By My Side (23 page)

             
“I can't stop thinking about you.” His voice was low, and it brought memories of how it sounds when I touched him.

              “Me too, I want to see you so badly.”

              “Don't say it again or I'll run to my car.”

             
“Forget it, I can't leave the house. My father is a light sleeper.”

Gabe groaned. Was he teasing me? He's evil sometimes. “Do we really have to wait until morning to see each other?” He pleaded with me.

              If the night with my dad hadn't gone so well I would have taken the risk, but not now. I don't want to fight with him anymore or with anybody for that matter. “Yes. So, have good dreams about me.”

             
“Oh, believe me I will.”

             
The next morning we were naked again, but in my bed this time. It's like each time I discovered something new, and I loved him even more. My love for Gabe wasn't only about sex, but about intimacy. He showed me some parts of him that made me melt.

              “When I arrived, I wanted to ask you something, but you jumped me, so I haven't had time to say anything,” Gabe said with his teasing voice I loved to hate.

              “Yeah, you were so helpless facing a short girl like me. It must be awful for you.” We laughed like idiots. He brought his mouth to the hand I had on his chest and kissed it with a grin on his swollen lips. “So, what did you want to ask me?” I asked before I was lost again under the intensity of his eyes.

             
“There's a good band tonight at Dreamland Sugar. It's pure rock. Andy's going to buy tickets for the three of us. What do you say?”

              “It's all planned.” I tensed and sat up. I wasn't really a prude, but I hid my body with the sheet, making Gabe's body even more visible. It's unfair.

              “Listen, we talked about it this morning, and we think that you can't hide from everybody from school until September.” He sat too and kissed my shoulder softly

             
“Why not?”

             
“Because it's not like you, and because it'll be worse if you wait any longer.”

              I knew all too well that everybody in town talked about my mother's death and the word alcoholic must have come to the ears of the younger population by now. How could I face their pity and their support when they were just hoping to get some information from the inside? I hated these people, and it won't change.

              “And? I don't know why it's your problem.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them. I always needed to attack when I felt bad or trapped. Gabe stood up and got dressed.

             
“You know what? It's perfect if you want to hide here. You're right; it's not my problem since I won't be there, right? Of course, I won't care!” It was quite a long time since he used sarcasm on me. It hurt, but I deserved it. “If you change your mind, we will be at Dreamland Sugar at eight tonight.”

             
He left. I was still in my bed, naked. It was almost noon and I was alone. Suddenly, everything was cold, even me. I really thought he wouldn't leave me until he had to go back. Of course, I knew it was just a little fight because I hurt him when he was just trying to help me, but it was hard nevertheless. One thing was sure; I hated to know that Andy and Gabe were teaming up against me. It's new and new things weren't always good.

             
I had less than two weeks with Gabe, and I already lost one day for nothing, so of course I was outside of Dreamland Sugar. Lots of people from high school were there, but I only saw Andy talking to a cute brunette who was in Literature with me last year. For once, I approved of Andy's choice and mentally encouraged him to forget me. I couldn't see where Gabe was, but I didn’t have a view of the entire place.

              The band arrived on stage, and I took advantage of the distraction to go inside. It was even hotter inside and it was an ice cream shop! I preferred not to imagine what it would be like if it was a diner with no AC blasting.

             
I didn't want to interrupt Andy, who was trying to pick up Angela. They were quite cute. So, Gabe was the last left. Not the easiest choice when it came to us. When I found him in the crowd, the first thought I had was to run away, but when I saw him laughing with her, the rage won out. Fight or flight. I chose to fight.

             
Yeah, Gabe seemed very cozy with a girl, and not just anybody. It was the slut we’d met at the movie theatre few weeks ago. His ex, the one he could never go back with. Unfortunately, I knew all too well this look and this grin. Okay, she was hot but please! She was so a living cliché that I thought Gabe would never fall for it again. Maybe sex with me wasn't good enough for him, or maybe he was still a player by heart. Maybe he was just a guy after all.

              “Finally, I'm glad I came,” I said, standing next to their table between them, facing the band on stage that began to play a fast song. They were good, very good. I might have lost the guy I loved, but my ears were in a happy trance.
Everything wasn't lost
. That was sarcasm, of course. I wasn't beginning to be optimistic all of a sudden. Hell will freeze before that will happen.

              Gabe lost his smile immediately and frowned. Jennifer's became even bigger. Slut! “Lily! I'm glad, too,” he said, his look travelling to and from Jennifer and me.

              Even I had to realize if he really didn't want to talk with her and flirt she wouldn't be sitting there at his table. He was the one to blame, and I fell for him! I was a bigger idiot than I thought. I was the epitome of the idiots.

             
“Really? You looked happier before I came over.” My voice shook slightly, but I was proud of my fake grin. “I was with some friends, so goodnight.”

             
“Goodnight,” Jennifer said with a look full of victory that made her eyes sparkle in delight.

             
“Wait! What are you doing?” Gabe grabbed my hand as I was heading to a corner where I knew Will, one of Andy's teammates was. He liked me and I wanted payback for Gabe. I won't kiss Will because I could barely talk to him without being angry at him for his gross behavior, but still.

             
“I'm going to spend some quality time with a friend. A little like what you're doing.”

              Gabe placed his head close to mine. With the band blasting loud and fast music, our conversation wasn't very discreet. “We were just talking,” he said in a rush. His breath smelled like sugar. Did he eat an ice cream with her?

             
“Talking and laughing. The last time you saw her, you gave her the cold shoulder. So what's different? Oh, I know. You screwed me, so you're looking for someone else,” I said coldly in his ear, my hands on his shoulders to make sure he'll stay there to listen to me.

             
He put a hand on my hip, but the move wasn't sweet, no butterflies in my stomach. His hand felt hard on me. It was unpleasant, like our conversation. “Is that really what you think about me? I didn't know you were so jealous, but if you think so little of me, why are you here?”

             
His hand tensed on my hip. Usually, his skin against mine gave me a chill, but not this time. I was only focused on where we're heading. We'll break up, again, and this time for good. It was sooner than I thought. I felt hollow.

              “For your info, I'm jealous because I love you, you bastard, but I don't know what I'm doing here.”

             
I released my tight grip on his shoulders and forced him to do the same on my hip. I stepped away and left without looking back. I could feel many gazes on me, but I didn't care. I said I was in love with him. I said it! Crap!

             
I leaned against the wall outside of Dreamland Sugar. I could hear the music quite well. For once, there was a good band, but I didn't stay to listen to it. I took a deep breath to calm down. I wasn't ready to leave because I couldn’t believe what just happened. Maybe I was a little extreme. I really believed he had feelings for me, but I couldn't compete with girls like Jennifer, and I didn't even want to.

             
The door opened behind me. I didn't want to make small talk with some smoker. I was about to walk away when a hand squeezed my shoulder. “I laughed with her because I said I would have never believed we would be together one day, and even more after the day in senior year, when
you knocked over my spaghetti plate on my button down shirt. That's all.” He sighed. “Jennifer's not my type. And no matter what you could imagine, I'm not a player anymore. You're a crazy young woman sometimes, but it's also one of the reasons I'm in love with you.” His voice was soft in the night atmosphere.

             
“I'm not really jealous, Gabe, but I'm afraid that I’m not enough for you. I wasn't enough for my mom. It was the same way with my dad, for a while anyway, and they love me … or at least they did. And you're leaving in few days.” I turned around to face him. His face closed up.

             
“So what? You want to stop now?”

              “I don't know. Listen, I want to go home, but I'll call you tomorrow morning.”

             
“You know I'll never cheat on you, right?”

             
“Never is short in our case. Just ten days.”

             
“Lily, I love you and I don't want to stop now.”

             
“I have to go. We'll talk tomorrow,” I replied before brushing his stubble on his right cheek.

             
The drive home seemed long even if it was just five minutes by car. There were no cars running in town. I felt alone. The lights in the living room were on. My dad was watching a movie.