Certain Sure (23 page)

“I know.” Katie kept her eyes on her house so she wouldn’t stare at Fin. “Do you need me at the pub today?”

“I always need you,” he said.

If she believed him, she’d throw her arms around his neck and kiss him right into his cottage. “What time?”

“Whenever you want.”

“Is that how you run things?” Katie scowled at him.

He crossed his arms over his chest, his muscles shifting. Her pulse sped. “No, you’re different.”

“Just treat me like anyone else.”

“Fine, Miss Dillon, spilt shift. Ten-thirty to three-thirty and six-thirty to eleven-thirty. You can help me open and close.”

“That’s not a regular schedule.” She frowned petulantly.

“Are you questioning me?” He raised an eyebrow. “That’s when I need you.”

“Fine.” Katie walked away, not looking back. She gritted her teeth, her body hot with either the desire to smack him or kiss him, a mad, dangerous, wild lip lock. She slammed the side door behind her. Her dad looked up from his book.

“What’s eating you?”

“Nothing,” Katie said, knowing her dad’s response if she told the truth.

“Moody lass,” he muttered.

“I heard that,” Katie almost shouted. “What about you? And Fin? You’ve both got me beat and neither of you can make up your minds, either. I’ve got to get ready. Fin wants me to be at the pub in an hour.”

He held his book in front of his face, waving his hand at her in his usual gesture of dismissal. She narrowed her eyes as he had the suspicious shaking of someone hiding his laughter. Katie humphed and strode out to go to her room.

Katie wore the same white and blue sundress she had the evening she and Fin slept together. If he felt attracted to her at all she wanted to make him suffer it, though she knew it would be she who might suffer if he decided to tease her with his closeness. However, when she arrived at the pub, no one was there. By ten minutes until eleven, when they would open, Katie paced the hall. Hearing someone at the back door, she put on a fierce scowl.

“Hi, Katie,” Sally said. “What’s got you riled?”

“Sorry,” Katie said. “It’s nothing.”

“You look pretty. Special occasion?” Sally asked as Manny and Luis, the day shift cook, walked in and greeted them before going into the kitchen.

“No, it’s been too hot to wear pants and I’ll probably be in the office most of the time, not that Fin has bothered to tell me anything.”

Sally glanced at her with an expression between a frown and a grin as she tied on her half apron. “We all really like Fin. He’ll be a good complement to your dad when he comes back. Really knows how to keep the old guy calm.”

Katie smiled, though her skin prickled in irritation. Still, Sally calling her dad “the old guy” never failed to amuse her, especially when Sally said it to his face. Sally was a bit older than her dad, too, though Katie wasn’t sure of her age, even after knowing her for almost twenty years.

Sally smiled broadly. “I like your changes, especially those new waiters you hired. I stay for dinner their nights on. Some good to look at, keeps my juices flowing,” Sally finished with a wink as she patted Katie’s arm.

“Thanks,” Katie said before going out into the dining room to see how things were, but Sally and Lettie had the room covered. After checking on Manny and Luis in the kitchen, Katie plodded into the office, where she went over the files and updated the computer accounts. Everything was tidy now. Her dad used the pile method of organization, which drove Katie to distraction. Clearly Fin knew proper business methods, she could concede that.

Katie helped in the dining room during the noon hour before breaking for her own lunch. As she finished eating at the bar, Fin strolled in, looking spruce as usual in his black flat front Dockers and a forest green polo which Katie stared at, reading the little logo on the left side: “Dillons’ Irish Pub, Serving you since 1976, Fin” on three lines, nicely centered.

“Afternoon,” he said. “Like the shirt? I’m thinking of tees as well, but want a catchier logo.”

“Yes, it’s nice. I guess you don’t need me to think of good ideas.”

“You inspire me,” he said.

Katie still never knew when he meant what he said and when he was just being charming, or so he thought. She shot him a fake smile; his faded.

“I’ve done some work in the office, but I didn’t know what else you want me to do.”

“Let me check in with everyone and then we can go over some things,” he said.

Katie went into the office, at first pacing. She sat at the desk, fidgeting with a pen trying to keep from biting her nails, which were growing out to a nice length. Fin came in, all business, talking to her about the accounts and the calls he’d made and plans he had before asking her to show him the computer and where she had everything on it. He leaned over her as she explained the different files and programs. At first, she had difficulty concentrating, smelling what she guessed was his aftershave, feeling his warmth near her, sometimes his breath moving wisps of her hair as he spoke. Then she began to feel annoyed again. He took no notes, asked no questions, and she suspected he already knew everything she told him and was teasing her.

“Thanks,” he said when she finished. Katie scooted the chair back quickly, bumping into Fin. “Hey!”

“Sorry,” Katie said without looking at him.

“You can go if you want,” he said. “See you at six-thirty.”

“Fine.” Katie grabbed her purse and left.

Katie’s mood didn’t improve over the course of the evening. She was in the dining room a lot and she seethed watching Fin flirt and smile his charming grin at all the ladies, a grin she wanted all to herself. This only made her angrier. She hated that she wanted Fin so much knowing how he was. Sure, she’d discovered he had better qualities than she thought, but those didn’t change his ways with women. He probably bedded women every other night or something while she lay alone in her room thinking of him, wanting only him. She wanted to scream. Once the pub closed and the other staff went home, Katie asked Fin if he needed help closing. He shrugged.

“You can go,” he said.

“Expecting someone?”

He shot her the Dunbar look, fierce and frowning. “Is that really what you think? I’m in here after hours screwing whoever caught my fancy?”

“No need to be crude,” Katie said.

“Just saying the nonsense you’re thinking. Maybe you need to get your mind out of the gutter, girlie.” He leaned his back on the bar casually, arms crossed. Katie clenched her fists and stomped her foot before storming out, hurrying away from his echoing laughter.

When she got to her car, she realized she’d left her purse on one of the chairs in the dining room, where she’d set it before speaking to Fin. She’d have to get it, or she’d have to walk home. Maybe if she waited, Fin would find it and bring it out. After a few minutes, she decided that wouldn’t be any better. He might be in the office and she could sneak in and take it without having to see him. She padded in, only to stop at the open door, hearing Fin singing.

“’If I loved you, words wouldn’t come in an easy way…’” He stopped and looked at her. “Forgot your purse,” he stated.

Katie nodded. She couldn’t talk. He sang with so much feeling, as if he sang to her. But she couldn’t believe that, it wasn’t possible he loved her. Katie blushed. She hadn’t even let herself think about loving Fin before, not recently. She wanted him, but it was too scary to love him, someone like him, Fergus’s brother, Rose’s uncle. She shook her head and grabbed her purse off the chair. The air charged in the silence as she ran out.

Lying in bed later, Katie thought how silly she acted around Fin. Still, she couldn’t seem to help it and she felt so alone. She’d gotten used to having a roommate last year and she used to talk to her or to Aunt Aleen about funny situations or men and how frustrating they could be. But she and her roommate had gone their separate ways when Katie came back home and she couldn’t talk to her aunt about Fin. Actually, Aunt Aleen might understand better than anyone since he and his father were alike, but Katie didn’t want anyone in the family to know how she felt about Fin. Except Fergus and Maureen already knew she used to have a crush on Fin and who knows who else they’d told. Katie’s face burned, wishing she could be as spiteful and mean as Maureen. Then she could have revenge and not care. She rolled over, punched her pillow and tried to sleep.

Katie overslept the next morning, not that it mattered, since she didn’t need to be at the pub until four-thirty. Her parents left a note in the kitchen saying they would be out for the day, so they’d see her the next morning, probably. Hopefully that meant her dad felt better after last Friday’s setback. She hoped he wouldn’t overdo it again.

Puttering around the house, Katie wondered how her situation at the pub could possibly work out when she couldn’t seem to get along with Fin--or her dad, for that matter. Maybe she should accept the job at Dunbar and Son, at least they appreciated her. Maybe her aunt was right and she needed to move, though her moving away last year hadn’t helped. Perhaps she needed to get further away than Oakland, which was only about thirty miles northeast.

She tried to read a little, but couldn’t concentrate, so she worked in the garden and sat in the swing awhile. A wave of longing for Fin swelled, making her nauseous. She got up and trundled upstairs. Yesterday she’d worn white. Today it would be black: her black sundress with tiny white stars embroidered around the hem. Yesterday she’d felt hopeful, today she felt mean and sad.

Out for a walk, the heat wilted her and she scuffed past Mrs. Knight’s, hitting the fence with a fallen cluster of oak leaves.

“Good afternoon, Katie,” Mrs. Knight called from her porch, where she sat with a glass of iced tea in hand. “Ready for lunch?” Katie nodded and plodded onto the porch, where she leaned on the pillar. Mrs. Knight led her into her cool living room. “Just salad alright?”

Katie nodded again before forcing herself to speak. “Do you need any help?”

“No, thank you. Why don’t we eat in the kitchen, though, where it’s cooler.”

“Thanks.” Katie followed her hostess and sat at the little table by the window facing the garden. She could see a corner of Fin’s cottage but she knew he was already at work. She and Mrs. Knight ate in silence, but it was a comfortable one.

“Shall we sit in the living room with some iced tea?” Mrs. Knight asked when they finished. “It was nice in there.” Katie nodded. As she curled up on the sofa, her shoes off, feet pulled under her, Katie sighed. “Your mother says you’re really moving to Ireland?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

“I love the British Isles. Of course, I met my late husband in England. We’ve never talked about him, have we?” Katie shook her head. “He was a war correspondent, a journalist like myself, also an orphan like I am. My father took his own life after the crash of 1929 and my mother went soon after. My brother died in the war like my husband. I’ve found friends here and made my own sort of family, but there was no one like my Lesley. We bickered awfully but we were partners and somehow I never felt alone once we fell in love. We appreciated each other.”

“Don’t you miss him? Do you ever wish you hadn’t met him since he passed away so soon?”

“Of course I miss him and I have no regrets. Better to grab love when you can, even if it doesn’t last. Then you always have it with you.”

“But it’s different when it just doesn’t work out, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but the experience is always something, if you’ve really loved the person. You seem…lonely, Katie. Are you all right?” Katie shrugged. “I could tell you how lucky you are since you have your family and friends who love you, but you know that. Just remember you can’t have day without night.”

Katie nodded. “Thanks for lunch and tea and for telling me about Mr. Knight. I’m sorry I never asked before. Do you have his picture?”

“Yes, come in here.” Mrs. Knight led Katie into her room, where she showed her a couple old framed photos of her very young self and a slight, fair young man. They both looked happy, though, in a quiet sort of way. Katie thanked her again and left, ready to face the evening.

Chapter Twenty

It was a packed pub that night. Fridays were usually busy but apparently the heat made people extra thirsty. Katie didn’t spend much time in the office. Instead she acted as hostess, waited tables, bussed, started a few loads of dishes, and brought towels and liquor from the back when they ran out behind the bar. By the end of the night, Katie felt run off her feet and grimaced at Fin, who still appeared as though he’d just walked in at the start of his shift.

“You’re tired, go on home,” he said as he shut the lights off and went to the office. Katie got her purse, her ears perking at the soft sound of Fin singing “You’ll Never Walk Alone” from “Carousel” as he moved around the office.

Katie turned and leaned on the doorframe, momentarily quivery from his lilting voice. Then she frowned as he stopped and studied her.

“Have you talked to Mrs. Knight today?” she said.

“Yes.” He opened and closed the desk drawer; he wouldn’t meet her eyes now. “She called me earlier.”

“Did she say anything about me?”

“And you say I’m full of myself.”

Katie wanted to give him the finger but she held back, knowing how she’d regretted losing her temper with him. She paused, trying to think of a snappy comeback, but she couldn’t. Instead her mind reeled with the possibility that Mrs. Knight talked to Fin about her, telling him how Katie felt alone. She waved, walked to her car, and drove home. What was wrong with her? She really was as moody as her dad claimed. Pregnant women had mood swings. Her stomach hollowed. She better go to the drug store on the way home.

“How are you this morning?” her dad asked when Katie came down for breakfast. Katie looked at him a moment, caught off guard by his cheer.

“Fine, thanks, and you?”

“Better. Fin says you’re a real help at the pub. Told me he wouldn’t be able to manage without you.” He paused, smiling at Katie. “Watch out, a fly might land in there, my girl.” He chuckled and winked at her mom, who sat down with a cup of coffee.