Chasing After Infinity (19 page)

“Mom!”
I scream, wading faster into the water that has me captured from the chest up. My calls are gurgled as the salty water rushes into my mouth.

She reaches out a hand, yelling for help, and the tides once more surge over her head, rolling her under. Gasping, I stretch my hand for hers and grab her clammy and seeming lifeless hand.

Then with the external force, another wave comes roaring back over us and we’re both submerged, separated. I keep on screaming but I don’t see her head come back up.

With chills and a relentless ache between my eyes, I shudder awake from the dream.

It’s the same ending always.

Whenever I try to sleep, the same kind of dream occurs. Not always but once a week, at least. The effects of her death are still ever prominent in my waking life and when I’m asleep.

With a groan, I bury my face in the sofa pillow, feeling slightly tipsy. I hate this. I just do.

Trying so hard to
revert
my thoughts to something else, I focus on thinking about my life.
Hayden and Kara.
And Adrian.

Whenever I think about Adrian, I’m met with confusion. I still dislike him and his ways with a passion but in a strange sort of way, after learning about him on the rooftop, he’s got me all perplexed.

Without thinking, I grab the cordless phone off the stand and dial his number---after getting it from the student directory—and wait for his voice to distract me.

“Hello?” His yawning and still seductive voice jolts my nerves.
Jolts me in the knowledge that I’m calling him for an unknown reason.

Then just as quickly as before, I hang up, my heart pounding.

But a few seconds later, my phone rings. Shit.
“Monkey?”
Adrian asks as soon as I pick up, a note of surprise in his voice.

“How did you know it was me?”

There’s a pause. “I have a bit of psychic power in me,” he says, “it was passed down from my grandma.”

“Really?”
I’m skeptical.

“No. Caller ID.” He yawns again. “So…what’s the late-night call for, pet?”

“It’s nothing.” The words are whispered from my mouth. “You know what, just pretend I didn’t call. So, bye--”

I’m about to just end the call when he says, “Whoa,
wait
. You sound like you’re about to cry. Are you okay?”

I shake my head but in the phone, I reply, “Yeah.”

“Can’t sleep?”

“No.”

“Me neither.” There’s a slight pause. “Well, you told me before that your address is Melrose Drive, right? I have to pick up something along the way so I’m coming right over.”

Adrian? Coming into my house? “No, you--” I begin.

“Alright.
Be over in ten.”

I slump against the couch armrest. Why did the first person I call have to be Adrian? It was like reflex kicking into effect.

Biting my lip, I sigh.

As he had stated, in ten minutes, the
door bell
rings. I’m in the middle of gorging myself on chips and I have to swallow it all down as I walk to the door, opening it.

Adrian is standing on my porch, the moonlight from the sky above bringing out the highlights in his thick dark hair. His black jacket defines his strong shoulders under the leather material and it’s open to reveal his deep green shirt, the colour almost matching his eyes.

“Lovely PJ’s.”
Adrian brushes his eyes over my Hello Kitty shirt and matching plaid pants.

I’ve forgotten to change out of them. “You may come in,” I say dryly.

The cold wind is shut out again as I close the door behind him. Then I notice that he’s carrying a six pack of Coronas.

“Party for two,” Adrian suggests brazenly as he follows me into the living room. Through his eyes, I can see the way it looks to people like him—the rich son of
L’Argen
Corporation; messy and cheap. His gaze follows the littered pop cans on the shag rug, the open chip bag on the wooden cocktail table to the small TV in the corner.

I sit on the couch and Adrian props his feet up on the table, surfing the minimal channels. “So what owes me this pleasure in having your company tonight?” He asks as we watch an episode of South Park.

I still my breath and crack open a Corona. “I had another nightmare.
About my mother dying.”

Adrian’s studying me intently. “What happened?”

“She was drowning and I tried to help her but she slipped from my grasp,” I say, a whoosh of breath escaping from my lips. “I just want to forget her.”

“But you can’t,” he says, “she’s the one who conceived you.”

“I know,” I say, my breath hitching. “Maybe I’m selfish this way.”

Adrian gathers me close, wrapping his arm around me so my face is snuggled into his chest. I
fold
myself into him, needing some sort of comfort. “We’re all pretty damn selfish,” he says into my hair. “Even the purest and greatest person out there can have moments of being selfish.
Human nature.”

Maybe he’s right. But I know, no matter how hard I try, I can’t evict Mom from my memories.

His voice reminds me of the time we were stuck in the car while it was pouring rain outside. For a few moments, we drink the beer and feel
the fizzle in our stomachs. The alcohol makes me lightheaded but in a good way.

“We’re going to spike all the drinks at the fall dance,” Adrian says, laughing as we begin to talk about some more light hearted things. “It’s going to be the first dance that I’d actually enjoy.”

The fall dance.
I’ve almost forgotten about the upcoming dance but I’ve heard a few girlish whispers about it.

“This chick asked me to go with her to the fall ball so I accepted,” Adrian says, his voice now a bit sluggish after multiple rounds of beer. His eyes are laughing. “But then my lab partner wanted me to take her to the equinox dance and I said yes as well. I didn’t know that they were the same goddamn thing.” He shakes his head and begins to swig some more.

“You’re such an asshole,” I say, shaking my head too, feeling just a bit drunk.

“You’re going too, right?”

I shrug nonchalantly.
“Probably.
Just to eat the food, though.”

A sly smile breaks his face. “Save the last dance for me, huh?”

“You wish.”

I feel myself nodding off slowly, my eyelids drooping. But before, I can let myself fall asleep; I pick up a baseball bat from the floor in the mess and settle it between our two bodies. “Cross this line and you’re dead,” I warn him.

He opens his mouth to say something but then closes it as he grins coyly. “So where’s going to sleep on the same futon?”

“Don’t get any ideas.” I scowl.

After a few beats of silence, Adrian murmurs, “Goodnight.”

Then I’m suddenly reminded of how I get engulfed with nightmares of Mom’s death as soon as I fall asleep. Hesitantly, I call to him, “Hey, Adrian?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you hold my hand the entire night?” My voice comes out as a quiet whisper.

There’s a pause. I’m almost afraid to meet his eyes.

Heartbeat picking up faster, his fingers interweave with mine and lace them together. I turn almost reflexively and I’m faced with his eyes—burning so green that it’s hard to look away. And for a second—one second, there is this feeling that flits in my chest, making my breath catch.

Then his eyes close and I blink slowly—feeling as I’m in a dream-like trance. Then mine slide close too after a while of memorizing this moment, this moment of silent peacefulness.

The gentle pressure of his hand holding mine coaxes me into sleep.

This time, there’s only a soothing blankness. And we sleep just like that; backs curved together, my head folded in his chest.

As we hold hands, I fall into the awaiting darkness.

chapter
sixteen

AVENA

At the morning light, I awaken. My eyes flicker open slowly to see someone lying across from me, one arm slung across his face, mouth parted slightly as he breathes out, eyes closed. Dark hair, strong shoulders, the same lips that would be in its perpetual smirk. Confusion flutters through me as I quickly sit up, yelling "
Arghhhhhh
!"

Without thinking, I push Adrian off as he drowsily rolls over. His green eyes open, half-lidded, still drunk with sleep. I decide to take advantage of his half-asleep situation and punch him so hard that he staggers backward and topples over the side of the couch, wincing. My sheets gather around him as he stares at me down on the floor, now wide awake.

"What are you doing
here!
" I yell at him, looking around. "I mean...how--what--"

For a few seconds, he just stares at me, surprised.
"The hell you talking about?"
Adrian narrows his chlorine eyes at me, his voice still scratchy with sleep, rising to his feet, buttoning his shirt up. "Don't you remember? It was you who had called me last night--"

Then the hazy drunken memory of last night comes rushing back to me. The nightmare about Mom drowning, and then...I look over to Adrian. What happened last night comes crashing over me as I look at
the empty cans of beer and scrabbling
over,
I struggle to get away from him. We were both
drunk,
this overnight thing was just an accident.

And dammit, my dad is coming home from work in less than an hour.

“Get up!” I hiss at him, jostling Adrian’s shoulder, his hair is dishevelled and his shirt is wrinkled now.

“What time is it?” He says, stretching his arms over his head and yawning.

“It’s already seven in the morning.”

“Well, then it’s my cue to go.” Adrian slides on his jacket, smiling. “You know, I’ve never slept with a girl without sleeping with her--”

And that’s pretty odd for him.
he
spent the night with me. Just sleeping I might add
,
he didn't once try to do anything inappropriate.

I smack his arm. “Do you want me to punch you again? Now go before my dad comes home.”

Adrian nods and pulls out his car keys in his pocket as I guide him to the front door. Just before he leaves, he turns around.

“If you need anything, I’ll be here, okay?” He grabs me and brushes his lips against my forehead.

And something in me cracks a bit. My mouth dry, I nod at him.

He waves me with his salute and without looking back; he starts down the driveway to his parked Cadillac.

I close the door and swallowing, I’m left alone again in my own perplexity.

When Dad comes home, he doesn’t notice any of the signs that I’ve been drinking, much less had a guy over to spend the night. He asks me how my day was and I reply with a stiff answer and with a smile, he goes up to his office where he spends the rest of Saturday typing a report.

At school on Monday, it’s hard to look at Adrian without thinking of the night but we manage to get along like normal, him taunting me in his usual way while I throw daggers at him with my eyes.

But in a way, the night has changed everything between us.

***

My mind is half-preoccupied with the Autumn Ball coming up. I’ve signed up for the dance committee and my mind is full of decorations, music, and fruit punch. Kara is going with a guy in her English class while Hayden has asked a girl from St. Xavier’s to be his date. I was originally planning to not attend but then the food there lured me in and I’ve decided to just go solo.
Effortless and uncomplicated.

At lunch, I’m greeted and waved over by Valerie who’s sitting with Blake and a couple of other guys like Mark
Summerski
and Jake Chen. “Finally another sane girl who’s sitting here,” she sighs as I take the seat next to her. “Everyone’s crazy about the upcoming dance. Ask any girl and she’d be gushing about her date or something.”

“Dances are just boring,” Mark Perrier says, eating up his sandwich. “We, being the guys, are forced to go.”

“At least you’re going with
Liliana
Stevens,” his buddy Jake remarks, grinning. “Maybe she’d give you a little something after the dreaded dance is over--”