Calling All the Shots (11 page)

“This is living,” Jack said. “I really like this place. I’ve
been looking for a house on the East Coast. My apartment is too small if I’m
going to be spending more than a week there.”

“Thanks. My mom spends more time out here than I do. I think
one of the women on her tennis team is a Realtor. I’ll get her information for
you,” Conner said, coming to greet them. “It was the one house that Mom brought
to the marriage with my father. It came down from her grandparents. You wouldn’t
know it to look at it but originally it was just a little cottage.”

“It’s beautiful,” Willow said.

“Nic is in the living room. She hasn’t been feeling well
today,” Conner said.

“Should we leave?” Willow asked, worried for her friend.
Nichole hadn’t planned to get pregnant but from the moment she had realized she
was she’d wanted her baby. “What’s wrong?”

“Apparently I’m not a very sensitive man,” Conner said.

Willow shook her head, slightly relieved that it was nothing
more than something Conner had said. But it was hard to believe that a couple as
right for each other as Nichole and Conner would be fighting. “What’d you
say?”

“That she wouldn’t be fat forever.”

“Oh, no,” Willow said, fighting back a smile.

“In my defense she was lamenting she would be,” Conner said
with a shrug of his big shoulders. And Willow caught a glimpse of the panic in
his eyes.

“I think she wanted you to say she wasn’t fat,” Jack said,
giving advice man-to-man. “Right, Willow?”

“I got that but it’s too late. She’s banned me from the living
room.”

“I’ll go chat with her and see if I can get her to change her
mind,” Willow said.

“Sounds like a plan. Want to see my newest toy?” Conner asked
Jack. “It’s a fast car that Alex Cannon told me about.”

Willow left the men and headed toward the living room where she
found Nichole sitting on a large leather sofa with a pashmina around her
shoulders. Her friend looked tired and beautiful. Not fat at all.

“Hey there. You okay?” Willow asked as she walked into the room
and sat down on the couch next to Nichole.

“No. I’m not in control of my body or my hormones and I keep
saying stupid things,” Nichole said. “No one ever told me that being pregnant
equaled losing IQ points.”

Willow gave her a one-armed hug. “What’s this really about?
Conner knows you’re not stupid.”

“Yes, he does. But lately I’m just tired and swollen and cranky
all the time. I thought I’d be one of those women who glow while she’s pregnant.
Instead I feel like a mess. And you know Conner—he always looks so sophisticated
and cool and I just…I’m feeling sorry for myself.”

Willow shook her head. “Um, you married one of the wealthiest
men in America and he is totally devoted to you. You are about to have a
baby—something Gail can’t ever do—and you have a career you love. Yeah, life is
tough for you, Nic.”

“I told you I was being whiny.”

“I know. I was a bitch this morning,” Willow said. “We can’t be
perfect all the time.”

“So true. Glad I’m not the only one out of sorts today. Maybe
we can blame it on the alignment of the stars,” Nichole said. “Am I closer to
winning my spa day?”

“Closer than I want you to be. He’s not an ass,” Willow
said.

Nichole laughed and shook her head. “We already knew that. So
what has he done lately?”

“Just apologized for the past,” Willow said. “I didn’t think
he’d do that but he was so sincere and I just couldn’t stay mad about it when he
did it.”

“That’s good. That’s progress, even if nothing else comes of
this. Do you feel better now?”

“No,” Willow admitted. “I’m still me. I’m still afraid to let
him get close, and the harder I try to keep him at bay the more he slips past my
barriers. And he won’t do what I tell him to.”

“Good.”

“What? I thought you were on my side,” Willow said.

“I am. But you need someone to shake things up for you. You are
in a rut and it’s not doing you any good.”

“Yes, but I’m safe, Nic. Really safe. No one has broken my
heart in years and as much as I might miss the closeness I see between you and
Conner, it’s a lot safer my way.”

“What could come between you and Jack?”

“A million things. For one—he lives on the West Coast.”

“That’s a nonissue. You work in the same industry and if you
had to move it wouldn’t be the end of the world,” Nichole said.

“I’d miss you,” she said.

“I’d visit you lots. I’m just saying that’s not a deal breaker.
But something is a deal breaker for you or you wouldn’t be putting up this many
barriers. What is it?”

Willow tried to think what it was she really was afraid of with
Jack. She didn’t think it could be as simple as just not wanting to get her
heart broken. That was silly. But on the other hand she thought it might be.
There was something about Jack that had always made him seem to be out of her
league.

Did she still not feel like she was good enough for him? Was it
that part of her was embarrassed about where she’d come from? Not the place but
her people?

“I just don’t know,” Willow said.

“Until you figure that out, you’re going to keep putting
obstacles in your own way. And you won’t be happy,” Nichole said.

“Well, it’s not that easy,” Willow said.

“I know. Remember when you and Gail came to my apartment and
found me moping in the living room with the Keurig and romantic movies? Because
I thought it was over with Conner?”

“Yes. What’s your point?”

“I had to confront my demons and figure out what I was afraid
to lose. Conner wasn’t going to let me in if I kept trying to force him. I had
to make peace with the fact that I might lose. I might have to walk away. And in
walking away he decided he didn’t want to let me go. That was a huge step.”

“I don’t know if I can take a risk like that.”

Nichole gave her a sad smile. “Your future happiness depends on
it.”

Eleven

B
y the time they got back to the city, it
was almost night. A light snow was falling and the neighborhood kids were
playing outside under the glow of the streetlamp. It had snowed maybe once a
year in the North Dallas suburb where Willow had grown up and she remembered
doing the same thing. It didn’t usually snow this much in New York in November,
either, but the weather like everything else in her life wasn’t predictable this
year.

“Remember the snowball fight we had?” Jack said. “You had a
very strong arm for someone who wasn’t an athlete.”

She shook her head. “Well, I did get advice from the best arm
in the state that year. You helped me out.”

“Yes, I did. And you repaid me by hitting me in the back of the
head.”

She chuckled as she remembered that. “I know you won’t believe
it but it was luck. I was aiming for your back.”

She unlocked her door and then turned to look back at him. She
wasn’t sure what she was going to do next. He looked unsure, and that wasn’t
like Jack. But then neither of them was behaving true to form. He stood in the
doorway of her brownstone and Willow was this close to sending him away before
she just reached out and grabbed his hand, bringing him into her house.

“We need to talk.” Today had shown her that if she wasn’t
careful everyone in her life was going to know she and Jack were dating…and had
slept together. It was ironic, even to her, that she who’d pried into other
couples’ relationships wanted to keep her own private.

“Uh-oh. That doesn’t sound good. I guess I’m not coming in to
warm your bed.”

She ignored that as she walked down the hall to her living
room. She didn’t want to think about a sexy naked Jack in her bed. But too
late—the image was planted in her mind and she couldn’t shake it.

Jack followed her, his footsteps heavy on the hardwood floor.
Willow wasn’t sure what she was going to say but knew that if she didn’t get
this part of her life under control, the rest of it was going to be a mess.

“We really need to be—” she started and then stopped. He put
his hands in the pockets of his jeans and tipped his head to the side, smiling
at her. “You are making me crazy,” she said.

“That’s only fair since you’ve been doing the exact same thing
to me since we met on the set of
Sexy & Single.
You think that I’m the problem but it all boils down to you, more or less.”

“Not true. You were just asking me out to begin with because I
said no.”

He nodded. “Fair enough. I was doing it to needle you because
you just kept looking through me. No man wants to be invisible.”

“Especially not one as visible as you,” she said.

“Not fair. I can’t control how other people act when I’m out.
And I apologized for that scene at the coffee house. You know that’s not how I
am,” Jack said. “I’m just an average guy.”

“You’re not average and you never have been,” she said. From
the first moment she’d met him, he’d been the golden boy. “Even in high school
you were destined for fame. You know that’s true.”

He looked uncomfortable but he didn’t deny it. “It doesn’t
change the fact that I’m a man who has spent his life trying to…”

“What?”

“I don’t know. I think I’ve been trying to just keep
moving.”

And those words were Jack. He might have sent her a frog prince
but she knew deep inside that if she kissed him and turned him into a prince he
wouldn’t know how to react. Jack was used to moving along.

“Moving on,” she said, softly to herself. She wished the words
could mean more to her heart than they did but she’d figured out earlier today
that they didn’t. She liked him way more than was sensible.

Everything about him was a warning but instead of heeding it,
she was running headlong into the one thing—the one relationship—that she really
couldn’t control.

“Why is that a problem?” he asked.

She shrugged and turned away from him to look at the
comfortable living room where she’d created a safe little nest for herself. It
was the one place in the world where she felt at home. And she’d brought him
here. Why did she keep doing that?

“Willow?”

What could she say?

“I want to force us back to where we used to be so I can
pretend you didn’t see me naked with all my emotional warts visible.”

He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. “I was the
same way. We have to decide…are we dating? And if we are then there isn’t going
to be any hiding it. We just do this like a normal couple would.”

“What’s normal?” she asked because she remembered Gail, who’d
been set up for six dates with Russell on the show, learning that his
ex-girlfriend was pregnant and having to deal with that. She also remembered
Nichole having to barter with Conner and risk herself. Risk, she thought,
suddenly. The key to her friends’ happiness had come from really putting
themselves on the line.

That was what Nichole had been trying to tell her earlier. And
Willow didn’t know if she could do that.

“Normal is whatever we come up with. For me I want what PJ and
Rhia have. And what the couples on our show are searching for. Is that too much
to ask?”

It wasn’t. She was beginning to believe that no one had an easy
go at relationships. Which would make sense since she’d seen the numbers on
viewers for her show. People were tuning in in droves to watch other couples
make mistakes and if Willow had to guess she’d say they were looking for answers
the same way she was.

“No,” she said, pushing away from him. “It’s not. But that
doesn’t make it any easier. I mean, we could be totally wrong for each other in
the long run.”

“There is no long run,” he said. “There is just right now.”

She pushed away from him and realized that the risk she was
taking was bigger than she’d realized but she’d never been a coward and walking
away from Jack wasn’t an option. She wanted to see this through to the end and
not because of a bet, but because it was Jack, and she honestly couldn’t walk
away from him. Not until he did something that pushed her too far.

The fact that that was an option in the back of her head should
have told her something but she refused to believe it tonight. Tonight she just
wanted to have him hold her and pretend she didn’t know that there were no easy
paths to happiness. Tonight she wanted to make believe that they could be
together forever.

She almost laughed out loud at that thought. The man who didn’t
think anything could last—he could never be her forever man. He couldn’t.

Maybe if she repeated it enough times she’d be able to convince
herself of that.

* * *

Jack felt like Willow was slipping away from him, so he
did the one thing that he knew would keep her closer to him, at least for
tonight. He swept her up in his arms and carried her down the hallway to her
bedroom. He’d thought of nothing else but getting back into her bed since he’d
left it.

“What’s this?”

“You’re a smart woman, Willow. I think you know what this
is.”

“I do,” she said. “But I’m not sure this is the answer.”

“Hell, this is the only thing we have between us that is right.
I don’t want to go back to my cold lonely apartment but if you say you want me
to…”

“I don’t want you to. I’ve missed you. Each night I sleep on
sheets that still hold the scent of your aftershave.”

“Good.”

“Good?” she asked.

“Yes, I’ve been tortured with images of you and your naked body
wrapped around mine night after night. I’m glad you’ve had the same problem
sleeping that I have.”

She pushed on his chest and he fell back on her bed. He scooted
up toward the headboard and piled the pillows behind his back. Willow stood
there at the end of the bed for a minute then slowly pulled her sweater over her
head. Her long hair fanned out around her shoulders as she tossed it aside.

“Do me a favor?”

“What?”

“Take off your bra and pull your hair forward over your
breasts,” he said.

She nodded and did what he asked. He groaned and hardened in
his jeans. She did a little shimmy and removed her pants, bending over to take
off her shoes. Then she stood there naked draped only with her own hair.

She proudly let him look his fill at her luscious body. Then
she climbed onto the bed and started to work her way up toward him. She
straddled his hips and brought her mouth down to his. She guided his hands, and
he rubbed them all over her naked body. Her skin was so soft and warm, and he
couldn’t get enough of touching her.

She sat back on his thighs and pulled his sweater up and over
his head, tossing it aside. Then she did the same thing with his T-shirt.

“I like your chest,” she said, running her fingers over the
heavy pads of his muscles.

“I like yours, too,” he said, cupping her breasts and pinching
her nipples lightly. She shifted forward and put her hands on the back of his
head, drawing his mouth to her breast. He licked one nipple and then drew it
into his mouth, sucking strongly at her and feeling like he was about to
explode.

She moaned and rocked her pelvis back and forth over his
hard-on, which was still trapped in the fabric of his jeans. He took control of
her hips, rubbing her against his erection where he liked the sensation of
her.

She pulled back when he lifted his head, smiling down at him.
She knew she had him in the palm of her hand and Willow liked it. To be honest,
he liked it, too.

She undid his jeans and he lifted his hips so she could draw
them down his legs. She took care of his shoes and socks before pushing all the
articles to the floor. Then she caressed her way back up his body, stopping to
linger over his injured knee.

It was scarred and ugly. Even though it had been more than ten
years, the scars were still visible and always would be. The kind of surgery
he’d had left marks. And to be honest Jack had always thought that there should
be a permanent reminder of something that had been so life changing.

“Does it still hurt?” she asked.

“Not usually. If I do something stupid, it does,” he said.

She leaned down and kissed each scar gently. Her fingers
caressed his thigh muscles and he had to admit that he stopped thinking when he
felt the brush of the back of her fingers against him. His hips jerked forward
involuntarily and he reached down to take a handful of Willow’s hair.

It was soft, and as she turned her head the long strands
caressed him. Then she shifted so she knelt between his legs and she smiled up
at him as she stroked his erection. The sexual teasing had gone on long enough.
He was hot for her and he needed to be back inside her warm silky body. He felt
cold without her. He didn’t want to admit how much he needed her.

He wanted to pretend that it was just sexual, that he needed
the orgasm she’d give him, but he needed more than that. He pulled her up his
body but she resisted, dropping kisses and nibbles on his body as he tried to
force her up. He felt the brush of her tongue on the tip of his hard-on and
everything in him tightened.

He reached for her hips as her mouth engulfed the tip of him
and fondled her, finding her wet and ready for him. He caressed her bud as she
tongued him and he wanted to stay caught in this tender moment forever. But his
blood was starting to boil and he needed more than just her mouth on him.

He pulled his hips away from her and came around behind her.
She leaned forward putting her hands on the top of the headboard as he nudged
her thighs apart and adjusted his hips.

She shifted forward and canted her hips up and backward toward
him. He waited until they were both desperate for it. Then he cupped both of her
breasts and leaned over her neck to bite the base of it as he drew back his hips
and thrust as deep as he could into her.

He drove into her again and again and she rocked back taking
each of his thrusts and calling out his name as he pounded a rhythm that drove
them both to the brink of orgasm and then finally over into it. He was shaking
and held on to her with all of his strength as the last of his essence left his
body. He cradled her to him as he rolled onto his side and pulled her closer,
hugging her to him. He buried his head in her hair and the warm curve of her
neck.

He knew without a doubt that this had solved nothing but he
felt a sense of peace and for just tonight he believed that he would be holding
Willow in his arms not just for the foreseeable future but also for the next
fifty years.

But damn, that thought scared him—and made him realize it was
past time for him to leave.

* * *

A week later, there was magic to the night, with the
lights of Rockefeller Center all around them. The fall night was brisk and cold
but no snow fell. Willow stood on the edge of the ice skating rink watching both
Deidre and Peter try to make their way around the rink hand in hand. She got a
little choked up.

“They look good together,” Jack said, coming up next to
her.

She had been trying to avoid him at work because she didn’t
really want everyone to know that they’d slept together. Hell. she didn’t want
to admit to herself that she’d given in and fallen for his charms.

Except he wasn’t that shallow player she’d first thought he
was. He was a complex man who genuinely cared about others, and she wanted so
much to believe that what they had could last…even though that very thought made
her realize it never could. She wanted it too much. She’d do something to ruin
it the way she always did.

“They do,” she squeaked, then winced. Why was it that when she
experienced emotions and Jack at the same time, she turned into a child’s
squeaky toy?

“You okay?”

“Yes, I think I might be getting a cold,” she said, hoping he’d
buy that instead of realizing that she was sad thinking about the fact that
Thanksgiving was only a few days away. They’d be filming the last week’s date
soon and Jack wouldn’t have a reason to stay here with her.