Caught in the Flames (43 page)

The nurse that left moments before bustles by, her arms full of medical supplies and she slams the door behind her. I bury my face in Ash’s chest and give in to the very real fear of losing her. My chest heaves with every sob and Ash tightens his grip around my body. His words, tender and soft at my ear acknowledge my pain. “I know, Callie. I know.”

That’s the thing about death. You never really see it coming. And maybe I should under the circumstances. Maybe I’m naïve. Maybe I’m foolish to hope. But the Kiki I knew wouldn’t give up so easily. She would pull through. Her body, however, is tired and gives in to the struggle.

We never get to go back in the room. Kiki’s heart is unable to restart, though not without effort of the staff. What feels like minutes, but in reality is much longer, passes while we observe the doctors and nurses as they work together, trying everything they can to save our dear friend.

The creeping fear that it is over, that she is gone, sinks into my bones long before the doctor calls her death. Before the staff realizes we are watching and closes the blinds to her room. It hurts, a piercing kind of pain. The type that steals air regardless of the fact my body is perfectly healthy. I melt into Ash, needing his strength to combat the darkness threatening to hold me hostage. Together I make us an immobile fixture in the hospital hallway. He holds me. We don’t speak. We don’t move. He grounds me to the moment, to the pain, and never leaves my side.

“Callie, we need to sit down.” His words are tight and I glance up from where I’ve nestled my face into the crook of his shoulder. There’s pain written across his face. Oh, God, his leg.

“Ash?” I’ve been so selfish, not letting him go when he should be resting, or at the very least, sitting.

“I’m fine,” he says with a wince. He adjusts the crutches under his arms and pushes off the wall when I move out of his way. He nods down the long hallway. “Let’s go.”

We walk together, my gait much slower than normal to keep pace with his hobble. He’s not used to the crutches, that much is clear, but I won’t leave his side. Not when he’s been my rock, my partner though this night.

We turn the corner and the waiting room comes into view.

Chase and Cam stand in the room, both dressed in jeans and sweaters and looking freshly showered. Their words are inaudible from where we stand, but the tone carries and I can tell they’re arguing. Chase lifts his chin and his eyes soften a moment when they meet mine, but harden when they fall to Ash.

“You and I need to talk, Black,” Chase barks.

“Can we do this another time?” Ash’s tone holds all the exhaustion of a man who hasn’t slept in days, which I guess at this point he hasn’t.

“No. We can’t.”

Ash glances between the two men, “Have they told you—”

“She died. Yeah,” Chase interrupts. His voice holds no emotion, no pain.

“Come on, we’ll drop you back by the station. We can talk in the car,” Cam says and then looks at me. “Do you need to call for a ride, Callie?”
How considerate. Dick
. I try to contain my eye roll. It doesn’t go unnoticed that he doesn’t offer me a ride though my place is minutes from the station.

“I have my Jeep.” I cross my arms across my chest to offer them my best dragon fire bitch glare. They both look away.
Good
.

Ash glances at me and then back to Chase and Cam several times. He doesn’t want to leave me, probably because I’ve been a mess all night. I straighten my spine and push my shoulders back. He’s taken care of me enough. I need to be strong now.

“Go. It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

He worries his bottom lip with the top like he knows I’m lying. I won’t be fine, but I can get home on my own. I’m not completely dependent on him.

“It’s fine. We can talk later.” This time I almost believe the words. I don’t even glance at Cam and Chase. This isn’t their fault, but I can’t help but direct some of my anger at them and their fucked up family. For being clueless to the fact they missed out on a lifetime with a wonderful woman, a beautiful soul. They may not grieve for her, but I’ll make up for it with my own loss.

“’Bye,” I say to Ash and turn, one steady step ahead of the other. He doesn’t come after me, though really, I don’t expect him to. My feet move forward until I’m outside the building. The winter air hits my face with a slap and a shiver works its way across my flesh, but even that doesn’t stop me. I don’t think, I don’t stop, I just move until I’m gone from this hospital and on my way home.

I hate how time has stopped.

It feels so, anyway. I crank the wheel to my Jeep and pull into the driveway of Kiki’s home. Blinking and glancing around, I realize I’ve made the entire drive here and I don’t remember braking once, following road signs, or even if there was any traffic. Like a blur. Like the clouds that cover the sun even though it’s mid-morning. Everything is muddled. Frozen. Cold.

My feet crunch on the snow, mostly ice now, that remains from last week. My breath leaves in little puffs of steam against the cold morning.
Maybe I shouldn’t be here.
It’s stupid, but that’s my first thought as I step inside her house. Most of my stuff is here since I didn’t get the opportunity to move, but it’s not my home and now that Kiki’s not with us, I wonder who it will go to. Probably dickface Cam, Pancake Bitch, and her incestuous brother.
Fuck
. That’s not what Kiki would’ve wanted. It makes me angry to think of them as her family this entire time.
Why didn’t she tell me?

I step out of my boots, toss my purse on the couch and go straight to the kitchen.
I need coffee.
While I wait for it to brew there’s no familiar warmth in this space. No chats with my friend. No judgmental meows from Silas. Shit.
Silas!

Ash said he saw the cat run from the fire. I can only hope he made it out safely. But there’s no way he’d find his way home from there. It’s miles. I pour myself a mug of coffee and the aroma hits me like a sucker punch to the gut. I almost pull down another mug to fill for Kiki, the feeling of her presence so strong. A chill works its way up my spine. God, I’m so tired. I should sleep but first I need to find the cat.

I pluck my cell from my purse in the front room and search for animal control. A few phone calls and some research later I’m equipped with notes and a list of to-dos. There are a few questions I can’t answer because honestly I have no clue how much Silas weighs or if he was ever chipped. I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do but I need to find the cat, so I stride down the hall and open the door to Kiki’s room. I’ve only seen it through the open door before, never been inside. It’s her personal space so it feels unfamiliar, so much different than every other part of the house.

The furniture is simple here, but there’s no desk or place to store files. I open the closet door and that’s when I find it.
Everything
. Damn, she really is my hero.

Decorated paper boxes line the top shelves of the walk-in space, only each is clearly marked with a printed label. My eyes fill with tears and veil my vision until I wipe them away. The shoebox marked Silas is directly in my line of sight, but it’s not the box that steals my breath. It’s the one above, or more accurately the way it’s labeled.

CALLIE

Why would—?

“Hello! Callie?” Ash calls from down the hall and there’s something in his tone that causes alarm. I rush out of the room to find him, slamming the closet shut on my way.

“Ash?” I call back. I stop short when I find him in the living room, balancing his large frame with the help of the crutches. The whites of his eyes are tinged with pink and I wonder if mine look the same. With the lack of sleep and added crying, I’m sure my appearance is just as worn and tired. “Hey,” I say.

“Hey,” he murmurs back. After spending the entire night side by side, it’s strange to have so much distance between us.

“What did Cam and Chase talk to you about?” His gaze drops to the carpet. He doesn’t answer or meet my stare, and worry creeps through my already frazzled nerves. “Is everything okay?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” His voice pleads and his gaze travels from my feet in a leisurely stare until his tired eyes lock with mine. “Can I stay here? I—I don’t want to be alone.”

“Sure. Yeah.” Of course. I don’t want to be alone, either. “Are you hungry?”

“I could eat.”

Brushing by him, I head to the kitchen to investigate the leftover situation. The refrigerator is well stocked with turkey, cheese, some egg salad, and a half eaten container of hummus. Ash hobbles into the kitchen, his crutches a hindrance to his progress as he first catches them on a table leg and then a barstool.

“Sit!” I command and empty the various options onto the table. I pull a loaf of bread and some chips from the pantry then bring over paper napkins and spoons.

“No plates?” Ash’s lips pull up at the corner.

“Don’t be a diva, Black.” I smirk and pull out the chair next to him.

We work in unison, pop off lids and pass containers back and forth between bites.

“Ya know, this is an odd menu, but it totally works.” Ash sticks a roll of turkey and cheese in his mouth.

“I didn’t even know I was hungry,” I admit and shove, in a very unladylike manner, a spoonful of egg salad into my mouth. God, that’s good. And I’m not hungry. I’m beyond hunger. I’m famished.

Ash chuckles, his lips pull into that troublesome smirk I love, and shakes his head.

“Wha—?” I say between another bite.

“That’s fucking sexy, Gordon.” He full on laughs, and the sound is contagious.

I mash my lips together in an attempt not to return his laughter and spew food all over our feast. He continues to chuckle, his lips pull wide, and I shake my head before I try to swallow.

Shit.
Wrong pipe.

My eyes widen before I cough. A rough and very messy sputter shoots from my mouth, leaving me caught somewhere between choking and laughter.

“Fuck!” Ash laughs and jumps from the table, and with the help of one crutch limps with surprising speed to retrieve a glass of water. I attempt deep breathing between coughs to get myself under control. A few tears escape the corners of my eyes but I calm enough to take a few long swallows and clear my throat.

Ash shakes his head and chuckles while I gulp down the rest of the cool liquid. He takes the cup from me and brushes his thumb across first one cheek and then the other to wipe my tears. It’s innocent enough, but my body remembers his touch and just how his fingertips feel against my skin. My breath catches in a soft gasp.

“More?” he asks and I know he’s referring to the water but my gaze locks with his and right now I do want more. More of Ash. I nod, bite my lower lip, and his gaze finds the movement. Those irises go up in flames as the green heats to burnt, melted amber.

“Callie.” His voice is gruff and his palm caresses my cheek with a soft graze. His hand snakes down my jaw and behind my ear to weave into my wild curls. “I need you,” he says and mashes his lips together as if it’s taking all his will power not to kiss me.

“Then have me.”

His breath fans my face as he lowers his head to mine. “Just for tonight. I need you. One more night. I need you to remind me how good life is. To feel alive again.” He murmurs the words and I’m not sure if they’re meant for him or me. I don’t know where I stand with Ash. His feelings for me are ever clear while my own are still unsure. My palm finds his cheek. I run the pads of my fingers over the stubble of his jawline and then trace the shape of his lips.

This man, brave and loyal and true . . . he’s given me so much and if this is what he needs, what he wants, I’m happy to oblige. I might not know my exact feelings but I know that I trust him, completely, and the way we are together is mind blowing. I’ll always say yes to that.

“Kiss me, Ash,” I say and he does. His lips seal over mine, soft and steady, tender and precious. My skin tingles and just like that it feels too warm in this space. His fist balls at the nape of my neck, tugging with it my hair and crushing his lips to mine. My sex clenches with desire and I moan into his mouth.

He tugs again, harder this time, and I stand from my chair to get closer, to feel his body align with mine. My fingers trace along his sides until they find the hem of his T-shirt. I pull it up and off of his body, and only then does he break our kiss. His chest heaves with each breath and I study his naked chest. My body longs to be with him and my mouth salivates with the remembrance of his taste.