Caught in the Flames (44 page)

Ash copies my move, gripping the hem of my sweater to pull it over my body and toss it next to his shirt on the floor. His hands go straight to my breasts, cupping them along with my bra, and drops his head to kiss down my throat to my cleavage.

My fingers go to the waistband of his jeans, working open the button at the same time his hand unclasps my bra. I untangle it from my arms and he wraps one arm around my waist to pull me close. He stumbles a little, a wince escapes his mouth, and it’s then I remember his injury.

“Oh, Ash. Are you okay? We don’t have to—” I pull away but his fingers tighten their hold and dig into the soft flesh of my hip. God, that’s sexy.

“No. I’m fine.” He pants and then seals his lips over mine. His mouth tastes, sucks, and nips. Fuck. I forgot how good he is at this. He pulls away just enough to level my gaze, gently tucking one of my curls behind my ear. “Maybe we can move this to the couch though?” He lifts one brow and smirks. I can’t help but smile back and nod. He takes my hand in his and grabs one of his crutches, using it for balance as he leads me into the front room.

Though it’s midday, the cloudy winter weather conceals most of the sunlight. The little that streams through the blinds illuminates the room in the most perfect way. Ash sits on the edge of the couch and drops his crutch to the ground. He pulls me so I come close and he unbuttons my jeans. “This is okay?” He glances up under those lashes and his ears stick out the way they always do. I nod and tug playfully on his lobes.

“Fuck me, Ash,” I say because I love the way his eyes change when he’s turned on. He undoes my jeans and yanks the material along with my underwear off in a flash. I gasp as the cool air hits my skin. My center is already wet, aching, and ready for him. I brace myself on his shoulders while he leans forward to remove my jeans from each leg.

He leans back, his gaze intense, as he studies my body. “You’re gorgeous. You know that?”

I place my hands on his chest and push gently so he reclines against the cushion. My knees push into the couch so I straddle his lap. His hands find my legs, just under the kneecap and brush up over my skin until they squeeze my ass. “Fucking gorgeous,” he almost growls. “But you’re more, too. You know that?”

I claim his mouth with a kiss. “Tell me.” My words come out all breathless. His mouth pulls to a grin and he pulls my center to his. The ridge of his arousal beneath his pants brushes against my clit and I moan. My eyes flutter shut.

“You.” His right hand leaves my ass to rub at my center and find the spot where I’m a bundle of bursting energy. He rubs tiny circles and my hips rock of their own accord, needing, wanting to ride him. “You are generous, kind, forever loyal.” He uses his left hand to grip at my hip and guides me back and forth over his growing erection.

“What else?” I say boldly. Totally turned on, my hands find my breasts and squeeze the soft flesh. His eyes widen and a growl escapes his lips. I love that this excites him, too.

“Fuck!” he breathes and abandons my clit to cup my boobs himself, sitting forward so he can suck one nipple into his hungry mouth.

“Fuck me, please.” I don’t want to wait another minute. I want to feel him inside.

He releases my nipple with a pop and then reaches between us to unzip his pants. Lifting his hips, I push up on my knees so he can shove his pants down to his thighs.

My hand goes straight to his cock and I stroke him, up and down his hard length. My pussy tightens and my wetness drips down my inner thighs.

“Shit.” He curses under his breath and my chin snaps up to meet his troubled gaze.

“What?”

“I don’t have a condom. And I can’t get my pants off without your help.” He exhales and pinches his eyes shut as I continue to stroke him. “The splint.” Right. It’s silly, but I almost forgot his injury, I’m so caught up in the heat of this moment, and the rest of his body is so strong and healthy.

“We don’t have to use one. I’m on birth control. I’m clean if you are?”

“I’m clean.”

I position his shaft at my entrance and coat the tip with my juices.

“Wait!” His fingers dig into my hips and hold me above him. “Shit. I’m not gonna last long. Are you sure?” He’s giving me an out. And because this is Ash he’s being considerate. But I’m not worried. I’m so worked up right now, it won’t take much for me to orgasm, either.

“I’m sure.” I kiss his lips.

Fuck!
He pulls my hips down and at the same time thrusts his hips up.

“Yes.” I murmur and rock my hips. My clit hits his pelvic bone with each sway forward and it’s the perfect mix of sensations. Ash rubs his hands over my ass and gives one hard slap. My pussy tightens with arousal.

“Yes, ride me, Callie. I love this ass.” He slaps me again and it sends heat all the way from my center to my toes.

I pick up my pace, rock forward and back, up and down, and I’m so close. Ash’s hands return to my hips and his head slams back onto the couch cushion. He begins thrusting up with his hips at a punishing pace and it’s exactly what I need to push me over the edge.

“Yes, yes, yes,” I chant over and over until my orgasm rolls over me. My sex tightens and begs for his release. Ash’s movements become hurried, hard, and I watch him lose control.

“Fuck, Callie,” he groans and his fingers dig deeper into my hips. Hard enough I’ll have bruises tomorrow, and with that another wave of desire thrums through my body. His back arches and he holds me to him. I study his face as his eyes pinch shut. I can feel him inside me, pulsing as he fills me with his release.

“Fuck, Callie,” he says again, this time with reverence and a smile in his voice. His hands leave my hips to trace up my spine and tug my body down to him. Our lips find each other and we kiss, unhurried, full of passion as our heartbeats return to a steady rhythm.

“I’m going to use the bathroom,” I say because I don’t want his release to leak out of me and make a mess all over the couch. He nods and I take a quick trip to the restroom to clean up. My brain wants to overanalyze what just happened but I don’t give it the chance. I just wash my hands and rush back out to Ash.

He’s reclined on the couch where I left him, only he’s pulled his pants back on. I plan on retrieving my clothes but he holds out his hand to me, his brow furrowed, and I can’t help but go to him.

“What is it?” I stand between his outstretched legs and brush my fingers where his forehead crinkles in thought. His brow relaxes as he exhales deeply. As if my touch comforts him.

“This sounds so lame . . .” He shakes his head and his lips turn up in a ghost of a smile. “Never mind.” He releases my hand.

“You can’t say something like that and not tell me.” I cup his face with my hands and search his gaze. The hazel swims with so much emotion, his lips part, and my pulse quickens awaiting his words.

“Snuggle?” His smile is uncertain. I release my breath and nod with a soft smile.

“Of course.” His arm goes to my naked waist and he pulls me down on top of him, scooting back and rolling us so we’re on our sides, my back to the couch. It’s a snug fit, but he doesn’t seem to mind. Ash tucks one hand under his head and his bicep creates the perfect pillow for my head. It’s almost unnerving, the way his gaze locks with mine, but the intensity also solidifies the importance of what we just shared.

His hand brushes the hair from my forehead and he dips his chin to leave one soft kiss across my skin. I snuggle into him, inhaling the scent of sex, sweat, and something else that’s just us. Warmth encases my soul and peacefulness settles over my worries. As my eyes flutter shut his even breath and steady pulse beats to mine. My mind settles to sleep.

It’s only in the moments before I give in to the pull of rest that I remember the leftover food and mess strewn across the table. It doesn’t escape me that for the first time ever I don’t care if it sits there all day and night. Maybe it’s because of my utter exhaustion. Or maybe it’s just Ash.

I hate how much I miss my roommate.

The past twenty-four hours have been excruciating but at least I have Ash. The way we were together yesterday—it was so powerful, intimate, honest. Like nothing I’ve experienced before. Our pain, ever present, fueled the need to seek the other. To comfort, console, and love.

We slept together on the couch through the rest of the day. Sometime in the dead of night I felt him stir and I watched as he went into the kitchen. I wasn’t sure exactly what he was doing, maybe getting a drink, but through the shadowed moonlight it became perfectly clear. He was cleaning the kitchen. Shirtless, too, an added bonus for my entertainment.

When he came back to the couch I opened the blanket to let him into the warm cocoon and he made love to me. Softly. Sweetly. It wasn’t fucking but it was still as intense, still as hot. His eyes burned into mine with a passion and care I’ve never known.

It was scary as shit.

I don’t know if I’m ready for a real relationship with anyone. Not right now. Not while I’m so sad. Not when I’m still recovering from Chase. I don’t want to disappoint Ash, because he’s very much my friend and I know he has feelings for me. I can’t pretend I didn’t overhear him speaking with Kiki. He hasn’t said anything, and I haven’t mentioned it, but the words were spoken all the same.

And I don’t know where that leaves us. I want to love him, authentically without reservation, but I’m not in a place to do so while my heart is breaking with loss. Maybe he understands and is giving me the space to figure it out. Figure out myself.

He left early this morning with very few words. Just the promise that he’d come back in a few hours. I went back to sleep not ready to face a new day. Finally, I drag myself into the shower for a much needed rinse. My hair is such a mess that it takes longer than usual to wash and comb my wild curls. The day drags and all I want to do is go back to last night and that little bubble Ash and I created. Where everything felt safe, hopeful, healing.

Instead, I sit at the kitchen table in a pair of sweats with a cup of coffee while I stare blankly at a stack of sticky notes. I should make a list. Because I need something to do to feel productive. To feel as though my world will move forward.

But I’ve got nothing and the yellow pad mocks me.

Hell, even the coffee lacks flavor.

The scrape of the front door jolts me from my stupor and my chin lifts to find Ash walking through the doorway. His overnight bag is slung over one shoulder while the crutches support his weight. He’s showered and shaved, but the skin under his eyes puffs and the white of his eyes cloud with pink as if he’s been crying.

“Callie.” He says my name strangely and I tilt my head. Alarm and fear pulse through my veins and even my hands begin to shake from where they clutch my coffee mug.

“What’s going on, Ash?”

He shifts his weight to one of the crutches and doesn’t quite meet my stare. He’s scaring me.

“Ash? What happened? Where have you been?”

“Station. They put me on leave.” His jaw ticks and his voice is clipped.

“Oh, I’m sorry, but I guess that makes sense, what with your injury.” I search his eyes as they lock with mine.

“Not because of my leg.” He grates his jaw twice. “Callie, I came by because, well, I’m here to say good-bye.”

There must be something wrong with me because I don’t understand. “You don’t have to go back to your condo tonight. That is, if you don’t want to. You can stay here.” And I’d like him to but he shakes his head and his lips pinch into a frown.

“No. That’s not what I mean. I’m moving back to Fairfax. I just got off the phone. I’ve got a buddy who just made chief at one of the other stations. He wants me back.”

“Well, too damn bad.” The words fly from my mouth. I shut my eyes a moment and hold back the sob that threatens to escape. I’ve lost one friend and that’s more than I can take. But to lose Ash right now? “Tell him no.”

His brows rise and he straightens his stance with the help of his right crutch. “No?”

“No. You can’t leave. Don’t leave. Why are you leaving?” The pleas tumble from my lips and I stumble out of the chair. This time I let my tears fall freely. I inhale, an audible sob, and his face pinches with distress.

“Callie, don’t make this harder than it has to be,” he murmurs as if my pain affects him, too. “I don’t want to go, but—”

“So, don’t. I can’t do this without you. I can’t lose you, Ash.” I swipe my arm across my face, taking with it tears and snot. I should care how gross it is, but I don’t. I don’t care if Ash sees me this way if it means he’ll change his mind.

“I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I couldn’t save Kiki. I’m sorry I can’t stay.”

“Please don’t leave, not today. Ash, I . . . I lo—”

“No. Don’t say that.” His eyes snap to mine and grow hard. He steps back, putting more space between us. I want to say the words, to argue with him, for him to understand just how much I care. But with his jaw tense and gaze narrow I know he won’t believe a word I say. The space between us grows uncomfortable and is full of all the things I wish could change. “Don’t say that unless you mean it. Don’t say that unless you know for sure. You’re tired, we’ve been through a lot, but don’t say something just to make me stay.”