Business Affairs (12 page)

A lone white envelope lay on his desk.

His heart stopped.

He didn't have to read what was inside to know what it said. Still, he took the letter out and scanned it.

Jennifer had left him.

And he had only himself to blame. He'd pushed their intimacy to the limit and he'd forced her to resign from her job.

Crushing the letter in his fist, he left his office, determined to see her.

To ask for her forgiveness.

And to tell her he loved her.

 

Alex braked his car to a stop so hard that the tires squealed. He sat inside a minute to try to calm down, sucking in a hard breath, then letting it out slowly. If this is what it felt like to be in love, he wasn't sure he'd sur
vive it. Obviously he'd made a lot of mistakes with Jennifer.

Loving her wasn't one of them.

Once she knew how he felt, she'd forgive him, right? And surely she loved him or she wouldn't have made love with him. Now all he needed to do was to convince her that he was serious. He wanted her. Now. Tomorrow. For the rest of his life.

He wasn't going to win any points by charging inside her apartment and babbling like a fool. What he needed was a plan. He'd just tell her straight out that he knew they'd agreed to a business-only relationship, but his feelings for her had changed.

Clutching her resignation in his hand, he got out of his car and went to her door, ringing her doorbell several times. After a few minutes she finally opened the door.

His gaze swept over her as she crossed her arms in front of her. She wore a baggy gray sweatshirt that looked about two sizes too big for her and snug-fitting jeans that reminded him just how slim and seductive her legs were.

“What's the meaning of this?” Clutching the resignation in his hand, he held it toward her.

So much for your plan.

Jennifer eyed him cautiously. “I think it's perfectly clear.” She licked her lips, unable to take her eyes off of him. Dressed in a dark suit, he was breathtakingly handsome. She wondered if their child would look like him.

Okay, so she wasn't going to make this easy, Alex realized. “Can I come in?”

Knowing he deserved an explanation, Jennifer
stepped back and waited for him to enter, then closed the door behind him. She turned and her gaze sought his. “I guess in my heart, I knew you wouldn't just accept my decision.”

“Hell, no, I won't accept it. What were you thinking?” he demanded. Trying to get some control over his emotions, he distanced himself from her by walking into her living room. She followed, and he turned to pin her with a desperate look.

“Alex—”

“No, Jen, please let me talk. Please.”

She nodded and sat in a chair. “All right.”

Alex watched her. No matter what she said, she wasn't feeling well. Her skin was pale and she looked as if she could use a week's worth of sleep.

And still she was beautiful.

He sat on the sofa, his expression one of apprehension. “You're still sick?” he asked, letting his gaze drift over her more attentively.

“Yes.”

Alex's chest grew tight. “Is it serious?”

She forced a small smile. “No. It's nothing fatal, if that's what you mean. But we'll talk about it in a minute. What did you want to say?”

Relieved, he sat forward. He took her hand in his and stroked it. And when he looked into her eyes, his breath caught. “I love you, Jen. I want you to know I've never said those words to another woman. Ever. Until now, I wasn't even sure what love meant. But I mean it. I love you.” The words came from him without reservation. He couldn't have stopped them if he'd wanted to.

“Oh, Alex.” Jennifer blinked back tears. She'd waited for years hoping to hear words of love from him. Why
now? Why did he have to say them now, when what she had to tell him would destroy everything between them?

“I know you're angry with me for making love to you when I promised I wouldn't touch you. You have every right to be upset. But when I'm with you, sweetheart, I can't stop thinking about how good we are together. I thought about you the whole time I was in California.”

“You did?” She gripped the arm of the chair.

“Please, don't cry,” he said when he saw her tears. “I came here to apologize for sleeping with you because I knew you didn't want to become involved with me. But I can't, Jen. I can't tell you I'm sorry for making love to you.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her fingertips.

“Alex, please don't—”

Not listening, he went on, “I know I'm no prize catch. I've got a lot of hang-ups. Emotionally, I'm a basket case. I don't even know if I have what it takes to make a commitment to you. But you're so strong, so beautiful.” He caressed her hair, her cheek. “We're good together, Jennifer.”

Jennifer paled when she realized what he intended. “Wait—”

“Marry me, sweetheart.” Alex hadn't meant to propose to her in quite that way, but once the words were out, he was relieved. “Please.”

“Alex—”

“You don't have to stop working if you don't want to. This isn't about your job. I know that's why you gave me this.” He held her letter out to her.

“I didn't give you my resignation because we became involved.”

Alex frowned. “You didn't?”

Jennifer's face twisted in anguish. Her gaze met his,
saw the desperation in his eyes turn into confusion. “There's something you need to know.”

“I love you. There's nothing you could say to change my mind, Jen.”

Only there was.

Jennifer pulled her hand from his, her heart breaking. He loved her. He wanted to marry her. But he wouldn't when he knew the truth. When she told him what she'd done, he'd hate her. A dark, empty feeling pierced her heart.

She stood and paced to the window. After a long moment she turned to face him. He was standing now, watching her, his eyes intense. “Alex, there's something you need to know,” she began before she lost her nerve. “I'm pregnant.”

Alex's gaze dropped to her belly, then raced back to her face. “Pregnant?”

“The baby's yours.”

“You're pregnant with our baby.” He repeated it out loud as he studied her pale color, her apprehensive expression. “That's why you've been so sick.” He walked over to her.

“Yes.”

“I don't understand. That night we first made love, you told me you were protected.” Needing to touch her, he reached for her, only to frown when she backed away from him.

“I know that's what you thought,” she cried, unable to hold back her tears. “Oh, Alex, I didn't mean to mislead you.”

“What are you saying? You weren't?” The hairs on the back of his neck stirred at the troubled look in her eyes.

Fighting for control, Jennifer put her hands over her face. Oh, God, why couldn't he have just accepted her resignation? Wiping her tears away with her fingers, she met his gaze. “That night we were stranded at the ski resort…when we first made love, I went to bed with you hoping I'd get pregnant.”

C
onfused, Alex studied her. “What are you talking about? I asked you. You told me I didn't need to use protection.”

“I know. I'm so sorry,” Jennifer said, her tone pleading for him to understand. She explained about her plans to use a fertility clinic, then about the night of the bachelor auction. “Casey egged me on and I got carried away and bid on a bachelor. She kept saying that conceiving a baby through sex would be so much better than through a test tube. For a foolish moment, I allowed myself to listen to her.”

“Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. You were going to sleep with a stranger?”

She paled at his comment. “You know me better than that. I never would have done something so irresponsible.”

“I thought I knew you.” For the first time in his life,
he'd found a woman he loved and trusted, a woman he wanted for his wife. With her admission, he was no longer sure.

“Alex, when I won, I was scared to death. I realized how foolish my fleeting thought of meeting someone was. I begged Casey to take my place. But then I found out that the date was with you. You.” Her eyes brimmed with tears. “I had loved you for so long. I just started thinking about how wonderful it would be to have your baby. Our baby.”

Alex gritted his teeth. “I don't want to hear any more of this.” He'd come to tell her he loved her and she'd ripped his heart out. Not giving a damn about how he would feel, she'd used him.

“I was desperate. I'll be thirty in a few days. My biological clock was ticking. It was all I could think about. I wanted a baby. I loved you.”

He moved toward her, his face an iron mask. “And that makes it right? Yeah, you were so in love with me that you decided to use me to give you a baby.”

“You didn't know I was alive. We'd worked together for years and you never led me to believe you felt anything special for me.”

“Because I valued you. Because I respected you too much to hurt you.” Alex couldn't believe how mistaken he'd been. She wasn't the trustworthy person he'd thought her to be. If she was, she could never have done this to him.

“I know it was wrong—”

“Wrong?”
He gave a bitter laugh. “
Wrong
is hardly the word to describe your deception.” Alex began to grasp the full meaning of what she'd done. “You planned this all along? And you never had second thoughts?”

“Of course I did.” He turned away and she grabbed his arm, stilling him. “Will you listen to me?” She let her hand drop. “I knew I couldn't use you to father my child. I realized how wrong it was. Remember the night of the auction? I tried to get out of going away with you.”

“Not hard enough.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “We made love more than once that night in Vermont. You didn't mention using protection any other time, either.”

“When we first made love, I tried to tell you. But then you kissed me and I was lost in what you do to me.” She searched his face for understanding—anything to show her she was getting through to him. “I'd already told you we didn't need any protection, and however wrong I was, I wanted to be with you again.”

“So you just continued to use me,” he accused, his gaze darkening. “That's why you made me promise to keep our affair restricted to just that weekend.” Alex couldn't believe how gullible he'd been. He'd wanted her so bad at that moment he would have agreed to anything. And for allowing himself to trust a woman, something he'd vowed never to do, he'd paid the ultimate price. “Don't try to justify your motives. Admit it, you never really wanted me, Jennifer. You wanted a baby. I just happened to be the convenient instrument to make that happen.”

“No, I—”

“Did you ever consider what you were doing to this baby? You were going to raise it without a father.”

She flinched at the contempt in his tone. “I wanted my baby to have a father, but I knew how you felt about having children. I—I didn't want you to feel obligated.”

“Obligated? Hell, I know what it's like to feel rejected. I was raised with a father who didn't give a damn about me. Obligated doesn't even come close to what I feel about this baby.” The outrage on his face twisted into a dark promise. “My child won't grow up like I did, without a father in its life.”

Jennifer tensed, shaken by his implication. Did he want to be a father to his child? Or was he threatening to take the baby from her?
Her
child. Oh, God, anything but this. “Alex, please listen—”

“To what, more of your lies?” He stormed toward the door and jerked it open.

Jennifer ran after him and caught his arm. “I was in love with you. I never meant to hurt you. I only wanted you to love me.”

Alex stared at her, his heart breaking. “You got what you always wanted.” He shrugged free and walked out, the door slamming in his wake.

 

She'd ruined everything.

Jennifer made her way to her room and crumpled to the bed. Lying on her side, she sobbed into her pillow.

Alex loved her.

Had
loved her. For a moment in time, she'd heard him say the words she'd longed to hear.

I love you, Jen. I want to marry you.

Oh, how she wished she could go back and make her choices over again. Her hand went to her belly and she knew in her heart she was wrong to wish such a thing. Their baby would never have been conceived if she hadn't slept with Alex at the ski resort.

And she could never be sorry about carrying his child. Even if it meant she would never have Alex.

But she loved him. Nothing would ever change that. She rolled over onto her back and stared at the ceiling, thinking about what he had said to her. How could she have known he cared? If only he'd given her a sign.
Anything.

She had only herself to blame. Maybe things would have turned out better if she'd told Alex how she'd felt about him. Maybe they would have had a chance at a life together.

I love you.

Jennifer knew what it had cost him to confess his feelings for her. Alex didn't give his heart easily. He'd proven as much when he'd admitted he'd never said those words to another woman. In her quest to fulfill her dream of having a child, she'd unknowingly sabotaged any chance of a relationship with the only man she'd ever love.

His outrage had been exactly as she had anticipated. Alex had never known love from his parents, not the kind of unconditional love a child could only receive from a mother and father who cherished him. Keeping everyone who wanted to be close to him at arm's length was the only way he could protect himself. And like everyone else in his life, she had let him down. No, let him down didn't come close to what she'd done. She'd hurt him in the worst possible way.

Jennifer prayed that Alex would think about the baby she was carrying. He didn't want her, but he needed the love of his child.

And maybe, just maybe, their baby could heal his heart.

 

Alex stormed into his office and slammed the door, not caring what his staff thought about his demeanor.
They'd do well to steer clear of him for a while. Still reeling from the shock of Jennifer's admission, he practically threw himself into his desk chair. Swiveling around, he gazed absently out the window, determined to make some sense of her betrayal.

She was having his baby.

His
baby.

He couldn't believe it. She'd been lying to him all along.

In Vermont when he'd made love to her, she hadn't really wanted to be with him. She'd wanted a baby. He'd been a stand-in—for anyone. And that's what hurt the worst.

A few days ago when she'd been ill, she hadn't had the flu at all. She'd had morning sickness. Damn her! She'd destroyed any chance that they could have had together.

He went to the bar and poured himself a shot of bourbon. Tossing the amber liquid back, he felt the bite of the liquor as it slid down his throat. Intending to get good and drunk, he poured himself another shot. But instead of drinking it, he shoved it away and began to pace.

She'd said she loved him, but how could he believe her after what she'd done?

Her lies had rolled off her tongue guilefully because she'd had an ulterior motive—to have a baby.

Your baby.

Alex came to a halt, the full impact of her words slamming him hard. Jennifer hadn't wanted a baby from a stranger. She'd made love with him because she'd wanted
his
baby.

Okay, so what if she did care enough about him to
want his baby? It didn't change anything. He still couldn't trust her. She'd lied to him. Not once, but every time he'd made love to her.

She knew she was pregnant the last time you made love to her.

Yeah, she did. And that's what confused him. Why would she have made love with him if she already had a baby growing inside her?

Because she loves you.

Alex dropped back into his chair.

She loved him.

His mind cleared and he began to see the truth. Jennifer might not have been honest from the beginning, but he hadn't, either. Only interested in an affair, he'd never intended to have a lasting relationship with her.

He got up and began pacing again. Fighting his attraction to Jennifer for years, he'd never intended to act on it. But when he'd kissed her at the bachelor auction, he hadn't been able to forget the way she tasted. She was right. He remembered the night of the auction. She'd insisted more than once that they shouldn't go away together. He'd pushed her into honoring their date because he'd wanted her.

While they were in Vermont, he'd taken every opportunity to kiss her and to touch her. He had made love to her knowing that he wasn't interested in anything permanent. Thinking back to the night they'd first made love, he remembered a brief moment when he'd felt her hesitancy. He'd suspected she was having second thoughts about making love with him. Was that when she'd tried to tell him the truth—that she wasn't using birth control? As much as Alex wanted to deny it, he
couldn't. He'd wanted her so he'd seduced her. And because of that night, Jennifer was pregnant with his child.

The enormity of the situation hit him. He was wrong to blame Jennifer because he was just as guilty. If he hadn't pressured her that night, she wouldn't be pregnant with his child.

Something in his heart shifted. He wanted their baby. More importantly, he wanted Jennifer. Forever.

He loved her with all of his heart. But had he destroyed any chance of her love for him with his accusations? Hoping she'd forgive him for hurting her, Alex rushed out of his office to see Jennifer and to beg her to give him another chance.

But first, he had a stop to make.

 

Alex arrived at Jennifer's. His mouth thinned into a straight line as his gaze landed on the sedan parked in her driveway. As he approached her door, her brother, Tony, came out.

At Alex's approach, Tony blocked his path. “What do you want?”

“I came to see Jennifer.” He noticed the black bag in his hand. “What's wrong?”

Tony's expression was fixed with concern. “Nothing. I stopped by to check on her.”

Alex wasn't convinced. He'd left her when she'd needed him the most. “Please tell me she's all right.”
Please let her be all right.

“She's fine, no thanks to you,” Tony told him.

His scalding tone alerted Alex to the real reason behind Tony's concern. Alex's jaw muscle flinched. Fine, if he wanted to make a go of it, he was more than ready. The two of them were about the same size. “I came here
to talk to your sister. If possible, to make things right between us.”

“And how do you intend to do that?” he asked, his expression doubtful. “From what she's told me, you pretty much made it clear how you felt about her.”

Aware Tony could be a formidable enemy, Alex decided he'd rather have Jennifer's brother on his side. “I love her. Not that it's any of your business,” he added with a challenging edge, “but I'm going to ask her to marry me.”

Respect flickered in Tony's eyes. “And if she says no?” he inquired, his gaze direct.

“Then I'm going to have to haul her to the altar kicking and fighting,” Alex replied. “Because I don't intend to take no for an answer.”

Tony stepped aside. “You'd better get at it, then. She's packing.”

“She's leaving?”

As if knowing he'd hit a nerve, Tony grinned. “If you know anything about Jennifer, you know she's tougher than that.”

Alex did know how tough she was. Believing she'd destroyed any chance of a relationship between them, she'd stood up to him and admitted she was carrying his child. “Why is she packing?”

“She still isn't feeling well. I don't think she should be alone. She's planning on staying with our parents a few days. Unless you can change her mind.” He patted Alex on the shoulder. “If you screw this up, you'll regret it.” With a nod, he walked toward his car.

Amused, Alex watched Tony walk away, aware he'd been invited into the family and warned in the same sentence.

A family. Alex wanted that. And Tony didn't have to worry. He wasn't going to mess this up. This time, he had everything to gain.

 

When her doorbell rang again, Jennifer opened it and found Alex standing on her porch. From the bleak expression on his face, she wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or worried. Had he come to make demands on her concerning their child? God, what would she do if he wanted to take her baby from her?

Without speaking, she edged the door closed a bit.

“Hi.” Alex gave her a cautious look.

“Hi.” She searched his gaze. The animosity in his eyes had disappeared, but she couldn't read anything from his expression. “Do you want to come in?” she asked, her eyes watchful.