Cain's Darkness (5 page)

Chapter Five

She heard him knock on the door, and although she’d seen him outside, across the street and sitting on his Harley, she was a nervous wreck. Cain was here, right on the other side of her door, in the flesh, and she was going to be totally honest with him. There hadn’t been any more writing, no more correspondences when she had tried calling him at the prison. He’d all but ignored her, and she knew he thought it was because that was what he thought was best. And it killed her that she had stayed away, that he didn’t want to see her because he thought she should move on to better things. To her Cain was better things, and the light that had shined in her darkness.

She walked toward the door, gripped the handle, and opened it before he could knock again. And there he stood, all six-foot-five inches of him, his dark hair on the longer side as it brushed his ears, and his dark, black eyes regarding her silently.

“I wondered if you were going to come to me when you got out,” she said softly, nervously, and stepped aside.

He didn’t move, didn’t even speak for several seconds, and then he cleared his throat.

“I stayed away, knowing that was what you wanted,” she said. The truth was she’d hated that, and hoped he really didn’t want her to stay away. Violet hoped that it was just while he had been locked up, that maybe he was trying to protect her from that sight and scene as well. He never said that outright, but she knew that Cain would have done and said that as a form of protecting her. He didn’t answer, and she glanced down, hating that there was this tension between them.

“I wasn’t going to come here, was going to stay away because your life is better without me in it.”

God, she hated hearing him say that shit. She watched as he scrubbed a hand over his jaw. His cheeks were covered in dark stubble, the sight arousing. She wanted this older man like she wanted to breathe. She loved him, had for years, and all she wanted in this world anymore was for Cain to know this, accept it, and reciprocate the feelings.

“I’m glad you came, Cain.” She smiled softly at him, and then looked down again. He wore those dark shit-kicker boots of his. Violet lifted her gaze up his legs that were covered in worn, grease smudged, and torn jeans, over his chest that was covered in a dark, long sleeved t-shirt and leather Brothers of Menace cut, and took in his strength. His power was insurmountable, and the sight of his muscles bulging under the material had everything inside of her clenching in awareness.

She moved aside another inch, and she heard him curse softly, and then take a step into her home. Violet shut the door, leaned against it, and took in the massive form of him. The back of his black cut showed the Brothers logo of a rising phoenix and a Harley outlined. It was a powerful sight, especially in the town of River Run, which was only a few hours away from where she lived.

“This is a nice place, Violet,” he said in that deeply husky voice of his, one she had thought about for far too many years while lying in her bed.

“Thank you, Cain.”

He turned around, and they stared at each other for a few moments. Cain was not a handsome man by normal standards. He was harsh looking, rugged, and all male. He was one of those men that put fear in others just by making eye contact with them.

“You want something to drink? I think I have a few beers in the fridge, and have a bottle of whiskey in the cabinet.”

“No alcohol,” he said, and smiled, but it looked a little off on his hardened face.

“You want some coffee?”

He nodded once, and she turned from the front entrance and headed into the kitchen. She looked over her shoulder at him, saw he hadn’t moved from his spot, but that he watched her every step of the way. Violet was quick in making a pot of coffee, and when she had two cups in hand, and headed back out to the foyer, she could see Cain had moved into the living room. He was over by her bookshelf, picking up the photo of her and Fallina when they were sixteen years old—right before Carl had raped her, and before that fucker had attacked Fallina.

“I remember when this picture was taken,” he said without turning around. He looked at the photo a few more seconds, and then set it back down.

Yeah, she remembered that day, too. Being with Fallina and Cain had been the highlight of her life. Her family life had been shit with her neglectful father who decided drinking at the bar was better than spending time with his daughter. And when he did spend time with her it had been insulting her—well, until Cain and his club members had smacked
him
around. After that her father had spent less time with her, probably scared shitless he’d get his ass kicked again. So, she had spent most of her time at Fallina’s house spending the night, eating dinner with them, and it had been more like a family than the one she had been born into.

He turned toward her, and she moved into the living room to give him the cup of coffee. The silence stretched between them, and she cleared her throat, hating that she was nervous around Cain. But he had been locked up for nine years, and she hadn’t seen him in five. But despite the years that passed, and the fact he didn’t write back to her once after he told her to leave, she still loved this man more than anything in the world. It was crazy how intense her emotions were for him after all this time.

“I’m glad you finally came here, Cain.”

He nodded after she spoke, and she watched him move over to the couch. He sat down, set the cup on the coffee table, and leaned back. With his legs slightly parted, his big arms resting on his thighs, she stared at him and took in the sight that was Cain Trainer. He turned his head and stared at her, and for a moment all she did was hold her breath, wait for him to speak.

“Do you know why I pushed you away five years ago when you came to see me?”

She swallowed and nodded. “I know you did it thinking you were protecting me.”

He didn’t respond right away, didn’t even move. When he exhaled roughly she knew this was going to be one hell of a conversation.

“Sit next to me, Violet.”

She tightened her hold on the cup and moved closer to him. When she sat on the couch beside him, but with several inches between them, she held her breath once more. God, she felt like she was on pins and needles. All it took was his tone of voice and the way he watched her to make her feel this way.

“Fallina told me you got your real estate license and have been working in Chatham View making a good name for yourself.”

It was like he was trying to initiate small talk because he didn’t know what else to say. “Yeah, it’s been going pretty well.” The silence descended again. “You asked Fallina about me?”

He watched her, and then he nodded. “Yeah, I did, a lot actually. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

That annoyed her. “Why didn’t you just ask me yourself?”

He breathed out, ran a hand over his stubble-covered jaw, and then spoke after what seemed like ages. “When you came to the prison five years ago, told me all about what that motherfucker had done to you, all I wanted to do was avenge you and Fallina even more. You wrote me, kept in contact with me even though I said you needed to go on with your life and not worry about an old bastard like me.”

She set her cup down and shook her head, knowing he was not answering her previous question. “You’re not an old bastard. You are the man I have looked up to for my entire life. You are the one that has protected me, let me be a part of your family, and cared for me like no one else ever has.” She felt her emotions move up, felt them clog her throat, and knew that this man was so deeply engrained in her body she would never be the same again.

“I know I kept you away, but I thought it was the right thing. I didn’t want you seeing me in that fucked up place, and didn’t want you surrounded by that filth.” He shifted slightly on the couch so he could look at her. “I might have said not to come back to the prison, cut contact with you, but I always made sure you were taken care of, and watched over.”

She knew this as well. “You were the first man I fell in love with, Cain.” She snapped her mouth closed after the words spilled forth. God she had said that, had just blurted that out when she wasn’t planning on saying that until they
really
talked.

He was still unmoving for a few seconds after she spoke, and then he leaned back and exhaled. He covered his eyes with an arm, cursed something low and fierce, and then he looked at her again.

“I am not the man you need, Violet, and not the man you deserve, that’s for fucking sure.”

“This isn’t how I saw this conversation going.”

Cain leaned forward and braced his forearms on his thighs, and stared at her. “I am in my forties, Violet, far too old for you. You’re just starting off your life. Being with me will only complicate things. I am rough and coarse, and crude on the best of days. You know this just as well as anyone else.”

“Cain, please. Don’t say shit like that.”

“You don’t love me like that. You see a man that has watched over you for a long time.”

She curled her hands into fists. “Don’t tell me what I feel, Cain. I know what it means to love someone. I have never felt what I feel for you with any other man, and I know I won’t, ever.”

“Fuck, Violet.” He scrubbed a hand over his eyes.

“I love you, am
in
love with you, and I won’t apologize for that, Cain.”

He stood so fast that his leg hit the coffee table and the cups fell on their side, brown liquid spilling across the wood. “Shit, I’m sorry, Violet.” He turned, and she knew that he wasn’t apologizing for spilling the coffee. This man, this brutal male that wasn’t afraid of killing or death, and who never apologized for anything, was looking at her like he was pained. “I would only bring you down, make your life dark when it should be light.”

And then he was striding toward the front door. She stood, her hands shaking, her eyes filling with tears. He stopped and looked at her.

“I killed him for you and Fallina, Violet. I made that bastard pay for what he did.” He took a huge breath and said, “You don’t have to be afraid to close your eyes anymore. That’s why I came here tonight.”

And then he was gone, just like that.

Chapter Six

She didn’t know how long she stood there after Cain left, but then she realized she was calling Fallina. Her friend surely had seen her father since he had been out. Violet closed her eyes as she listened to the phone ring.

“Violet?” Fallina said in a sleepy voice.

It wasn’t that late, but Fallina worked as a schoolteacher and got up early. Violet felt bad for calling her friend, but she needed to get Cain’s phone number, and Fallina would be the one she could contact for an updated one.

“Hello?”

“I’m sorry to wake you, but you wouldn’t happen to have Cain’s number, do you?” There was the sound of shuffling, like Fallina was shifting on the bed, and the other woman cleared her throat.

There was a moment of silence, and then Fallina spoke again. “My dad’s number?”

“Yeah. I’d like to talk to him, know he’s out, and thought maybe if anyone had his updated number you would.”

“Sure, I have it, but he hasn’t contacted you yet, hasn’t given you his number? I know he wants to make sure you’re okay, but he has been asking about how everything is with you.”

Violet knew that, and although Fallina was her best friend she had never been brave enough to tell her that Violet was in love with Cain. But she did think there had been times the thought had crossed Fallina’s mind, especially when Violet had gone to see Cain, and written him for all those years. She had even called him on occasion, before he had cut all contact with her.

“I’ve talked to him, actually, but the exchange of numbers hasn’t actually happened.” The look Fallina had given her on a few occasions told Violet that her friend probably thought there was something in the emotion department going on, but Fallina never said anything. After she got the number and hung up the phone she stared at that piece of paper. Her heart thundered, even just the thought of calling him making her nervous. It was a ludicrous feeling since she had just seen him, but it didn’t matter because he had left, and it was like she was chasing him.

Maybe she should have just backed off like he said? But Violet had done that for too many years. Yes, he had been locked up, so staying away and not going to the prison hadn’t been too hard, but when he wouldn’t even respond to her letters or calls, she had backed off fully. But he had never been far from her mind, and now that he was out, she was not going to let him get away with just blowing her off again because he thought that was what she needed in her life. Violet knew about his life, and how rough and brutal it was. It wasn’t a secret, and she had been in the thick of it when he had gone in and the club had helped her and Fallina out.

She called Cain’s number, not knowing if he would even answer, but knowing that she had to try.

“Yeah?” he said over the line, the music loud on the other end and his voice hard and annoyed sounding. “Who the fuck is this?” he asked again, harsher this time. She heard the sound of someone shouting “cheeky” over and over again, and she knew he was at one of the bars in town.

“Cain,” she said his name softly. “I got your number from Fallina.”

“Fuck, Violet.” He didn’t sound annoyed, just defeated. “Is everything okay?” Although they had seen each other just a short time ago, she felt this tightening in her gut at the sound of her name coming from him.

“I’m okay.”

He exhaled loudly. “I meant to give you my new number. I guess the conversation and me hauling ass out of there had it escaping me. It’s just it wasn’t good for me to be there, especially not with where the conversation had been going.”

They didn’t speak for a few seconds.

“Violet, I know I left, and it’s for the best. Talking about it right now isn’t the right thing, sweetheart.”

She closed her eyes at the endearment.

“I will always look after you, protect you, but you and I both know we could never be together like that.” The sounds of talking and music faded away as he clearly moved to a quiet location.

She felt like an asshole, like some kind of scorned or psycho woman that was going after a man that didn’t want her.
But you know he wants you. His emotions are on his face when he looks at you, no matter how much he tries to hide it.

That might be true, but Cain wasn’t the type of male to fold over when someone came after him. Cain was the type of guy that when he said something he meant it. He might love her—if he even had emotions that ran that deep—but that didn’t mean he’d allow himself to express them. She knew that from seeing him all those years, watching him with the few women he’d allowed in his life.

“I just want to talk, more than what we did because you ran off. You looked like I scared you, Cain, like what I said frightened you so that you couldn’t even stand to be in the same room with me.”

He sighed heavily. “I can’t do this with you, Violet. Not only are you Fallina’s friend, but you’re so much younger than me. I’d be taking advantage of you, taking something from you that might not be true because of the life you led and what had happened.”

She curled her hands into fists. When he spoke again she’d heard the emotion in his voice. It wasn’t often she heard Cain speak softly, sincerely, but this was one of those times. She was pissed at the fact he wouldn’t even attempt to sit down and talk about this. “Tell me you don’t feel something for me more than just a man wanting to protect a woman. Tell me you don’t care about me, Cain, and I mean
really
care about me.”

He didn’t respond.

“Tell me you don’t love me,” Violet said so softly she didn’t even know if he had heard her.

“Violet, baby.” He sounded so pained right then.

“Just say the words and I will back off. I’ll try and put how I feel behind me, try and forget about you in that way.” She wouldn’t cry.

“Nothing can happen between us. It’s best that way.”

She curled her hand around the cell phone. She may be young, but she wasn’t into playing games.

“But I won’t say any of those things, because it would be a lie and I’d never lie to you.”

Her heart started beating faster.

“But I will say that your life and mine can’t go in that direction together.”

She shook her head even though he couldn’t see her.

“I want you in my life, Violet. I’ve always wanted that, but we need to use our heads, okay?”

She couldn’t handle it, couldn’t even control her emotions right now. Her tears came fast and furious, and before she sobbed into the phone like a child she said a hasty goodbye and hung up. God, what a fucking fool she was to hold onto hope. Whoever said that was a driving force in life had been right, until it was crushed and sent her spiraling into a dark hole.