believe how much it hurt to see him go. I never could have fathomed that I would miss him so desperately the moment he left. I was in physical pain from his absence.

I stared into the distant waves, trying to forget about my hopeless love life. I tried to forget about Tanner. I tried to forget about his sexy half-grin and the way his fingers warmed up my skin. I tried to forget the way he looked at me right before we kissed and the easy charm that made my jabs just roll off of him. I wanted to hate him for making me like him so much.

The sun was down and a few twinkling stars were starting to show up in the inky black sky. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I tried to ignore it. I didn’t want to deal with my parents right now. It buzzed again and again. I thought about hurling it onto the pavement, but I didn’t want to try to explain
another
broken phone to my parents.

I pulled the offending device from my pocket and began to read the texts I’d just received.

Unknown:
Hi Aubrey

Or should I say Elise?

My heart stopped in my chest. Someone out there had put two and two together. I scrolled down, my hands shaking.

Unknown:
Not as clever as you thought, eh?

That was the last text I’d gotten. I sprang to reply; my trembling fingers made it difficult to type.

Who are you?

Unknown:
;)

I felt my blood pressure increasing. I did not need this on top of everything else. Someone knew who I was and was toying with me. I didn’t like it one bit.

Seriously. Who are you?

Unknown:
Just someone that could make your life very complicated with the things I know.

I gritted my teeth, realizing that I was being blackmailed. I wondered how much they knew. Obviously they knew about the racing, but did they know about Tanner? I definitely didn’t want him involved with this.

What do you want?

I tapped the letters on the screen with more force than necessary. I was already angry enough with losing Tanner. It wouldn’t take much to push me over the edge.

Unknown:
You have a race in two weeks. I think your secret will be safe if you lose. :)

My vision turned red. It had to be Rex. Maybe it was one of his supporters, but it was something to do with the little twerp.

And if I win?

Unknown:
Then your fiancé will hear all about the things you’ve been up to.

My hands clenched into tight fists and I was certain I was going to crush my phone with my bare hands. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to deal with this kind of situation. I couldn’t even imagine the backlash against my family if all of this was to get out. If another suitor walked out on me, my mother would be devastated. I didn’t exactly want my engagement with Chester Westmore to continue, but I didn’t want it to end like this.

I turned my phone off, hoping to let my temper cool off before I said something I really regretted. It was time to head home anyway. I was sure that my mother was on the brink of calling me or texting me to find out where I was and why I wasn’t home. I felt the beginning of a migraine start to take hold of my brain as I climbed into the ‘Stang.

By the time I was nearing home, my head was in a vice, slowly being squeezed. It was all too much. Everything was just too much right now. The engagement, Tanner, the race, the blackmail. I didn’t know how to deal with it all. I needed to talk to someone about it, but who did I have? Not my mother, obviously. Marilee was my best friend, but I didn’t really want to hear her ‘I told you so’s about racing and I
really
didn’t want to hear her reprimands for sleeping with Tanner.

I pulled into the garage and hoped to make my way inside without running into anyone. Of course, things could never just go my way, and my mother was right by the door when I walked in.

“Elise, darling, where
have
you
been?
”

She was far too cheerful. It made me worried. My head pounded in my ears making me wince.

“Uh… I was with Mari,” I lied.

Her expression fell immediately.

“Marilee was at the Donner’s party. Where were you, Elise?”

I rolled my eyes, disappointed with myself for not coming up with a better story.

“Just with friends Mom, no big deal.”

“It is a
big deal,
” she scolded, “because you weren’t here, Yvette and I had to pick a date for the wedding without you.”

Oh, great, more wedding talk.

I didn’t respond which seemed to upset my mother more than a less-than-enthusiastic response would have.

“I know you’re just
dying
to know when your big day is,” she continued.

“I can’t wait,” I answered, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

If she noticed my tone she ignored it.

“Two weeks! Can you believe it? We thought it best that you two start your lives together right away instead of trekking back and forth across the country a million times.”

My stomach fell through the floor.

“Two weeks?” I asked, bewildered.

“Yes! Well, more accurately, two weeks from yesterday,” she exclaimed cheerfully.

I felt like I was going to be sick. I had the race one day and my wedding the next? Now I
really
couldn’t handle all of this. I wanted to run away and hide. I wanted to crawl into a hole, wallow in my own self-pity and forget about everyone and everything.

“Are you all right, dear?” My mother asked. My vision was hazy. My forehead beaded with a cold sweat and there was a terrible ringing in my ears.

“I think… sit down,” I mumbled.

She rushed me over to an over-stuffed armchair. The room was spinning, my brain throbbed against the confines of my skull, threatening to burst through.

“Oh, I just knew you would be excited!” My mother cried, mistaking my panic for excitement.

I didn’t correct her. I tried to focus on slowing my racing heart.

Two weeks.

That was all the freedom I had left. I always thought that these things took months or years. I never expected to be pushed down the aisle this quickly.

There had to be a way out. But there wasn’t. This was really going to happen.