Champagne Toast (38 page)

Quickly, our tongues are relentless
together in the delicious rhythm that I
’
ve never known with anyone but Evan.
His other hand tugs gently on my hair and I moan into his mouth.  He teases my tongue by pulling away slightly, something he
’
s never done before.  Maybe he
’
s trying to torture me.  But, I don
’
t care.  I want him and I can
’
t get enough. 

Evan stops kissing me, looks me in the eye with a devilish expression and I smile in return. Just as I move to kiss him once again, he hoists me on top of the bar.  I
hear the shatter of freshly wash
ed glasses on the floor.

“
Shit!
”
Evan curses, looking down at the broken glass.

“
It
’
s okay, I don
’
t care,
”
I say, pulling him towards me while I kick more glasses to the floor.  They shatter in unison.  Evan climbs on top of the bar and lays over me, licking my neck in delicious strokes, sending me into a frenzy.  I
’
ve missed his scent, the sound of his breath, the feel of his kiss. My heart is overwhelmed to have him here with me again, touching me, stroking me with his tongue, loving me with his body.

“
I need you,
”
I breathe out and Evan stops.  He looks at me with ravenous eyes, pushes up on his knees and begins to tear off his tuxedo coat, undoing his bow tie and stripping himself of his shirt.  Sitting up, I remove my apron and shirt, leaving my skirt and bra intact.  I want Evan to remove them and he knows it.

Without any hesitation, Evan does exactly what I want him to do.  He removes my bra easily and begins to trail kisses down my breast, sighing loudly.  Lying back on the bar, I submit myself to him.  He kisses and explores my scorching skin, making me cry out with desire.  I want him.  Now.

Reaching down, I unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants, pushing them down past his ass with his boxer shorts in tow.  Evan groans as I release him
,
and
he lift
s my skirt up to my waist. Then slowly
,
as if to tease me, he pulls at my panties, moving them down inch by inch as he plants kisses on my inner thighs.

“
Ev, please,
”
I cry out, panting and wriggling left and right to ease my panties off of my legs.
I can
’
t take his teasing any longer.  Evan laughs as he throws them on the floor.  He knows he
’
s torturing me, and I can tell he
’
s enjoying every second of it.  

“
Tell me again,
”
he says, looking deeply into my eyes.

“
What?
”
I ask in desperation.
“
I
’
ll tell you anything.
”

“
Tell me you still love me,
”
he says, studying my eyes as if he
’
s a human lie detector, searching for the slightest sign that I
’
m telling the truth or lying through my teeth.

“
I
’
ve never loved anyone more,
”
I whisper, my eyes growing moist with tears,
“
and I never will.
”

For a second, Evan
’
s face softens, and I think this is it, that he believes me, that we
’
ll be okay, that we can find a way to be together, that my misery can come to an end after two agonizing years.

He rams his tongue back into my mouth and kisses me hard.  Doing my best to match his movements, I lick and suck on his bottom lip.
Evan pushes my legs apart and looks down at me with a questioning glance.  I nod.  He enters me and I cry out from the harsh feel of him inside me.  My legs raise and wrap around his torso as his hips twist in a gorgeous but forceful rhythm.  With each shift, he sinks into me further, sucking on my chin as I rock beneath him, urging him on. 

My desire builds quickly, spurred on by the two-year absence that
’
s haunted my body as much as my soul.  My orgasm shoots through me quickly as I lose myself, bucking beneath Evan, screaming his name.  He grips the sides of the bar tightly as he continues to thrust.  I can feel his muscles tense as he comes apart, moaning loudly into my ear as he finds his release.

For minutes, we lay in silence, breathing harshly onto one another
’
s skin as we come back to earth and to the reality that is our anger and regret.  I clutch Evan
’
s back, hoping to make this moment of peace last just a bit longer.  But, I can feel his muscles tensing once again and I know.  I know this moment is ending, and I
’
ll never get it back.  I feel him pulling away from me as he hops off the bar to retrieve his pants.  I
’
m left, lying on top of the oak bar, looking like a whore
. . .
or an idiot.
I
’
m not sure which is worse right now.  I stare at Evan, but his eyes won
’
t meet mine.  He won
’
t look at me. 
Do not cry, Kate.

“
So, that
’
s it?
”
I ask, sitting up to reach for my shirt as Evan hands it to me, still unable to look me in the eye.

“
What did you expect, Kate?  This doesn
’
t change anything, it can
’
t.  We
’
re too broken
.” 

His words are like venom, shooting through every cell of my body.  My stomach drops to my knees and I think I
’
m going to be sick.  Easing myself off the bar, I put my clothes back on and take a few steps toward him.

“
I don
’
t understand.  You said you broke up with her,
”
I say in disbelief,

“
I did.  I was doing my best to move on, dating a perfectly nice girl.  She loved me
,
and I tossed her to the side the second I saw you again.  How fucked up is that?
”
His eyes confuse me.  There
’s a warmth to them
that doesn
’
t match the coldness of his words.

“
So, you
’
re just going to walk away from this?  From us?  There
’
s still something here, Evan.
”

“
It
’
s too late,
”
he snaps, suddenly stoic and unyielding.

“
Oh, but it
’
s not too late to fuck me on top of the bar where I work, cementing yourself permanently in my brain!  How heartless can you be?
”
I scream.  I
’
m tired of begging for his love and being shot down again and again.
I
’
m pissed and I
’
m hurt and I feel like he
’
s dragging us both through hell for no reason at all.

“
That wasn
’
t my plan when I came here,
”
he insists, his face conflicted and apologetic.

“
Well, now it
’
s my turn to think you
’
re lying.  How does it feel, you bastard?
”
I shoot back at him.

“
I can
’
t do this,
”
he says, hanging his head, unable to look me in the eye.  This can
’
t be what he wants.  It can
’
t be.

His eyes are vacant as he stands before me, putting his tuxedo jacket on, searching for his car keys as if this never happened.  As if he
’
s happy to go right back to the loneliness and despair of the last two years.  As if it
’
s easy to walk away from me, from us, all over again.  The knife he twisted in me long ago is back and tearing me apart once again.

“
Good-bye, Kate.
”

Evan turns and walks out of the bar without so much as a sideways glance.  I stand there, surrounded by broken glass, knowing it will need to be cleaned up or Vince will have a shit-fit.  But, I can
’
t do it.  Not tonight. 

Locking the front door, I turn off the lights, walk to the backroom and curl up into a heap on the couch in Vince
’
s office
,
wishing this night had never happened.  Wishing I had turned Chloe down when she asked me to photograph her wedding.  Wishing that I could pry Evan off of my heart. Wishing I could release him from my soul.

Evan

December 12, 2012

“
Thanks for meeting me,
”
Daphne says, her beautiful auburn hair pinned up in a bun.  She already has my favorite mocha latte waiting for me.
This must be serious.  I follow her to the chairs in the corner.  This is our spot.  Whenever we meet for coffee, this is where we sit.  It
’
s our thing.

“
What
’
s up, buttercup?
”
I ask, attempting to bring levity to the tension in the air.

“
Well, it
’
s been a while since we
’
ve talked.  Are you avoiding me?
”
Daphne asks with a teasing smirk.

“
Never,
”
I smile.

“
You kinda look like crap, I
’
m not gonna lie,
”
Daphne says, raising her eyebrows.

“
Wow, thanks,
”
I say sarcastically.

“
You
’
re not sleeping, are you?
”

“
Not really, thank God for coffee
.” 
I sigh, taking a sip of my latte.

“
Talk to me, how are you doing with everything that
’
s happened?
”

“
You mean with Kate?
”
Daphne nods as she blows on her latte.
“
There
’
s not much else to tell, you already know everything.
”

“
Sure, but, you seem to be at a standstill, Evan.  I hate that for you.
”

I don
’
t really know how to respond.  She
’
s right.  I
’
m at a complete standstill.
Those people who are always posting
“
fml
” on their Facebook statuses —
I usually laugh at those people, thinking they
’
re idiots for feeling like they have such difficult lives.  But, today, I feel their pain.  Fuck.My.Life.

Daphne doesn
’
t accept my silence.
“
Talk to me.  Maybe I can help,
”
she presses.

Pushing the sarcastic Evan down, I remind myself that my sweet friend only wants to support me.
She only wants me to have the kind of happiness that she has.  But, she
’
s deserving of that happiness.  I
’
m not.  I
’
m just a douche who dumped my girlfriend because I
’
m not over the girl who cheated on me. 
Nice.

“
There
’
s really nothing to say.  I screwed up with Chelsea.
She
’
s gone and all I can think about is Kate.  It sucks,
”
I say, lightly
pounding my fist onto the table.
“
I don
’
t want to think about her, but I do.
All the time
.
”

“
Maybe there
’
s a reason you
’
re still thinking about her.  After everything that
’
s happened with you two, she
’
s still taking over your thoughts.
”