Call Home the Heart (51 page)

 

 

At length he said, "But you were begging him not to leave you. I
thought you loved him."

 

 

"I was terrified, Lochlainn. I was hysterical after coming so near
to death. I didn't know what I was saying. I was alone in a strange
country without a friend in the world except a surly land agent who
looked daggers at me every time I opened my mouth," Muireann said
with a small smile. "I was also horrified by seeing Augustine die in
such a dreadful way. Can you really blame me for being so
distraught?"

 

 

"No, not at all," he said, putting his arm tightly around her waist.
"It all makes sense now, now that you've told me the truth."

 

 

He held her close for a minute, then murmured against her hair, "And
to think I believed you could never love me as you had Augustine."

 

 

"There's only ever been you. And not just because of your kindness
to me, either. There was always some sort of spark there between us,
wasn't there? I noticed it every time we were alone together."

 

 

A light dawned in his eyes. "Then I was your first."

 

 

Muireann smiled up at him. "In every sense. I have the sheets still,
if you don't believe me."

 

 

He began to plant a trail of molten kisses down her ivory throat.
"My God, I can't believe how lucky I am. You really love me."

 

 

"I do, Lochlainn, with all my heart, though I haven't always shown
it. But before we get too carried away by our reunion," she
cautioned, holding him at arm's length, "there's something else I
have to confess to you, something I'm truly ashamed of. You know
that house in Dublin I sold to support us here at Barnakilla?"

 

 

"Yes, and you came back so withdrawn and unhappy. What of it?"

 

 

She looked at him and colored. "It wasn't just any sort of house. It
was a whorehouse. Sam and Emma were two people I tried to rescue
from prostitution. That was what Augustine had done with a lot of
his money. He was taking a share of their earnings, using those
people, profiting from others' vices."

 

 

"Good God, I don't believe it! Did they hurt you?" Lochlainn
demanded furiously, stroking her cheek.

 

 

She shook her head. "No, not physically, but mentally. It was awful.
I thought I was a woman of the world, knew about such things, but I
had never imagined…. The things I saw, Lochlainn, were too terrible
for words.

 

 

"And I hated taking the money for the sale! Hated it! I loathed the
idea of having to profit from those unfortunate souls. But what else
could I do? We were all desperate for the money, and the madam and
pimp were all too eager to buy the place from me so they would no
longer have to share the profits with Augustine or his widow.

 

 

"I did offer the prostitutes all a home if they chose to leave. I
talked to them, I saw what their lives were like. But for many of
them, it was all they knew, that life, and life in Dublin. They
didn't want to come to Enniskillen to try to work on the land, only
Emma and Sam.

 

 

"In the end I could see I really had little choice. My scruples over
taking money earned in such a way wouldn't have saved them, and
certainly wouldn't have helped the estate here. But for a long time
after that I was very depressed, wishing I could have done more.

 

 

"It also made me conscious of our own sin. Loving you out of
wedlock, well, it's wrong, isn't it, according to what the Church
teaches us. Only every time I looked at you, felt you in my arms, I
couldn't help myself. I didn't want to reject you, believe me. I was
just confused and afraid, about my life here, you, the nature of
love, oh, so many things."

 

 

"But you're not confused anymore?" he asked softly.

 

 

She came over to sit on his lap and snuggle up to him.  
"Not any more. Love is a rare and precious gift, and I for one am
not going to spurn it. I know you better than any other person in
the world, and I do trust you. I also know that Barnakilla is very
important to you. I needed to be sure you weren't staying with me
because you loved it."

 

 

He held her hard to him. "I am staying with you because I love you.
Wherever you want to go, whatever you want to do, I'll be at your
side always."

 

 

"‘Til all the seas gang dry?"

 

 

"Aye, my love."

 

 

"Then you forgive me for Dublin?" she whispered.

 

 

"There's nothing to forgive. I don't blame you for being horrified
by what you saw. I think I would have been too. I saw the
prostitutes in Cape Town and down in Sydney when I was getting off
the ships on my journey to Australia and back. It isn't the sort of
life I would like to contemplate for any woman, or man. But you did
what you had to do to save the estate. To save the people here from
one day having to resort to that sort of existence to survive. How
could I ever judge you harshly? I love you, Muireann. Whatever you
do, I will try to be understanding."

 

 

"Really? Because there's one more thing I'm going to have to
confess, before we decide what we want to do with the rest of our
lives. Well, two things, actually."

 

 

He gave her a tiny smile. "All right, I'm listening. But I hope it
isn't going to be too shocking. I don't think my heart can take much
more."

 

 

"I hope the shocks will be pleasant ones. The first thing is that
with part of my share of my father's estate, I've bought a new
estate. Christopher's, in fact."

 

 

Lochlainn's mouth dropped open. "But how? I never thought he would
give in so easily."

 

 

"Neil put pressure on the debt collectors to call all their bills
due, and got them calendared to go through the courts at once. It
was either sell or go to prison. So he sold to me, and I discharged
his debts."

 

 

"That's wonderful news! Now we can really make Barnakilla great
again, without having to worry about the wolf at our door. I know
you can succeed with both estates, Muireann."

 

 

She shook her head. "I can't, my dear, because Barnakilla isn't mine
any more. It never was, not really. There was a problem with the
will, you see."

 

 

Lochlainn put one hand up to his brow and groaned, "Oh my God,
you're not telling me Christopher is legally entitled to it after
all? Think of all the money, the hard work, the sacrifices you've
made! He can't take what you've invested…"

 

 

She pulled his hand down from his face to force him to look at her.
"No, my love, it isn't Christopher's at all. Father Brennan found
papers in the parish records in Dublin. The will that your father
left said the estate had to go to his eldest living son. Eldest
living son, not eldest living legitimate son. It was only
Blessington and that horrible crooked lawyer who allowed Augustine
and his mother to seize control while you were so far away in
Australia. Barnakilla never belonged to Augustine or me. It's always
been yours."

 

 

He stared at her for a moment before hugging her close. He cradled
her in his lap as though he would never let her go. "Thank you, my
love, thank you. If you hadn't come to save Barnakilla, to save me,
I don't know what would have become of us all."

 

 

She stroked his hair back from his brow tenderly. "There's no need
to thank me, my love. I did what anyone would have done. I had to. I
had no choice. So now we'll be neighbors, and friends. Equals. You
don't have to make any decisions right away."

 

 

"Yes, I do," he said, rising from the sofa to swing her up into his
arms. "I love you, and I'm going to wed you as soon as I get the
chance."

 

 

 "In that case, it's a good thing Father Brennan has come with
me to pay his respects," she giggled as he brought her into her
bedchamber and laid her down gently on the mattress.

 

 

"We'll need to make preparations, invite everyone-"

 

 

"I don't care about any of that. I've already had one fancy wedding,
and it was a nightmare. When I stand up with you, Lochlainn, I don't
care if we're the only two people there."

 

 

Lochlainn's long fingers worked deftly at the buttons of her gown,
while she untied his stock. "We will need a couple of witnesses. But
that's fine. Best not to make a fuss with things so hard at the
moment."

 

 

"They're not any more here. We have food and clothes and everything
else I've managed to cram into the
Andromeda
. Neil will help
too. He's promised to support me, no matter what. He wants us to be
happy, with no more struggles and worries here at Barnakilla.

 

 

"He wanted me to stay in Scotland, but I convinced him in the end
that this is where I belong, here with you. I sold my share of
everything, and my mother was happy to move to Alice's new home
along with my uncle and cousins. Neil and Philip are spending so
much time with their ships, they need good men to look after the
estate. So it's all settled. I have a new home and I can't wait to
get started building it up."

 

 

"Oh no you don't, my girl," he said, shaking his head.  "Now
that we are to be wed, we'll restore Barnakilla to its full glory.
We can use Christopher's manor house and his cottages to clear out
all of the people who have been living in the big house for so
long."

 

 

"Whatever you like, dearest. I've also found an excellent blacksmith
for our new horses, Robert. I think you know him?"

 

 

Lochlainn paused in untying the tapes of her voluminous petticoats
just long enough to gaze into her eyes. "My old friend? Ciara's old
beau? But why-"

 

 

"I think he might be just what she needs if she's ever to be happy
and leave the past behind her. She loved Christopher, you know."

 

 

He stared. "No, I didn't, but now it all makes sense."

 

 

"And Tara. I've sent her some money, but I'm afraid she's very ill.
She has consumption. I've said she can come home here if she wants
to see her old home and friends, but Neil tells me that she sent a
letter to the lawyer saying she's gone to the south of Italy.
Christopher has headed to the United States, to seek his fortune,
with one of Neil's shipping agents to keep an eye on him, and
disburse his funds, which he will continue to receive so long as he
stays away from Ireland for the rest of his life."

 

 

He bared her bosom and then began to roll down her warm dress with
sensual sweeps of his hand. "You certainly do think of everything,
Mrs. Roche."

 

 

"I do try, Mr. Roche."

 

 

Neither could hold back any longer, and tugging the last of their
clothes off, they gave in to the thrilling sensations which only the
other could give. Their frenzied lovemaking, though brief, revealed
more than mere words the depth of their love for one another.

 

 

"My God, Muireann, it gets better every time I'm with you. I'm sorry
I couldn't hold back," he panted, rolling onto his back and pulling
her close to his side.

 

 

"I don't want you to, Lochlainn," she reassured him, planting kisses
all over his face. "There have been too many reservations and
uncertainties in our life together. I want all the secrets out in
the open now, no matter how unpleasant or shocking they may be.

 

 

"As for being ashamed of your being my lover, I've told everyone my
feelings for you, and they wish us joy. I can't help myself either.
Every time you touch me, it is like a spark to powder, and I just
ignite."

 

 

"An apt description," he laughed. "I feel like I'm on fire."

 

 

"I know I am," Muireann said as she snuggled up against him with a
grin.

 

 

Then she sobered. "But there is one other thing I have to tell you,
and I'm not sure how you're going to take it."

 

 

He chuckled. "After all you've told me today, anything else will be
an anticlimax, but come on, let's hear it."

 

 

"We're going to have a baby."

 

 

Lochlainn simply stared at her for an eternity, before swinging his
legs out of the bed and tugging on his trousers.

 

 

"I'm sorry, Lochlainn. I was hoping you would be pleased," she said
in a hurt tone, as he presented a granite face to her.

 

 

"Aye, of course I would be pleased if I were certain you were. But
you have so many plans, things you want to do with your life, and
now I've tied you down. Now you'll have to marry me, as soon as I
can arrange it. Well, I suppose it explains why you came back now of
all times," he sighed.

 

 

She sat bolt upright in the bed. "I beg your pardon! Are you saying
I only came back because I needed or wanted you to be the baby's
father, or that I am going to demand marriage of you? How dare you!
I love you! I want to be with you every day and night for the rest
of our lives. I'm not some coward who can't face up to my mistakes
or responsibilities. If you don't want the baby, we'll manage on our
own."

 

 

She tugged the sheet up over her bare bosom and turned her face to
the wall.

 

 

Lochlainn reached over and grasped her chin, turning her head so
that she could look him straight in the eyes. "How long have you
known? Or maybe I should say, how long have you been keeping this
other piece of information to yourself ?"