Chameleon Soul (Chequered Flag #1) (6 page)

Chapter Nine

Raine

“Bloody hell, it’s crazy out there. What’s going on?” Dustin called as he came through the front door.

Nadine threw one of the magazines she’d scooped off the floor at him. He caught it easily thanks to his quick reflexes and for a second he glanced at it, confused. The second he realised what he was staring at, his forehead creased with a scowl.

“Is that—?”

“Yup.” I kept my attention on the movie he’d interrupted us watching.

“And that’s—”

“Yup,” I said again, cutting him off because I didn’t need him to analyse it. I’d committed every tiny detail in those pictures to memory, locked away every pixel.

“And that’s why there’s a crowd of paparazzi outside our front door? You had better not answer with one word.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s correct.”

His footsteps became louder and then he was standing in front of me, blocking the TV. He folded his arms across his chest, the magazine hanging loosely at his side, and gazed down at me with a stern, albeit slightly confused, expression. “Why aren’t you freaking out?”

“The freak-out came earlier when people in my class started to recognise me, then when I came home early to find that.” I pointed at the window. “Now I’m calmly accepting it.”

He arched his eyebrow in disbelief. “You’re ‘calmly accepting it’?”

“Yup.”

Dustin glanced at Nadine, expecting her to fill him in.

“Don’t look at me,” she said to him. “She hasn’t told me anything. I came over to drop off some schoolwork and fudge only to find her sitting here watching a movie and eating fudge already.”

With a huff I lifted the remote, pointing it around Dustin. “Can you move? He’s about to propose.”

Dustin closed the gap between us in two strides until his shins rested against my knees. He plucked the remote from my grip and placed it on the table beside the chair. Crouching down in front of me, he placed his hands on my knees. “Raine, you’re starting to freak me out. What’s going on?”

“What’s there to freak out about? Everything’s good. So what if I’m front page news of at least five major gossip magazines? Who cares if I’m on TV? The paps will get bored of waiting for me eventually. Chill out guys. I’m good.”

Dustin frowned. “Nadine, has she been drinking?”

I snatched the magazine from his hand and hit him on the head with it. “No, I haven’t been drinking.”

“Then what’s going on?”

“I realised something. If they want me, they’ll have to break the law because I’m not leaving this flat. I’m happy and safe here, and I’m accepting I’m going to have to live the rest of my life as a recluse. So chill out, all is good. You may have to do my shopping…or I could get it delivered or something. Either way, it’ll work out.” I shrugged nonchalantly.

Dustin picked up the glass I’d used. Bringing it up to his nose, he sniffed it. “If you haven’t been drinking then you’ve finally cracked. You can’t stay here for the rest of your life.”

“Watch me.”

I didn’t miss the concerned look Dustin threw Nadine, but I didn’t comment on it. I was fine, and I was sober. The idea of remaining in the flat until it had all blown over sounded quite nice.

“What about my race on Sunday? You said you’d go.”

My easy smile dropped. My heart sank to my feet and a ball of guilt replaced it. I
had
said that.

Playing everything off with humour, even if I was serious, had been fine when I had nothing to lose. Now it meant hurting Dustin. After everything he’d done for me, it wouldn’t be fair to him. That didn’t mean I could control the tightening of my throat at the thought of leaving the flat.

“Dustin, I can’t. I want to be there, but this…” I gestured furiously at the window. “It’s too much. There’ll be too many people, they’ll link me to you and then the headlines will be twice as bad. I’ll be playing the Coates brothers or something equally ridiculous. I’m sorry, I can’t.”

“It’s GP2, Raine. The crowds are small and the media presence isn’t like at the F1 races. You’ll be fine.”

I closed my eyes and inhaled. “I can’t. It’s best for everyone if I just hide away. No one needs to be worrying about me, and I’d rather not be targeted again. If I stay a nobody then people don’t have a reason to come after me.”

“You’re the strongest person I know, Raine. Don’t let this beat you. Don’t let
them
beat you. You’ve come too far to give up now.”

I scoffed. “If I’m the strongest that says a lot about your friends because I’m not strong. I fall apart at the slightest thing. Someone only has to look at me wrong and I panic. If it’s not that then you have to wake me up from a nightmare and sleep with me. I’m like a friggin’ child!”

I stood and moved to push by him, but Dustin grabbed hold of me and forced me back into the chair.

“No, you’re not running away from me.”

I folded my arms and leaned against the back of the sofa, glowering at him.

“You
are
strong, Raine. You’re still here and fighting. There has never been a point where you said you wanted to give up. Every day you’ve fought through, every nightmare you’ve awoken from, has made you strong. None of it has beaten you, and I’ll be damned if I let all of my hard work go to waste because my jackass of a brother shows up.”

I arched an eyebrow. “Your hard work? I thought you said it was me.”

“Mostly you. I do get a little credit.”

Rolling my eyes, I leaned forward to hug him. “Thank you,” I whispered into his ear. I wasn’t sure I believed him, yet it was nice to hear someone had faith in me. God knows I didn’t have any in myself.

Dustin held me tightly for a second, and when he pulled back I didn’t like his expression. “Does this mean you’ll come to my race?”

“No, I was serious about the recluse thing.”

He puffed out a breath. “I’ll pay you.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “How much?”

He straightened one arm. His fingers swept a tendril of hair back behind my ear, and when he pulled it back, he held a fifty pence coin in his hand. “That enough?”

I snatched it from his hand, flicked it up, and swiped it out of the air. “Try adding a few more zeros to that. Then you’re somewhere close.”

“Sorry, you’re not worth that much,” he teased. “How about heads you go, tails you stay?”

I looked at him dubiously. I wasn’t leaving it down to luck. I didn’t like making bets, taking chances, or not being in control of decisions.

“No?” Dustin’s eyes sparkled mischievously at my silence, instantly making me suspicious. “How about I buy you a bag of fudge?”

Damn him for knowing my weakness. I looked down at my nails, feigning disinterest.

“Two bags?”

He knew he had me. I was no longer declining or complaining.

“Three?”

“Five. Buy me five proper sized bags, none of this half full crap, and I’ll go. But I get to choose the flavours and I’m not leaving the garage.”

He held out his hand for me to shake. “Deal.”

I shook it, my stomach churning like there was a trapeze act spinning in it.

What had I agreed to?

Chapter Ten

Teo

I was hunched over the magazine on my dining table, staring at the pure, unadulterated terror on Raine’s face as she cowered into the wall when my mobile rang. I still couldn’t figure out what I’d done to put that look on her face.

Slipping it from my pocket, I clicked answer and brought the speaker up to my ear.

“Yeah?”

“You owe me big time,” Dustin’s voice rang out from the other end.

“Why? What have you done?”

“Cleaned up your mess and got you a second chance.”

I scowled out into my garden, my eyes following a bumblebee around the flowers my gardener had planted in my absence. “Did I miss the beginning of this conversation?”

Dustin let out a strangled groan. “The articles. Raine saw them and freaked out. She wasn’t going to leave the house and that probably included being around you too, seeing as you were the cause of it all.”

Fear seized my heart, squeezing it tightly. “Hattersey’s the one behind it all.”

“You don’t think she knows that? That’s the whole root of the problem. She refuses to be used again.”

“What do you mean, ‘again’?” This conversation felt like I had a lot of information missing. The only conclusion I could draw was that Hattersey had somehow pulled this shit with Raine before without me knowing.

An icy shiver snaked down my spine.

Was he the reason she left me?

I hadn’t considered it because it hadn’t seemed important at the time, but she had given Aston a funny look in the factory the other day. And the further I delved into the past, the more certain I became that it had to be something to do with him.

“It doesn’t matter,” Dustin said, drawing me from my thoughts.

“Of course it matters. I have a right to know.”

“Then you’ll have to ask Raine. I only phoned to say I’ve managed to get you a second chance. She’ll be at my race tomorrow, and you’d better not fuck it up a second time. Keep the press away from her, Teo. I won’t be able to pull this off again.”

“Dust—”

He hung up, cutting off my question. What the hell was going on?

* * *

Dustin may have wanted me to ask Raine, but I knew her well enough to know she wouldn’t tell me anything. From the snippets of information I had, I’d gathered whatever happened had been big enough for her to leave me over. That didn’t give me much hope of getting her to spill her guts. Therefore, I was on my way to see the one person who I had no doubt knew everything. I didn’t need anyone to confirm it out loud; in my heart I knew Aston was involved. It had his twisted MO all over it.

I raised my fist to knock on his front door when the wooden panel was removed. For a split second Aston’s face registered his shock then slid into a mask of suspicion.

“What are you doing here?”

At my side, my fist twitched as if begging me to lose control and punch him. In that moment I couldn’t think of anything that would have given me more satisfaction than seeing him sprawled out on the floor with a bloody nose. However, that wasn’t going to get me the answers I needed.

“What did you do to Raine last year?”

He stepped from the house, forcing me to move out of his way. With his back turned, he locked the front door and then began striding down his path as if I wasn’t there.

“Answer me, Hattersey. What did you do to my girl?”

“She hasn’t been your girl in a long time, Coates. I thought you knew that.”

“Because of something you did. What was it?”

I shouldn’t have reacted. It went against everything my team wanted from me, but Raine came first. She always had.

“Who said I did anything? You just can’t handle the fact that she didn’t want you any longer. You’re looking for an excuse and blaming me.” He moved to open the door to his black Mercedes AMG when I slammed my hand on it to stop him.

“You stay away from her, understand? If you want to go after me, do it. But you leave Raine out of it. I don’t know what shit you pulled, and you had better hope I don’t find out because if it comes back to you I will ruin you.”

“If you want to know what happened to her and who caused it, I would start looking a little closer to home.”

I dropped my hand, my mind scrambling to process what Aston had said. I didn’t buy a word, though by the time I’d figured that out he was already driving off.

Chapter Eleven

Raine

Two Days Later–Race Day

For Dustin’s sake I’d kept my nerves in check all morning. Having qualified on pole, he didn’t need worries about me distracting him from the race. Dustin was a brilliant racer, deserving of a Formula One seat in my eyes, and for that to happen he needed to win. Because of that, I didn’t start nervously chewing on a piece of fudge and warily eyeing people until he was in his car and completing the formation lap.

Mercifully, I had a seat in Dustin’s garage and away from the press. He’d got me into the venue unnoticed and that’s how I wanted it to stay.

“I see you still have a weird obsession with that stuff then. Some things don’t change.”

I stiffened at the deep voice that came from behind me. My hand stilled in the white paper bag I was reaching into to retrieve another piece of the vanilla cherry fudge Dustin had delivered on.

Teo moved from the doorway beside me and hopped up onto the counter I had claimed as my seat. It was at the back of the room and I could see everything and everyone…well I thought I’d been able to. I hadn’t been expecting anyone to come through the back entrance. It was normally only used by team members and all of Dustin’s crew should have been making their way back from the grid where they had been working on his car.

“Raindrop?” Teo said when I didn’t respond, and my heart missed a beat at the sound of the old nickname he had for me. Teo was the only one I ever allowed to call me that.

He clicked his fingers in front of my face, pulling me from my trance. Snapping my mouth shut, I ignored the wave of desire that prickled my skin as I took him in. It was the first time I was seeing him when I wasn’t in shock, panicking, or doing something equally mental and my body liked it.

“What are you doing here, Teo?” I kept my voice low to avoid attracting attention. I didn’t need more pictures of the two of us together coming out.

“I’m here to support my brother. What do you think I’m here to do?”

“I meant here, with me. What do you want? Because there are plenty of free seats over there.” I jerked my chin towards the rows of seats set out for the mechanics and team.

“I want to talk. Is that really so much to ask? Surely you can spare me a minute.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Oh, I can think of a few topics.” His voice deepened and his eyes darkened for a split second. Even though the expression was brief, it had me gulping back the nerves rising in my throat.

I moved to slide off the cabinet. At the last second, he locked his fingers around my wrist. The restrictive touch should have sent jolts of fear through me, yet instead it sent sparks of electricity racing up my arm. The tiny hairs rose at the tingling sensation prickling my skin and a gasp escaped my lips. Even after a year apart, my body still recognised and reacted to his touch.

“Teo…don’t,” I whispered unconvincingly.

He slid off the cabinet to face me, his body too close. I could feel the heat coming off him as he stared down at me, the brown orbs of his eyes burning into mine.

“Why not, Raine? Don’t I deserve some answers? Because I’ve gone over that night repeatedly, trying to figure out what I did, and each time I draw a blank.” He inched closer, his face angling down as his voice dropped. Raising one hand, he placed it gently on my jaw, his thumb sweeping out to trace my parted lips. Not once did his eyes waver from mine. When he spoke again, his voice barely rose above a whisper. “What happened, Raine?”

I glanced around the garage nervously, checking to see if anyone was watching us. When I found no one, I turned back to Teo. “There’s…n-nothing t-to explain.”

“Like hell there isn’t,” he murmured. His gaze darkened, the curiosity disappearing to be replaced by frustration.

“We broke up, that’s it. There’s nothing more to it.”

“Don’t give me that. You know it’s bullshit.” He took a step towards me, forcing me to move backwards. The cool metal dug into my spine painfully as he towered over me. When his arms began to rise to box me in, I finally reached my limit. He no longer felt safe or familiar. The action was threatening, triggering deep-rooted fear within me.

“Please…T-Teo,” I stuttered, finding it hard to get the words out around my shaky, shallow breaths. “Please step back.”

“What’s going on, Raine? Tell me what I just did.”

“I can’t breathe. I need space. Please.”

“Raine, take deep breaths and calm down. Explain to me what’s going on.”

“Move.” I clutched at my chest, trying to ease the tightness squeezing my organs.

At my growing hysteria, Teo rapidly widened the gap between us. With the space came an ounce of relief, but it wasn’t enough. I glanced at the door, wondering if he’d let me go this time and whether it was worth the risk.

“Tell Dustin I’m sorry, okay? That I couldn’t do it. He’ll understand.” I made a break for it.

“Raine, wait. Don’t go. Whatever I did, I’m sorry.” Like back at the factory, I could hear his footsteps trailing after me. This time though, the panic came in the form of rage. I couldn’t allow him out of the building with me in case someone saw us, and I refused to let him see me fall apart again.

I whirled in his direction, and my hair flicked me in the face when it whipped around after me. “No. You stay here. I don’t want or need my picture all over the gossip magazines again. I can’t handle that kind of attention, Teo, and they follow you around like you’re a friggin’ prince. That’s not what I need in my life.”

“Is that why you ended things? Because you couldn’t cope with the media?”

“I ended things because I wanted to. That’s all there is to it.”

Hurt clouded his eyes, and he took a step back like I’d punched him. I hadn’t meant the words to come out so harsh, yet my survival instincts were overriding all sense of compassion. All I needed was to get out of the situation with as little attention as possible. It was clear Teo wasn’t going to let me go without hurting him, so it was a necessary solution, something that was becoming too common between us.

He stepped to close the gap between us and I backpedalled again, holding my hands up in front of me.

“Please, Teo. Let me go.” A ball of emotions lined with metal barbs had latched itself into the back of my throat, making it impossible to swallow.

Teo folded his arms. “Fine, but this isn’t over. I’m not going to give up, Raine. I know you’re lying and I’m going to find out why.”

Not allowing myself to consider the true meaning of his words, I strode away. I only paused slightly to call over my shoulder, “Don’t look for answers you won’t be able to deal with, Teo. And tell Dustin I’m sorry.”

When I reached the exit and opened the door, there was thankfully no one in sight, so instead of fleeing to my car I leaned back against the wall. Tilting my head towards the sky, I gazed up at the few clouds staining the pale blue canvas.

“The sky is blue, the grass is green. I’m wearing yellow.” I took a deep breath. “The tarmac is black, my hair is brown,” I muttered under my breath, grounding myself in reality to stop my mind wandering. With every colour I listed, my heart slowed a little more and my posture relaxed. My shoulders loosened, as did every other muscle in my body.

The longer I remained against the wall, the more I started to regret my decision to leave. I had been doing great until Teo showed up, and I wanted to see Dustin win, because I was sure he would. Tapping my foot impatiently, I bounced up and down, trying to figure out what I should do.

I wanted to be done playing slave to my fears. The gaps between attacks were lessening on their own, but I wanted them gone completely. To be able to walk the streets like a normal person, or leave the house after dark, would have been a dream come true. I never used to be such a mess. At one point I had been a typical twenty-two-year-old. I loved going out with my friends and not having a care in the world. I was independent and I was able to fend for myself.

That one night had stripped me of all that in seconds. Even some shadows in the daylight still sent nervous skitters down my spine if I was alone.

My life had been transformed into an existence where there were few things I could handle doing alone. I was forced to blend in and hide, and I was sick of being the chameleon. I would have broken free long ago if it was possible…I’d tried. However, today felt like the first real step forward with interaction around people. Teo had touched me and I hadn’t panicked. I had to admit that small spaces and being caged in were still major triggers, but baby steps, right?

The point was, he touched me and I liked it.

It created both fear and joy, because that meant Dustin was right. Even if my mind didn’t known it, my body sure did. I still loved Teo and I’d never stopped. That small touch had reignited the longing I thought I’d broken through over the year. My body craved his touch, to be loved by him, yet that meant he’d need the truth.

It was a bittersweet revelation.

Deciding it was a day for confronting my ghosts, I sucked in a breath, held it for a second, and when I exhaled I headed back into the garage.

My feet were silent along the shiny floor, my ballet flats another form of my chameleon disguise that allowed me to blend in wherever I went.

The race had already begun when I entered the garage. The cars were whizzing around the track, buzzing like enraged wasps. They weren’t as loud, fast, or sleek as the Formula One cars due to less money being involved in the lower tiers of the sport, but that didn’t make it any less exciting when your best friend was racing.

The screen showed Dustin in the lead, and glancing down from it, my eyes fell upon Teo.

“You came back.”

I could see his guard was up from his cautious stance. His arms were folded protectively across his chest, and his eyes were wary as if he was unsure of me.

“It wasn’t fair to Dustin. This is his day and he doesn’t need me to ruin it. When he wins he deserves to celebrate, not be torn between that and running off to look after me, which is what he’d do.” I shrugged, feigning nonchalance, and hoisted myself back onto my perch on the cabinet.

I could do this.

“Why would he need to look after you?”

I wanted to slap myself for that slip. I was so used to only talking to the few people who knew all about the incident that I rarely had to censor myself. Nadine knew all about what Dustin did for me, so it was second nature to admit it.

“You did see the way I ran out of here, right?”

Teo nodded. “And Dustin knows the reason why?”

I nodded hesitantly. Keeping my gaze lowered to the floor so I didn’t see his reaction, I heard the breath he blew out forcefully.

“Why’s he allowed to know, Raine? I thought you loved me at one time…that we could talk about everything and anything.”

My expression saddened. We
had
been close. You can’t date someone for two years and not be close. How was I to tell him I did it all so he could live his dreams?

“Teo, please. This is hard for me and I want to be here for Dustin. Can we forget all of the crazy for now so I don’t have to run off before I see Dustin win?”

“Is he the only reason you came back, Raindrop?”

Once again the sound of my old nickname made my heart flutter. I found it impossible to look away from the sincerity in his gaze. He was showing me all of his emotions, even though I’d shown him nothing except madness and anger.

Rather than answer him, I dipped my hand into the bag of fudge that was now squashed and shrivelled. I pulled out a flattened cube and bit into the corner, making sure a chunk of glacier cherry came with it. I focused my attention on the monitors that were spaced around the garage and followed the action on the track. It had escaped my notice because of Teo, but it finally registered the place was nearly empty. All of the seats that had been filled by the mechanics were free.

The camera cut to Dustin entering the pits, and I held my breath as he pulled into his box. His team raised the car on its jacks in a split second, the wheel guns whirred, and Dustin was released with four new tyres. It had been a seamless stop, and it put him back out in front of everyone and free to continue on with the remaining thirty laps.

“He’s good, isn’t he?”

The neutral question took me by surprise, and I nodded. “Reminds me of how you were. Do you think he’ll get a seat next year?”

“I can’t say. Seats are hard to come by even if he deserves one. People are already starting to shop for contracts. It also depends on whether he can keep his head. This thing with Elora is really messing with his game.”

“Tell me about it. I was the one who had to pick him up from the police station.” Strangely a laugh trickled from my lips. Talking with Teo was easy. It felt natural and right. Neither of us were really trying, yet we’d fallen back into sync.

“Do you know what happened between them?”