Changing Tunes (9 page)

I still feel like an ass, and on impulse, text Ashley. I can’t leave it alone.
Oh, hell no.

I realize after I text her, that in a twisted way, I wanted to apologize again. More importantly, I wanted her to know she was on my mind. I can’t stop thinking about her. The sadness in her eyes haunts me.

At the same time, I know she’s way out of my league, and I again question what the fuck I’m doing. I continue to remind myself it needs to stay only lab partners; school related stuff. I can’t afford to mess this up. I have too many people counting on me, and I don’t want to let anybody down. There’s definitely too much riding on me succeeding.

I think about home and the ones that matter. No one here matters. She’s just a girl with a pretty face and a good body. After all, my life’s been far from perfect to this point.

I yank my wallet out of my back pocket, lie down on my bed, and pull out a crinkled photograph. I rub my thumbs around the edges and caress it. The love I feel is undeniable, and I resolve to get my priorities in check. I miss her so much, and my heart physically aches being away from her. I question myself, for the millionth time, whether I’ve made the right decision.

Next class, it’s work and school alone. Nothing else matters except who’s at home; who I left behind.

Friday night couldn’t get here fast enough. I’m about to come out of my skin, and I’m chomping at the bit to get out. I begin to get changed for a night out when I receive an impromptu text from my father.

Warden: Are you studying and staying out of trouble?

Weenie
(Yes, that’s me):
Yes, sir.

Warden: I expect the best out of you, and expect you to not embarrass me. There are people watching you that will report back to me. Don’t disappoint me, Ashley.

Weenie: I wouldn’t dream of that, sir.

In my head, it’s sarcastic, but fortunately, in a text, he won’t know the tone accompanying my response.

Warden: See that you don’t.

That was it, end of story. Nothing warm and fuzzy, but they have never been expected, anyway. Isn’t that a nice way to start my Friday night? I decide to not let this ‘conversation’ with my father bother me, or screw with my night. I’ve studied and have done everything a good little girl is supposed to. I need to let loose and be free. I know exactly what I need, and walk over to the closet and begin rummaging through it when I hear a knock on the door before it opens with Mac saying, “It’s me.”

I giggle. Yeah, I, Ashley Davis, freaking giggled.

“I know, goofy, who else would it be?”

“Oh I don’t know. Maybe a tall, dark handsome guy who wears Chuck Taylor tennis shoes?”

“Ha, ha, Mac.”

I skim through my selections and decide on a sheer blouse over a spaghetti-strap tank with my skinny jeans and some flats this time. At least I won’t appear Amazonian, compared to the majority of the guys around here. If I’m lucky, I won’t be wearing them long, anyway. Apparently, my lack of heels doesn’t go unnoticed.

“What? No heels today? No espadrilles, or boots? I’m shocked at you, Ash!”

“Nope, not tonight. I’m so tired of being so tall compared to a lot of guys.”

“Well, I, for one, would love to be taller. I would almost kill to be taller,” she says teasingly.

I chuckle, “Trust me, Mac, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”

Mac grabs my hand and pulls me in front of my mirror. “Look at you. Do you know how many guys turn around when you walk by?”

I smile sheepishly, “Maybe.”

Mac throws her head back and laughs, “Of course you do.”

I resume getting ready and decide to tell her my intentions for the night. I’m taking a huge risk, but I would rather be honest. Hopefully, she won’t think less of me.

“So…” I begin and avert my eyes, too ashamed to meet her gaze. “Tonight, I plan on finding someone to fool around with.” I finally take the chance and look at her. There’s no shame on her face; it’s completely neutral. I feel like I can breathe again.

“No problem, Ash, I’m a big girl. I can tell you’re itching to get out. It’s cool, so no worries, okay?”

I don’t know how I got so lucky with Mac as a roommate and friend, but I thank God I did. It could have turned out so differently, and I shudder at the thought. This is a huge step for me, telling people my feelings, but with Mac, it seems so much easier than it ever has been before.

“Hey, Mac?”

“Yeah,” she says turning to me.

“I just wanted to tell you how glad I am you turned out to be my roommate and not someone else.”

We stand there for a few seconds not saying anything. She seems surprised at my declaration. I fiddle with my fingers, intertwining them in and out in a nervous motion.

She smiles a genuine, happy smile. “Me too, Ash. It’s about time you figured that out. I am made of complete awesome.”

I shake my head and laugh, “Yeah, you are.” I change to a serious tone, I truly am grateful she is who she is, and she’s accepted me so easily. “Really, thank you for being patient with me.”

“Ash, I wish you saw how wonderful you are. One day you will see it; I swear it. I got pretty lucky, too, you know…Okay, I’m heading out to finish getting ready. Do you want to hit the party at the other end of campus, or did you want to go to the club?”

“Let’s do the party first, and if it’s a dud, we’ll venture to the club.”

“I think Austin said he was going, a lot of people from the building and from my classes are going, too. It’s supposed to be a happening thing.” Mac grins slyly, “You never know who we may run into.”

I ignore the innuendo, knowing full well whom she’s talking about, and continue getting ready. I slide into the bathroom and decide to put some curls in my hair, instead of ironing it straight like I normally do. I’m feeling rebellious and the need to do something crazy.

Down girl
. I certainly can’t afford to get into trouble. The conversation with my father replays in my head. Yes, no trouble. I just need a release—a release from a really hot guy.

I shake my head to clear it of all of these thoughts and stop at Mac’s room, seeing her grab her purse. “Ready to go?” I ask.

Mac looks up and says, “Ooohh, Ash, nice hair. Heels or not, you are going to have those boys on their knees. Just you wait.”

I smile, “You are way too much, Mac, let’s jet. I’ll drive.”

I don’t think I’ve ever smiled as much as I have this past week.

Once in the car and headed to our destination, I’m compelled to make sure she’s one hundred percent sure she’s okay with me doing my thing.

“Mac, are you sure you’re fine with me leaving with someone?” I rush on… “I’ll leave the car keys with you, and I can always take a cab.”

“I will be fine,” she says. “Quit worrying. I know people that will be there. Some of them are actually very responsible, and don’t drink at all, so getting home won’t be an issue.”

I turn to her for a quick second. “Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t. Quit worrying. You’ve had enough to worry about this week. This is about dancing, meeting new people and having fun, and you being able to let loose without an impromptu text from your father.”

I’m silent for a couple seconds as I park the car, thinking. Finally, I ask, “How did you know?”

“Believe it or not, I can already read your moods. You get sullen, and I heard your phone buzz. I know when you’re upset. Your moods always change after your phone buzzes. You did it earlier this week. We were in the living room, and I saw you look at your phone after it buzzed then put it down. You weren’t the same afterwards.” She taps her temple and says, “I’m smart like that.”

I’m not sure what to say, so I stay quiet.

“If you don’t mind me asking, and you certainly don’t have to tell me, but what does he say that upsets you so much?

It’s strange, but I trust her already, and feel comfortable enough to tell her. I take a deep breath before responding, “He tells me not to screw up.”

I see her eyes bulge and her mouth drops open. “Are you serious?”

“Serious as a heart attack,” I respond back.

“Wow! It’s all I’ve got. I mean, Ash, you’ve done nothing, but do what you’re supposed to this week. You’ve not done anything but study your ass off when you weren’t at class. It’s all you’ve done.”

“Yeah, I know.” I sigh.

I concentrate on the road and let my thoughts drift for just a moment. And herein lies the problem. I have no control over my own life. I feel stifled, like I’m being smothered, and I’m always on his bad side. I can’t do anything right. Yep, that’s me, Ashley Davis; the perpetual screw up.

Mac begins talking and I tune back in to her.

“Tonight is your night for some fun. Let’s dance and dance, until our feet ache.”

We make our way to the party, which seems to be really happening. The music is pulsating so loudly, the walls seem to be shaking. It’s very club like, and I love it! We walk in, and I’m on cloud nine. This is heaven for me. I let the beat of the music wash over me, and Mac, sensing what I need, grabs my hand and leads me to the make shift dance floor. We pass a slew of guys, but I’m oblivious. I just need the music. I need it to lead my body and take me away from everything. An Ellie Goulding song called
Burn
comes on, and I’m gone. I love songs with heart that give my dance moves meaning. I sway, back and forth, and lose myself in the beat. Mac’s right there with me, feeling it, and dancing like she needs this just as much as I do. I close my eyes and stay in my little bubble.

Several songs go by and we dance and dance. I’m sweating like a pig and I don’t care. Not one bit. All of a sudden, I feel a warm body sidle up behind me and I see Mac’s eyes go up. She mouths, “Hot!” She obviously gives her approval, so I don’t stop. I just dance, but I see Mac make her way over to a group she seems to know.

Without turning around, I can tell he’s got a nice, rock hard body, full of muscle. He’s slammed up against my back and rubbing his hands up and down my arms, making sure I feel every part of his anatomy. He eventually takes his hand and moves my hair to the side and begins kissing my neck. It feels so good, but I won’t let him take control, that would defeat the purpose, so I turn around. He’s very nice looking, with short-cropped dark hair and a tad taller than me. Of course I’m not wearing heels, but with heels he’d still be just a tad taller. I don’t know why I’m so hung up on his damn height. Of course, there is someone a hell of a lot taller, and my mind fills with images of dark chocolate-brown eyes, and the tall completely off limits lab partner they belong to. I mentally shake the image away, focusing on the here and now. I smile my come hither smile and he’s a goner. I can tell by the look on his face I have him—hook, line, and sinker. I can also tell by the look on his face he thinks he’s conquered me.

No way, big guy, not by a long shot. Little do you know, it’s the other way around.

I wrap my arms around his neck and decide to pull a fast one on him. I can’t let him think he’s the one with the pull. I lean in close and use my arms around his neck to pull him closer to my mouth. He comes willingly, but I see the initial surprise light up on his face. I tease his lips, outlining them with my tongue. When he begins to moan, I slide my tongue into his mouth, giving him just a taste of what’s to come.

He leans back, out of breath, looking me in the eyes, and whispers, “Who are you?”

I smile, knowing I have him exactly where I want him, and it feels so good.

“Want to get out of here?” he asks.

“Not yet, but soon. I still want to dance. I don’t look this good for nothing, and I may as well make the most of it,” I wink.

He chuckles, taking a moment to eye me from head to toe and back up. “And you do look gorgeous. Just as long as you dance with me, and only me.”

“Hmm territorial, are we?” I tease.

“Yes, when it’s something I want, you bet your pretty ass I am. What’s your name?”