Censored by Confucius (26 page)

When Bao lifted his head again, the lanterns, the bench, and the magistrate had all disappeared. The two remaining officers told him he could return home, but reminded him that he owed four thousand cash to the officers for their efforts and that it was appropriate to make a personal gift to Chen of two thousand cash.

Everyone was puzzled about the identity of the woman, whom Bao insisted he had never seen before. She was a complete stranger who had died from unrequited love for the famously handsome Bao. When she became a ghost she decided to fabricate charges with the intention of dra
gging Bao down to the underworld to be her partner in death.

Fortunately, her harebrained scheme was discovered by the magistrate of the underworld and she received her due punishment.

Elder Brother Ding

During the reign of the Kangxi emperor, a peasant farmer from the Yangzhou region by the name of Second Brother Yu went into town to pick up the cash he'd earned from the sale of his recent wheat crop. The purchaser insisted he stay on for a few pots of wine, and by the time Yu set off for home it was late and the road was pitch black.

As he approached Red Bridge he was jumped by more than a dozen dwarflike ghosts, who clung tightly to his clothing. Yu knew ghosts were rampant in the area but he was a tough and fearless sort of man and besides he was emboldened by the wine. So he fought hard against these ghosts, vigorously brandishing his fists. But no sooner had he fought off one bunch than another formed to attack him.

In the midst of the fray Second Brother Yu overheard one of the ghosts say, "This guy's too tough for us. There's no way we can beat him. Let's get Elder Brother Ding. I bet he'd be able to put this guy away."

The ghosts ran off noisily and Yu was left alone to ponder the horror of Elder Brother Ding. Eventually he decided, in a rather fatalistic frame of mind, that since he had come this far he would keep going and deal with whatever came for him when it arrived.

Indeed, he had only just crossed Red Bridge when he was confronted by a ghost of enormous proportions. It was over ten feet tall, and in the shadowy light Yu could just make out the green and purple colors of his face. All in all it was a sinister, terrifying sight.

Yu knew that his only possibility of success was to take the initiative straightaway. His best chance was to strike before the ghost expected it, so he untied his money belt, filled as it was with the two thousand coppers he'd received earlier in the day, and hurled it with all his might at his opponent.

The ghost fell instantaneously to the ground, making a clinking sound as it hit the stone paving. Yu ran over and trampled the ghost
beneath his boots, and although it never became any lighter, it gradually shrank.

Holding its diminished form tightly, Yu returned home. Under the candlelight he saw that the ghost was actually a big iron nail—the type that had been used in old-style coffins. It was over two feet long and shaped like a huge thumb. To kill the ghost Yu burned the nail, and blood oozed from the flames.

Later when Yu was telling his friends about his ordeal he boasted jokingly, "Elder Brother Ding was no match for the strength of Second Brother Yu."

Miss Wang Er

In the Department of Justice within the Zhaozhou provincial government there worked a scribe by the name of Wu. Now Wu was the third son in his family and was originally from Shaoxing.

After a while another scribe was employed and coincidentally he was the third son born to another Wu family. However, he was originally from Suzhou.

To avoid confusion, the people in the office called them Old Master Wu and Young Master Wu. The two Master Wus were quite good friends. Both men lived in the government dormitory and had rooms directly across the hall from each other.

The governor at that time had seven or eight concubines and numerous maids, all of whom were exceptionally beautiful, and the Wus had often seen them strolling near the dormitory. So captivating were these women that the men would often joke about the possibility of secret trysts, which woman each would prefer, and the like. It was, however, all empty talk.

One night they worked late, getting back to their rooms only around the third watch. Young Wu sat down on the edge of his bed and smoked a cigarette. He then lit the candles on the table outside the bed curtains and asked his manservant to leave so he could go to sleep.

The entire magistry was quiet until someone pushed open the door to Wu's room and walked in. Young Master Wu asked who it was but received no reply.

He peered through the darkness and saw an exceptionally beautiful young woman of about twenty walking quickly towards him. She stopped at the edge of the bed and stared down at him.

Young Master Wu was terrified and asked, "Who are you? What are you doing here?"

The woman replied, "I am Miss Wang Er and I have come to find
Third Master Wu from Shaoxing. It looks as though I have come to the wrong place."

Young Wu assumed that Miss Wang Er must be a maid sent by the boss to keep Old Wu company for the night, so he laughed and pointed across the hall. "Third Master Wu from Shaoxing lives in the room opposite. I'm Third Master Wu from Suzhou."

The woman turned and left.

The next morning Young Wu teased his friend. "Did you have fun last night?"

Old Wu looked perplexed and asked what he meant. So Young Wu mentioned the young woman. But when Old Wu kept asking more questions he said impatiently, "I saw her with my own eyes! How can you deny it?"

Old Wu then grew increasingly anxious and persisted with his questions. Young Wu described Miss Wang Er's clothes and appearance, then explained how she had specifically asked for Third Master Wu from Shaoxing.

The color suddenly drained from Old Wu's face and he said in a panic, "Why has she come here?"

After a while, when he had calmed down sufficiently, he explained to Young Wu, "She is a close relative of mine but she's been dead for over a decade. I have no idea why she has come looking for me now."

Young Wu was startled by the explanation and was about to question his friend further when he noticed that Old Wu's depressed face was filled with despair. So he decided not to press him.

That night as time for sleep drew nearer, Old Wu became increasingly silent and his fear became more and more obvious to those around him. He begged Young Wu to sleep in his room, but Young Wu did not relish this prospect and refused. Old Wu then ordered his two servants to sleep on either side of his bed.

All that night Young Wu listened for any sound from across the hall, but heard nothing strange. The next morning, however, the two servants woke to find Old Wu dead.

Double Blossom Temple

In Guilin, during the reign of the Yongzheng emperor, there lived a fashionable young scholar by the name of Cai who was extremely good-looking.

One day, as he was standing in the theater watching a troupe of actors perform, he felt someone brush up against him and stroke his buttocks. He turned intending to strike his assailant, but stopped in his tracks when he saw a young man even better-looking than himself. His heart melted and he began to gently stroke the other man's penis in return.

Overjoyed at this mutual affection, the young man and Scholar Cai straightened their clothes in preparation for a more formal exchange of names. It turned out the young man was also from a wealthy Guilin family, and although he had not yet been formally admitted to a college, he too was an aspiring scholar.

They walked hand in hand to a restaurant called Apricot Blossom Village, and after drinking heavily they swore undying loyalty to each other. From this point on the two young men were inseparable—they always traveled in the same carriage, ate together, and slept together.

It wasn't long before they began imitating female fashions—wearing perfume, shaving their faces, and donning short-sleeved gowns. In fact, strangers would not have known whether they were male or female.

Unfortunately the town bully, a fellow known by the name of Wang Tuer, decided to rape these two young men. He hid in an isolated spot on the outskirts of town and pounced when the pair walked by. They both tried to struggle free but in the course of the fight were killed. Wang then dumped their bodies in the shade of an isolated section of the city wall.

The parents of the murdered young men lodged a complaint with the local magistrate and in the ensuing investigation Wang was charged with the murders. Traces of blood had been found on his clothing by
the investigating police, so he confessed to the crime and was summarily executed.

The two young men had been well liked by all the townsfolk who knew them. They had been admired for their intelligence, breadth of knowledge, polite manners, and general good behavior. The locals, saddened by their deaths, decided to build a temple in their honor. Worshipers often brought apricot blossoms to place on the altar and so the temple assumed the name Double Blossom Temple.

The townsfolk's kindness did not go unrewarded, for the prayers of the worshipers were always answered. As the reputation of the temple spread, it became more and more popular and the offerings and incense increased accordingly.

This happy state of affairs continued for some years until one day the county magistrate, Liu, happened to pass by and inquire about the origins of Double Blossom Temple. When he found out the history of the temple he became extremely angry and declared, "This is a temple of depravity! Why should we worship two such obscene young men?!" He immediately instructed the local constable to raze the temple.

That night Magistrate Liu dreamed that two young men came to his room. The first grabbed his beard and the second spat in his face and cursed him. "How would you know whether we were obscene or not! You never met us and you certainly were no friend of ours. You're just a civil servant from a distant office, so you certainly wouldn't have any idea of what we did between the sheets.

"During the Three Kingdoms Period the handsome young pair Zhou Yu and Sun Ce lived together, ate together, and slept together and yet everyone today recognizes them as heroes! Are you going to say that they too are obscene?

"In your position as magistrate you have taken bribes in every case under your control, and one year you even had Scholar Zhou executed on very flimsy grounds.

"It is you who are truly wicked! How dare you judge us to be obscene?! We were planning on taking your life tonight but we've since found that the police are onto you and your death is imminent, so we'll let you off this time."

One of the young men then drew a stick about three feet long from his sleeves. He twisted the magistrate's hair tightly around the stick, then proclaimed, "When your time comes you'll understand the significance of this gesture."

Liu woke with a fright and told his family about his dream. He ordered the temple rebuilt but was too ashamed to publicize the reason for his change in policy.

However, not long after this he was charged with accepting bribes and sentenced to death by strangulation. Only then did he understand the stick's significance.

The Female Impersonator

In Guiyang County there lived an extremely beautiful man by the name of Hong. He made a living teaching embroidery to young women by posing as a traveling female embroidery tutor in Hunan and Guizhou provinces.

One year he was employed in Changsha by a scholar named Li. Now Li, who believed Hong to be a young woman, planned to seduce his new employee. But when he approached Hong, the latter confessed to being a man.

Scholar Li laughed and said, "It's even better if you're a man! I have always thought that the tale of the female impersonators of the Northern Wei was a great tragedy.

"The ruler of Wei visited his mother, the empress dowager, in the palace and saw two beautiful nuns in attendance. He summoned them to his rooms with the intention of having his way with them only to discover they were men. The extremely foolish ruler of Wei then ordered that they be summarily executed.

"Why didn't he take these two on as his personal bum-boys in his own Longyang palace? If he'd done this he would have won the loyalty of these servants and avoided offending the empress dowager."

Hong understood what was being asked and agreed. Scholar Li was very kind and cherished Hong as a lover should.

A few years later Hong traveled to Jiangxia, where a man by the name of Du, also assuming Hong to be a woman, tried to seduce him. Hong hoped that Du would be as kind as Scholar Li, so he flirted charmingly, anticipating a generous reaction. Unfortunately, Du was not as accommodating and instead dragged Hong off to the police to have him prosecuted.

After the arrest Hong was deported to Guiyang, where he was given a physical examination by the police inspector. The inspector found that Hong lacked an Adam's apple and as a consequence had a soft, delicate voice.

Moreover, Hong's hair was so long that when it was untied it reached the ground. His skin was as smooth as silk and his waist measured a tiny twenty inches.

His penis, however, was thick and firm and shaped like a large mushroom.

Hong explained in his confession that he was orphaned as a young child and had been raised by a widowed neighbor. The widow and he had an affair that lasted many years. To avoid scandal he had grown his hair long, bound his feet, and lived as a woman. The widow died when he was seventeen, whereupon he began his life as a wandering seamstress teaching embroidery.

Hong was now twenty-seven and had lost count of the number of women with whom he had had liaisons in his ten-odd years of living as a female.

The inspector demanded a list of the names of the women but Hong replied, "Isn't it enough to punish me? Why punish the daughters of respected families as well?"

This response was deemed quite unsatisfactory, so the inspector tormented Hong with the crudest of tortures in an attempt to force him to release their names.

The provincial governor heard of the case and recommended that the imposter be exiled, but the police inspector insisted that because Hong was such a bewitching transvestite he deserved an extreme punishment. Indeed the inspector recommended execution.

The day before the sentence was due to be carried out Hong said to his jailers, "I have enjoyed pleasures that most men only dream of, so I have no regrets as I go to my death. But, you know, this inspector won't come away clean from this case.

"At worst my crimes are those of illicit sexual relations and of seduction by pretending to be a woman. Mine is simply a case of seduction, and there are no laws that advocate the death sentence for such a crime.

"Moreover, my illicit affairs with these various women should not be made public. If you force me to give you their names, then many women across dozens of counties will face corporal punishment.

"Many girls from good families will be caned and their silky smooth white skin will be beaten to a red leathery bark."

The next day he was led to the market square to face the executioner. As he knelt on the ground he said, "Three years from now the
man who passed this sentence will end up here too." Surely enough, in three years the inspector was indeed executed. The accuracy of Hong's prediction caused quite a stir among the locals.