California Homecoming (19 page)

Sarah had never heard the coach make such a long speech. “What does this have to do with whether or not I work things out with Rick?”

“Relationships are built on trust. Tell me again what happened when you told Rick you were pregnant.”

Sarah’s stomach churned as she thought back to that night. “He told me it was my fault and he wasn’t going to deal with it. He had plans. He’d help me pay for an abortion, even take me to the clinic, but that’s all.”

The hollow feeling she’d carried inside her for weeks after that conversation returned.

“Why did you keep the baby?”

“I never considered anything else. This was my child, I couldn’t throw her — or him — away, no matter what.” Tears began to roll down her cheeks. “But Rick convinced me it was my fault and I had to take responsibility.”

“Since you’ve let him back into your life, has he shown a new side of himself?”

Sarah wiped her face and thought about the weekends she’d spent with Rick. Their conversations had rotated around him, what he wanted and needed. She always had to ask him to help her, unlike Mandy. Or Hunter. Her roommates instinctually knew when she needed help.

“Sometimes he puts me down for being so weak I have to stay in bed.”

“So, not supportive.”

“No.” Sarah sobbed as reality showed its unforgiving face.

When Sarah’s tears subsided, Carol asked, “Why are you putting up with it?”

“I guess I keep hoping he’ll change.” As she said the words, Sarah’s heart sank. People didn’t change unless they wanted to. “Oh, God. What am I going to do?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea.” Sarah stared at the ceiling molding. An industrious spider was building a web, So much to do and she was stuck in this bed day in and day out. “I want to get up! I’m sick of being stuck here, being waited on by everyone else. But there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“That’s true. But I have an assignment, actually several assignments, for you.”

Sarah groaned. “They better be stuff I can do sitting down.”

Carol chuckled. “You may need help with some of them. But I think they’ll help you figure out who you are before you try to go back into a relationship with Rick, or start a new one.”

“I’m not starting a new relationship.”

“What about Hunter?”

“Oh. That.”

“Yes. That. I know you aren’t intentionally getting involved, but it sounds like the two of you are letting your emotions drift that way. So let’s focus on you. Here’s what I want you to do.”

Sarah wrote down the coach’s instructions and studied them with relief and angst. While it would be great to uncover more about herself, she was afraid of what she’d find. What if she was an even worse person than she imagined?

“Nothing’s as bad as we think it is,” Carol said. “We want to uncover possibilities so that you and your child can live the best life you can.”

“I’ll try.”

“I know you will.” Carol’s faith in her perked up Sarah’s spirits. Maybe there was hope beyond the mess she’d created.

• • •

By Sunday afternoon Sarah was ready to settle down with her assignments. Mandy was at work and Hunter had made himself scarce since the fiasco on Thursday. She hadn’t heard from Rick at all.

The coach had suggested she let everyone else do what they wanted and concentrate on herself.

What is your perfect day?

Sarah tapped her pen on the legal pad. Before enforced bed rest she would have put “sleeping in” at the top of the list. Now?

She wrote “Feed my baby,” and smiled. The ache to hold her child in her arms grew daily. How strong would it be by the time the baby was due?

“Hello?” Alicia’s voice preceded her into the inn.

Sarah’s spirits dropped. Her perfect Sunday afternoon was ruined, but she pasted a smile on her face anyway. “In here.”

Alicia entered, Gayle’s box in hand. “Your mom wanted to make sure you had a sweet every week. She left me a list.”

“What did you get?” Ever since she’d gotten pregnant, her craving for sugar hadn’t let up. Whatever was in that box, though, wasn’t going to be good for her waistline.

Who was she kidding? What waistline?

Her half-sister opened the box. The rich smell of fruit, pudding, and sweet crust wafted from the four tiny tarts.

“Yum.”

Alicia put the box on an end table and, putting her hands on her hips, she studied Sarah. “You need some fresh air.”

“I don’t think the doctor would approve.” Sarah grinned. “Unless you intend on wheeling me around the park.”

“Nope. But if you can make it to the car, we could take a drive to Seacliff.”

Suddenly, the plan sounded like heaven to Sarah. She hadn’t realized how cooped up she was. The idea was enough to let go of her reservations about Alicia. “We’ll take the pastries?”

A thump on the floor reminded her of something else. “What about Daisy? She could use the exercise.” She frowned. “Of course, you’d have to walk her.”

Alicia smiled. “Sounds good.”

Excitement stirred in Sarah. It was amazing what a little thing could do to lift her spirits.

With a lot of laughter and maneuvering, Sarah was settled in the car, pastry box and a few magazines in her hands. At the last minute she grabbed her notebook. Nothing like taking in the ocean to prompt images of her perfect day.

Alicia loaded Daisy into the back seat.

As they headed out the drive, Alicia put all four windows in her small, beat-up car down. Sarah and Daisy soon had their faces in the wind as they drove the back way to Seacliff Beach.

Alicia used a season pass to get them past the gate. “Another thing from your mother. She was actually the one who suggested you might like this.”

Sarah smiled as Alicia maneuvered the car into the one remaining parking place facing the ocean. No matter what the strain between them, Elizabeth was always looking out for her daughter. Sarah hoped she’d be as good a mother as her own.

“So,” said Alicia. “Shall I get you set up with coffee and pastries and take Daisy for a run?”

“That would be wonderful.” Sarah put her hand on Alicia’s. “Thank you for your kindness. I know I wasn’t welcoming the last time you came to see me, but I do appreciate you coming back.”

Alicia’s grin lit up her face. “I talked with my grandmother and she helped me understand some things. I was too impatient.” She shrugged. “I always am.” She got out of the car, retrieved the thermos from the back seat, and poured Sarah a cup of coffee. “Decaf. It’s all I drink now.”

“Me, too.” Sarah’s eyes met Alicia’s and saw the warmth there. Maybe there was hope for their strange little family.

“C’mon, Daisy.” Alicia snapped a leash on the dog’s collar. “I figure I’ll walk her up past the cement ship and then let her run. Do you think she’ll come back to me if I call?”

Sarah pointed an admonishing finger at her dog. “You listen to Alicia, okay?”

Daisy woofed.

Sarah shrugged. “We’ll see. At the very least she’ll come back to the car. Now scoot, both of you.”

Alicia started to walk away from the car. Giving Sarah one last glance, Daisy trotted obediently behind.

Sarah chuckled as she watched Daisy’s tail bounce in time with Alicia’s almost-due waddle. As the pair disappeared up the sidewalk toward the cement ship anchored at the pier, Sarah lay back in her seat and rested her hand on her stomach, letting the sounds of seals, waves, and seagulls wash over her.

A perfect day.

In her mind, she walked through what she hoped she’d have in her life. Some of it was blurry, particularly the man who hovered on the edge of the dream.

Carol had told her to concentrate on her dreams alone, so Sarah pushed the blur out of her mental picture. Instead, it was her and the baby, sunlight streaming through the kitchen windows of the inn. Once the baby was tended, Sarah could help Mandy in the kitchen, maybe with the little one in a sling around her waist.

She’d take care of her guests, do some marketing and organization for the inn, and then take the kid out in a jogging stroller down this same beach. She’d have to stay in shape wouldn’t she? Evenings would be spent taking care of her guests and entertaining friends and family.

The image of her family, including Alicia, around a big table, laughing, eating, and drinking Marcos’ latest wine made Sarah smile.

But there was still something missing.

The shadowy man hung at the edges of the room. But who was it?

As she fell asleep in the warm California sun, Sarah knew she’d need to make a decision about the man in her future.

• • •

“Why did you decide not to marry your baby’s father?” Sarah asked Alicia on the way home. Her nap and happy expression on Alicia’s face emboldened her to ask.

Alicia didn’t turn to her, but kept her eyes on the road. “He wasn’t right for me or my baby.”

“He was a gang member, wasn’t he?”

Alicia frowned. “It was more than that. A man can rob a woman’s soul without laying a finger on her.”

“What do you mean?”

Smoothly, Alicia merged into the traffic on Highway 1. “If a man doesn’t know what he wants — or only knows what he wants and nothing else — he is impossible to live with. The first will drift along and force a woman to do it all and still be miserable. The second will be demanding and the woman will have no life of her own.”

Sarah pondered the answer. The second sounded like a description of Rick.

“How do you know so much? Can’t men change if they want?”

Alicia shrugged. “The women in my family, they talk. I listened carefully. I didn’t mean to be pregnant — I just thought they might not be telling the truth.” She flicked a glance at Sarah. “They were right and I got pregnant. They also said people don’t change that much. They’re right about that, too.”

“Well, that’s depressing.”

“It’s realistic. It’s good to dream,
hermana
, but not to forget we live on this earth, not in heaven.”

“Which way was the father of your baby?” Sarah asked.

“No ambition. Eduardo wasn’t even sure he wanted to finish school. He got a job at a mechanics, but he spent his paycheck on his toys. All he wanted to do was hang with his buddies and the girls who followed them.” She shrugged. “I would have been replaced sooner or later, so I took myself out first.”

“How’d he take it?”

Alicia navigated the turn up the driveway to the inn. “As an insult to his manhood, But he got over it quickly. I saw him wrapped around one of my friends a few days later.”

“Some friend.”

“That’s how it was.” Alicia pulled the car to a stop.

Sarah glanced at her own car with sadness. It was getting a layer of leaf dust. Alicia’s little outing had been great, but Sarah was getting restless and she had months to go. A memory tickled her brain.

“Alicia, can you do me a favor? I mean, more than you’ve already done, which was wonderful.”

“Of course.” Alicia fumbled for her seatbelt, her large stomach getting in the way.

“Let me,” Sarah said. She smiled at Alicia and unhooked her. A thread of pleasure warmed her body. Having a sister wasn’t going to be the worst thing.

Alicia helped Sarah get settled back in her bed. “That was fun. Want to do it again next week?”

“Depends on the weather. Somehow the beach in pouring rain doesn’t sound appealing.”

Alicia laughed. “No. But then we can do something else — a game?”

“Ooh! I love games! My mother doesn’t, but my father did.” As soon as she said it, Sarah stopped talking. Alicia would like games. They had the same father.

Alicia stepped toward her and put her hand on Sarah’s shoulder. “I know it must be painful for you, but it wasn’t my fault. Or yours either. I hope you can accept that.”

A tear slipped from Sarah’s eye. “I know. It’s hard to believe he could lie to us like that.”

“I think he didn’t know what to do. He was trying to do what people said was the right thing. But it wasn’t where his heart was. So he tried to do both.”

Sarah brushed the tears from her eyes. Was that what she was attempting? Do the right thing when it didn’t fit what she wanted? “Thanks. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

Alicia hugged her. “I’ll see you next week.”

“It’s a date.” Sarah laughed, feeling lighter.

Alicia made it to the entryway before she turned around. “Oh. What did you need?”

“Oh, yeah.” Sarah dug in her purse for her car keys. “In my trunk there’s a cardboard box. Can you bring it in for me? It shouldn’t be too heavy for you.”

A few minutes later, Alicia deposited the box next to Sarah and waved good-bye.

Sarah unfolded the lid of the box she’d discovered in the closet weeks before. Letters bundled in ribbon filled the container halfway. She picked up a bundle, opened it, and began to read.

Since the incident on Thursday night, Hunter had stayed away from the inn except to sleep. The scene had been exactly what he’d be trying to avoid. He’d messed up Sarah’s relationship with Rick and had nothing to offer in return. He’d spent the intervening time seeking peace with what he could create with his hands.

Hunter stared at the wood he’d found at the back of a lumber yard that Sunday morning. The owner had wanted to make room, and he gave Hunter a good deal. Hunter had lugged it back to Joe’s shop, but still didn’t know what he was going to do with it.

“How you doing?” Joe stuck his head in the back workroom.

“Fine.”

“Yeah. Imagine that. Things going well with the innkeeper?”

“I told you, she’s not available.”

“Yeah, that’s what you keep telling me. Except you kiss her. Then she hugs you.” Joe popped open a beer and handed it to Hunter. “Boyfriend still in the picture?”

Hunter grimaced. “Not sure.”

“Have you talked to her since?” Joe asked.

Hunter shook his head.

“You got to do it, man. It’s a bitch for us to talk about our feelings, but women like to stew over things — chew our asses, too, if we deserve it.”

“It’s not like that, Joe.”

“How do you know?”

Hunter began to put away his tools. “She made it perfectly clear what she wants to do.”