Charade (20 page)

             
I should leave. Run right now because Colt and I wouldn’t work. It wouldn’t be like it was with Gregory. He could really hurt me—not just ding my pride.

             
“Don’t. You’re looking at me funny. Don’t do that, Tiny Dancer.” His voice isn’t angry at all. It almost sounds confused. “It’s just homework. I had my mouth on you…I was inside you last night. Don’t make a big deal out of nothing.”

             
I roll my eyes, trying to play it off. “I didn’t do anything. Sounds like you’re the one making it a big deal. Do you want me to fall for you, Colt?” I want to tease him and call him Colton like his mom does, but any kind of joking that has to do with her doesn’t feel right.

             
He doesn’t answer my question, but says, “Is your stuff in your car?”

             
“Yeah. I’ll run and get it.”

             
Colt shakes his head. “I’ll go. I’m sure the house is packed with passed-out assholes.”

             
Again my insides soften to him. Another simple gesture, but again something really sweet.

             
Sitting on the bed, I take in the view while Colt gets dressed. I can tell he knows I’m watching, but I also know he’s cocky enough to get off on it. He only slips on a pair of sweats and no shirt before he disappears. He’s gone for about five minutes so I assume he went to clean up too. When he gets back in the room, Colt closes the door and tosses me my backpack.

             
“Do you need the computer?” he asks.

             
Computer? I didn’t even know he had one. “No. I have to write a paper, but I have to do first drafts with pen and paper.”

             
“You’re fucking crazy.” He winks as he speaks, then grabs a set of keys and unlocks a box in the closet, before pulling out a laptop.

             
“You lock up your computer.”

             
“You’ve seen the parties here, right?”

             
I don’t know why, but that makes me laugh. Colt shakes his head at me as I continue to giggle, but he’s smiling too.

             
“That’s crazy
,
” I say between laughs.

             
“I thought we just decided you were crazy.” Then he adds, “Seriously though. You never know what people will do when they’re fucked up. I’m cool with most of the people who party here but alcohol and drugs make people do stupid shit.”

             
This makes me freeze.
Loud music,
M
om gone. I’ll help you find your mama.

             
A shudder takes me over.

             
“Hey. What’s wrong?” Colt reaches over and twirls a lock of my hair around his finger. It’s so sweet, so normal that I want to lean into him for support. To tell him everything I didn’t tell Gregory in years of going out with him.

             
I want him to protect me like he’s done so often, but that freaks me out too. I can’t risk needing anyone…but I almost feel like I need him.

             
“Nothing. Just a chill.”

             
He’s had to pick me up too many times. That’s not what we’re supposed to be about and whatever this thing is between us, I don’t want it to end.

             
“A chill my ass.” But he doesn’t call me on it, only turns on his laptop and gets to work. I do the same. We work in silence for a good hour, but I’m so aware of him. Of how he smells like man and fabric softener. It’s funny because his clothes are wrinkled half the time and he doesn’t care what he wears, but he always smells so…
clean
.

             
I look over at him, his forehead creased as he reads something on the screen and I think about how comfortable this is. How easy and normal and I can’t remember if I ever felt this way with Gregory. Actually I know I didn’t.

             
This is a game. Our game. One that I asked for, but with eac
h day it feels more real. More real
than anything ever has and I’m not sure how I feel about that. What to do. I shouldn’t fall for this guy. He’s got so much on his plate and he’s not the kind of guy to really fall for someone. Gregory was and look how that turned out?

             
I turn back to my paper.

             
But I do. I think I like him and part of me wants to like him while the other thinks I should stuff everything in my backpack and never come back.

             
When you like someone you trust them and I’ve never trusted anyone in my whole life. How can I pick Colt?

             
Something jabs me in the side and I jump. “Holy shit.” I look at Colt who has a pencil in his hand, close to my back. “You scared the crap out of me.”

             
“Where the hell were you? You sure as shit weren’t here.” He’s grinning. I love that grin so much. It’s so boy-ish. Such a contradiction to his dirty mouth and bad attitude.

             
“I was so lost in thought about you that I couldn’t handle it. I mean, I’m sitting here with
Colt.
How can I not feel totally enamored?”

             
He looks at me almost confused for a second before saying, “It’s about time you realized that.”

             
And then his laptop is gone and my books and notebook shoved to the floor and Colt’s on me.

             
My clothes are gone in no time and then his.  His mouth is on mine and he’s fumbling with a condom. His tongue moves to the peak of my breast and I cry out before he pushes inside.

             
It’s not because of how I feel right now or how well we move together. It’s about
him.
Us. I know that it’s no longer just an empty thought. It’s the truth.

             
I’m falling for Colt.

***

             
Colt’s sitting in the car with me as we head to the coffee house. I’m in major need of caffeine and even though I know he doesn’t drink coffee and I’m going back to my dorm after this, he insisted on going with me.

             
His phone goes off for what feels like the millionth time
and I realize what’s happening. He’s meeting someone to sell them weed. It had nothing to do with me.

             
Anger simmers beneath my skin. I don’t think I have the right, but I hate seeing him do this. Know he doesn’t want to, but then I think about his mom and know some of the money goes to help her.

             
Can I really blame him?

             
We pull up in front and I turn off the car, look at him and without thinking say, “I can help.”

             
Colt pushes his cell into his pocket. “Help with what?”

             
“Money
.
” I shrug. “Whatever you need.”

             
Colt groans and drops his head back. “I don’t need you to save me, Princess.”

             
The name hurts. I don’t want to be his princess. That’s the name he called the girl he hated.

             
“Fuck you, Colt.” I reach for the door handle, but he touches my other arm.

             
“I’m not trying to be an asshole.”

             
“Then don’t,” I throw back at him.

             
“I can handle it.”

             
I sigh and touch his hand on my arm. Thread our fingers together half expecting him to pull away or me to pull away, but neither of us do.

             
“I hate that you have to.”

             
He sighs, his answer surprising me. “Just like I hate the fucking demons you have locked inside you that you won’t tell me about. The ones you only let out when you can’t control it and you panic. We can’t always control what we don’t like, Tiny Dancer.”

             
That name makes me exhale a breath. “But I can do something to help you.”
And don’t you know you already help me?

             
Colt flinches. “She hardly gets enough to take care of what she needs. If she’s in a lot of pain, she runs out. She’s
dying
,
Cheyenne and if she wants to run the air conditioner every day all summer because she’s hot or if one of the only times she can eat she craves lobster and filet
mignon, I want her to have it. She wants nothing but for me to be in that stupid fucking school and I don’t always get all the money I need. It’s not like I’m doing it because I want to. I fucking hate the shit. My dad sold drugs. Her mom was a crackhead. Do you think I want to feed that shitty habit?”

             
My heart breaks for him—calls to him. I want to open it up and lock him inside.

             
But then, he can get a job too. Selling weed isn’t the only way to make money.

I know what it is, know he doesn’t expect to be any more than he is, than his dad was, so he plays the part. Following the path he thinks is set for him. “You’re better than that.”

             
And before he can get frustrated or before he can storm off, I crawl to his lap and kiss him. My hand slides through his messy hair and he grips my sides so tight it’s like he’s afraid I’ll slip away.

             
“You’re not a princess.” He leans his forehead against mine.

             
Those words do more for me than I want to admit.

             
His cell goes off again. “I gotta go, baby.”

             
Colt’s hand slides down my face and he kisses me quickly. I sigh, but climb off him and we each get out of the car. Colt walks over, hand on my hip like always and kisses me again. “You are so fucking hot.”

             
A wink. And then he’s gone.

             
Andy walks over to me. I didn’t even see where she came from.

             
“It’s pretty sad when the only time I see my roommate is when I run into her at a party or the coffee house.”

             
I shrug.

             
“You should see the way he watches you. Didn’t take his eyes off you the whole time we talked at the party. It’s cute. He’s hot. We should double date sometime.”

             
Her words make me sad and I keep watching Colt as he gets f
a
rther and f
a
rther away. “It’s not real. It’s a game.”

             
“It looks real to me,” Andy replies. “Maybe you don’t see it or don’t want to, but it’s real. Looks to me like you finally found your person to be real with.
Maybe sometime you’ll let me in too.
”

             
Just like Colt, she walks away from me.

             
Scary as it is, I hope she’s right
about Colt
.
Maybe even about her too.

~CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE~

Colt

             
I’ve never really felt like an upstanding guy. Especially when I’m taking money from someone and giving them drugs, but I feel even more like shit after my talk with Chey.

             
I try not to think about it as I make the guy drive me back home. One of the people I was supposed to meet didn’t show.  I should have taken my own fucking car. I don’t know why I even rode with Cheyenne to the coffee house.

             
Without going in the house, I stuff the extra baggie in my trunk. I jump in my piece-of-shit and head to my mom’s. It wasn’t planned to go over there, but I need to see her.

             
“Hey. I didn’t expect to see you today.” She gives me a weak smile as I walk in.

             
“I couldn’t stay away.” I give her a kiss and then sit on the arm of the couch. “How you doing today?”

             
It’s dark purple under her eyes and her lips are cracked from being so chapped.

             
“I’m good. How are you?”

             
Instead of answering her I say, “You look dehydrated. Are you drinking enough?” I get up to go into the kitchen, but her sigh stops me.

             
“It’s hard to hold it down.”

             
My heart seizes. “Water?”

             
“Yeah…It’s been a couple hours since I tried some. Maybe a few sips.”