Can You Say Catastrophe? (6 page)

HouSton, we have a problem.

—Apollo 13

Still Saturday, June 22
9:44 P.M.

I have a large problem, and it's not that Matt Parker knows I'm having my period.

When I went to the mailbox this afternoon to get the mail, I came to the horrible realization that Billy and Brynn have been at camp for a week and I haven't gotten a letter from either one of them. I've been spending so much time in babysitting hell, I haven't had time to think about my friends, but now I'm fully focused and I have some questions. First up on my list: Why haven't I heard from Brynn?

Given everything that's happened with Billy, I didn't expect to get a letter from him, but no mail from Brynn?! She's been at camp for a whole week, and I don't think it's too much to expect a letter, one stupid letter, from my best friend. What's going on at Camp Silver Shores that's making Brynn Stephens too busy to write to her best friend?

I don't want to think about why Brynn hasn't written, but what I'm starting to think is this: Brynn + Billy together at camp without me = not a good thing.

People get really close at camp. They're already close, but I know they're going to get even closer just like the three of us do every summer. Without me there, the two of them will be like twins who tell each other everything.

Billy will tell Brynn that he's mad at me for telling her he kissed me. Brynn, who said, “Any girl would want Billy for a boyfriend,” which I can't help but think includes her, will tell him that I kissed Matt, and then she will snag Billy for herself. She's the one who said it would be so much fun to have a boyfriend at camp. Even though I'm not sure I want Billy for a boyfriend, I know I don't want Brynn to have him.

Sunday, June 23, 2:15 P.M.
At my desk

If Brynn isn't writing to me, I'm going to write to her, and then she'll have to write back.

2:55 P.M.

I just wrote to Brynn. The only problem is that today is Sunday, and there are only five days before we leave on our family RV pilgrimage to Florida on Friday.

I don't want to go to Florida with no letter in hand. Actually, I don't want to go to Florida at all. But that's a different story.

I'm going to put my trust in the only place I can think to put it: the United States Postal Service.

Monday, June 24, 4:45 P.M.

No mail from Brynn.

Tuesday, June 25, 4:53 P.M.

Where's my letter postmarked from Camp Silver Shores?

Wednesday, June 26, 4:59 P.M.
Standing outside by the mailbox

The postman just delivered our mail and there was NOTHING for me. Was it too much to ask that he deliver one little envelope with my name on it?

I'm sure he's a nice guy, but right now, the postman is not on my top-ten list.

Thursday, June 27, 5:18 P.M.

Good news: the mail arrived. Bad news: There was none for me.

No letter from Brynn, and I'm leaving in the morning to go to Florida for two weeks. How am I supposed to enjoy my vacation when I have no idea what my friends are doing behind my back? How do I even know they're still my friends?

5:32 P.M.

My life continues to spiral downhill. Dad just drove into our driveway in an old, dilapidated camper. He calls it an RV. I'm calling it the Clunker.

I can't believe he actually thinks this vehicle will make it to Florida and back.

5:44 P.M.

I don't think Dad thinks this vehicle will make it to Florida and back. I just heard him tell Mom it doesn't look anything like the picture on the Internet.

7:42 P.M.

Mom just told me to start packing.

Dad said we're leaving at 4
A.M
. When I asked him why we have to leave at 4 in the morning, he said, “To get a jump on the day.”

I asked why we would want to get a jump on the day.

He said he shouldn't have to answer that question.

Translation: THERE IS NO ANSWER!

Remember. As far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.

—Homer Simpson

Friday, June 28, 4:07 A.M.
That's right, A.M.!

I fail to see the normalcy in anything my family does. It's 4:07
A.M.
and we're in the Clunker, hurtling toward Florida. Three cities. Fourteen days. Countless amusement parks.

I am not amused.

8:30 A.M.
Sitting at the table in a moving vehicle
Playing Go Fish with young children

I'm pretty sure what I've endured for the last four and a half hours qualifies as kidnapping. Being forced into a vehicle against my will. Not allowed to exit. Made to play games well below my intellectual and emotional level. Only given doughnuts as nourishment.

If the United States Government really wanted to punish terrorists, they'd round them up and make them come on this vacation with us. Not only would they have to deal with the intolerable conditions mentioned above, they'd also have to endure Dad's terrible driving. He says he's just getting the feel of the thing. I say we're one turn away from toppling over. Every time Dad goes left or right, all the cards go flying. Dad keeps making the same joke about playing fifty-two-card pickup. May and June think it's hilarious. I don't see the humor in any of this.

We don't even get to stop and use the bathroom. WHY? Because the Clunker has its own bathroom! Dad says we're only stopping for gas. He wants to make it to St Augustine by noon. And once we get there, guess what we're doing. Parking the Clunker on a campsite for clunkers and sleeping in it.

We're stopping for gas soon. I'm thinking of making a run for it.

9:16 A.M.

We just stopped for gas. I thought about running, but there was nowhere to go. As far as the eye could see, there were only trees and cows.

9:43 A.M.

I'm bored.

I'm sick of sitting at a table with my sisters, eating doughnuts, and playing Go Fish. I'm going to go lie down in the bedroom, which is just a raised platform with a thin mattress on top and a curtain around it. I'm going to try to go to sleep and maybe when I wake up, I'll find out this whole thing was just a nightmare.

10:48 A.M.

I'm awake. I slept one for one lousy hour. But now, on top of being bored and miserable, I'm also nauseous. I asked Dad if we could stop so I could throw up, but he said we have a toilet on board that will work just fine.

10:54 A.M.

I forgot to mention that I'm also hot. Dad said there must be a problem with the air conditioning. For once, I agree with my father.

1:46 P.M.

We're now at the campground where we're parking the Clunker and sleeping for the next three nights while we're in St. Augustine, Florida. Dad said, “We've arrived at Florida's finest.” June seemed to like those words because she's been repeating them nonstop ever since he said them. She said it sounds like a tongue twister and she wanted to see how many times she could say, “We've arrived at Florida's finest.” May said they should make it a challenge to see who could say it more times, so they've been continuously repeating what Dad said ever since we got here. Mom just looked at me and said I should join in the fun.

I told Mom I'd be happy to do that if there was anything here that looked like fun.

She replied that I need to work on my attitude.

4:25 P.M.
A crappy situation

I wish there was a ladylike way to say what I'm about to say, but there's not. So here goes: Dad spent the afternoon getting rid of the pee and poop in our RV.

It sounds just as gross as it is. First Dad had to find the “disposal site” where he could put our “waste products.” I told May and June that was just a fancy name for a hole in the ground where you put your crap. June kept asking Dad if he'd found the hole in the ground for the crap. Dad got mad at me for teaching June the word
crap.
He also got sweaty because it took him a long time to find the hole and it was really hot outside.

I tried to suggest to Dad that he should come inside the RV and cool down. But then I reminded him that our air conditioner wasn't working so that wasn't really an option. Dad didn't seem to appreciate that reminder. He said he could only deal with one RV issue at a time.

Anyway, once Dad found the hole, he put on these thick rubber gloves. They made him look like an unlicensed dentist or a child molester, and I told him so, but he said he didn't want to hear another word from me. Then he started mumbling some weird stuff about needing to find the sewer hose compartment. I thought I was hearing things.

Who goes on vacation looking for a sewer hose compartment?

Once Dad found the compartment, he took a hose out of our camper and stuck it in the hole in the ground. Then he opened up some sort of flap and all the pee and poop from our camper started going through the hose and into the hole. Dad stood there holding the hose in his gloved hands saying how he had to do this until it fully drained.

That's an image I didn't need. No one wants to see their dad with his hands around a sewage hose waiting for it to drain.

And it gets worse. When Dad was done, he washed off his gloves and said he was saving them for next time. I'm horribly grossed out. I'm also completely unclear as to why my parents thought this trip would bring me closer to my family.

I've never wanted to get farther away!

Sunday morning, June 30, 8:45 A.M.

Going to Florida is every kid's dream, but to be honest, I don't get the attraction. For the past two days, all we've done is look at old stuff in St. Augustine, which Mom says is the oldest city in America. We saw an old school. An old house. An old fort. An old museum. An old jail. An old cemetery. They even have people here who dress up in old clothes to make you feel like you're taking a trip back in time.

May and June were taking a bunch of pictures, and they actually thought it was fun seeing everything. But I didn't. Which part of teenagers-are-into-new-stuff don't my parents understand? It seems like Mom and Dad made me come on this trip so our family could “re-bond,” yet they've planned nothing in the way of activities that I feel has been helpful to this process.

I don't get it. They're so weird (my parents), and they made such weird children (my sisters), and they make such weird choices (purposely taking a vacation to the oldest city in America).

I sincerely hope this trip improves, and SOON!

8:30 P.M.
Just finished another day of sightseeing

I'd like to write that today was fun, but it wasn't. We went to an alligator farm, a pirate museum, and to see the Fountain of Youth. When the guy who works at the fountain asked if I'd like to taste the water, I said what I'd really like was a Diet Snapple. Mom and Dad failed to see the humor. I thought it was funny, and for just a minute it made me stop thinking about Brynn and Billy and what they're doing at camp without me, which is what I'd been thinking about pretty much the whole day.

We leave tomorrow for Disney World, which I hope will be more fun than where we've been. (It won't be hard to beat.)

It alwayS looks darkest before it getS totally black.

—Charlie Brown

Monday, July 1
In the parking lot of Disney World

The good news: We made it to Disney World.

The bad news: The bottom fell out the minute we arrived. The bottom of the Clunker literally fell out and bits and pieces of it are all over the Disney World parking lot. When it was happening, I thought there was an earthquake. I'm not sure if they have earthquakes in Florida (and I definitely didn't think they have them at Disney World), but what they do have here is a lot of sunshine and heat. We've been standing in it for over two hours waiting for the mechanic to get here. While throngs of other people are going into amusement parks filled with countless fun things to do, we're stuck in a parking lot.

Monday, July 1, 10:30 P.M.
At the Contemporary Hotel
Official worst day of my life

I've said it before, but this time I mean it. Today was truly the worst day of my life. I didn't think things could get any worse on this trip, but they did. They got much worse.

Here's what happened.

While we were waiting in the parking lot for the mechanic to arrive, Dad finally decided that it was stupid for all of us to be standing there, so Mom took May and June and me into the Magic Kingdom while Dad stayed back to deal with the Clunker.

Inside the Magic Kingdom, we went on a bunch of rides, and Mom bought May and June matching hats with Mickey Mouse ears on them. They were excited about their hats, but all I could think about was how everything we were doing was too babyish for me. It seemed like once again, Mom was just thinking about May and June and not what I would like.

By dinnertime, Dad was still dealing with the Clunker, so Mom took us to get something to eat. We'd just finished dinner and were walking around Main Street when Mom's cell phone rang. It was Dad calling to tell her what was going on with the Clunker, so Mom asked me if I would take May and June into the gift shop and watch them while she was on the phone with Dad. What was going through my head was that I didn't know why we had to come all the way to Florida for me to babysit my sisters, when that's what I've been doing all summer at home. After everything that happened today, it makes me sick that that's what I was thinking.

Anyway, I took May and June into the gift shop, and I started looking for presents for Brynn and Billy. I didn't know if Billy was going to want a present from me, but I figured I'd better get him one just in case. And I definitely needed to get something for Brynn. I started looking in the jewelry aisle, and I told May and June to stay there with me. There was a lot to look at, and I guess I got kind of caught up in looking for the right gifts, because the next time I looked up, there was no sign of May or June anywhere.

I told myself to stay calm. They had to be somewhere nearby. I started looking all over the gift store. I was calling out their names, but no one answered. I felt a knot forming in my stomach. They were nowhere in the gift shop.

I knew I needed to stay calm, but I was starting to feel way too hot. Everything around me seemed to be getting blurry. I had to find my sisters. Even though Mom was the last person I wanted to find out that I'd lost May and June, I knew I had to find her.

I went out of the gift store and saw Mom sitting on a bench. She was still on her phone. I could feel beads of sweat running down my face as I walked towards her. When I told her I couldn't find May and June, the look on her face was the worst I've ever seen.

“April, you were supposed to be watching your sisters!” Mom looked like she was going to be sick. I felt sick too. One minute my sisters were right beside me, and the next minute they were gone, and it was my fault.

Mom grabbed my arm, and we started running up and down Main Street looking for May and June. We were calling their names, but there was no sign of them anywhere.

It was terrible. Main Street was jam-packed with people. We could hardly see around the crowds. A few times I thought I saw May and June in their Mickey Mouse ears, but it was other little kids in the same hats. Other kids, other sisters, who were safe with their families and having fun.

As we pushed past people, yelling for my sisters, everyone was looking at us like they felt sorry for us, like no one would want to lose a kid among all these thousands of people. I didn't think it was possible, but their looks made me feel even worse.

A security officer heard us yelling and came over to help. He asked us all kinds of questions. Names. Clothing. Interests. He wanted to know everything about May and June. Mom was showing him pictures on her cell phone of what they look like.

It was starting to get dark.

The security officer called a bunch of other security officers and they all spread out, calling May and June's names. I started crying. Everyone was yelling and looking.

My sisters were lost and it was because I wasn't watching them when I should have been. I was trying to stay focused on the search, but my brain was thinking so many horrible thoughts. What if something terrible happened to my sisters? What if someone bad took them? What if they wandered into the inner workings of one of the rides and got hurt? What if we never found them? What if I ended up as an only child?

I kept looking at Mom, who was a weird shade of white and more serious than I'd ever seen her. I couldn't bear to think about how my parents would feel if something happened to May and June.

Mom and I kept looking in all the restaurants and shops on Main Street. There was so much Disney paraphernalia everywhere, but the only thing I wanted to see were my sisters' little faces.

It felt like we had been looking for so long, and my brain was completely filled with the fear that they were lost for good.

Mom and I had just looked for the third time inside an old-fashioned ice-cream shop when I heard someone screaming my name from the street. I ran outside, and there was June sitting on May's shoulders, screaming my name. At first I wondered if I was seeing things, but as they walked toward me in their Mickey Mouse ears, I knew it was real. Mom and I ran over to them and hugged them both. The security officers came over to make sure everyone was OK.

Normally, I would have gotten mad at them for leaving the gift shop and not listening to me when I told them to stay near me, but I was so happy to see them both that all I could do was hug them and cry. Mom was crying too. Neither one of us could stop until June told us it was her idea for May to put June on her shoulders so she could see over the crowd and find me. Then May gave us a demonstration of how she bent down so June could climb on her shoulders, and how she used all of her strength to stand up. I hugged them both really tight again. I told June I was proud of her for coming up with such a smart idea, and I told May I was proud of her for being so strong.

The rest of the evening was a blur. We went to a hotel where Dad had gotten us rooms because, as he said, “The Clunker is officially dead. R.I.P.”

I spent most of tonight apologizing for what happened and for not watching May and June more closely. But the truth is, my apologies feel worthless when I think what could have happened to my sisters. Mom and Dad had a very long talk with me about responsibility, kind of like the Winn-Dixie day talk, although this one was different because I agreed with everything they said. I told them there's no punishment they could give me that would be worse than the idea of something bad having happened to my sisters. And I meant it.

I'm just glad they're safe. It's been a long day and I'm glad it's over. I'm glad to be going to sleep in a room with my sisters. And I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't particularly glad this room is air-conditioned.

Wednesday, July 3, 4:17 P.M.
In our room

Two days. Four parks. Five roller coasters. One safari. A jungle trek. A musical. And too many other rides, pins, and autographs to even count. My brain is fried, but in a good way.

Dad just came back to the room. He was in the lobby for a long time renting a car and booking hotel rooms for the rest of our trip.

He seemed very tired, so I offered to take May and June to the lobby to buy some candy and babysit while he and Mom take a nap. He said to keep a close eye on them.

I assured him that would not be a problem.

6:17 P.M.
A fun afternoon with my sisters!
Did I just write that? I did!

It feels totally strange to write that I had a good time with my sisters, but I actually did. And I'm not saying that just because I feel bad (which I still do) about losing them the other day.

When May and June and I went to the lobby to buy candy, May saw some kids throwing Jelly Bellies at each other and decided we should too. I said it sounded like fun, and June said it would be even more fun if we did it from a high floor in our hotel, which has hallways around each floor and a big, open atrium in the middle with lots of people wandering around in the lobby below.

So May and June and I bought a bag of Jelly Bellies and went up to the 5th floor and started throwing them at people in the lobby. Every time we'd throw a Jelly Belly and hit somebody, we'd duck down behind the balcony ledge so no one in the lobby would know where the Jelly Bellies were coming from, and then we'd laugh hysterically. In addition to having super-human strength, May also has amazing aim, so she did most of the throwing. She didn't throw hard enough to hurt anybody, but it was enough to make them jump.

I know throwing Jelly Bellies at people is wrong, and I feel badly saying this, but laughing and throwing Jelly Bellies at people with my sisters was a lot of fun.

When we finished, we sat down on the floor of the hallway and fed each other the rest of the Jelly Bellies and tried to guess the flavors. After that, I took May and June to the pool at our hotel, and then we went on the Monorail, an elevated train that took us all over Disney World. It was amazing. We could see the parks and rides and hotels and people out the window.

When we got back to our hotel, May and June held my hands on the way back to the room. It was like a really cheesy moment from a made-for-TV movie where something bad happens to a family then everyone gets really close. But the truth is … it was sweet.

Happy July 4!
9:15 A.M.
Cinderella's Castle

We just ate breakfast at Cinderella's castle. June waited around for a really long time to get Cinderella's autograph, and when she got it, she gave it to me and said she wanted me to have it.

Honestly, I really don't care about Cinderella's autograph, but I knew how much it meant to June. So I told her we could keep it in a safe place in her room and that it would belong to both of us.

Mom told me she was proud of me for handling the situation in such a mature way.

It was weird to hear her say that. But weird in a good way.

Well, I must be off for another amusing day. Ha! Amusement parks. Amusing. Sometimes I crack myself up.

10:55 P.M.
In our room
Fun day
Lots of rides
Lots of fireworks

Tonight we saw the biggest, most awesome fireworks show ever. There was red, white, and blue everywhere you looked. It had music, too.

I hate to say it, but it was even bigger and more awesome than the fireworks over Silver Lake at camp.

Whoa … camp. Fireworks. Friends. My brain hadn't thought about all that for what feels like a long time. I don't think there was anything good about losing my little sisters on vacation, but it did make me forget about all the stuff I'm usually obsessed with.

Even though part of me can't help thinking about Billy and Brynn and wondering what's going on at camp without me, part of me is glad to be where I am.

Friday, July 5, 10:45 P.M.
In our room
Last night at Disney World

Another fun day of rides and slides. We went to a water park called Blizzard Beach that was so cool. Literally. It was like being in a blizzard and at the beach at the same time. We went down a bunch of water slides, and we went rafting and tobogganing too. We even got to go on a chair-lift like the kind they have at ski resorts.

May kept trying to pick people up when they came off the chair lift. When she started doing it, I told her to stop because it was embarrassing. Then I decided to let her do whatever she wanted because I didn't know anyone anyway. The funny thing is that when I stopped telling her not to pick people up, she stopped picking people up.

Tonight is our last night here. Tomorrow morning, we leave for the Florida Keys to go snorkeling for four days. I have to admit that what started out as the worst trip ever has had its moments. And by that, shockingly, I mean good ones.