Catching Lucas Riley (26 page)

Alex sat outside the institute building, waiting for Olivia to make an appearance. Sealey had been the unwitting source of her information, informing her that Olivia was taking an institute class on
campus when she had asked some questions about the girl, feigning general interest. In actuality, all Alex had wanted to know was her schedule. And, of course, Olivia was already enrolled in institute within a week of returning home from her mission. Of course. The girl was a tiny, blue-eyed, blonde-haired saint. Her face seemed to almost glow with Christlike fervor. Alex wished she could resent her, but everything she’d seen from Olivia indicated that she was kind, genuine, and unselfish. Not like Alex.

Alex stared down at her shoes, biting her lip. She’d been struggling internally ever since she’d agreed to her roommates’ plot. She couldn’t believe she’d come to this. So desperate was she to get Lucas back, she was willing to make him miserable first. Not just him, but also a sweet, beautiful returned missionary who had done absolutely nothing to Alex, except be just a little too lovable.

In that moment, Alex hated herself.

Why couldn’t she just be like Sealey and let the whole thing go? Why was she so obsessed with having Lucas? She remembered what Sealey had said weeks before about her scheming to cause heartbreak just so she could get what she wanted. Just like everyone else, all her life she’d heard classic tales of romance where lovers made the ultimate sacrifice, giving up everything they’d ever wanted for the happiness of their loved one. Why couldn’t Alex manage to do it? Why was her happiness more important to her than Lucas’s? Or Olivia’s?

Alex nearly stood up then, determined to try to forget Lucas at least one more time before taking this drastic step, but suddenly she remembered the way he had looked the first time he had kissed her. His curly hair slightly disheveled from the 150-foot drop of the Sky Coaster. He had looked down at her with such focus, his green eyes studying her face intently before he leaned toward her. She had seen such sweet vulnerability on his face, a look that was uncommon for the confident athlete. His lips had felt perfect on hers. Her resolve faltered at the memory. How could she give him up? When would she ever find a better, kinder man? One who loved her more gently and purely?

Alex glanced around her self-consciously as tears filled her eyes. It wasn’t fair. She’d waited so long for Lucas to even notice she was alive. She thought she’d reached perfect happiness
the day Lucas had told her he was in love with her . . . but it had faded much too swiftly. Why? How could life be so cruel as to give her everything she wanted and then to snatch it away so quickly?

She discreetly wiped a finger under her eyes as she glanced around once more. Her gaze fell on a couple, walking hand-in-hand toward the building. Olivia’s head fell back, her curly blonde hair catching the sunlight as she laughed. Lucas looked down at her, his expression captivated as he took her in. He had never looked at Alex that way. Like the only thing that mattered in the whole world was right there in front of him. They looked complete, the two of them. Right. Whole.

In that one glance, everything slid into place inside her. Alex finally made the decision that had been plaguing her for days. The right one.

She loved Lucas. Or if she didn’t, it was as close to love as she’d ever felt before. But watching him now, she knew he didn’t love her. At least not in the way he loved Olivia. What right did Alex have to ruin such a beautiful thing?

Despite the fact that her tears didn’t seem to want to stop, Alex smiled. The knot in her stomach loosened, and relief flooded through her as she finally realized what she had to do. Pulling her purse up onto her shoulder, she quickly rose and slipped around the side of the building before either of the laughing lovers could spot her.

“Alex.”

Alex heard her name as she walked from her car toward the apartment. Glancing up in surprise, she saw Sealey sitting on the steps to her building. “Hi,” she replied, nonplussed. “What are you doing here?”

“I just came to see how you were holding up,” Sealey replied. His expression was odd, as though he was attempting to x-ray her, to find some long-buried secret in her eyes.

“That was nice of you,” Alex replied, eyebrows raised. “The tearful chapel escape worried you that much, huh?”

“Kacey mentioned that you had gone to see Olivia,” Sealey said, ignoring her comment. His look had hardened into something steely and determined.

“I did,” Alex admitted, feeling her cheeks redden slightly. Was that why he had hung around? He wanted to know if she’d managed to clear
the way to Olivia after all? Her stomach seemed to turn to stone inside her. How was she going to tell him that all hope, if there ever had been any, was now completely gone? Because of her.

“You did,” Sealey repeated. He continued to watch her. “And?”

“I . . . I couldn’t.”

Sealey stared at her, his look unreadable. “I don’t understand.” His blue eyes were fixed on Alex’s. “You had the opportunity to get Lucas back, but you didn’t take it?”

“I know I probably should have talked to you about it first,” Alex said, taking a deep breath. “After all, you had as much stake in this thing as I did. But I went, and I saw them, and I . . . I couldn’t do it, Sealey.”

She hadn’t even really had a chance to plan for this conversation, but if she had, she would have dreaded it. Not because she regretted her decision, but because she knew she was about to destroy Sealey’s hopes. And despite her somewhat volatile history with Sealey, she really did care about that. A lot.

In a weird way, she felt like Sealey knew her better than almost anybody else by this point. He’d been present for some of her most helpless, embarrassing, and horrific moments. But he’d also shared her triumphs as she’d fought for Lucas’s heart. And now it was all for nothing. For both of them. She had lost Lucas, and he had lost Olivia. And it was her fault.

“I’m sorry, Sealey,” she said sincerely. “So sorry. I know that you were counting on me to clear your path to Olivia, but I just couldn’t do it. They were just . . . right. You know?” she looked desperately up at him, praying that he would understand and forgive her for not taking the opportunity to possibly bring him all he had ever wanted.

“You mean you’re just . . . giving up?” Sealey’s voice sounded different. She had never heard that tone before. It was quiet, almost vulnerable. She felt her insides clench with something like nausea. Oh, why had she ever started this whole mess? She’d done nothing but cause trouble and pain for both of them, and what had changed? Nothing. Lucas was as devoted to Olivia as he’d been from the beginning. She wanted to curl up and die.

“You didn’t tell Olivia because you’re going to let her have Lucas?” Sealey clarified in the same defenseless tone.

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispered again. “I just . . . I can’t hurt him like that. Or her. They don’t deserve it. They love each other. It’s . . . visible. I swear, it almost illuminates the air around them. They
should
be together. Can’t you see that?”

Please see that
, she begged in her mind.
Please see how right I am and don’t hate me for it.

Sealey stared intently at her, saying nothing. His eyes, wide and unsure, were full of some emotion that she had never seen there before, and therefore couldn’t place. Was it pain? Disappointment? Devastation? None of those seemed quite right. But what else could he be feeling? He would hate her forever, she was sure of it. The thought was awful to her.

Guilt. So much guilt. She was nearly suffocating in it.

“I . . . ,” Sealey said, but then shook his head. “I need some time,” he finally continued. “Some time to process.” Without another word, he turned and walked away.

“Mom?” Alex tried not to let her voice shake as she heard the comforting sound of her mother’s voice over the phone.

“Alex?” Grace Foamer said. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

That was so like her mother. Alex had said only a single word and her mother already knew something was up.

“Mom, I know I told you I wasn’t, but I’m coming home for Thanksgiving after all,” Alex said, taking a deep breath to steady her voice. “Is that okay?”

“What a ridiculous question,” Grace answered, a smile in her voice. “We’d absolutely love to see you. Do you need money for a plane ticket?”

“I think I’ll just drive, if that’s okay,” Alex answered.

“Al, what’s going on?” Grace asked, reverting to her family’s old nickname for Alex. The sound sent a comforting warmth throughout Alex’s body. “What’s happened?”

“Nothing, I just . . .” Alex’s voice dissolved into tears and she stopped talking, just sniffling into the receiver.

“Oh, honey.” Grace’s voice broke at the sound of her daughter’s pain. “What do you need? What can I do?”

Alex said nothing, and just continued to cry into the phone.

“Are you ever going to tell me what happened?” Meredith demanded as Alex stuffed clothes haphazardly into her suitcase. “What did Olivia say? Why are you running away instead of staying here to claim your prize?”

“There is no prize in this game, Meredith,” Alex muttered as she looked through her closet for the shoes she wanted. “Nobody wins.”

“What?” Meredith said, her voice rising in pitch in her frustration. “What are you talking about? We
told
you how to win! All you had to do was tell Olivia all those things Lucas said to you. About how much he loved and wanted you and how he was going to cut Olivia loose, and that would be enough. Olivia would let him go!”

“At what price, though?” Alex said sharply, turning to face her best friend. “Sure, Olivia would let Lucas go, but does it automatically follow that Lucas would come running back to me?”

“Sealey
said
he would!” Meredith insisted. “Kacey asked him when he randomly showed up here the other day!”

“Oh, what does Sealey know?” Alex said through clenched teeth. She didn’t want to talk about Sealey. She hadn’t seen him for days. Not since she had told him about her decision to leave Olivia and Lucas alone. Alex was worried about him. She knew how much he had been counting on her to take Lucas out of the picture so he could finally tell Olivia how he felt about her without hurting his best friend in the process.

“What does Sealey
know
?” Meredith screeched with incredulity. “Everything, Alex! That’s the whole point! That’s how this whole mess started! He knows
everything
! What did you do?”

“Nothing!” Alex shouted back. “I did nothing, okay? I saw Lucas and Olivia on campus, when they didn’t know I was watching. They were
glowing
, Meredith. They’re so happy together. I won’t ruin that. I care too much about Lucas to do that to him, and though I don’t know Olivia well, I know she doesn’t deserve it either. I won’t do it!” She sank to the edge of bed and bit her lip fiercely, looking away.

Meredith stared at her, her eyes shocked. Without another word, she rose to her feet and enfolded Alex in her arms. “I’m so sorry,” was all she said.

Alex took an unsteady breath. She had spent too much time crying about this already. “I’ll survive,” she said, trying to force some toughness into her voice. “To be perfectly honest, I’m more worried about Sealey than I am about myself.”