Castle to Castle (31 page)

"Doctor, you'll come and see me, won't you?"

They went back home to the Castle . . . me, Hilda and her playmates, and Lili . . . we went straight to Raumnitz's . . . Aisha was waiting for us . . .

"The Major has gone out . . . with his dogs . . . he's at the station . . ."

Not a word about my bringing her daughter home . . . not a word to her either . . . a very unfriendly reception for my money . . . but von Raumnitz at the station! . . . investigating the incident no doubt . . . he knew what had happened . . . it was his job to know right away . . . to know everything! especially after the business in the Bois de Vincennes . . . the mutiny . . . I'll tell you about it.

A time finally comes when this perpetual roaring, fire-spitting merry-go-round, the rat-tat-tatting of the Fortresses on the rooftops . . . all that idiotic grumbling thunder . . . gets you down . . . that's all there is to it! . . . it gives you the blues . . . the deep dumps . . . people are supposed to get neurasthenic for lack of distraction . . . under the R.A.F. merry-go-round you don't have a moment to think! . . . siren! . . . whistles! . . . and more machine-gun bullets! . . . another wave of Mosquitoes! . . . all that traffic from up above the clouds . . . looping-the-loop! . . . all the way down to the road . . . twisting and turning and coming back! . . . and never stopping . . . makes you want to go home . . . but you haven't got a home . . . ah,
not to be! be!
you're cornered by destiny . . . caught in a vise! . . . you're not through laughing . . . floundering and protesting! . . . ycu don't know where you're at . . .
not to be
, hell! you're really cooked! well anyway, one way or another . . . forced laughter . . . out of the wrong side of my face! I'll get on with my story . . . if I can . . . As far as I'm concerned, I don't have to tell you . . . my age . . . the biggest crime! . . . I'd much sooner be forgotten, croak in my corner, than knock myself out telling you about people, lunatics, women, and more or less . . . mostly less . . . credible happenings . . . the business with
La Publique
was enough, it seems to me . . . why, for your benefit, should I go roaming around those practically unmentionable regions . . . this place . . . that place . . . why? . . . but if you're caught in the vise . . . cornered by destiny . . . it's not so easy to wriggle out! . . .

All in all . . . no bones . . . I'd better tell you things exactly as they were! . . . of course the malignant public will find a way to profane it all . . . screw it all up . . . stuff it with horrible lies! . . . in the end I'll look like a very shady character . . . even to myself! . . . an ectoplasmic gossip . . . a ghost come back from one place or another who doesn't even know what attitude to take . . . what words to say! When fate grabs hold of you, all you can do is confess . . . I see such people . . . people in my own situation, completely bewildered . . . balled up and stammering! . . . and they boast, so help me! sad sacks! all tied up in knots! . . . when you're caught in the vise . . . when you've been humiliated to the bone . . . to the marrow . . . there's nothing to do but confess . . . and don't be slow about it! your time is really counted! "Build at my age!" . . . Tell stories! hell! the young are all pimply idiotic feebleminded droolers . . . okay! . . . the "Incarnators of Youth!" Sure! Because they're not "cooked" . . . the old? oozing senility, full of inconceivable hatred and horror for everything that happens! and is going to happen! . . . because they're too cooked and worn out! . . . green wormy camemberts, running and stinking, put 'em in the frigidaire quick! . . . in the pantry! in the boneyard! . . . consequently you haven't much chance of placing your poor old corny effects with this one and that one . . . old fogeys? . . . teenagers? . . . Bile . . . camomile . . . poison . . . marshmallow . . . nobody wants it . . . nobody . . . no place! What I'm doing . . . it's the circumstances . . . my obligations . . . the animals and Lili . . .

Achille? . . . Gertrut? . . . who cares? . . . both the same rope! . . . and let'em dangle! . . . and their cliques! . . . but first my money! . . . which one? . . . what do I care! . . . just don't let them get away without paying me! . . . after that? . . . hell! . . . higher! . . . shorter! . . . I'll go have a look at their tongues! . . . which is thicker! . . . which hangs out further! . . . lazy no-good bastards! . . . but don't let them die without forking over! . . . nobody ever gave up the soul . . . stinkers like that never had any souls . . . with pending debts . . .

My imprecations don't advance my beautiful book very much! my little fusses and troubles! and you don't give a shit either! I can say that again . . . so let's get back to the
Löwen
. . . I left you on the landing . . . Madame Aisha von Raumnitz . . . I'd brought back her daughter, the young and beautiful Hilda . . . it may come as a surprise to you . . . but I'm speaking as a clinician, embryologist, and racist . . . that this marriage of such an out-and-out nobleman, a Dürer in build and nature, and this Aisha, all Trebizond . . . Beirut! . . . sinuous, dark, lascivious, bovine . . . no Dürer about her! . . . should have produced so beautiful a child! . . . oh, cross-breeding is full of peril . . . risks . . . little Hilda was part exotic bitch . . . Beirut . . . Trebizond . . . but that mop of ash-blond hair! . . . light blue eyes, fairies of the north . . . Major von Raumnitz had had to marry her . . . so it seems . . . he had dishonored her, so to speak, somewhere . . . in Beirut . . . or Trebizond . . . he was on a mission in those parts . . . the ports of the Levant are perilous for captains "on mission" . . . Aisha had succumbed . . . so it seems . . . so it seems . . . If he hadn't married her and brought, her back to Germany with him, she would have gone the way of fate and custom! . . . no question! those eunuch executioners in the employ of the Jealous Males of the Near East . . . the harems didn't vote in those days . . . it was a narrow squeak for Aisha! . . . This case wasn't so very unusual, the seduced Levantine married by a European nobleman the day before she was supposed to be hanged . . . in Baden-Baden, and later on the way across Germany, we'd run into a lot of Near Eastern women of the Aisha type, Sino-Armenian, Mongolo-Smyrnan, who'd become Landgravins . . . or Countesses . . . military attachés aren't only terrible skirt chasers . . . difficulties make them feverish! . . . they overturn Coran, Harems, Castes, and Cloisters! . . . the Devil in uniform! . . . they smash everything!

To give you an idea of the consequences . . . at my mother's on the rue Marsolier, there were these characters that came to see me, offering me enormous sums, real fortunes, if only I'd show a little more understanding for the intentions, the workings, the advantages, the profound motivations of the New Europe! . . . those tempters who came to see me at my mother's were also hybrids like Aisha, products of Prusso-Armenian unions . . . shady characters! . . . same as our own diabolical hybrids, ready for anything, Laval, Mendès . . . or their cousin: Nasser! . . . I questioned them, as long as I had them handy . . . oh, those messengers weren't any run-of-the-mill mongrels! and they didn't offend the eye! I'm speaking as an embryologist . . . really A-1 specimens, morally and physically . . . Colonels, and very well situated . . . operetta colonels! . . . Asiatic black hair . . . ebony cowlick like Laval . . . swarthy skin like Laval . . . alert, intelligent hybrids, and anxious, too . . . they had good reason to be anxious, those alert hybrid colonels . . . the look in their eyes . . . like Laval, but younger . . . they could perfectly well have been deputies . . . in Vitry or Trebizond . . . anywhere . . . taken Laval's place in Aubervillers . . . or Nasser's in Cairo . . . If hybrids frighten me, I've got my reasons . . . or taken the place of Trotsky in Moscow! . . . these anxious hybrids are rootless and ready! . . . taken the place of Perón or Franco! . . . great future ahead of them! Spears in London, for instance! . . . and Mendès-France over here! . . . they get what they want! Disraeli . . . Latzareff . . . Raynaud . . . Hitler, semi-everything, image of Brandenburg, bastard Caesar, semi-painter, semi-ham actor, credulous stupid sly, semi-queen, and champion bungler! . . . he had his little stroke of genius, collecting all the hybrids, surrounding himself with them, appointing them this and that . . . colonel . . . general, minister and privy-councillor! with the result that you ran into a lot of swarthy skins where you least expected them . . .

No, you didn't ask me for all these details . . . I know . . . I should get back to my story . . . I only wanted you to understand that von Raumnitz wasn't so much of a racist! his marriage proves it! . . . but the consequences! . . . given to understand that he'd married wrong! . . . greaser! . . . after the trouble in Paris he'd turned into a vicious bastard! change of heart! . . . a total one hundred percent Boche! . . . you could expect anything! . . . yes, yes, the consequences! . . .

Hell! . . . where's my head? . . . the outrage was in Vin
cennes, not Paris! he and Madame occupied a very large, very rich house belonging to a very rich Jew who was traveling for his health . . . a sumptuous mansion on the edge of the Bois, crammed full of lacquered furniture and knick-knacks from China . . . Palace-museum-department store . . . the Raumnitzes were really doing all right! . . . the occupation could last a century! . . . but bingo! the "night of the Wehrmacht!" . . . Raumnitz was asleep, Madame, too . . . you've heard about it? . . . when the mutinous soldiers climbed over the wall . . . they pulled von Raumnitz out of bed and spanked him! . . .
bim! bam!
. . . tied! ten soldiers! . . . his ass
all
red! . . . I'm only telling you what everybody knows about, the Stupnagel plot . . . "operation balcony-spanking" . . . the best part of it was that Hermann von Raumnitz just happened to be the big boss
Oberbefehlssupercop
of the northern and eastern suburbs and Joinveille! . . . and the whole Bois! . . .
and
Saint-Mandé! and the Marne! so you can imagine that
getting him
out
of
the sack like that and his wife too and spanking them! their asses all purple! . . . stuck in his craw . . . the kind of outrage he wasn't ever going to forgive! besides, he'd been demoted . . . broken to major! . . . you can imagine if he was waiting for us . . . the 1,142 . . . under his absolute boot! . . . what a sweet humor he was in! . . . wise guys! what were we cooking up?

I've shown you the station with all its bawling and singing . . . and the way nobody stopped at anything! . . . not even downstairs in the kitchen . . . pissing in the
Stam!
. . . it had been known to happen! . . . well, you wouldn't catch him napping this time, not the
Obersturmführer!
oh no, he had his eye on everything that went on . . . everywhere . . . and everybody! Raumnitz . . . and Aisha ditto . . . in her boots, with her big whip! . . . they weren't going to be caught with their pants down! . . . they were both on the
qui-vive!
. . .

Well anyway, I'd brought their daughter back to the
Löwen
in good condition . . . they might have thanked me, I thought . . . I had another think coming . . . what could you expect of sullen, shifty, spanked, and outraged hateful bastards like that! . . .all the same, a friendly word wouldn't have given 
them a sore throat . . . "We have you to thank, Doctor . . ." My foot! They thought they were still the conquerors! No reason to use kid gloves! . . . that's what the stinking Boches are like . . . same with the English! . . . their horrible inborn nature! . . . contemptuous conquerors! once and for all! spanked or not! and on that subject, don't worry! I'd better keep my trap shut! . . . one word out of me . . . and believe me that word was itching to come out! . . . either to Raumnitz the spanked or his undulous mama! his houri with boots and whip! . . . her mastiffs! . . . and her room 36! . . . her room? . . . I know what I mean! . . . I go down to our floor! . . . kind of invaded again! . . . the whole landing! . . . Raumnitz must have given permission! his cops had let them up again . . . he had the crapper opened . . . but there was no more seat! they did it straight in the hole! okay! not so much mess! it didn't overflow so bad . . . onto the landing! . . . Good!
Frucht
would have less mopping to do! I'd just reached our
door,
No.
11
. . .
I
hear a racket from downstairs . . . "Clear the way! Clear the way!" like they're carrying something heavy . . . the crapper crowd go down to look . . . they block the passage . . .
los! los!
oh oh! the bundle is a man! . . . a big bundle! . . . the cops hoisting him up! . . . there, that does it! . . . he's tied! . . . chained in fact! and what chains! . . . from his neck to his ankles! he won't get away! . . . say! I know that face! . . . it's Commissioner Papillon! he's so swollen I almost didn't recognize him! . . . blown up to twice . . . three times his size! like the soldiers' feet in the station! the Krauts sure gave him a going over! . . . I haven't told you, I knew this Papillon! . . . special Commissioner of the Castle Guard of Honor . . . Specially attached to Pétain . . . Fool stunt! One look at him and I understood! It takes me quite a while to understand . . . I like to understand very thoroughly . . . I'm of the Ribot° school . . . "We see only what we look at, and only look at what is already in our minds"—Special Commissioner Papillon was constantly in my mind . . . had been for months! ever since he had said to me: "How about it, Doctor? Let's go!" I can say this much for myself: I turned him down flat . . . "Commissioner, you can't win! It's a trap! . . . they'll bring you back in a jelly! stay right here in the Castle!" No use! he had to have it his way . . . and here was the jelly . . . he wasn't the only one with the idea of crossing into Switzerland! . . . all 1,142 had it . . . everybody in Siegmaringen thought wouldn't it be lovely to escape to Basel by way of Schaffhausen! . . . but the border! that was the rub! Special Commissioner Papillon had sure got himself nabbed . . . and brought back in style! . . . a "runner" was supposed to take him across! . . . runners in our part of the country were perfectly normal and natural . . . for cigarettes, morphine, flashlight batteries! . . . but for yourself in person it was stepping into the meshes of the cops! all kinds of cops, Kraut, Franzose, and Swiss! . . . well, Papillon had found out! I'd told him! Especially a "State Police" official like him, no virgin! far from it! well, the Krauts had won! brought him back trussed and chained and deposited him on the landing . . .
bump!
outside the crapper . . . to give people the idea . . . what crossing into Switzerland was like! . . . I didn't need any details . . . they'd brought a hundred back like him . . . . that border was a deathtrap! . . . fifteen miles on each side . . . same setup for centuries!
no-man's land
puzzle!
the frontier guards . . . French, Swiss or Kraut . . . blast you on sight! fire! . . . Fifis, S.A., or William Tells! . . . open season! . . . anybody who set foot . . . secretly . . . openly . . .
bzing!
bull's-eye! finished! day or night! . . . target! searchlight! "Hey, you! Tourist, stop where you are!" felled, tied, and taken away! five seconds flat the classical scenario . . . left for dead or . . . depending on the orders from Berlin and Berne . . . brought back to Krautland like Commissioner Papillon, lying there in his chains on exhibition . . . for everybody to look . . . and get the idea . . .