Carol's Image (16 page)

*

“Nervous angel?” Tom asked, as Carol spent an inordinate amount of time getting ready for the brunch with her mom.

Pulling her blonde hair into a soft twist at the back of her head and securing it with an elegant clip, she looked at him through the mirror.
God, he’s gorgeous.
Peering at the tall, muscular, blond Nordic god lounging back on her bed made her pulse beat faster.
What I could do to him if I wasn’t heading out to meet my mother.

“You keep looking at me like that, girl, and you’ll be late for your brunch, if you even make it at all.”

Blushing at having been caught ogling him, she reached into her jewelry box to put in simple earrings.

“You avoidin’ the question, angel?” he asked softly.

“No, just trying to figure out how to answer,” she said as she raised her eyes back to his in the mirror. “I am nervous. I always feel as though I have to be perfect around her.”

“Look in the mirror, angel.” Seeing her questioning gaze from her mirrored reflection, he explained. “No, look at you in the mirror.” He watched her eyes move from his back to her face. “Now tell me what you see? What image is looking back at you?”

Carol looked at the image in the mirror. Clear skin. Bright eyes. A smile played at the corners of her mouth, softening her appearance. “I see me. I like what I see,” she added.

Tom stood moving directly behind her until her wrapped his muscular arms around her from behind, totally encasing her in his embrace.
Comfort. Acceptance.

Taking a big breath, she turned in his arms, resting her face on his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist. Standing there silently for a moment.

“I like what I see too. My angel,” Tom whispered to the top of her head.

Smiling, Carol just hugged him tighter. “I hear your heartbeat.”

“It beats for you.”

*

Carol drove into the crowded parking lot of the Bistro, looking for a parking space. Not wanting to be late, she found a spot and quickly checked her makeup in the mirror. Looking at her reflection, she reminded herself that her mother would never be satisfied, so she just needed to be happy on her own. Taking a fortifying breath, she walked briskly into the restaurant. Moving through the crowd waiting for a table, she walked to the hostess station.

“I’m here to meet Mrs. Estelle Fletcher. I’m Carol Fletcher.”

The young woman checked her list, looked up with a smile and said, “Of course, Ms. Fletcher. Your party is this way.”

Carol followed the hostess toward the back of the restaurant, looking around at the décor as she walked to the table. As the hostess stopped, Carol looked sharply at the table. Coming to a standing position to greet her….Ronald.
What the hell?

“Where’s mother?” Carol asked, feeling anger beginning to boil.

“Come now, is that any way to greet an old friend?” Ronald said while taking her by the elbow to escort her to her seat.

“Ronald, this is not funny. I came to have brunch with mother, and I find you here instead. What the hell is going on?”

Ronald, looking around admonished, “Carol, lower your voice. You are making a scene. Sit down, and I will explain.”

Carol wanted to scream, cuss, and then stomp out of the restaurant but instead, years of breeding pounded into her, had her sitting down, quietly steaming.

Ronald deftly waived the waitress over to the table. “We’re ready to order now. I will have the ham and spinach omelet and the lady will have the eggs benedict with fruit. We will both have mimosas and coffee.”

Carol stared at Ronald as though he had two heads. “You ordered for me? You have no idea what I wanted to eat.”

“Carol, we were friends from the time we were born, and we dated for years. I think I still remember what you like to eat.”

“Liked to eat, Ronald. Liked. Past tense. As in you no longer know me. We haven’t been together in over five years, so I hardly think that qualifies you as knowing what I want.”

“Calm down, Carol. If it is that important, I’ll call the waitress back over.”

“Never mind. Let’s just get this over with. And you never told me where mother went to.”

“Your mother really wanted to meet with you. She feels badly that it has been so long since you have spent time together. She called me this morning to say that she was feeling ill, but did not want you to waste a trip out here and so she asked if I would step in and have brunch with you instead.”

“She could have called me and cancelled the brunch, Ronald. I do have a phone, you know.”

“She was afraid she would miss you, and she also just thought it would be nice if we had a chance to chat as old friends once again.”

Carol sat quietly for a moment, stewing over her mother’s actions. The mimosas were served, and she found herself reaching for hers immediately, needing the fortification.

Lifting her eyes to Ronald, she took him in. Tall, but not as tall as Tom. Well dressed, dapper, but not like her Viking. Handsome, but not gorgeous. Smooth, manipulating. Not like Tom, who as he says, let’s get it all out so we can deal with the shit. Smiling, she couldn’t help but think of how much Tom had come to mean to her.

Ronald saw her smile and relaxed. “I knew once you had a chance to think about it you would realize this was a good idea.”

Glaring at him over her mimosa glass, she almost choked as the liquid went down the wrong way. “A good idea?” she sputtered. She continued to cough for a minute, trying to get the liquid to go down the right direction.

Ronald glanced around with an uncomfortable look on his face. “Can’t you cough quieter?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” she asked. “You are more concerned about other people looking than me choking?”

Ronald reaching across the table to take her hand said, “Of course not, that came out wrong. Please forgive me.”

Pulling her hand back from his, she suddenly felt very weary. “I think I need to leave. This was a bad idea, Ronald. I feel tricked by my mother, and we just don’t have anything to talk about.”

“No, no wait. Our food will be arriving in just a moment, and I promise, I am just here out of a favor to your mother. She did mention that you were coming to the Charity dinner?”

“Yes, I am. Did she also mention that I was bringing a date?”

The waitress brought their food over, and Carol had to admit to herself that it smelled heavenly. Looking at the eggs benedict, she couldn’t help but quickly add up the calories in her head.
Stop. This is fine. Just eat a little, eat healthy, and you’ll be fine.

Nodding, Ronald replied, “Yes she did. Is it that man that I saw you with several weeks ago?”

“His name is Tom Rivers and yes, that is who you saw me with.”

“What does he do for a living?”

“Ronald, I am not going to sit here and be questioned about my choice of boyfriend.” Fighting the desire to shovel the food in, she forced herself to pace. Slowly cutting bites of food assisted her in not eating too much too quickly. Angry that she was having to use these tips again, she knew that stress was always going to manifest itself in overeating.

“Well, I thought he seemed very nice the evening I met him. I was pleased to see you with someone so caring.”

Narrowing her eyes, Carol assessed the man sitting across from her. Something’s not right. Ronald and her parents had never given up on her becoming his wife so that the law firm could stay in the family.

Plastering a smile on her face, she agreed. “You’re right. He is a very nice man.” Looking down at her half eaten brunch, she knew she couldn’t eat another bite. “Well, Ronald, this has been nice, but I really must be going. I have to work tonight and want to get home in time to get some errands run first.”

Not hiding his surprise, Ronald stared at her. “You work at night?”

Laughing, she replied. “Yes Ronald. Nurses have to pull all sorts of shifts. I usually work the graveyard shift in the ER.”

Visibly paling, he retorted, “I can’t imagine what kind of man lets his girlfriend work at a hospital in the middle of the night!”

The smile leaving her face instantly, Carol stared at Ronald with thinly veiled indignation. “He is the type of man who sees me for exactly who I am. Loves me for exactly who I am. And does not try to make me into anyone else.” Rising, she tossed her napkin on the table. “Good day, Ronald. I suppose we will see each other at the dinner, but I think that will be the last time we associate.” Turning, she walked steadily toward the door. Striding through the awaiting crowd, she headed to her car.

“Carol wait,” a deep voice called out from the entrance. Not recognizing the voice, she whirled around. Jake was jogging over, concern etched on his face. Dropping her gaze to her feet, she felt her heart drop.
Oh great. How do I explain this?

“Carol,” he spoke gently. “Are you all right?”

Raising her head to look directly in his eyes, she smiled. “Jake, what are you doing here?”

Blushing slightly, Jake seemed to debate what to say for a moment. “I was…having brunch with…a friend.”

Remembering what Tom had told her about Jake only seeing women outside of Fairfield, she realized that he must be out on a date. Blushing herself, she looked back down, not knowing what to say.

“Are you all right?” he prodded. “You looked angry back there.”

“I’m fine, Jake. Thank you.” She reached out, placing her small hand on his arm. “Really, thank you. That was,” she pointed toward the restaurant, “supposed to be brunch with my mother. She pulled out and sent an old family friend instead. We don’t see eye to eye on most things, so it was not a pleasant meal. But I am fine.”

“All right. I just wanted to check on you after I saw you leave so abruptly. Are you okay to drive back?”

“Absolutely. I’m fine, so please…go back and enjoy your brunch.”

He nodded as he assisted her into her car and watched her pull away. She watched him in her rear view mirror.
Good friends. That’s what Tom has. Good friends. And good to me too.

The drive to Fairfield was going to take about an hour and a half, and she felt anxious as she started the drive. There was a rest stop about thirty minutes down the road and without thinking, she pulled in. Walking into the empty ladies room, she could feel the unexpected, but familiar, feeling of wanting to purge.
Damn. Why now?

Standing over the toilet, she leaned against the stall wall. The idea of the eggs benedict swirled in her mind, along with thoughts of her mother’s and Ronald’s manipulations. Reaching her fingers to her lips, she forced herself to bite them instead of sticking them down her throat.
Ronda says to talk to someone supportive when the urge comes. But I never had anyone who knew my secret. My shame. Until now. What if he rejects me?
Shaking her head to clear her thoughts.
He won’t.

Pulling her phone out of her purse, she dialed his number. Picking up on the first ring, she heard his familiar voice.

“Hey angel.”

Silence. For a moment, she couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Angel, what’s wrong? Where are you?” She recognized the concern in his voice.

“I’m on my way home, honey,” she said weakly. “I just…needed to hear you…your voice.”

“Carol, tell me right now what is goin’ on, babe. You’re scarin’ me. Where are you?”

“I’m at the rest stop halfway home. I just felt like I needed to… um… you know. And I thought of…calling you. If…I talked to you, then…um…I wouldn’t do anything.”

“Oh angel. Let me come to you. You stay there, and I’ll come right to you.”

“No, no. I don’t need you to do that. I just needed …to hear your voice. I just needed…to know you are there.”

“Angel, I’m here. I’m right here for you. You don’t need to do this. You’re strong. You’re beautiful. You’re a survivor. And baby, I love you so much it hurts sometimes.”

Smiling, Carol held the phone tighter as silent tears slid down her face. “I know. I just needed to hear it right now.” Taking a deep breath, she wiped her tears. “I’m good. I’m going to get back in my car and head home.”

“Come straight to my place, angel. My house is closer than your apartment. I’m gonna be right there waitin’ and I want you here with me. Drive safe, and I’ll see you, okay.”