Chase of a Lifetime (21 page)

When he sat down behind the steering wheel
and thought about the mistake he’d made with Chase, he leaned forward and cried
so hard his entire body trembled. He cried because of the expression on Cain’s
face when he found out his father was having an affair with his best friend. He
cried because he’d cheated on Len with Chase. And he cried because Len was now
out of the closet and they still couldn’t be together. He could have handled
everything else that had happened. But knowing he’d never be with the man he
loved tore his insides to shreds. He would have given his life to go back and
change things. He would have ripped his heart from his chest for one more
chance with Len. But he knew it was over now, and the only thing he could do
was try to figure out how to put his life back together again.

When Jim’s parents came home on Monday, he
sat them down in the kitchen and told them everything. Telling them the
absolute truth was the only way he could justify his decisions…and his actions
that summer. He was sorry he’d already created so much distance because of his
fears. He also knew it had to be done now that Cain knew the truth. It wouldn’t
happen right away, but Cain would eventually tell everyone that his best friend
had been sleeping with his closeted gay father. Cain would use this story to
his advantage, and twist it around to get sympathy when he needed it. It was in
Cain’s nature; this wouldn’t change. When the story came out, Helen and
Radcliff would be devastated Jim hadn’t told them first. But more than that,
Jim was tired of lying to his parents, sneaking around behind their backs with
one of their friends.

He began with his graduation party, how he’d
met Len that night without planning it, and the events that had transpired
after that. His father listened to the part about Jim having an affair with Len
Mayfield without saying a word. At one point he stood up, clenched his fists,
and then he went to another part of the house where he could be alone before
Jim had a chance to say anything else. In Radcliff’s world, this scandalous
affair would have to be analyzed and accepted with time.

Helen sat there with wide eyes, hanging onto
every word Jim said, as if trying hard to understand. The corners of her lips
turned down and remained that way. She kept fidgeting with the corner of a
placemat, folding it back and forth. Jim didn’t go into details about Len: he
skimmed the surface, especially the part about the way he’d cheated on Len with
Chase.

Helen finally sat back and shook her head in
amazement. “I don’t know what to say. Len Mayfield? I mean we all knew Janice
Mayfield was playing around with that tennis instructor. But Len Mayfield, and
you
?
I don’t even know how to react to this. I would never have guessed Len was gay.”

 
Jim’s
head tilted to the side. “You knew about Mrs. Mayfield and the tennis
instructor?” He thought all this had been a huge secret that only Len and his
wife knew.

Helen rolled her eyes. “She wasn’t exactly
discreet about it, Jim. And he’s not the first. That woman has been playing
around on the side for years. We thought Len just turned a blind eye. We all
felt
sorry
for him. No one ever would
have guessed that he was
gay
. I
mean he walked around in that cowboy hat all the time. Why I’ve even seen him
spit on the sidewalk and I thought he was vulgar.” She stopped speaking and her
eyes widened. “That’s where I saw that cowboy hat I found in your bedroom this
summer. It was Len Mayfield’s.”

Jim frowned. He’d never seen Len spit on the
sidewalk. “Yes. It belonged to Len.”

“Oh my God, I think I need a drink.”

This is when Jim knew he’d said enough. He
stood up and walked to where his mother was sitting. He hugged her and said,
“I’m sorry. I had to tell you because I’m sure Cain will talk about it
eventually. I’m sure there will be whispers. I’ve called a friend and I’m going
to LA tomorrow to start a job he offered me before graduation. I think it’s
best that I leave
Dallas
.”
If he could have left for LA that night he would have.

Helen stood up. “I couldn’t care less what
people think. Give me some credit. What about law school? Your father is going
to be very disappointed. He’s had heart set on you joining the firm one day.”

Jim shrugged. “I never wanted to be a
lawyer. I’m not cut out for it. And I don’t want to spend the rest of my life
doing something I hate. Besides, I need to leave now and it’s not just because
of what happened with Len. I need a fresh start. I’ll talk to dad later tonight
and try to explain. I hope he can forgive me.”

“This relationship you and Len were having,”
she said. “It’s over now?”

“It’s finished,” Jim said.

Helen hugged him again. “Your father needs
time,” she said. “He’ll come around. I’m pretty sure he’s not going to be
playing golf with Len Mayfield anymore. But he loves you, Jim. And to be
honest, I think moving to LA is probably the best thing for you right now. I hate
to see you go. And I will miss you. But you’re doing what is best for you and I
want you to go with a clear head and my blessing.”

*****

Jim spent the night packing his bags and
organizing his things. There were still things he hadn’t unpacked from Princeton.
That summer he’d grown accustomed to living out of suitcases: he knew deep down
he wouldn’t be there long. His friend in LA told him he could stay in his guest
house in
West Hollywood
until he found a place
of his own. According to his friend, they wanted him to start the new job at
the public relations firm immediately, which was fine with Jim. The less time
he had to think about what had happened with Len Mayfield that summer the
happier he would be.

At
midnight
,
he knocked on the door of his father’s home office. He didn’t want to leave
Dallas
without clearing
things up with his father first and he wasn’t sure he’d see him in the morning.
His father was at his desk working on something for the law firm. He glanced up
and Jim and said, “Your mother told me everything tonight while you were
upstairs packing. I have to admit it took guts to be this honest.”

“I had to tell you the truth,” Jim said.

“I’m not happy, but I’m glad you did.”

Jim sat down in a chair across from him.
“You know about law school?” This part wasn’t hard for Jim to talk about. Even
though he hadn’t made it official all summer, it was time to stop making
excuses to his father and come clean.

“Yes, I know,” his father said. “I’m not
thrilled with your decision. But I’m not going to try to stop you either. You
have our own life to live and I know when to step back.”

“I’m sorry about everything,” Jim said. “I
didn’t plan on what happened with Len. Neither one of us planned it.”

Radcliff made a face and clenched his fists.

“It’s not all Len’s fault either,” Jim said.
“I just want you to know that. He’s a good man.”

“I’d rather not talk about Len Mayfield
right now,” Radcliff said. “I hope I never have to see Len or his ridiculous
wife again.”

Jim frowned. There was no use pushing the
issue. “I understand.”

They talked about Jim’s move to LA and Jim
explained it wasn’t something sudden. He wanted his father to know he wasn’t
flighty and irresponsible; his father’s opinion of him still mattered. “I’ve
been thinking about doing this since the job was offered to me. I’m sorry I
didn’t say anything but I didn’t want to make an announcement until I knew for
sure. I knew how disappointed you’d be, dad.”

“I understand,” his father said. He even
cracked a small smile.

“Then you’re not mad at me?”

“Of course I’m not mad at you. I only want
what’s best for you.” He frowned and rubbed his jaw. “I don’t understand all
this business with Len Mayfield. I could wring his neck, frankly. But I’m not
mad at you.”

“Don’t blame Len,” Jim said. “We both knew
what we were doing.”

“That’s easier said than done,” his father
said.

They talked about where Jim would be living
and what his job would be like. Although his father didn’t open champagne in
celebration, he stopped frowning when Jim told him the name of the public
relations firm where he would be working. His father had heard of it. He knew
it wasn’t a shabby establishment. He even went so far as to say he’d heard it
was one of the most impressive firms on the west coast. He had a client who was
heavily invested in technology stocks, and his client had mentioned this same
firm handled a lot of the well-known technology accounts in
Silicon
Valley
. Before Jim went to bed that night, his father stood up,
hugged him, and handed him a check that would tide him over until his first
paycheck.

*****

In the morning, Jim left Dallas with the
sullen image of his mother and father standing in the driveway waving at the
back of his car. He prayed Cain would be discreet and not talk about what had
happened, at least not too soon. On his way to the interstate, he passed by the
Mayfield house, wishing he could knock on the door and patch things up with
Cain. He hated leaving with so many things yet to be said. He tried to imagine
how he would feel if he’d found out Cain had been sleeping with his father. But
that didn’t work out well at all. When he thought about his father in bed with
Cain Mayfield he almost starting laughing out loud.

He took his time driving to LA. He arrived
there on a Saturday afternoon and started his new job on a Monday morning. In
less than a month, he found a great house to rent not far from Sunset Drive. Best
of all, when the lease was up his landlord said he would give Jim the option of
buying the house if he wanted to. It had been a rental property for many years;
it needed a great deal of work. But the owner was ready to sell to anyone
willing to make him a good offer. And Jim got excited when he thought about the
renovations he could do to the house. Living alone had its advantages: he could
do as he pleased without answering to anyone, and now he could run his dildos
through the dishwasher instead of washing them by hand.

Jim spoke with his mother and father often;
he told them he loved his new job and said he wanted them to make plans to come
to LA for Thanksgiving. He wanted them to see where he was living, and he
didn’t want to go back to
Dallas
so soon. They told him what was going on in their lives. They said they were
thinking about selling the house Jim had grown up in and moving into a modern
loft in downtown
Dallas
.
Even though they didn’t go into any details about Len and Janice Mayfield, they
let Jim know in subtle ways their social life had changed since the previous
summer. Jim’s parents had a new set of friends; most of them lived in Dallas.
And that was all they said about Len Mayfield and his wife. Jim didn’t ask for
anything else. They only spoke about positive things in their lives and how
they couldn’t wait to see each other again, which made Jim smile and look
forward to the future.

During one phone conversation after Jim’s
father hung up, Helen asked, “Have you been seeing anyone in LA?”

“
Mom
.”

“I’m curious,” she said. “I want to know
what’s happening in your life.” Then she hesitated for a moment. “I want you to
feel free to talk about things, just in case you get into another situation
like the one with Len and his wife. I worry about your judgment.”

Oh Lord. Now she thought he was hot for all older
married guys. “Things are calm now. I promise.”

“You’d talk to me if they weren’t okay?”

Though he was surprised his mother would ask
this, he knew she was trying to express interest in his life as a gay man. She
was letting him know, without saying it aloud, she wanted to know everything
that was happening to him…as if he were straight. This made him smile; he felt
blessed to have a mother this wonderful. “I’ve been too busy to have much of a
social life,” Jim said. “There has been a lot of travel back and forth to
Cupertino
with work. But
I’ve made a few good friends here. We’re all single and we all have a lot in
common.” Jim didn’t tell her that he hadn’t been with a man since he’d left
Dallas
. His last lover
had been Chase. He wasn’t interested in meeting another man right now.

He didn’t tell his mother this either: each
night when he went to bed, right before he closed his eyes, he thought about
Len Mayfield and said a small prayer hoping Len was happy and doing well.

Almost one year to the day since he’d last
traveled to Dallas by plane, Jim met his mother at the airport. It was Memorial
Day weekend and Jim’s mother and father had invited him home to celebrate his
father’s fiftieth birthday. His father’s milestone birthday wasn’t a large
party or a huge event; just Jim and his mother. Jim’s father had been having
mixed emotions about turning fifty and didn’t want to make a big thing of it.
Jim’s mother said he was going through mid-life crisis…to the point where he’d
bought himself a brand new bright red Corvette.

Instead of taking Jim back to the house
where he’d grown up, Helen drove him to a five thousand square foot loft she
and Jim’s father had purchased that winter. She parked next to a red Corvette
in an indoor garage; she frowned and told Jim they’d paid forty thousand
dollars extra to own their parking spaces. She gestured to the Corvette and
said, “There’s your father’s mid-life crisis. I suppose it’s better than him
having an affair. And to be honest, I kind of enjoy driving it, too. I actually
learned how to drive a manual transmission. We have fun on the weekends taking
road trips.”