Chain Lightning (25 page)

“I’m not. Damon, believe me, I don’t know where she is!“

“Call her apartment.“

“I did. The phone has been disconnected. The apartment is empty.“

Sutter shook his head in denial even as he felt the chill of truth condensing around him. “The post office.“

“She left no forwarding address.“ Anthea hesitated, then said softly, “She made a very clean break, Damon. She even pulled her job application from the file. We have no previous addresses for her, no names of family members, nothing. It’s as though she never walked through the door of Our Children’s Children.“

“My God. How she must have hated me.“

“She loved you,“ Anthea said in a flat voice. “She loved you, and you didn’t even speak to her when you called from Australia. Why?“

“I could barely hear myself think. I didn’t know it was Mandy until it was too late. And what should I have said?“ Sutter asked harshly. “That I can’t sleep for wanting her? That I can’t smell the sea without remembering what it was like to fall asleep with her in my arms? That I can’t look at a woman without seeing Mandy, tasting Mandy, needing her until I think dying would be easier than living without her? What could I have said to her, Anthea? There are no words to describe the hell I’ve been going through!“

“Try ‘I love you.’”

The words were like a knife gliding between Sutter’s ribs into his heart, twisting. He turned away, saying nothing, for the only words that mattered had already been spoken.

Mandy was gone.

November rainstorms swept down over Northern California, carrying the chill of the distant Aleutians in each slashing gray drop. The tidal flats around Monterey Bay were deserted except for disgruntled sea gulls and a lone figure walking along the rocky shore, pausing from time to time to pick up a bit of sea rife stranded by the falling water. The wind gusted suddenly, roughing up the sea and rushing over the land in a long, sighing moan.

Mandy shivered and turned up the collar of the red-and-black-checked lumberjacket she had bought at a garage sale. The coat was too large, but its thick wool defeated the wind and the big scarlet checks always looked cheerful against the winter land. When worn with a sweater, scarf and waterproof fisherman’s boots, the coat kept her warm on her long daily walks around the bay.

But it was time to get back to the little beach cottage she was caretaking in lieu of paying rent. Soon it would be dark. She didn’t want to take a chance of stumbling or falling on hidden rocks. She wanted nothing to happen that might jeopardize the baby growing within her. Not that she had any reason to worry – her doctor had assured her that everything about the pregnancy was normal.

Groping in her pocket for her key, head bent against the wind, Mandy had no warning that someone was on her front step until she ran right into a solid wall of flesh.

“What –?“ she gasped, looking up.
“Sutter!
What are you doing here?“

“Freezing my butt off waiting for you.“

“How did you find me?“

“In the telephone book, under Dr. S. Blythe-Cameron, the same name on the OCC paper you wrote.“

He took the key from Mandy’s fingers, opened the door and pushed her in ahead of him. The door thumped shut with the help of his solid heel. After the chill outside, the room felt almost tropical. A single glance took in the huge, colorful throw pillows scattered about, the lush plants and the open futon mat was doing double duty as Mandy’s bed.

“Sutter, what – “

“Later,“ he interrupted, catching Mandy’s face between his cool hands. “First I want some answers of my own.“

Mandy felt the heat of Sutter’s breath, the sudden thrust of his tongue between her lips, tasted him, and the world came apart around her. Her breath jerked out in a shattered moan as her arms circled his neck. She didn’t know if he was real or a waking dream; she only knew that she had to taste him, had to feel his power and warmth, had to feel fully alive with him once more.

Sutter had been expecting Mandy to fight or flee or freeze, anything but the wild answering hunger of her mouth mating with his. He lifted her off her feet, wanting to know all of her sweet weight pressed against his body. But even that wasn’t enough. He had to feel her hair, her skin, taste her warmth, her passion; yet everywhere his hands moved they found only cloth and more cloth.

“My God, you’re wrapped up with more layers than a Chinese puzzle box,“ he muttered.

Impatiently he unwound the wool scarf from Mandy’s head, kissing and biting her lips lightly every few seconds, finally spearing his fingers into the warm, silky mass of her hair, groaning with pleasure at the remembered silk and scent of her. He caught her lips once more, rubbed his fingers against her scalp and slid his tongue into her mouth, tasting her with a slow, rhythmic intimacy that unraveled her.

Mandy’s hands stroked continuously over Sutter’s chest, probing through his heavy jacket for the heat and feel of his body. More by accident than intent her fingers found the cold metal tongue of the jacket zipper. She pulled it down and thrust her hands inside, feeling his vital heat and the power of his flexed muscles. Her nails raked down his spine to his hips, making him shudder heavily. Without lifting his mouth from hers, he undid the buttons of her heavy jacket, only to be confronted by the much smaller buttons of her cardigan. He pulled it free of her waistband and eased his big hands beneath her sweater.

The feel of Sutter’s cool fingers caressing her skin made Mandy gasp with pleasure. When his thumbs skimmed repeatedly over the tips of her breasts, her gasp became a moan and liquid heat spread through her body. Her hands slid up his back from his hips, rubbed down his chest to his waist and then lower, seeking and finding the ridge of hard flesh that burgeoned beneath his jeans. Suddenly the world spun and Mandy found herself flat on her back on the futon with Sutter’s big body moving against her in an agony of need. With a thick, broken sound, he rolled aside and fought for self-control.

“I’m sorry,“ Sutter said hoarsely. “I was just going to kiss you, to see if it was half as good as I remembered.“ He put his forearm over his eyes and shuddered. “It was twice as good. Three times. Four.“ Suddenly he rolled over onto his side and said angrily to her, “There aren’t enough numbers, enough words. You’re a fire in my body, in my mind, in my soul.
And you left
me.“

Mandy touched Sutter’s beloved face with fingertips that shook. “That was what you wanted,“ she whispered. “You wouldn’t touch me after that first time until I promised no strings, no tears, just a vacation affair. The only way I could keep my promise was not to see you again. So I…left.“

“I’ve changed my mind. I want you, Mandy.“

Her beautiful, sad smile sliced through Sutter’s passion and anger to the fear that lay beneath. He knew before she could speak the words forming on her lips that she was slipping away from him, receding like the golden mermaid of his anguished dreams.

“No,“ he snarled. His hand went between Mandy’s legs, anchoring her in place. “Damn it, you want me as much as I want you. Don’t try to deny it, Mandy. I can feel the heat of you!“

She closed her eyes for a moment, unable to face the fear that had haunted her since she had discovered she was pregnant She wanted to remember Sutter with desire in his eyes, not disgust for the woman who hadn’t kept her promise. But she had learned that running from fear simply wouldn’t work. She had tried to run from this moment, but it had come to her just the same. Slowly she opened her eyes and looked at the man she loved.

“Yes,“ Mandy said tightly, “I want you. If it matters, I’ll want you until the day I die.“

“If it matters?“ Sutter said. “Of course it matters! What the hell are you talking about?“

“I’m pregnant“

Sutter went completely still. “What?“

“Enceinte,“
Mandy hissed, angry at having to explain the obvious, “as in ‘expecting a blessed event,’ ‘with child,’ ‘eating for two.’ Ah, the light dawns.“

Even the narrowing of Sutter’s eyes couldn’t wholly conceal the savage blaze of his emotions. “You told me – “

“I told you there could be no such thing as an
unwanted
pregnancy for me,“ Mandy said, cutting across Sutter’s words, wanting to get it over with so she could crawl away and lick her wounds in peace. “That was the exact truth. I want this child!“

“You’re carrying my child,“ he said in an odd voice.

Mandy started to demand that Sutter tell her whether he had any doubts about the paternity when she felt the warmth of his big hand sliding caressingly over her womb, and the ability to speak deserted her.

“My child,“
he breathed.

Biting her lip, unable to hold back the tears spilling down her cheeks, Mandy watched as reverence replaced anger in Sutter’s face.

“Is everything…normal?“ he asked hesitantly. “Are you all right? Is the baby?“

“Everything is fine,“ Mandy said. “The doctor told me I couldn’t be healthier.“

Without a word Sutter turned and began pulling off and discarding Mandy’s boots and socks. Then his hands went to the waistband of her jeans and stopped suddenly, as though he had just realized what he was doing.

“May I?“ he asked huskily. “I want to see….“

She nodded.

Very gently Sutter slid Mandy’s jeans and underwear from her legs. The skin of her abdomen was warm, still tanned from her island days, and taut with the first swelling of her pregnancy. She trembled and bit back a cry at the sweet touch of his hand over her womb.

“I’m sorry,“ Sutter said instantly, retreating. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.“

“You didn’t,“ Mandy said, taking his hand and pulling it back to her body. “It’s just that I’ve…I’ve dreamed of you touching me like that…wanting the baby as much as I do.“

Sutter closed his eyes and fought for self-control. It was impossible. Her words had moved him beyond bearing.

“Mandy,“ he whispered, bending down and kissing the warm skin he had uncovered.

Sutter tried to say more but his throat had closed, leaving him no voice, nothing but the tears that brushed over Mandy’s skin as he turned his head from side to side, bathing his senses in her, cherishing her, absorbing her presence, feeling her hands softly stroking his hair even as his face caressed her. For a long time there was only silence and the sound of their ragged breathing.

Suddenly Mandy twisted beneath Sutter. His arms tightened around her waist, not wanting to end the healing embrace.

“Mandy?“

“There have been other changes, too,“ she murmured, twisting again, throwing aside the last of her clothes. “Don’t you want to see them, too?“

Sutter’s breath wedged in his throat when he looked up and saw that Mandy was nude, a smile trembling on her lips, her golden eyes radiant with tears and happiness. Without looking away from her, he began stripping off his own clothes, not stopping until there was nothing between their bodies. Only then did he bend down to her, giving in to the wild, oddly tender hunger that was ravishing him.

Mandy’s breasts were taut and golden, their centers darker than Sutter remembered, fuller, and they tightened into velvet crowns at the first brush of his tongue. He barely restrained a thick sound of need, but his caresses were as gentle and reverent as his hand over her womb. Very slowly he sat up and looked at her, missing nothing of her beauty.

“I understand now why some cultures worshiped the female figure,“ Sutter said huskily, stroking Mandy lightly from her temples to the soles of her feet, lingering over each subtle sign of her pregnancy, cherishing her very femininity. “They were really worshiping life.“ His hand spread over Mandy’s womb as he bent to kiss the same breasts that would someday nourish his child.

“Half of that life is your gift, not mine,“ Mandy said, biting back a low moan of pleasure as Sutter’s tongue moved over her.

“My mind knows that,“ Sutter murmured, kissing her breasts, tasting them, making her shiver, “but my emotions are a hell of a lot more primitive. I see life welling up in you, Mandy. I’ve always seen it in you, life that’s hot and sweet and wild and clean, and I want to bathe in that sacred upwelling, taking some of your life into me even as I give myself to it“

Mandy whispered Sutter’s name against his lips as her hands found and cradled his hungry masculine flesh. His shuddering reaction made her feel as though she were holding lightning pooled within her cupped hands. Answering fire streaked through her when Sutter’s large hand moved down between her legs to caress her. His husky sound of pleasure as he cherished her was echoed by her unraveling words.

“Is there anything else I should know before we’re married?“ Sutter asked, smiling down at Mandy as he smoothed his palm over her, caressing her with her own sultry heat.

“The baby is growing so fast…“

Pleasure radiated hotly through Mandy, taking away her words. Sutter watched, smiling, caressing her, calling more torrid rain from her gathering storm.

“Yes?“ he murmured encouragingly.

“The doctor is…talking about…twins,“ she said, moving against Sutter’s hand, seeking a deeper joining.

“Twins,“ Sutter said, sucking in his breath, then laughing with delight. “Twins. My God.“ Still smiling, he knelt between Mandy’s legs to kiss the swelling mound that might contain not one of his babies but two. “Any other miracles that you’ve been saving for a rainy day?“ he murmured.

“Just that I love you.“