Carol's Image (14 page)

On Carol’s next day off, Tom came by to pick her up for dinner at Smokey’s. He stood at her breakfast bar while she was still in the bedroom getting ready. He noticed that all of her mail was neatly stacked on the counter except for a large cream colored invitation lying to the side. His eyes caught the wording for the Fletcher and Harriston Annual Charity Cotillion. She walked in, seeing the invitation in his hand.

“This a stressor, angel?” he asked.

She looked down at the invitation. “Yes and no.” Eyes back to his, she wasn’t surprised to see the questioning look in his face. “Yes, it is a stressor. Anything to do with my parents is a stressor. But no, because I am refusing to let it affect me. I am refusing to give in to urges.”

Opening his arms, he beckoned, “Come here, angel.”

She ran into his arms, feeling the blanketing warmth as she was surrounded by all that is Tom.

Satisfied that she was not beginning to panic, he kissed the top of her head. “Proud of you, babe. You seem to be losing some of that cluelessness.”

Carol, leaning back in his arms, looked straight up into his face and glared. “What a backwards compliment!”

Laughing, he patted her ass saying, “Let’s go eat, angel.”

“Tom,” she said softly. “Tonight, after dinner, can we talk?”

“Carol, you don’t have to ask that. You wanna talk, babe, we talk.”

Nodding, she smiled. “Okay then. Tonight, we’re going to deal with the stressor called my parents.”

“It’s ’bout time, angel. I didn’t want to rush you, but glad you’re ready to lay that shit out so we can deal.”

That night at Smokey’s, Carol had the opportunity to spend more time with Tom’s best friends. Funny, charming, handsome. The trio of gorgeous men caused quite a stir among the women hanging in the bar. The barflies began to circle, but Jake and Tom quickly shut it down. Tom did not want anyone to make Carol uncomfortable and Jake never hooked up in town, and certainly not with a mostly drunk, half dressed woman hanging out in a bar. Rob had more difficulty keeping the women at bay. His reputation of often going home with someone made the women hover, but he was determined to show Carol a classier side than his reputation.

Sharing a booth that was frequented by Wendy and Bill, the bar owners, the foursome laughed and talked into the evening. Jake and Rob understood what Tom had found in Carol. Drop dead gorgeous, but never flaunting it, as though she had no idea how beautiful she was. Funny, smart. And totally into Tom. Both men had seen women out with one of them, trying to catch the attention of one of the other. But not Carol.

She laughed her way through dinner listening to the stories of the three friends growing up on the same street. Looking at Tom, she remarked, “I can see why you wanted to come back here to live. You three just seem like you are triplets, having shared experiences for so long.”

Tom nodded. “Yeah, my parents moved when I was in college to be closer to my grandparents, but Fairfield was always home.”

As the men continued to reminisce, Carol perused Jake and Rob. Jake was quieter, more thoughtful.
He needs a good woman. Someone kind. Soft. Caring. Someone who will take care of him while letting him take care of her.

Rob was a different matter. Louder, more boisterous, definitely with a reputation as a player. He seemed to revel in his freedom, but with the right woman she could see him settling down, ready to take charge and take care of his woman.

“Where’d you go, angel?” Tom asked, leaning over to brush his lips to her ear.

Ducking her head in embarrassment, she admitted, “I was thinking of Jake and Rob.” Seeing the expression on his face, she giggled. “No, no, not like that. I was thinking of how they needed good women to be with.”

Tom still stared at her, with one eyebrow cocked in question.

“I mean, they could have what we have.”

He pulled her in tightly to his side with his heavy arm around her shoulders protectively. Kissing the top of her head, he smiled over her head to his friends.
They think I’m pussy whipped. Yeah, well, maybe they are right. Wouldn’t change a thing…not a goddamn thing.

T
hat night, back in her apartment, Tom and Carol settled onto the couch. She attempted to sit on one side, but he wasn’t having it.

“Angel, when we lay shit out to deal with it, I want you on my lap.”

Smiling, she sat on his lap, head draped on his shoulder. Sitting quietly for a few minutes, she wondered how to start.

“My parents aren’t bad people, Tom. I wasn’t abused. I had a huge house, a nanny, all the comforts.”

“Angel, people don’t have to physically abuse you to be abusive.”

Nodding, she agreed. “I know Tom. Believe me, years of counseling has taught me that. Growing up, my parents were just very distant. For my dad, it was all about the job. The law firm. The perception that his family was the epitome of wealth and class. For my mother, it was all about my dad. His money, the trips, the country club, the wealthy and influential friends. I was just an accessory, part of the perfect picture that they wanted to present.”

Squirming to get more comfortable, she continued. “Of course I didn’t realize it at the time, but food simply became a stress reliever for me. If I ate everything on my plate, my parents wouldn’t fuss at me about something. I loved sweets, and I would hang out in the kitchen with the cook who constantly fed me treats.”

Looking into his eyes, she added, “Tom, I know you can’t possibly understand this, but food became my friend…my comfort. But then came the weight. By the time I was in middle school, I was chubby.”

She looked over his shoulder at a distant spot on the wall, her mind going back about twelve years. Tom, realizing that she had disappeared into her past, gently put his hand up cupping her face. Her eyes cut back to his.

Smiling, she continued. “Middle school is hell for everyone, but when you are rich, chubby, and socially awkward, it is even worse. Suddenly after about thirteen years of never noticing me, my parents sat up and realized they weren’t happy with the way I looked. I always made good grades, but I had to be the best in the class. They hired a personal trainer to run me daily to get the extra weight off, but nothing ever seemed to make them really notice
me.
I was just an image that they had in their minds. Their image.”

Sighing, Carol was silent for a moment.

“When did you first began purging?” Tom asked softly, his hand still cupping her expressive face.

“I was fourteen. The trainer had me out running earlier in the day. I came in and heard my parents arguing. My mother wanted to provide me with an escort to their annual charity event, someone that was the son of a wealthy politician. My father was insistent that Ronald was going to be my escort. In my mom’s eyes, Ronald wasn’t high enough on the social ladder. To my father, he wanted Ronald and me to become lawyers, get married and continue the family law business, serving the wealthy.

“Listening to my parents plan out my future made me head into the kitchen. I ate everything I could get my hands on. Chips, cookies, soda, some fried chicken that was in the fridge.” Shaking her head, “I couldn’t believe that I ate so much. But then it hit me. I was going to have to fit into a party dress. So I ran to the bathroom and stuck my finger down my throat. It was gross and disgusting, but it all came up. Everything.”

“Was that the beginning, angel?”

“Yeah. After that, I realized that I could eat whatever I wanted when stressed out and then just get rid of it. I also continued the running, mile after mile, burning every calorie I could possibly get rid of.

“Tom, you have to understand that this became my way of life. My way of handling my parents. My life. Or rather their life. They liked the slimmer me. It made them proud. So I would eat to my heart’s content, then just purge and stay slim.”

His face was tight. Solid. Angry. Shaking his head, he wanted to hit something. Or more to the point, someone. But he knew she did not need his anger right now. She needed his understanding. Taking a deep breath, he tried to clear the frustration out of his head. “So what changed, angel? What made you seek help?”

“I was finishing my first year of college. Dating Ronald and hating it.” At this, she felt his body tense. Capturing his gaze, she kissed his lips softly. “I never loved him, honey. He never meant anything to me. He was simply my father’s choice. He fit the image of me that my father wanted to project.”

Feeling his body relax and his blue eyes warm, she continued. “I ended up in the ER with food poisoning and that night changed my life.” Smiling at the memory, she continued. “The hustle, the bustle, the nurses were so kind and efficient. I was struck with the realization that this was a world I wanted to be in. I’m not a lawyer. I don’t want to work with or for my father. And I sure as hell did not want to be with Ronald Harriston. The image that my parents had for me, had drilled into me, just wasn’t the image I had for my life.

“So I changed my major, broke up with Ronald, and started living on my own. Well…eventually.”

“Eventually, angel?” Tom asked, not understanding.

“Well, it’s not like I suddenly grew a pair of balls.”

She felt Tom’s chuckle rumble through his chest before he threw his head back and laughed. “Thank fuck you didn’t grow balls, girl!”

As their laughter subsided, she sighed loudly.

“Was it bad? With your parents?”

“Yeah. I managed to keep it a secret for a while. I still saw Ronald on the weekends for a while before breaking up. I didn’t tell my parents about my major change. I kept wanting to, but every time I thought about it I would begin purging more. It was actually in a basic psych class that I realized that I had an eating disorder and sought counseling. I thought it would be hard to say all the things that I had held inside for years, but once I started talking, it all came out.”

“Kinda like now, angel?” he asked. He brushed her hair away from her face, staring into the beautiful eyes that he could lose himself in.

Smiling her agreement, she leaned her head back down on his shoulder, resting her body as the weight of her secret floated away.
He accepts me. He doesn’t see me as a freak. He’s still here.

“And the rest of the story?” he prompted.

“That’s all there is, honey.” She lifted her head off of his shoulder. “I graduated on my own, working my way through college with the help of some student loans. I came to Fairfield when the ER job opened up. I found a counselor here, and I still see one occasionally when needed.”

Shifting her body around as though she weighed nothing, Tom had her straddling his lap. “That’s not all, angel. What about the confrontation with your parents? What about your relationship with them for the past several years? What about the invitation to the charity event? What about you purging the night you saw Ronald?”

Huffing, she looked away with a slight pout on her face. “I’ve gone over so much tonight. More than I’ve ever told anyone other than my counselors. Can’t that be enough tonight?”

“Angel, eyes on me,” he gently ordered. She lifted her gaze to his. “I know this isn’t easy for you. You gotta know babe that you sharin’ means the world to me. But I take care of what’s mine. And I can’t take care of mine, if I don’t know what all I’m up against. That was why I got bent out of shape with the Bert situation. Same goes with your parents.”

He let that sink in for just a moment, then continued. “Babe, I want to know how all this went down with your parents. From then to now.”

Taking a deep breath, she pulled her thoughts together. “Ronald was suspicious that something was going on. He was in his last year of college, already having been accepted to law school. He came to visit me unexpectedly, and I had nursing textbooks all over the room.” Chuckling, “I swear, I think he would have been less upset if he walked in finding me sleeping with another man!

“Anyway, Tom I don’t want to drag this out anymore, so I am going to give you the quick and dirty. He went straight to my parents. I was summoned to their house. Dad held the checkbook, so I went. It was ugly. My father threatened to disown me; my mother complained that I had been a disappointment to them and becoming a nurse was just one more thing that did not fit their image. I held firm. Broke up with Ronald, who has never forgiven me. Walked out of my parent’s house and headed back to school. I spent the night throwing up. They tried to change my mind with forceful tactics. Dad cancelled my bank cards that night. My apartment roommate, another nursing major, was kind enough to not make me pay rent for a while. I went to a different bank, got student loans, got a job and continued my studies.”

“Okay, that was then angel. What about now?”

“I see my parents just a couple of times a year. It is never pleasant. They always manage to have Ronald there. He is now a junior partner, and they are still hoping that he and I will get together. We have evolved to where we send Christmas cards and the occasional phone call on birthdays.”

She paused momentarily. “Honey, I don’t worry about their image of me anymore.” Taking his face in her hands, she pulled him in closely. “Tom, the only image I care about is the image I have of myself. Carol’s image. That’s what counts. That’s the image I am working on.”

Allowing her to pull his face toward hers, he whispered, “And what is that image, angel?”

Smiling against his lips, she breathed him in. “I’m a nurse. I’m your woman. And I’m just me.” Touching her lips to his, she kissed him with all the emotions she had bottled up inside. Sliding her tongue into his waiting mouth, she explored, allowing her tongue to tangle with his.

He allowed her to take charge of the kiss, knowing she needed to exert some control. Soon he was lost in the feeling of her tongue stroking his, her sucking it into her mouth, nipping at his lips. The blood rushed to his dick, but he willed it to behave. This was still about Carol, her pace, her control. The kiss seemed to continue forever until they were both breathless and panting.

Leaning away from him, her lust filled eyes searched his. She still saw questions there, pulling her back into their reality. “You want more, don’t you? You want to know about the invitation?”