Champagne Toast (39 page)

“
She
’
s not taking over.  Stop being dramatic, Daph
.” 
I smile, trying to get her to back off a little bit.  It never works with Daphne.  She pushes me and deep down I really do love her for it.  She
’
s the only person in my life who fights for my happiness more than I do.

“
Evan, you
’
re still in love with her,
”
she says softly, touching me gently on the knee, urging me to look her in the eye.  It works.

“
I know that.  And I hate her for it
.” 
I start to spin my paper coffee cup, looking away from Daphne and staring at the small table in front of me.

“
You don
’
t hate her.  You
’
re just hurt.
There
’
s a difference.
”

“
If you say so.
”

“
Tell me again about Patrick
’
s wedding, when you first saw her again.
Maybe if you talk about it, you can figure out what you want.
”

“
She said she never cheated on me and that I should know that,
”
I say, remembering the sincerity in Kate
’
s voice, feeling myself getting caught up in her all over again.
“
But, when we were together, she admitted it was her pattern.
She
’
s a cheater, always has been.  How could it have been a misunderstanding?  It was all there, right in front of my face.
”

“
Things aren
’
t always as they seem,
”
she says matter-of-factly.

“
No, I think they are.
It was stupid of me to think that I was any different to her than any other guy that came before me
.” 
My bitter words make my heart ache.  

“
Maybe you should believe her.  Take a leap of faith that maybe
you
were the one for
her
. Maybe she
’
s telling you the truth,
”
she suggests.

“
What if she
’
s not the one for me, Daph?
”
Just saying those words fills me with anguish.  My lungs tighten within my chest.
“
What if she
’
s just the one who broke my heart, split it to bits and let me walk away?
”
I ask, raising my voice and instantly regretting it as Daphne flinches slightly in her chair.

“
Evan, obviously I don
’
t have all the answers for you.  I just want you to be happy.
”

“
That might not be in the cards, my friend.
”

“
You don
’
t honestly believe that, do you?
”

“
I don
’
t know what to believe anymore. Seeing her at Patrick
’
s wedding was surreal. All these emotions came bubbling to the surface.  Chelsea saw right through me, we broke up and then I slept with Kate.
I walked away from her, too, and I haven
’
t talked to either of them since.  I really am a dick, aren
’
t I?
”

“
Well, I
’
m not excusing what happened with Chelsea.  She
’
s a nice girl and really did deserve better.  She saw with her own eyes that you
’
re not over Kate.  She had to walk away, and I
’
m proud of her for doing it
.” 
As she finishes her sentence, she still looks like she has so much more to say.

“
And?
”

“
When it comes to Kate, you have a lot of pent-up anger over how things ended.  That
’
s normal.
”

“
The strange thing is that there
’
s this voice inside my head screaming for me to forgive her.
To just let the past be the past.  No questions asked.
”

“
And what would be so wrong with that?
”

“
She destroyed me, Daphne.  And if she
did
cheat on me, she
’
ll do it again.  I can
’
t go through that again.  Ever.
”

“
But, you still love her.
It
’
s so obvious.
”

“
I never stopped loving that girl.  I can
’
t get her out of here,
”
I say, tapping my head.

Daphne smiles and leans forward.
“
Or out of here,
”
she says, lightly tapping my chest, right over my heart.  I concede with a nod.

“
Here
’
s the thing, though,
”
Daphne continues,
“
over a year ago we met in this exact spot to talk about the mess I
’
d made of my life.
Do you remember that?
”

“
Are you talking about my makeshift intervention?
”
I chuckle, remembering the day I forced Daphne to get out of bed after her breakup with Tanner.  They
’
d broken up because she kept holding on to her feelings for another guy, but I knew Tanner was the guy she wanted.  I sat her down and talked some sense into her.  Things have changed so much since that day.

“
Of course,
”
she smiles,
“
you brought me out of my fog.  You helped me wake up, to realize I was clinging to the past and making it impossible to move on with Tanner.
”

“
So, are you saying I
’
m clinging to my past?
That it
’
s time to move on?
”
My heart is racing.
“
You
’
re confusing the hell out of me.
”

“
No, no, no,
”
she says, shaking her head,
“
I
’
m saying that
you changed my life
, Evan.  You changed it for the better.  You brought me back to Tanner.  If not for you, I seriously have no idea what would
’
ve happened
.” 
She shakes her head, her eyes moistening.

“
What are you saying, Daph?
”

“
Look, you know I
’
m not a fan of Kate, never have been.
The idea of her cheating on you hit way too close to home for me.  It reminded me too much of Mayson and what he put me through.  I didn
’
t want that for you.
”

“
I know,
”
I nod, looking at the floor.

“
But, the thing is, that
’
s
my
baggage, not yours.  She
’
s not Mayson.  She
’
s Kate,
your
Kate.
And you have to follow your gut when it comes to her.
”

“
I don
’
t know what my gut
’
s telling me.  I
’
m at a loss
.” 
I shrug my shoulders.

“
If there
’
s even the slightest possibility that she
’
s telling you the truth, that she never cheated, then you have to listen.
”

“
I don
’
t know if I can.  Being with her again was beyond amazing.  Walking away from her was almost impossible to do.  And now, I
’
m afraid I
’
ll get wrapped up in her and believe what I
want
to believe just so we can be together again.
”

“
You
’
re smarter than that
.” 
She shakes her head.
“
You don
’
t give yourself enough credit.  And honestly, I
’
m not sure you
’
re giving
her
enough credit.  Don
’
t you think it
’
s possible that she stopped her pattern?  That she loved you enough to stay faithful?
”

“
I don
’
t know,
”
I say, shaking my head, feeling my eyes burning.

“
I know the story, Evan.
You already told me what happened.  I can
’
t help thinking that her ex pulled a number on you.
That maybe you didn
’
t stick around long enough to get the full story, Kate
’
s side of the story.
”

“
I was too pissed to listen
.” 
I mutter the words, my eyes scanning the coffee shop, avoiding the eyes of my friend.

“
Maybe it
’s time to listen to her —
to everything she has to say, no matter how much it might hurt.  You deserve to know everything before you make a decision.
”

“
But, if she didn
’
t cheat on me, then I don
’
t deserve her,
”
I say quietly, staring at my cup.

“
What?
”
Daphne raises an eyebrow.

“
If she never cheated on me, then this is
all my fault
.  I walked away from the love of my freaking life because I never trusted her, because I used her past against her.  Like an asshole.
”

“
You got wrapped up in all of it, Evan.  You
’
re not an asshole.
”

“
What if it
’
s too late, Daph?
”
My eyes are starting to water as I think about never having another chance with Kate.  The thought of never seeing her again makes my pulse quicken.

“
What if it
’
s
not
?
”
Daphne asks, her eyes soft and reassuring.

“
She did give me this,
”
I say, reaching into my wallet and pulling out the flier that I can
’
t stop looking at several times a day.  Handing it to Daphne, I study her reaction as she reads the small piece of paper.

“
She
’
s having an art show?
”
Her voice perks up.

“
Yeah, for her photography.  She asked me to come and I said I
’
d be there.
But, that was before we slept together, and I left her
. . .
again.  She might want me to stay away, so I
’
m not sure what to do.
”

“
What do you
want
to do?
”
Daphne asks, handing the flier back to me.  I stare at the simple piece of paper, gliding my fingers over her name.

“
Honestly, I
’
ve been looking at this constantly.
I can
’
t get it out of my mind.
I
’
m so proud of her; it
’
s ridiculous.  She
’
s doing it, she
’
s doing what I always push
ed her to do —
she
’
s chasing her dream!  She
’
s putting herself out there
,
and I really want to see what she
’
s accomplished.
”