Chardonnay: A Novel (29 page)

25

Stripped

I awoke to
a beaming light. For a minute, I thought I was in heaven but then a man with a
stethoscope leaned over me.

“She’s awake.” he said

“Oh thank you Jesus!” said my mother.

“Is she okay?” said another voice.

“Nay are you okay?” said Konsuelo

“What do you remember last?” said the doctor.

“I’m not sure.” I said.

“Maybe it’s good she forgot.” said the unknown voice again.

“No, I remember something about Konstance fucking Myron.” I said

“Nope.
She remembers.” said my father.

“She needs her rest. You can come back later.” said the doctor.

“Who else is in the room?” I said.

“Your brother and sister.” said my mother.

“Hey, Kingston and Jersey.”
I said to my siblings.

He had been gone to basketball camp so long his voice had changed
a bit. It sounded more mature.

My mother pushed everyone out the room.

“Doctor, I’ll be staying the night with my daughter.” said my
mother.

After everyone left, my mother began talking out the side of her
mouth.

“Where do you get the nerve saying something absurd as that?”

“As what?”

“Your flesh and blood sleeping with Myron!
He wouldn’t—”

“He’s so damn perfect to you...why? Why would you allow him to
hurt me over and over again?”

“Myron was up here and so was that Slime or Slim boy. You’re not
going to gain a husband sluting the town. Maybe that’s why he did it.”

I laughed at her assumption that he was unfaithful because of me.
I didn’t know what to call her anymore because she was never a mother to me.
The word even felt misplace when put in the same thought as her.

“Get out! If you can’t shut-up and respect me, get out!”

She looked me in the eyes and slowly stood,

“Then I will
get out
, as you say. Because there’s not a day
I regret raising you as my child.” she said with spite and stomped out the
hospital room on the balls of her Jimmy Choo heels.

*
 
*
 
*
 
*

The
following day, a stark rainy Tuesday, a doctor by the name Jamie Koehler came
in the room to go over my condition and few minor details to help my recovery.
She sat beside me and took a couple vital signs first.

“Miss Houston, I have a couple of things I want to go over with
you.”

“Yeah,” I said sitting up in my bed and leaning back on my flat
and deflated pillow.

 
“You fainted due to lack of
oxygen and over exposed energy caused by stress. Is there anything you’d like
to talk about?”

I looked at her with a blank stare, as if I was going to tell some
brunette haired women with perfectly completed skin, the letters P.h.d at the
end of her name, and a huge diamond ring on her hand all my issues. Her life
looked perfect and mine was
not
to be judged.
 

“Not really, just ready to get out of here.”

She looked at me puzzled and twisted her pencil thin lips.

“You will be released to go home tomorrow after we get the results
from your blood work back...something was irregular.”

“Irregular—is that a bad thing?”

“Try not to worry.” she said standing and giving a reassuring
smile.

I hated when doctors did that since it usually meant you were
about to die—especially the ones on Grey’s Anatomy.

*
 
*
 
*
 
*

I rested
like the doctor told me to do, but it was only a matter of time before I was
back in the bullshit. My phone began to ring at 3 am.

“Hello?” I said in a raspy tone.

“Nay it’s Konstance.”

“Not now. I need my rest.”

“I know but I need to talk to you. I don’t want you to hate me.”

“Too late for that.”

“I didn’t want it to happen, it just did.”

She was the girl I would hunt down.
Didn’t know
it.
But now I remember the silhouette that night looking at Myron’s room
window. It was Konstance. I felt a tear go down my face.

He said he loved her? Was she the girl he was talking about? I
closed my eyes. I had to know if he had experienced with her what he did with
me. Not like it matter much now, but I had to know.

“Then how did it go down?”

I wanted to know and at the same time I really didn’t. Too many
people had betrayed me all in a matter of one year. I listened on to Konstance
explanation.

“Well, Myron had been coming over my house crying over you. He was
asking me how to get you back. He would come over there talking about you the
whole time and asking me if I knew what he meant. He asked me again and looked
at me different, like I was you, told me he loved me, and then he kissed me.
Myron wanted me to get y’all back together, but—”

“But he used you for something else instead. He told you he loved
you?” I asked believing she wasn’t hearing right.

“I guess so. For a minute I actually thought I was falling for
him. Shit, I was stupid.”

“What?” I said disgusted.

“Chardonnay just
hear
me out.”

“What for?
You done said enough. I can’t even imagine you
and Myron...my God.”

Konstance broke down crying harder. I didn’t feel any sympathy. No
sympathy at all. I had to know what was what, even though I didn’t want to hear
the details.

“When was the first time y’all had sex?”

“The...the night of you two’s first engagement party. I felt bad
for him, the love I seen in his eyes for you and for you to do him that way,
Nay.”

“It’s easy for you and everyone else to see it that way.”

“No one knows what he’s done to me! All the crap I look over just
to please everyone else’s facade of him.”

 
“Well Nay love isn’t always
perfect. I only wished I were in your shoes that night.”

“So you decided to try them on...” I shook my head, giving off a
smug chuckle.

“I don’t know how it spiraled out of control. One minute we’re
friends the next we’re more.”

“This just had to of happened after I told him about Slim. He used
you to get back at me while I was at the dorm with Zasmyth.” I said, letting
imprisoned tears break free, and making sense to everything Konstance hadn’t
thought of.

“No I think it was about Jase...” and that’s all she said.

“He didn’t know about—”

“I guess
,
if that’s what you want to
believe. We’ve been messing around for over a year now, Nay.”

I felt my chest cave in and my heart rate speed up on the monitor.
I caught my breath and forced out a distraught, “What?”

“He broke things initially off with me in March—but they just grew
back when you never showed up for the party.”

My heart was more than ripped broken, it was shredded, however I
had to know more, and most importantly
how.
 

“What happened when I didn’t show?”

“He left out the front door and Denim and I followed. By that time
Myron was drunk—he couldn’t drive. So Denim and I told him it would be best if
he stayed at his parents’ house. He looked me over and said that it might be
best. He took me to the side and said he needed to talk to me about
something...I knew what he wanted.”

“So why didn’t you say no?”

 
“It’s just, like being
seduced with chocolate.”

“No, I’m allergic!” I said pissed.

Konstance ignored my sarcasm and stated,

“I know Myron is your man, and I’m just telling you this so you’ll
understand, but I couldn’t resist him or his charm. I always thought he was so
damn fine, and for once I was getting a shot. It may have been through a fucked
up circumstance but...”

How was I supposed to understand? I couldn’t
stand
to
listen to her. I knew Myron’s charm was dangerous, but not this dangerous.

“When we got to his room, we talked for most of the night. He kept
glancing over at your bedroom window and then finally, he clicked the light out
and asked me to make him forget about you. Asked me to ride his dick hard and
make him fall in love with me. He promised me a house, brand new Bentley, and .
. . that Cartier charm bracelet you saw on my wrist last month.”

Out of all the girls and groupies I warned off, I over looked the
most dangerous one, my own flesh and blood. Myron had only given
me
jewelry. I felt so sick I couldn’t move. I had to know one more thing.

“Was he...well, intimate with you during sex?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, was he looking you in the
eyes.
”

“Myron’s always made love to me with generosity. He kisses, and
talks to me...”

I tightened my eyes.

“Did you use a condom?”

“No...I’m... sorry.” Konstance said as she cried.”

I slipped his ring off my finger this time for good.

“How fucking could he?!
How could you?!”

“Naay!
I’m sooo sorry. But you pushed him! For what
you ran off and did with Jase—and to think you could tell Myron that shit and him
not feel revengeful for it!”

“Ran off and did what?”

“Damn, you forgot everything. It’s like you’re another person.”

“Forgot what?”

Konstance sniffles stopped and she sat silent on the other end.

“Chardonnay, you might have to ask your sweet Myron about that
one. But just know this...he’s not as much of a saint as you may think he is.”

I didn’t want to hear any more.

“Shut-up!”

“Nay, Myron was with me...when we were in Saint Louis.”

I wanted to kill her. Stab her ass dead like they did in the scary
movies. That thought scared me. How could I ever...how could she have ever?

“Why did you lie to me?” I asked.

“Myron needed to talk. When I first came to the hotel he took me
to the side and set it up for me to meet with him. He said he needed me to help
him figure out things with you.

Told me you...I can’t remember everything, but he said you faked
something and it bothered him.”

“Faked what?”

“The sex y’all had I guess. Not sure what he meant.”

I frowned not understanding that.

“He
touch
you?”

Silence.

“Told me he loved me,”
she whined like it was his fault.

“Told me he cared. More like I touched him. He tried to fight me
and said he made some fuckin’ promise to you. I pulled and tugged trying to get
him to stay. I wrapped myself around his neck and he tried to pull away.
I
hated you
. Hated you hard,
cause
I loved him too.
I pulled down his pants and...
made
him weak. He cried
Nay. I sucked his dick and he cried, cried for you. Said, ‘I love you’. Now it
hits me—he was saying he loved
you.
”

Sad I thought. She was the stupidest girl I knew at the moment. To
think a man was falling for you, when he was using you, and you fall for no
apparent reason.
Sad.
She was sad.

“Please forgive—”

I hung up on her. I stopped crying. I was tired of wasting my
tears on Myron. I almost felt sorry for him, being so weak to temptation with
other females, yet loving me so much and having remorse for hurting me. But now
I knew why he broke up with me on our way from Saint Louis. He broke his
promise. He let me go. He loved me that much.

26

What
I Do in the Dark...

The day of
my discharge a limo was sent to pick me up. I could just about imagine who had
sent for me in it. To my surprise there wasn’t anyone in the back seat when I
got in. The doctor’s released me even though my blood work hadn’t come back
from the lab yet on the premise I would come back in for the results during my
check up in two weeks. I sat back in the limousine as it drove me towards what
looked like Myron’s house. My cellphone began to ring as the limousine made a
sharp turn. I answered the phone as I knocked on the privacy window to get the
driver’s attention.

“Hello?”

“Chardonnay where are you?”

It was Myron.

“Not any of your damned business! Who do you think you are sending
a limo for me?”

“No—Chardonnay I’m at the hospital waiting for you. Why are they
telling me you’ve already left?”

“Because I have.
I thought you sent for me in a
limousine.
Must have been Jase.”
I said looking around
outside the windows. I pulled the privacy window down and tried to ask the
driver where he was taking me but he just kept driving.

“Baby
tell
me where you are right now!”
Myron said with panic in his voice.

 
“Wha—why do you sound like
that—whats going on?”

“Just tell me where you are!
NOW!”

I looked around at the signs and local business and then squeezed
my eyes with the earnest thought he didn’t deserve to know where I was.

“Myron...she told me everything. About you telling her you loved
her and you fuckin’ her!”

“Chardonnay, trust me when I say we ain’t got time for this
shit...I should have told you this months ago, but I was trying to cover my
ass. Remember the man named Miscogey I told you about?”

“What about him? You are scaring me!”

“He’s been looking for you to finish something he didn’t get to do
in March. Just tell me where you are!”

I looked at the street signs again and said,

“39
^th
and Baltimore.
What didn’t
he finish, Myron?”

“Killing you.”

In a horrid screech borne form the tires of the limo I was stuck
in the back of, the car came to a stop. I breathed heavily as I held on to
Myron’s every breath on the other end of the phone and watched the driver get
out the car and come around back.

“Are you there?” Myron asked.

“Where the
fuck are
you? Please come get
me.” I said tears flushing down my face.

“I’m about five blocks away—I just left Saint Luke’s. Where are
you at now?”

Just as I he asked those words the door flew open. I stared up at
the driver who had a healed and aged scar under his engaging eyes.

“I—I’m at—”

The phone was snatched out my hand before I could answer him and
the muggy old man pulled me up from out the back seat.

“Get your nasty hands off me!” I began to holler. It was broad day
light and I wasn’t about to be one of those pretty missing white women off
television. Not because of the publicity it would cause but because of the
non-public cries that would be called out by the people who would miss me—so
that gave me more the reason to fight. He looked around suspiciously and tried
to reframe me from loosening his grip.

“Stay still you lil’ bitch fore I snaps ya neck!”

I bit his crusty hand and kicked him in his balls. I could hear
what sounded like a revved engine in the distance. I began to run towards the
sound in hopes there would be life outside of that dank and smelly ally. Sure
enough it was Myron getting out his Escalade and walking with a mean swagger
and a cocked tech nine in his hand. He walked right past me and went for the
designated driver.

“Myron—no!
Come on so we can get out of here. Don’t kick
his ass!” I said running in the direction of the running car.

“I’m not going to kick his ass,” he said walking up on the already
in agony old man.

“I’ma kill him.” he said taking a shot right at him.

I screamed.

From where I stood I could only see the driver’s legs from around
the corner of the brick building. The man’s legs twitched for a second and then
stopped moving altogether. I was shaking. Myron walked back towards me with no
remorse in his eyes and pulled me along with him as he walked towards his
running SUV.

“Get in.”

I stood there in a daze not sure what to do. There lay a dead man
in an ally that I just witnessed being murdered by a boy thought I knew. I
looked over at Myron, a vague resemblance to the boy I used to know, with sweat
pouring down his handsomely chiseled face and rage in his tone.

“Go on man—get the fuck in!”

I jumped in the passenger seat as he got in the driver side and
zoomed off. For some reason in the rage of the moment I decided to bring up all
his shit.

“Of all the fucking women in the world—why her...why my cousin!
She was
like my SISTER!” I screamed.

He continued driving not speaking.

“You don’t give a damn about me! And to think I stayed with you
even knowing about all the females you cheated with! I still didn’t leave you!
Listen to me!”

He pushed his foot on the brakes and slowly turned his head to me.
He just stared at me.

“What are you not telling me...how could you?” I said touching his
face.

He slowly pulled off and drove as he watched the rear view mirror.

“Maybe it’s us both that keep running back to each other after the
other strays. You can recall all my shit—but not yours.” he said as he finally
pulled over.
 
Two blocks from his
penthouse he pulled the gun out his back seat. I looked on in horror as he made
sure to wipe down the gun and wrapped it up in what looked like terrycloth. He
took his gloves off his hands and leaned his head back as tears fell down his
face.

“You didn’t have to kill him...” I said slowly.

“You don’t know what I have to deal with on a daily basis. I’m
fighting to get out a hood I wasn’t even raised up in. And even though my pops
sees me with a fuckin’ NFL contract—he still can’t respect the fact that I am
my own man...and you still think I don’t give a fuck about you.”

I looked ahead in the rear view mirror scared that someone may
have seen us and called the cops. Then I thought to ask Myron why he hadn’t
done so himself. When I did, he looked at me crazy.

“
A real man don’t
call another man to do
his work. I can’t get respect around here like that!”

“But you said someone was trying to kill me or tried—when?”

He got quiet and began to roll his gloves through his hands.

The perspiration on his fore head gloated and he twitched his head
from side to side tightening his eyes. I sat up in the passenger seat and
pushed him.

“Tell me Myron!”

“I need to get home and I can tell you there.”

“No wait we can’t go back there. They’ll be looking for us.”

I wanted to get out of Kansas City fast and now. I thought to call
Jase who I hadn’t talked to in weeks, but how would that look? Then I
contemplated that Myron was his brother and that he might do anyth—

“Give me your phone.” he said interrupting my drifting thoughts.

“I don’t have it. The guy took it.”

“Good, just whatever you do—don’t call Jasen.”

And we drove off.

Myron got us a hotel on the upper south side of Kansas City at the
Inter Continental. When we got in the room I slammed the door and told him to
speak up quickly.

“Why are they after me?!”

But he decided to play ring around the rosy.

“You don’t think I ever knew do you?” he answered.

“Knew about what? Don’t answer my question with a question. This
isn’t the time for games.” I shouted.

“I knew about Jasen. I knew about your plans... I knew I was going
to eventually lose you to him and...
that
scared the shit
out of me.”

“What plans are you talking about?”

“Your dreams.
Now that I look back on it, I feel
so bad, baby. But you pushed me and I was so desperate. And when I didn’t come
up with that money that had been due to Miscogey...I was forced to make some
decisions.”

“Decision?
Like fucking Konstance.”

He looked up at me and licked his lips with,

“She was just a toxic fix.”

I laughed at him.

“You’re sick! Yeah, blame it on an addiction. What you should of
did instead of claiming an
addiction
was give your
dick
a direc
tion...
she told me.
Told me everything.
You rode her. You
kissed her.
Talked to her.
Thought
you only cooed to my pussy like that!”

“I do. It’s something different with you. But ... shit! I fucked
up!”

“Do you love Konstance?”

Myron couldn’t look at me. Flashes of them together, remembering
her conversations over the phone that I interrupted, their looks at each other
when I was in the room, the day at the hospital when my grandfather passed and
Konstance was staring at
 
us unable to
get the kind of consoling from Myron that I was entitled to. I knew half of her
tears were because of that.

“Answer me!” I cried, hoping he would tell me what I wanted to
hear.

“I care about her a little. Don’t love her, but—”

“But what Myron?
Keep it real.”

“We’ve spent a lot of time together. You just don’t care about
someone who has been a shoulder.”

“Oh, she was your shoulder huh,” I laughed at him. Couldn’t
believe how I fell for him.

“What chu do, lend your dick to her in return? What the hell have
I been? The ground you walk on, ‘
cause
you run over
me. Well she can have you.”

“Don’t feed me anymore revile words, Chardonnay.”

“Or what?!”
I said pushing my finger up side his head,
making him trip backwards on the bed. I was about to go back to my African
roots, and come straight at him sideways like only a black woman could do it.

“You ain’t shit. The only thing you good for is your piece of shit
down there.”

He clinched his jaws and nodded his head. I knew Myron wouldn’t
want to make any more of a scene than what we were. I thought about picking up
the brick that I saw in my parents lawn and going to bust his windshield window
in that big body, wet black, sitting on 20’s, Cadillac Escalade of his,
especially after thinking about Konstance’s ring tone of LeToya’s song
She
Don’t
verse two of “late night dipping
 
in his Cadillac”. But I had to see the blessing. I asked him again,

“So why are they after me?”

He bit down on his bottom lip and shut his eyes tight.

“They—they made me—”

“They who?!”
I shouted again.

“Remember the man I told you about named Miscogey, he’s the drug
don my father ordered the case of Ecstasy from. Although me and Slim were or
the skirts about you we still did business with him. He—he told my pops that he
didn’t take kind to his money being late and that it would cost more than money
could buy.”

Myron stopped and looked up at me.

 
“And what he wanted, money
couldn’t buy. In fact it was something so priceless to me. He wanted your
virginity.”

My body filled with rage. I glossed over my eyes and said,

“Excuse you—but did you just say—”

“It sounds messed up—I know! But at the time, what you did to me,
the covenant you broke made me say yes. I had it all set up. You were going to
meet me at my pent house and I knew what you were going to do,” he said as
tears fell out his eyes.

“When you walked in you had on that necklace...the heirloom I was
supposed to give you—not him!”

“Him who?”

“Jase.”

My eyes blinked as I thought to myself that I didn’t meet Jase
until May.

“But I didn’t know him.”

“That’s what I fixed you to think. You see Chardonnay; I snatched
that necklace off your neck and threw it at the wall. I shook you and told you
that I would never leave you if...you just followed me. But you did the most
indescribable thing. You left me for my brother. A brother I barely knew. But
as mad as I was at you at the last moment I changed my mind.”

I leaned up against the wall as everything began to sound
familiar. The scenery of the tape came to mind and awoke my memory a little
more.